Open Hallucinating.

[Justice Siybl]

The Kelvic snorted in disgust. She was insulting them? Haha. She highly respected Salar, but Aiidn. No. He was much to rude and all in all, disrespectful. She had been willing to help, and had gotten farther than the other Dhani had expected. "Shut up." she growled, after her bragged about Salar killing group of Myrians. "For your information, I can handle myself. I've already encountered my share of Myrians, and I've killed every single one." Her eyes narrowed. "And my name is none of your business. I will only adress my master not some low life wannabe."

[Limey]

Justice Skill and Lore Rewards Skills Lore Observation 1 The Danger Of Being Too Tired To Care Planning 1 Know When To Fold 'Em Acrobatics 2 Dhani: Demons And Serpents Unarmed Combat 3 Fear That Gives Tigers Wings Rhetoric 1 Salar: Obey Or Die Enemy Of My Enemy... Is Still My Enemy Sometimes One Can Only Fight Scrapping In Tooth And Claw Sympathy For The Dhani Noravennsalar Skill and Lore Rewards Skills Lore Camouflage 1 Using Mud To Hide Observation 4 The Voices In Scent Intimidation 1 Shapeshifters: Worth Taking Alive Rhetoric 3 Talk Or Fight Psychology 1 Use Every Advantage Tactics 2 Always Need A Challenge Wrestling 3 Do Not Fight In Anger Mace 1 Myrian's: Falyndar's Trash Dagger 1 Keep Your Enemies Guessing Endurance 2 Best Defense Is Offense Spinal Snap! Worthy Of Death, But Also Respect Justice: Prove Yourself What Would Profit Zinrah? Myrian Poison Serquayadiin Skill and Lore Rewards Skills Lore Observation 3 Pray For Success (And Lunch) Tactics 1 Myrians: Hateful And Selfish Unarmed Combat 1 Heat Vision Bodybuilding 1 Know How To Hide Squeezing The Life Out Watch The Fun! The Difference Between Superiority And Invincibility Getting Things Straight Shared Lore: Myrians And Dhani: Immortal Hatred No Justice In Falyndar: Only Strong And Weak Myrians: Stealthy, Cunning And Lethal The Sound Of Blowgun Darts Additional Notes : Phew! Can't believe I managed to grade that whole thing, my first three-writer thread! I'l parcel you up in a second, but on the whole it flowed very well. There were a few continuity errors - Adiin noticing a dart that Salar had already pulled out, that kinda thing - but overall this flowed very well and you played off each other nicely. Justice, you weren't bad but you definitely need improvement. I see you cut out the short replies pretty quickly, which is good. Description and narrative are crucial here, hence you not getting much in the way of, say, Unarmed Combat. You can't just say you knocked someone down: you have to depict how you did it. However, I did like her defiance and spunk, but you have to stay realistic, as well. True to life. Biggest example? Why didn't Justice just run when the Myrians attacked Salar? Why stick around? Little things like that, but I do see you have potential, and you'll get there. Salar, you were in my opinion the best thing about this thread. Your writing was very impressive and you captured a keen cunning and intelligence in your Dhani. You came dangerously close to making it easy on yourself when Schism barged in with his Myrians, but on the whole, you kept it challenging. I really liked how you captured the brutal, unforgiving nature of Dhani in your character. No critique as far as your writing goes, but while I have awarded you points for WRESTLING, as requested, what you really displayed in this thread was UNARMED COMBAT, or even BRAWLING. Wrestling is a whole different thing, so make a note of that next time. Adiin, you came in late but you had a deliciously bitchy character, ha! More than Salar, maybe, you got the ruthless, screw-over-everyone nature of the Dhani down cold. They are not a loving and cooperative race, after all. Not much to award you given your actions, but it was cool how you used your heat vision to pinpoint the sniper, and put Justice in her place. Promising stuff, dude. OK, that's all, I think. Nice work guys, look forward to the next one and remember, from now on, post Grade Requests in the Jungle Wilds thread, here. Since me, Traverse and Magpie are all watching Falyndar now, one of us'll get to it. Any questions or queries, please PM me.