Some of you may be thinking, what is this thing, and why does it look so beatifically happy. But that's not the important question. The query that really matters is: Why don't I have one?

I am now looking at my exceptionally small pomeranian. I love her, but she just doesn't cut it in comparison to this doe-eyed capsule of joy. You better shape up and stop crapping on the rug, pomeranian. Or your days of being the cutest thing in this house are numbered.