Mizahar


http://www.mizahar.com/forums/blog.php?b=272&page=Vizyous Aconitum&mode=i_had_a_horrible_day&sid=955421bb010c9d440ac68a774411f3e6&sid=5fb2355717f7ad84da66c760afdb1216
Author:  Vizyous Aconitum [ April 7th, 2011, 3:08 am ]
Blog Subject:  i had a horrible day.
Today started out like crap and progressively got worse. In between there was a few good spikes but nope, it ended up even worse than it started.

I won't say what happened that make it such a horrible day, but I will say that I'm very hurt and upset right now. I've been self conscious since I was very, very young, and what thin, little wall of confidence I've built has slowly been trying to grow. But it keeps hitting these things that like to prevent it from becoming stronger.

Pieces are falling off because I've been knocking down facades and barriers while with my boyfriend. It feels good to be my true self, but at the same time it makes me very vulnerable. I'm not a confident person at all, and I really envy those that are. I envy a lot of people, and I don't like feeling this way. I used to be strong, even if it was false. I sort of miss that.

...I sort of don't, though. I wouldn't miss it at all, if I just didn't get hurt so easily.


Replies
Author:  Julian [ April 7th, 2011, 6:09 am ]
Reading this entry feels like I'm watching myself from years ago. I went through a lot of hardship and personal discovery when I was younger, and even now I'm still figuring myself out (though I've hit this plateau that I've been surfing on for about ten months now). The more recent discoveries are positive, however, as I begin to do things and voluntarily indulge myself in new experiences that many younger people went through and I didn't. At this point it's more of an adventure than a struggle.

While a lot of the harder memories I have of lovers and a plethora of emotional conflicts have for the most part been left behind (leaving a still-existent tangle in insecurities and self criticism), I haven't forgotten how I felt.

We're strangers, sure, but if you ever need a direction to vent your frustrations, I'd be happy to lend an ear. Whatever insight I can offer may or may not be completely unhelpful, but at the very least I know it feels easier when someone is listening.
Author:  Aeli [ April 8th, 2011, 6:00 pm ]
Love yourself. =]

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-simple-steps-to-freedom/

I've been where you are. I still visit sometimes, when I'm all alone at night with nothing to do and no one to talk to. I feel weak, and small, and powerless. Like I did when I was a child. We have all been mistreated and programmed to believe that the only reality is the one that's been forced into our heads since we were very young.

I saw your pictures in the Who Are You? thread and you are beautiful. You have nothing to envy because you can have anything you want and be anything you want. If you don't like something about yourself, you can change it by figuring out what makes you feel that way and changing your habits. The world is your motherfuckin' oyster.

Be yourself. The reason you feel this way is because you make yourself feel this way. Stop giving a fuck if other people like you or think you're pretty or want to be like you. The only weight their words have is the weight you attach to them. Go be vulnerable. Act confident, even if you don't feel it. Fuck up, and do it often. The more you fuck up, the more you'll learn, and the better things will be down the line.

Basically, do what you want. Do what makes you happy, and fuck everyone else's opinion on the matter. There will always be those who love and support you, and those are the people who will stick around. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's just my opinion based on similar experiences.

If you ever need to talk or anything, I'm always around. =]
http://www.facebook.com/haniaethol if you're so inclined.
Author:  Cheshire [ April 9th, 2011, 3:51 am ]
*hugs you* Trust me, I know all about the pains of not being very confident. I struggle with it every single day. It is hard. Boy oh boy is it hard but you will get through it. Maybe relief will come tomorrow, maybe in a month, maybe in a year. You will find your special thing that makes you feel like you are the king/queen of the world. Maybe it is your writing, heck it could be underwater basket weaving for all I know. You will find calm and pride in your talents though. I'm still searching and most of the world is still searching. Even the most proud have cracks in their armor. Don't deny your true self though. It is who you are and if who you are is scared then you just need to let yourself bask in the sun a bit (so to speak). Let your true self roam. I've spent a good amount of my life trying to hide the dork I am and I was never happy until everyone knew how much of a dork I was.

Maybe I am not making any sense. I tend to ramble :p

If you ever need to talk PM me or send me an IM on AIM (livenow4music). I'm always up for helping if you need to talk (even if we have not talked before). I know how it feels and I wish someone had reached out to me.
Author:  Vizyous Aconitum [ April 23rd, 2011, 4:26 am ]
Thank you everyone, I just read these comments and they help me a lot. Right now is the most scared for the future I have been in a very long time because things have only gotten worse. But knowing that someone is there to listen, someone took the time to read and try to understand.. it makes me feel even a tiny bit better, and that means the world to me.

Thank you everyone.
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