It seems that every time something great happens, something equally bad begins. My mother is trying to tear me and my boyfriend apart, and it's creating so much stress and so many problems. Stress is an understatement. I am three months away from eighteen, and I know that what she's doing is because she wants to keep me close to her, she doesn't want to lose me. But what she's doing is completely selfish, irrational at best, because even if this is out of a twisted desire to protect me, she is not thinking about how badly she's hurting me.
The feeling of being backstabbed by my own mom is the worst I have ever felt. She thinks that she knew me before I began dating, but she didn't. She didn't know me at all, and only through finding someone that I loved enough to open up to did I gain the confidence to express myself. By taking that away, she is setting me back years.
I'm coming back to Mizahar to post in this blog because I feel this is a haven, this is being told to strangers and acquaintances that have told me they cared when I wrote before about my problems. It helps to know that someone is there to listen and try and understand, it makes me feel the tiniest bit better and makes me want to try to smile towards the future.
I am stuck for three months, and I don't know how they will go. I'm hoping to work for these three months, but whether or not mom will make it hard on me and my boyfriend is up to her. I hope she won't, and that I can see him even just once a month. It would mean the world to me. But if I can't, I can't. It's painful that it came down to this, and it hurts me in a way I've never experienced before.
It's a long ways away before I can be happy. I don't think I will truly be happy in the environment my mom is creating. My phone is cut off despite me needing it for work, and I can't go anywhere where he is, or see him. I don't know if talking online will be considered violating her rules, but if it is, then I will not forgive her. Talking online...
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