If this isn't allowed feel free to say so through pm.
I'm currently sitting in my church listening to my pastor speak about our new youth pastors. I am no longer apart of the youth group as I am graduated and what not. I'm trying to get my life in order both spiritually and physically. Let me start by saying I'm against my pastor. I'm against a lot of things be stands for and I think he has done no good for us. I cannot say I'm a good christian- far from it. But we used to be known for our ...realness? I guess I'm at a loss for the word right now. But for our passion andd commitment to eachother to lift eachother up. So os it wrong of me to dislike him when ever since he came I- a member for eight years- have felt a coldness and fakeness from the people I used to call my family? But everyone likes to pretend. Our church has also been known for musicals, plays, skits, and acting. Sothey have seemed to be intertwining the things we use for showing our faith in their everyday lives. Or at least, every sunday and church event. And the pastor is the greatest fake of them all.. Again, I'm not perfect, nobody is. But I don't think the leader of a church society should be able to force himself to cry over every single subject. aim sorry but that is humanly impossible. Its not human is what I mean. Goat, why don't you find another church? When you've built a relationship with people for eight-nine years, you tend to get attatched.
The one thing that pretty much saved me in highschool was youth group.I loved youth group. feeling as if I belong somewhere. having older kids to look up to(as the oldest child, its hard to lead withoht example)that was awesome. So the youth group, not the people in it, the idea of it, its something I hold near and dear to my heart. I have also gained one youth member as a younger sibling. Though it would seem that she's my leader. Which she is. But I'm still protective of all of them. I never once haf a youth pastor...an actual payroll youth pastor...throughout highschool. The one thing that would have thrown me into a better christian I think. Sp my senior year, when we got a youth pastor, I was ecstatic. But as I was the only senior, I was the only who seemed to appreciate them. But alas, the ungrateful words of my younger comrades coupled with a fractured marriage created the hole we just got out of. So I finished out my senior year and didn't leave. Not because of what happened or my attatchment, but because I still had nothing figured out. I now hear that there will be new youth pastors and am wary for the kids. Because one of the reasons these ungrateful kids complained was because the couple were so young. Only about four years older than me. It is what it is, whatever I guess. But these same kids who complained that this pastor and his wife were too young to be married, let alone lead the youth, are very excited for these pastprs that are only two years older than me. I'm afraid for them. I afraid that they are going to run these two out of the church like the last. My "sister" is the one who is the mpst excited. But she's too optimistic about this. She wonders why I'm stuck in the past, its because history seems to be repeating itself not once but many times.
But hey, why should I care? I shouldn't even be there right? I know they don't look at me with respect. No one does. It hurts but I accept it. I guess I can just care from the shadows and pray to God that these people are different. God I hope nothing else goes wrong.