A little fun for me inspired by Roscoe!
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A Toaster’s Autobiography
I remember when I was born like it was yesterday. Well it wasn’t truly the day I was born but up until this moment I was just a lonely bolt sitting in a box of my brothers and sisters as we all awaited our chance to shine and become a part of something bigger. The day I was born started off like any other, I was just puttering about in the contents of my box, exploring the depths deep within it – not for the first time mind you, I was an adventurer searching for a home! Days were spent, months even, where I scooched past the hard pressed shapes of my siblings to explore all four corners of our world! I was the most notorious explorer of my world, the north corner was a place only the fearless bolts (like myself) would go. Have I mentioned to you yet about how I once took on a ferocious dust bunny who threatened to entangle a few of my siblings? No …. Well I suppose that is a story for another time I’m supposed to be telling you about the day I was born … Let’s begin again …
Once upon a time in a factory there was a box …
No, no that is horrible this isn’t a fable this is a true story! Once more please…
Hello, my name is Captain Boomer – such was my name as a bolt and such is my name now that I’m a … well that would ruin the ending now wouldn’t it? I know, I know you’re probably wondering what the big finale is since this is an autobiography about a toaster so of course you’d think that’s how the story ends! I was a bolt but now I’m a toaster, right?! Wrong. Stop trying to get ahead of me and just listen up. I’m Captain Boomer of the 53rd brigade of the almighty … okay we weren’t called the almighty but we were the 53rd brigade and we were mighty. As mighty as a bunch of bolts in a box could ever be anyways. Well one day I was patrolling the southern sector, it’s a quiet place where the worn out bolts go … you know the ones, the ones that don’t have a complete grip on life? Maybe they’re one spiral short or maybe the sharpness they once possessed is a little faded, either way it meant an easy day just making sure none of them decided to go rogue and that’s when it happened … I was chosen!
The light pierced through every space in the box, cutting back the darkness like a sword is rumored to cut back flesh (if you believe in such inventions). That’s when the cold clamps of freedom surrounded me, pulling me from my duty in the southern sector and into a much more meaningful existence. This was what every bolt dreamed of, to be chosen and become a part of something bigger, to mean something to someone. We call the day we are chosen the day we are truly born, all days before that cease to matter and you are given your true home until the day you die.
The next few months passed in a blur, I met the others who would become a part of the great toaster kingdom with me and I even met this heating coil who really heated my coil if you know what I mean…. If you don’t know what I mean then you’re too young to be reading this and stop right now.
Are you still reading? Yes? Are you old enough? Okay, whew, I almost got worried there for a moment. Let’s continue.
So time came and passed and I got really close with this heating coil and we spent the months in our dark box among the others who had been chosen to help us on our mission to be the best toaster kingdom in all the shelves. Then one day we were selected and we went home with this lovely couple who loved all forms of toast in the morning. Sometimes it was bagels, sometimes Rye and other times wheat even the occasional pumpernickel - they always kept us guessing. Life was better then it ever had been. I never thought the joy I experienced in this kingdom would end, I was King and my coil was my queen. Okay well I was more like a knight, maybe a squire or a farmer is more appropriate but she made me feel like the most important bolt in the world.
Her name was Becca, a rather plain name for a rather unique coil. We only had eyes for each other and it was a beautiful romance and that's why it was so devastating when things started changing. It was small things at first, she would get to heated over something or she'd burn the toast on purpose. Now I do realize she's a heating coil so of course she has a bit of a temper but typically she can manage it. Time passed and it just kept getting worse and worse until finally one day the springs revolted and they refused to release the toast, plotting against her like villagers to an outsider. This was the last straw for our humans, they were sick of Becca's mood swings and sick of their burnt pumpernickel so they discarded us ...
That was three years ago and now I'm back in my home lands reliving my dreams through my memories and living in the southern sector ...
Remember how I told you the bolts in the southern sector were all loons? I'm the exception, my fable was 100% the truth I can assure you on that ... sometimes.