[Aidara's Scrapbook] It's Real For Us

[Verilian]

Happy flying! I didn't respond to your text this morning because it was 5am, btw. >.< Hope you feel better soon!

[Aidara]

It Might be Uphill From Here but I think I am going to enjoy it. I have always been optimistic, it's my natural outlook on life. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and I try to make the best situation no matter what... well, I used too. Life got tough and dragged me down. I've become sour, bitter and way too sensitive for my own good. I've developed bad habits I didn't have before, such as eating when I'm bored, and I haven't made a real effort to change them. But now I am making that effort. I really am. And I'm feeling good about it. Though this is only the very beginning, the honeymoon phase if you would, I know that if I keep a positive attitude now I can keep going. I have a very strong willpower when I set my mind too it, life had just sucked away my motivation. I've been waking up at 8am-ish daily, eating breakfast and then taking Polly for a walk. It's actually really invigorating. I am tired by 10pm and I go right to sleep. I never go right to sleep, so hopefully this new regime will help keep that regular. All in all... I feel a lot better about myself than I have in a very long time. This is a good step forward. As always, retrospect is always clearer and I am starting to wish that I had bucked it up and done this a year ago. Oh well, I'm doing it now so no worries! On that note... It's Playoff's today. Some team is playing some other team and all the men in the house are going to glued to the TV and yelling for the rest of the night. That means I have tons of time to myself during which I can post! Thank GOD! While I have been on vacation for weeks and it was relaxing... I was with family and friends every single day trying to fit in enough bonding to last me for the next 6 months during which I am not going to see them. Coming back to CA, I have been running around getting ready for classes to start on Tuesday. It's nice to know I have a solid block of hours that I can do whatever I want! Cailet is going to get some love today. I've been constructing a solo for her that I am hoping to post today! But I'm not going to sit here and write about writing. I'm gonna go eat lunch and then get ready to write.

[Aidara]

Thus far, my exercise consists of walking. I keep trying to go to the gym but I would have to go with someone else and use their guest pass since I don't actually have a membership of my own. In theory, that works fine. In actuality, I still haven't gone to the gym because it is nearly impossible for me to get anyone to go with me. But! I'm not really that worried about it. I don't have the stamina to really do any kind of hardcore work out or spin class at the gym yet anyway. Yes, I am extermely out of shape. I could come up with a half a dozen reasons why I am but it just comes down to the fact that for the majority of my life I was poked fun at, teased, and downtrodden enough that I figured that even taking the time to exercise wouldn't change much. I'm older, wiser, and with tougher skin now (though Jen thinks I still need to grow bigger balls. That's a work in progress). I realize that things like working out are something you to for you, not for other people. However, I'd fallen into a routine that worked for me. I'm not a creature of change.. I balk at it enough that when I was younger my mom had me tested for Autism. With my new outlook on things spurred from just being god damn sick of being sad and unhealthy with a general feeling of disdain for how I lived, I've been making changes. For instance, I wake up as close to 8am as I can (today it was 9:30), eat breakfast and then take the dog out for a walk. The path I choose to take is harder than the other options as is uphill for a majority of the way and the whole loop takes about 10 minutes to do. Granted, that's not actually a very far walk but it's a start. Since I don't really have the means at the moment to go to the gym (I've come to terms with the fact that when I have the money I am just going to have to buy my own membership) I'm instead trying to find other things I can do throughout the day instead. The only catch is I don't have a set schedule right now. At any moment I can be called to go to this or that because the rest of this family is just used to being waited on. So I can't necessarily schedule that at 8 am and 6pm every day I go for a walk... I can only guarantee when I get up. Any suggestions?

[Aidara]

First Day of Classes Yay? Um, I wish I still had a pink princess backpack! I think I would be more on my game in 1st grade than right now. Of course, cause life's a bitch everything is just a litttttle more difficult than when we all had designated nap times and when we could paint with our fingers. I'm only taking two classes this semester, and one of them is online. I want to take more, Damnit!! I was actually signed up for five (four actual classes with the easy peasy online one counting for the fifth) but my bill was astronomical. I absolutely REFUSE to pay over $1000 for a single class just because I am out of state... at a community college. I'm not even at the university I want to be at yet because I would have to sell my first born to afford it. I don't get that much in loans nor do I want to be in debt for the next fifty years of my life. So two classes it is. I'm still a little disappointed because more work means I feel more productive but at least I have one more than last semester. Oh! Something that pisses me off! I was grading threads yesterday and one of them happened to be a pretty long purely social thread. Now, these threads can be pretty bad. Like, terribad. A lot of the purely social threads that I personally have tried to start or join into haven't been the best but sometimes you get lucky and they turn into something other than just two PC's chatting. But why does this piss me off? First of all, many people have trouble getting their PC's to speak. I'm not the best at it, but at least I am conscious of the fact that I am trying to make my conversations feel as natural as if two real people were having them, especially if the two PC's are friends in Miza. You don't want a conversation between two people who are supposed to be BFFL's to sound like an awkward first meeting. That's why I think it is so important to find your Characters Voice. If you don't know who they are, how are you going to write for them well? I find it really saddening to read a thread where there is choppy and poorly written dialogue, or (as I am VERY guilty of doing) ton's of inner dialogue or description and not much actual, verbal convos. That was more of a side tangent because what REALLY makes me irritated, whether it is reading a thread for fun or grading one, is when PC's enter a therad.... and 'hang back in the shadows' or 'are only there because it breaks the monotony of the day'. I just graded a thread that was basically a Festival intro thread that was purely for the Pc's to get to know each other, maybe make a new friend and have someone to do the other winter callanges with. Purely social. There were PC's entering shyly and sticking to the wall, not approching one of the other 10 PC's there. There were others that talked to themselves in their heads, giving other people nothing to work off of other than a vacant expression if they wanted to approach and have a conversation. Others only made one post and never posted again. I realized that it is hard as a new player to just jump into your first thread and just start talking. It's really hard. What do you say? What if you look really stupid and say something that totally isn't in the lore or anywhere in this world? What if you don't know your characters voice yet? It doesn't matter. It really doesnt. If you say something stupid, you'll get a PM or someone in their response post will tell you and you can fix it! There is nothing worse than being timid. You'll get nothing done, really, you wont. I used to jump into a thread with every new person that showed their face in WR (Or I guess I should say every open thread that anyone made). I don't do that anymore. Too many people abandoned me and I have too many half completed threads. Also, it was too annoying to try and RP for your PC and someone elses PC because they don't want to take the lead with their own character. Trust me, no one wants to play your character. No one wants to be the only one coming up with ideas in the thread. If your PC just stands there being shy and thinking to themselves and being all "omg I am so anti social I don't know wat I'm doing here" it will be boring. I don't know what it is about Inartans that all of them are reclusive and not social at all, preferring to siti n the dark and suck their thumbs. Wait, I know exactly what it is. The lore says that Inartans are very social people, so of course everyone feels the need to make a PC that is the opposite of the norm. Do it, make your PC fun and creatively different... DON'T Make your PC a hermit, violently shy and antisocial in a game where... to do ANYTHING at all, you have to interact with someone else- be it PC or NPC. I think that is one of the main reasons why a lot of Inartan's dont last. It gets very boring very fast if you're shy in Miza. Things that are happening today: -Get some reading done cause I miss reading -Classes -Writing time! -Maybe go for another walk

[Aidara]

I know recently, a few pages back in my scrap, I confessed my undying love to a fictional character. However, I was wrong. I was really, really wrong. Yes, JZB is delicious in his own right and I'm sure that if I were to ever meet someone like him in person, I would fall to a puddle of love goo on the floor. I recently gave over a piece of myself to someone very close to me... in the form of a book. Everyone knows I adore Harry Potter. I always have, and I always will. That is one thing that will forever stick with me. But this book... Well, I discovered it a while ago thanks to a website that was listing promising "Up and Comings" in the literary world. I gave him a shot, and I totally fell in love. With the story, with the character and with the world. Really. I could wax eloquence on the whole package for hours and not even get to the root of why I really love it; some of it is still hidden to me. I know the main character is a young, strong headed, stupidly proud little Trouper who, not without reason, carries more confidence than most grown men. And I loooooooooooove him. Not only that, but the book, the story, and the way it's told leaves you thinking about it long after you put it down ( not that I really want to put it down, but it's bad form to read during your classes). One again, I have been caught up in the Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss. I thought I should share.

[Aidara]

Art Photo by P h o e n y x I'm usually not one for art. I can't get behind the whole painting-random-shit-on-canvas-that-doesn't-make-sense-and-calling-it-conceptual crap. It's wasted on me. But I found this and I went "Ooooooooh". I have no idea what it represents or what it is supposed to mean, other than the title which was "Lack of Inspiration". I just thought it was intriguing to the eye and wanted to share.

[Aidara]

Ian kinda fell asleep at the desk and I put him to bed without him really waking up at all. When I went to go use my computer, I saw that he had been surfing the web and fell asleep before he could finish buying this. It was sitting in the checkout cart. How cute.

[Aidara]

Feeling Good. Week three of Weight Watchers and I've lost 12.5 pounds total! I feel really good about myself since this is the first time in my life that I have actively tried to get into better shape. Before this (and I'm guessingb it was also because I was a bit younger) I could just, you know, stop eating doritos and BAM I was back into my "skinny jeans". Needless to say, I have fluxuated in body type and size throughout my teens and early twenties. I've had the unfortunate luck to come across a couple different points in my life where I was less than motivated, less than happy, and in less than a good place. When you're in that state of mind, everything effects you. You feel horrible about yourself, the way you look and feel, but yet you keep eating those horrible things that put you into that unhealthy place to begin with. It's a very tough cycle to break, let me tell you. Before I started weight watchers I was 221.5 pounds. I'm only 5'7". That's not a healthy weight to be at, and I'm not ashamed to say how much I weigh. It's just a number. But in this case, this number was not a good place for me to be. I STILL don't have a job (not for the lack of trying) and I don't have the money to just go buying clothes. I didn't fit into barely anything that I own anymore, and that was a problem. It was when I realized that I had one pair of pants that fit me that I decided it was time for a change. I didn't feel good about myself anyway. I would eat something delicious like pizza, but then feel guilty about myself for the rest of the night. Why do we do this to ourselves?! I know, people are going to sit there and roll their eyes at another girl waxing about her weight. But to me, this isn't about weight. Like I've mentioned multiple times, this is about being healthy. Really, it is. My goal isn't 110 pounds, because thats ridiculous. My goal is 150-160 pounds. Even that is a little on the unrealistic side because my boobs alone weigh 15-20 pounds. You think I'm joking? I'm so not. Look it up. 34 DD. Granted, as I loose weight those will shrink too (THANK GOD!) Long story short, I'm proud of myself. It's hard to go from all those fake flavoring and deliciously fat covered foods to salads and healthy cooked stuff. At first it sucked. Do you know how often McDonalds, Applebees, Red Lobster, Pizza and all that other shit is advertized on TV?! Like, every other commercial. You don't realize it until you either look for it or go on a diet. The first week was TORTURE. I just wanted to eat Cheetos and chocolate. The second week was easier. I didn't have those nasty chemicals that they add to all the processed foods in my mouth and tongue anymore, so healthy food and fruit actually tasted good! No longer did I crave obcene amounts of unhealthy things. Progress. Week three was even easier. Though I see myself falling into a pattern. When you have to count the points for everything you eat, it gets really easy to get stuck in a routine of eating the same things over and over because you've already done all the work calculating and figuring out what you can and cant have. The problem with that is Weight Watchers pretty much lets you eat whatever you want- in moderation. Yes, you can still have cookies and cake. But instead of five cookies, you get one or two. Your portions are smaller and at first it also seems like ti's not going to be enough to fill you up. Chances are, it's the perfect amount. I didn't realize how much I was over-eating until I started this. So my goal: Start cooking more. It's tough in the house because there is one person that seems to monopolize the kitchen and you almost have to ask permission to cook something *snorts*. But I have an awesome cookbook that I'm rearing to try out. Now that I have the hang of things I need to liven up my diet a little bit before I start to get sick of everything as a whole. Also, I should mention that I might have lost a little less than 12 pounds if I hadn't gotten Food Poisoning yesterday. Completely purging the body of everything it has does wonders for weight loss (But seriously, that was a joke. Don't do it.) Now that I can sit up without feeling like I have to puke, I can continue on with my list of things that I promised people I would get done over the weekend. Unfortunately being ill completely threw off all of my plans. So, those of you I promised things too, I haven't forgotten. -Jules

[Xalet]

This is great to hear. Being healthy is insanely important, and it's always refreshing to see people take it seriously and see results. You are definitely on the right track with moderation. I eat pretty healthy, and I've been working out for a long time (alas, my teen years are far behind me...). About ten years at six days a week. Working out a lot you meet guys and gals that dig deep and work hard, but everyone has their vices, whether it's candy, ice cream, soda, or pizza. For me it's chocolate. Much as you say though, it's ok to have a chocolate cookie, but not so much half a dozen.

Eating healthy (or even eating healthier) will take you far and of course, when the time comes feel free to mix in some good old fashioned exercise (unless you are already doing so). Good luck.

[Gossamer]

Jules. I love you. Seriously.

But I wanted to add something else here too. I think you can get healthier faster if you stop looking at food as either the enemy or the solution but instead just look at it as fuel for your body. Fuel your body the way you'll fuel your car (if you had the money too!). Don't reward yourself with food. Reward yourself with time, energy, and stuff you love like books, new clothes, etc.

It goes a long long way. To many people start rewarding with cupcakes etc and thats when all hell breaks loose.