by Malia on December 19th, 2009, 6:40 pm
Subtitle: The Principle of Making Possible What Is Impossible Firstly, I start with a quick apologize: The previous week has been busier than I thought. I blame it on the fact that everyone at school craves for holidays, having time for oneself and that very much takes away motivation, inspiration and energy. Fortunately, the last tests will be over by Wednesday. I try to do as much as possible at this weekend, and after Christmas. (For those who haven't find out yet: This also goes for Alice, my mod account.) Secondly, I have to admit how much I love what topics we discuss in lessons this year. Perhaps I’m turning into a nerd, but I’m not uncomfortable with it. Something has changed during summer of this year (Summer of ’09 instead of ‘69, lol) and my communication skill and self-confidence have developed significantly. Naturally I don’t feel perfect, but much better. Anyway, my favorite subject is Psychology/Philosophy. You just have to love it when we discuss such fancy exciting topics as development psychology, education and traumas. We’re going to continue with criminality, astrology and psychic illnesses next semester, so there are still many things I look forward to. Two days ago we watched a film about a theatre production from a French troupe called ‘Royale de Luxe’. They travel around and perform their pieces in different cities – literally in the streets of the cities! In Berlin, they carried out a huge project – what we saw was a one hour documentation about it. Two giants had been constructed, a little female one and a big male one. The director, who is an amazingly dedicated person with a very strong personality, made up a story about the two living together when Berlin was still a huge swampland. The big one built a boat for the girl to travel over the water with, but shortly after there was an earthquake when monsters of the water and monsters of the earth fought a battle, destroyed the area and a high and robust wall of stones and earth divided i... [ Continued ]
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by Malia on December 6th, 2009, 11:22 pm
Okay, now it's official. Since I have forgotten both username and password of my Myblog account, Mizahar will be where I'm going to blog from now on. I remember that I used to produce late night entries that were way too pessmistic and depressed and often a bit strange, but then I need a place to voice all that crap that my brain comes up with. Now that place is here. Nice, isn't it?
It may sound a bit senseless, but at some weekends this strange mood strikes me. I wander around at the net, never staying at one place, never doing anything (like posting or writing up important ic stuff) and getting a feeling of utter boredom. This feeling grows and grows until it keeps me awake for a long long time and then I usually end up going to bed after midnight and awaking at 10 or 11 am which is very late for me!
Haha, it's indeed senseless.
Sometimes (at the weekends, mostly) I wonder whether I should join another RPG community which provides something new to me, or create a new character. Two or three characters were created during such recent late-night hours - two characters I didn't dare to introduce into a RP environment because I'm afraid that they would steal too much time.
Maybe I got a bit obsessed with what Jen told me about how having a staff position and a PC account was more than enough. Still I wonder ... why am I bored at those late nights? Should I just go to bed? Or try to do something useful and then go to bed? Or really divide my attention between more RPGs so that I get some variety of RPing?
I hope that some of you can understand what I mean. Actually I've never heard of anyone who experiences something similar, but there's still hope.
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by Malia on November 29th, 2009, 10:07 pm
This is just a little rambling to get things off my head before I go to bed (much too late already). I originally intended to send a PM to Jen, but I thought I'd rather write a small blog entry so other people can comment on it too. I've learned that taking advice is more helpful than just pondering over the question on one's own. So, there's this other RPG (you know which one I mean - should I mention the name or not?). I've been playing it for a little longer than a year now, in different guises, even as a mod. Concern #1: Many moderators of that game have retired recently and it is really sad and depressing to see more and more cities decreasing in activity. It seems like there are less people who enjoy the game, less people who actually stay at one place and enjoy playing with other people there because they are used to and really like each other's writing. Of course there are exceptions - and there are great! But they remind me of how many more cities there were a few months or so ago. It makes me really sad. And while I've been trying to help with modding, I simply can't stand the pressure any more. As a mod of that game, you have many many more threads than as a mod of Mizahar, because it's so huge. Even when you come to a city that's not so active - when there's a mod there's usually a bunch of players around them who need attention. And I can't give them enough attention or the kind of attention they deserve. Maybe it's a matter of finding the right place. The problem is that I have problems finding that place because there's so much history and remains from someone else lying around that you need to consider and build upon. If I'd have the chance to create a new city and mod it, I'd totally jump in and do it! But I dislike the organizational stuff that doesn't really interest me. How can I mod threads I'm not interested in? Some training threads are like that. Ah, maybe... [ Continued ]
Last edited by Malia on November 29th, 2009, 10:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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by Malia on November 7th, 2009, 7:12 pm
I think eventually I have understood what it means to be an artist. To describe it with a metaphor: You are an instrument that is played by God Himself. A constant flow of brilliant ideas is always present in your environment, in every tree, every flower, every color and every stone. Someone who is an artist just knows how to get access to that flow, how to listen to it and write or paint or compose or carve what it is whispering in their ear. Thanks to a great book I think I mentioned before (‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron) I can now say that I know what writing REALLY is all about. It’s not about perfection, it’s not about grammar, it’s not about the perfect writing style like I thought until now. It’s about loving it. It’s about enjoying it and not considering it as a necessary exercise that needs to be done. Art is so much more than that! And it doesn’t matter whether it is in the form of words, colors and shapes, notes or anything else I can’t think of at the moment. The most important thing is to have fun with what you’re doing. I consider myself lucky that I found out at such a young age. Now I know that I don’t become one of those pathetic forgotten writers who burned their beautiful pieces of art instead of taking the leap and getting published (or even getting anything done). I will never burn or delete anything. Everything has some value, although that’s not visible at first sight. Or even at second, or third … Anyway, I just have to keep that in mind. Today I met two other writers who are living in my town and of whom one is also participating in NaNoWriMo (yay!). We had a great talk for a little more than two hours. We laughed, we had fun, and we talked business – writing business of course. It was huge fun! I can’t believe how someone can have so much fun, such a perfect meeting with two complete strangers. At the end of the session they weren’t strangers anymore … and that’s the thing that feels best about it … I guess I can call Eva whenever ... [ Continued ]
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by Malia on November 1st, 2009, 4:05 pm
Sometimes everything is fine, and I’m all happy and cheerful and joking all over the place. I’m surprised how good everything goes, how perfect most of my countless little problems work out without me doing anything special. I’m just doing what I’m doing all the time, and the flow of life is perfect – perfect harmony. But that state isn’t endless. Then, one day, I always wake up and think: This is going to be bad. And then the bad days start. They are always different, and of different length. A few hours, two days, a week … and, if I’m not paying attention, weeks and weeks and weeks. I think my record was one or two months, last spring. It was horrible. My grades are one of many visible proofs. Since then I’ve learned a lot. To be particular, I’ve especially learned a lot in the past two weeks or so. A book, it’s called “The Artist’s Way”, showed me the way and did the majority of the work. The rest I did without thinking much about what I was doing. I just tried it out. I’m big when it comes to trying things out, exploring new challenges and projects that look like fun. Maybe I’m even bigger at lying projects down again and deciding that they carry too much responsibility and seriousness for me. I like to have fun – but I don’t like if that fun becomes a regular duty. The ‘you have to’ hart makes it stale and grey. Not fun anymore. I wonder why it’s always this way. I’ve started twice as many things as I’ve finished, likely more, I’m just guessing now. But why does that have to happen to me? Everything is perfect, and then … everything vanishes somehow. I’m ignorant. I mean, in theory I know that the world is neither perfect nor working on it’s own, without any help from me. Working with that principle is a lot more difficult for me. I guess I’m just rambling anyway, haha. I don’t want to be that way. It also is a problem that I let myself fall into that bad mood – and then I turn on some sad music, read the blog of a very lovely, but sometimes very d... [ Continued ]
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