Mizahar


http://www.mizahar.com/forums/blog.php?b=94&page=Gossamer&mode=being_jen_amp_the_secret_of_happiness&sid=9a40f2b4d1448cfdb04bee1706cc971c&sid=1679d655dae435bb51eca0a577b81377

Author:  Gossamer [ January 19th, 2010, 11:05 am ]
Blog Subject:  Being Jen & The Secret of Happiness

I have learned, throughout life, what makes me happy isn't always what makes other people happy. I think a great deal about happiness. It might be because so many people around me are not happy. It doesn't matter if I'm talking about people I know online or people I interact with daily in my life. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out why they aren't happy - not to improve their lives - but to truthfully avoid my life becoming theirs. That might not make a lot of sense to you, which is fine, but truthfully I think that this the key to happiness. We all have a foundation. That foundation is our personality. Personalities rarely conform to societies rules and regulations, nor do they ever usually follow along with the status quo. You have to work with what your dealt. It's a great deal like your phenotypic expression. You look like what you look like (due to genetics and how those gene's express themselves), and you truthfully can't change your black/bronze/white/red/chartreuse skin color any more than you can change the foundation of your personality. Popeye said "I am what I am." He was so right.

So, what exactly is that? Who is Jen?

Seriously. It's a terribly hard question to answer. If you take a look deep inside yourself right now, most people would start waxing eloquently about their nobility, their kick ass writing ability, their superior storytelling abilities/grammar/spelling, their self-sacrificing persona... but that would all be bullshit wouldn't it? Oh hell yes. If you start thinking of yourself immediately (if you paused a minute to play my game and say "Who is X?") in any of those categories, the first thing you need to dub yourself is a liar. There's a lot of them out there. Grats. That would be part of your foundation. The foundation is the truth about who you are. It is not someone else's truth. It is not even what society expects or demands. People rarely fall into the 'normal' category. They can't. People are so diverse and different, their strengths and weaknesses are all over the board.

So.. that being said, who is Jen? It's a complex question that demands truthfully a simple answer. And its one that is easier to talk about when you step outside of yourself and give yourself a good long hard look. Let's try. You can play too. And no, you don't have to tell us who (insert your name here) is. Here's just a little slice.

Jen is strong. Jen doesn't understand people who aren't strong in the same ways she is. Jen is opinionated. Jen has issues with people that won't voice their true feelings or do so only covertly. Jen is outspoken. Jen is confused when people don't appreciate this. Jen is judgmental and categorizes everyone into just a few tight categories in her mind. Jen is creative. Jen really dislikes creative people saying they aren't creative because creativity is so easy to spot for Jen. If someone can't do something Jen can, she often scratches her head and decides they are an idiot. Jen loves to fight and argue. She lives for a good verbal spar, even if she looses. When she looses, she likes to admit her loss because it makes her feel stronger. Jen is a line in the sand girl that loves making them over and over just to dare someone to cross them. She finds excitement in line-crossers. Jen is moody. Jen gets bored with the same mood repeatedly. Jen never forgets when someone lies to her. Jen delights in catching lies. Jen forgives or ignores exaggerators their exaggerations because she loves people to exaggerate. Exaggerations are exciting. She even exaggerates herself. Jen hates her husband's ability to pick out her exaggerations. Jen loves pride. She is often proud of herself and others and likes to tell everyone when she feels self-pride or pride for others. Jen is smart, but feels her smarts came from doing rather than talking about things. So when people won't even try, Jen labels them dumb and lazy. Jen is a doer. She needs a monster to fight or a new battle to wage on a daily basis because she is a warrior. Jen is a person that needs people to stop whining about their lives and go do something to change whatever it is that is making them whine. This relates to her doer-ness. Jen hates whiners. Yes hates. I can say that about Jen. I know her pretty well. Jen is extremely hard on herself. Jen is competitive and loves to win. When Jen doesn't win, she calls herself names. Jen is not a good looser to herself, but is a gracious looser to others. Jen likes to please the people she likes way too much. Jen loves compliments - both giving and receiving them. Jen loves to enrage people she hates and lives for these moments. When Jen hears someone is feeling a certain way because of something she did - especially negatively - Jen labels them an idiot. Jen can't understand why people actually care what she thinks. Jen laughs a lot. Jen laughs at herself more than she laughs at others, but she can laugh at the wrong things. Jen is amused when people she doesn't like makes mistakes. She tends to gather these mistakes like razor sharp darts, and stores them away so she can throw them at the person later in case they ever make her feel wounded and cornered. Jen doesn't like that part of herself much but knows she does it anyhow. Jen loves to love. Jen loves to tell people she loves them, because when Jen decides she loves someone, she loves everything about them even the parts she should normally hate. Usually those parts she hates are parts that let her indulge parts of herself she feels the need to indulge (like lines in the sand). Jen is vain about her hair. Jen hates her height. Jen does not forgive. Ever. This is probably because she deep down does not believe people can change. Jen hopes that will change some day, but is sure it never will. Jen thinks people's foundations are like energy - they cannot be created or destroyed. They just are. Jen is scared a lot. When Jen gets scared she can be mean. Jen rarely cries. She looks down on people (men and women) who do so, herself included. Jen is confrontational and expects people to be the same way. When they are not, or are not open about their displeasure, she labels them idiots because Jen thinks solving problems happens when people are forthright and have open dialog. Jen loves exceptions to the rules of the world, and delights in them when she finds them.



The list goes on...

So... now that you've read this far, I bet your wondering what the point of this blog is. Again, I can't stress enough that from my perspective, I feel foundations are unchanging AND we are who we are. Our perspectives and the way we work with our foundations can be fluid, but the truth is, the cornerstones of our personalities are always there. Others might disagree. People can change, after all, right? Sure, surface level, they can. But just because a mean person acts nice all the time doesn't mean deep down they aren't still thinking mean thoughts. They will be. So we have to play off these strengths and weaknesses. We have to use the strengths to eclipse the weaknesses which we MUST identify in order to control. If you can't even be honest with yourself, how can you approach the world playing up your strengths and playing down your weaknesses? This interplay, this balance, is what creates happiness. And whether you realize it or not, other people know what your foundations are. They really do. People are particularly sensitive to the foundations of others especially if they've ever been a close friend or are part of their family. In fact, they could probably write the "Who is (insert your name here) ".... section pretty well.

So, that leads us to friendship and love. True friendship and love is knowing the foundational basis of the person in question and accepting them. Yes. Accepting them. If you can't accept them, you aren't friends. Truthfully, I'm not friends with a lot of people. I have never felt the need for acceptance of things I don't like. I will tolerate it if I must. But no one is going to ever get me to accept it. Sometimes, things you would never accept on your own terms actually work and are acceptable when paired up with other strengths and weaknesses. It's always a startling combination, and can lead to some epic romances and completely odd pairings of friends.

I'd like to think that the Founders here on Mizahar are well versed in what we are to each other and to ourselves. We know our foundations and the foundations of the other founders. That's what friendship and love is all about. It's the base, seriously, of happiness. So if you are unhappy about the way something is going, perhaps its time to take a look at yourself... play the "(insert name here) is"... game, and see if you can't identify a few things that might have put others off about you. But guess what? You can't change those things. You might think you can, but I do not think in the end its possible. So, if your lurking on the boards being increasingly unhappy... or even lurking in life and being increasingly unhappy, perhaps you should try a new tactic.

Identify who you are, then BE YOURSELF.

It's exhausting being a nice person when you truthfully are just a jackass inside. I don't know how else to say it. Tired people aren't happy people. And don't you want to be happy? Besides, I think sometimes we're just little children inside, yearning to be liked and accepted. Is it so hard to accept the things about yourself society might not appreciate? It shouldn't be. It should make you happy. Figure yourself out. Do it now... and then get comfortable in your own skin. I promise you'll shine.



Replies

Author:  Siiri [ January 19th, 2010, 1:27 pm ]

What you write and have written here, in the blog I mean, are my favorite things you've written (and will write). You have a passion for being honest, most especially to yourself. There's a sense of "Self first" in that honesty. I like this. I love reading what you write here.

Author:  Dash [ October 15th, 2019, 10:06 pm ]

Hmmm...

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