I’ve badly neglected Mizahar for the last few days. I didn’t have any particular reason, or rather, I have, but that doesn’t really count as a reason for me. I have time because it’s summer holidays here. I have time because my grandma hasn’t yet finished what we need to get started on our big project, so I’m merely waiting for her at the moment. I have time because I don’t have anything to do except reading books for my thesis, playing the violin and going for a walk or swimming once in a while.
But something has kept me from Mizahar: stories. Recently I’ve rediscovered my love for epic stories. About a week ago I’ve attended a manga and anime convention, an event that revolves around those two-dimensional people on the page and screen. As always, I’ve seen amazing things. I’ve watched a few episodes of a new anime – and went home to watch some more episodes. Then I started reading more manga again and found one I enjoyed. I knew that it had been turned into an anime as well, so I went to watch the anime. And got hooked from the first episode on. Since then, my creativity and art has taken a lot of inspiration from that anime and some other amazing stuff I’ve been reading and watching.
During that, something else has happened. One day I’ve found myself with nothing to write and nothing to do, so my mind kind of made up one of those crazy stories I’d never show anyone else. Not even my best friend. I don’t know how people will react to such crazy stuff, but a part of me doesn’t want to find out. I write those stories for my own enjoyment. They aren’t meant to be rewritten, criticized or published, they are meant as a pastime to fight boredom. That’s the only reason I can recall that I’ve started writing: out of simple boredom. Anyway, I’ve started writing that story. That day I didn’t have anything else to do, so I started writing in the morning, got some noodle soup for lunch and continued writing in the evening. I ended up writing the whole day, leaving the story with 10.000 words and more than 22 pages. It was so hard to stop either. Maybe I would have continued to write through the whole night. Anyway, I didn’t. And a few days later I continued writing and yesterday I finished at about 20.000 words. As I’ve said before, it’s just a little story for me. During the process I’ve found out that the main character is perfect for being one of the main characters in a story I’ve been thinking about for quite some time, but never started to write. The little story around that character has given me the drive to start that bigger story. I will start.
But in between writing my own stories, enjoying the anime I’m watching and the books I’m reading, I wonder where Mizahar is. I haven’t posted for quite some time now. I know that I can’t let threads sit for such a long time, especially with my mod account. I’ve considered the option of retiring earlier ... I don’t know what I should do.
What I know is a single thing: I want to write. Whenever I wish, whatever I wish and as quickly or slowly as I wish. Doesn’t sound like Mizahar would be the right place for that, huh?
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you guys how my situation looks like because you deserve an explanation. And I hope enough of the ones I’m currently writing with read this. I haven’t forgotten you. There are just things in life that are more important to me. And all of us will say that real life comes first. I just don’t know when I will have the will and the ideas to continue writing here. Maybe it’s the beginning of a hiatus. Maybe this blog entry is already the first step towards being active again. I guess time will tell.
What I really wanted to say, though, is that maybe I’ve forgotten how wonderful stories can be. They move you. They inflict emotions you didn’t know you were capable of feeling. They do amazing things to your personality, self-confidence, motivation and inspiration. Stories have the power to change humans. That’s why I’m sucking good stories up like a dry sponge. That’s why I’m trying to create moving stories of my own and occasionally get absorbed by my own fantasy. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing, but at the moment I really enjoy it. I’ve rediscovered what I always wanted to be. I am a person who has a goal and will fight for it. I know that I can make it, make my dream come true – but I have to put everything I am and everything I’m able to into my goal.
So, sometimes I wonder where the place of Mizahar in my life is. It’s definitely not part of my goal, although it gives me inspiration and awesome moments of admiration and motivation. That’s really the only reason why I adore Mizahar so much. Those people know their dreams and work hard to make them come true – both the characters and real life people I admire. That’s what Mizahar is to me, I believe: A place where I see what I want to become one day. A place full of wishes that can be fulfilled. That’s the meaning of Mizahar to me.
Fact 1: Mizahar is not the most important thing for me in the world. Fact 2: Despite that I will never leave the game. I will just abandon it for some time to concentrate on the single thing that’s more important to me: telling my own tales and chasing my own dream.
Well ... I don’t know what else to say. I just hope that you understand me and wish me luck rather than curse me for my more or less regular inactivity.