As the title suggest, I am back, from a very, very long leave. The reasons for that are complicated, and although my nature tells me no to post them on some public site, I have always loved Mizahar, and besides, I’m not well known on the site, and odds are no one will see this post. So here it goes, my own personal blog/journal… Where to start is a really hard question for me, I mean so much has happened, so I guess I’ll just start from when I left, including the reason behind my initial leave. If I’m laying it all out here, then I might as well be honest, I left Mizahar as a very gentle punishment from Gossamer, and Mirage. One that for probably the entire month I was supposed to be gone I question if ever I should really return. What happened? Well… long story short, I broke the copy right standard. While I would like to say, it was accidental, even though it is truth in some parts, I cannot blame it on accident. I knew I was copying what I posted. So, where did I do this? The posts are removed, and I will not link them, but I will explain. The first was completely without thought, I write a lot of fanfiction on a FanFiction website, and one of the things I am prone to using is something called a ‘Song Fic’ meaning, a song has caught my attention, and you write your fiction, with the words in your mind, and many times with the words quoted in the fic. So, that is what I did on Mizahar, I used an evanescence song, and because the lyrics were better than I could come up with, I posted them in my writing… Honestly, I even did it like you would on the FanFiction site, I used a spoilers at the top of my post, saying that the words there were not my own, and everything. Honestly, it was dumb of me, and I didn’t even question it.. So, in all honestly, the first one wasn’t all that bad, it was changed easily and could have been overlooked, but the same day that I posted that, I posted a quote from my father’s website, stating about hunting, and how to field clean an animal. It was for my characters job post, and so she could learn, from a butcher, how to do it. Honestly I didn’t even consider that I was copywriting, I mean, it was my father’s work, and I am no hunter, how was I supposed to know how to do it. So, what I did was post the words, as said through the mouth of this butcher, not even posting that I quoted the remarks, like I did the first time. In the end, this made it where twice, in one day, I had broken the copywriter standards and honestly, I did it intentionally, in my mind, even when I did it never intending of cheating the hard working writers of Mizahar. It was an honest mistake, and one I intentionally made. For the time I honestly thought about hanging Arinia, and dropping it all. But, I could not do that, I fell in love with this character, and even though I never posted about her again on any site, I kept her always in my personal writings, and continued her story. So that leads me to why I actually left, what was my Punishment? Honestly it was very simple, and quite gentle, I was to post a full apologies on the OOC form for the city I was posting it, and I was to leave Mizahar, not to have my IP seen again, for the rest of the winter season. Where then, according to Mirage, I could return as if it never happened. Simple enough, and if I loved Mizahar why was I gone so long? Well, the answer is double sided, one reason was because I was scared to return, for the first three months, one month, where I was gone completely, and another two where I checked in on Mizahar, but never signed in, I never even thought about it, and almost gave up Arinia. But, the some things started effecting me and happening in the real world. I was a student at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, studding Engineering Physics, and Computer Programing. During the end of that three month period, my finals rolled around for my first year at university. I was excited, and nervous all at once, I ended up passing everything, and being fine, but that took me completely away from Mizahar for an entire extra month. But then, **** really hit the fan. And in my opinion, my life fell apart. Within the time of the next month, I returned home, spent time with my family, and took on two full time jobs, in order to pay for returning to college in the spring semester. Everything went fine, and after a month away I returned back to Florida, where settling into classes, and getting back into college life, Mizahar was far from my mind. Arinia still in my heart, and I still wrote for her. Then finally, after five months gone, I settled in and was ready to return, this is in my opinions, the worst part of the story for me. My father passed away… I don’t want to go into details, but it crushed me, caused me to drop three of my 6 courses, and in the end completely drop college for a while. I made it through the second semester with a 1.33 GPA score… So on top of the loss of my father, and my schooling, I lost my scholarship. Honestly I went dark for a while, and don’t want to go into details.. But, to end this all, I will be honest, with the help of a very close friend, now fiancé, and spirituality shown by my grandmother, I have gotten past the depression, and am now taking summer term at a place known as Full Sail, for Computer Science. I will never return to Embry-Riddle, but was offered a lot for taking Full Sails offer. So, now I have returned. I feel I am ready for Arinia, and hopefully all will be forgiven. I am currently re reading all my post, including the ones I never turned in from winter, on top of finishing up a HD request I had when I was told to leave, and seeing if I can return to the lovely city of Lhavit. All in all, I think things will be getting better, and as I said, I feel I needed to get much of this off my chest. I doubt anyone will be reading this, and if anyone does, please no sorry or welcome backs. I don’t deserve or want them. This post wasn’t for sympathy. It was for my own peace of mind. And now, the truth of what I did, even if it is cleared, is forever here… |
Virtus Junxit Mors Non Separabit