"After all, no man is at peace with himself" -the Queen's Butler, Kuroshitsuji
I have never been more depressed in my entire life after going through Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Whoever has read this book and not gone on an existential anxiety must be harder than a rock.
"We have come to know man as he really is. After all, man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the Lord's prayer or the Shema Yisrael on his lips."
And then I just cried and cried and cried a lot. And I don't think I can write a paper on the psychotherapeutic method of finding a reason to live without crying again.
toad: why are ou online? princess: I'm sad and depressed toad: why princess: a lot of things princess: I'm holding it all together, though princess: don't worry toad: just talk to me if there's anything okay? toad: dont keep it all in toad: youll go insane princess: it's alright princess: I'm used to it princess: nothing new, etc princess: why are you still up? toad: forgot to send an email toad: you should get some sleep princess: it's that bad princess: I can't sleep toad: what's to worry about kukub? princess: it's just sad princess: it's this book princess: Man's Search for Meaning toad: O SHI toad: yeah toad: that book is depressing princess: it doesn't help you know princess: that I could possibly connect to some of the lines toad: i wont say dont be depressed. that book got me too toad: it didnt help janine put it in the bathroom for reading toad: let try to rest toad: okay? toad: go offline princess: I told you I can't toad: at least leave the PC toad: youve been online longer than me toad: and i took breaks princess: I'll just keep on crying if i don't do somethng princess: I took breaks too toad: do something else that doesnt involve your eyes toad: i cant have a blind kukub T__T princess: wow, kukub, how awful princess: I'm crying princess: I ca't cry with my mouth
This is one of my favorite songs. It's a nerdy song but I really love it. It's a pick-me-up song.
"A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth -- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way – an honorable way – in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. For the first time in my life I was able to understand the meaning of the words, "The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory...."
I haven't read the book (and most likely won't in the future, after this), but the question of finding a purpose in life is very difficult.
I've been really searching for it my whole life long. Sometimes I think I've found it in writing stories, other times I feel like I have done and achieved and gotten nothing out of my effort. I know the feeling of being utterly down and depressed. There's no way around it, and there's no way around the question, I believe. Some pretend they've found it, but I'm not sure whether they're right or just pretending.
Anyway, I can't give you an answer. All I can say is wait for the depression to pass and live. I honestly wish you the best for your own life. I hope you can find (or have already found?) what makes you happy, even if it's just for a brief moment.