by Diane on November 7th, 2010, 3:57 am
Just wanted to let out some of my current feelings..I needed to write down,I had to.I felt as if I had to..
"The butterflies fly away..Maybe there is a beauty in a Goodbye,after all.But sometimes I feel is so hard to let go of some things,even if I know it's wrong I wanna keep them just for a little while.I feel like my heart is shattering into tiny pieces.My whole world is spinning around,feelings like crushing down on me..the silence is taking over me.
Slowly,with trembling fingers and unsafe steps I walk down on this road,which will bring to me new horizons ..a total new view,yet brings tears to my eyes knowing that it's all Over now.In the end,it didn't mattered at all..we both got hurt,but also we need to learn from our mistakes.Life indeed moves on..with You,me on our separate ways..
I say Goodbye to you,here and now..Please take care. I hate goodbyes..never am good at them,but I try to smile under this mask,where I still cry like a 5year old child.
"Goodbye" ..."
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by Diane on October 29th, 2010, 2:42 am
Nothing is compared..when a True friend says to you that he really likes you as the way you are,even knowing all the bad sides of Me,supporting me even when I was a total mess,moody,cranky ..and he just listened to me.Has been my shoulder for the last month and I really appreciate that at him.He means a lot to me..I am happy that I met him,he really is a great guy from all points of view.
I've never been so close with anyone before,and I just feel very comfortable around him.I can be Myself with Him and not having to wear a "mask" and to pretend to be someone else..
-Quote: "Do you know,that the little things matter the most? It's a true fact,so I personally wanna think in that way.I most certainly do believe,that at some point little things make Life Great.I wouldn't change nothing about it.Not now,nor in the future."
Thank you for being there for me and With me.. <3
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by Diane on September 30th, 2010, 6:20 pm
It's all about stepping forward.
I think the little things makes everything so Ok,I still found myself into this state where no matter what I do or how I do things,it's always a step forward.No matter how tough/harsh is life with you,she will always push you back,make you fall,hit walls,making you to crawl over..you got the remember how the small things and moments can bring you Up again,bring you back to Life.
The innocence is more like brilliance,sometimes makes you smile,thinking that those very moments are perfect and you wouldn't change them for anything.At other times brings tears to your eyes,it's the happiness from inside that makes us wanna cry and don't wanna let it go and pass away.. At some times,I feel like drowning,falling into this pitch dark whole with no way out,I search desperately for a way out..I want to find a safe place,where the "warm comfort isn't a dream" and no tears need to be shared.
I need you now,I want to hold on onto you..please don't pass away from me,please bring me back to life,give me back all those happy moments and give me some more in the future.The innocence inside me is screaming out loud,but slowly the voice is fading away.I have to struggle,to fight this to get to those feelings from back then: calm self,happy smiles and let myself to be stronger.
It's all about stepping forward..Do you need me To?
Last edited by Diane on September 30th, 2010, 6:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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by Diane on September 19th, 2010, 5:51 pm
Since the latest blog I gained some trust in people,slowly but certain,I thought it was time to say to all of you:readers,friends of mines or not yet..
I really think that people are trustworthy,some of them will hurts us-you,me- ..maybe some of them will not do that.Or will do it without further intention nor hidden motives.One thing I try to figure it out after all the people I met online,and some in real life.Why the real trust isn't the one up front and it's only a "fake/image one" which is put up front to the others?Where is the true trust in a friendship,couple relationship,between family members?Where did it ALL go..?!
I know another thing which is,that trust is gained in time and you shouldn't be trusting all people around you like a blind man o something around there,but the bad news is..I do that.And a Lot.I am crazy,I know..tell me about it.>.> I just wish the other person/persons will have the same trust I have in him/them and just don't give up on small things and saying thing" I will only hurt you." How can you possibly know that?People change,the time makes us..all of US causing to change no matter what.
Hurting is a process in which we all are spinning and there is no stopping to it..but- I don't wanna go back and not fight with it.I've been through enough painful things/situations and so on,but not this Time.This time I want things right and I am willing to do more than anything in my powers to prove it wrong to the others that..Love and happiness do exist no matter what,only that other don't wanna see as they pretend as if it's not there..
I am crazy for trusting people so much?...for growing small feelings for others,for wanting just trust,respect from the Other.Is that So much to ask?
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by Diane on September 15th, 2010, 1:13 am
Hi..I've been thinking about all this stuff and got to the conclusion that I am Alone.Yes,don't stare like that.Even if I got online friends,it's not enough.Even if my mom is around[from time to time],not enough.Not even my dog keeps me that much company,since he stays with mom to the other house.Even if I am surrounded by a crowd of people,I feel alone..and I can't explain actually and exactly WHY?!Or,maybe I know but it's so hard to admit it.
I need that person for me Only,to just keep me company,hold hands and share all the small good and bad things in our lives.But,I am Alone.More alone than a Forgotten Doll in the basement.I just feel that I failed so much in guy's and love issues,that I lost all hope in this.. I look around me and everyone has "that close person" to them and I get nostalgic and a bit sad about it..as I can't have that.My past 2 relationships went from bad to worse and in the end only hurt me.. Maybe I am not good enough,maybe..-I am not offering enough or maybe I am to childish.But I need affection..I don't know what I should do..
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