I’ve been confused for some time and this feeling has only grown during the past few months. While I still love the subject I’m studying, I’m increasingly growing frustrated with the methods. I love Japan and always will, but I’m not really seeing myself as an academic anymore. In the beginning, I loved research and compiling papers to add to the knowledge about Japan.
It was similar to writing fiction in a way, contributing to knowledge instead of dreams, catering to the mind instead of the heart. In time I realized, however, that research papers and the like would never reach the kind of broad audience that fiction touches. The academic community is a very secluded and self-satisfied place. Most professors I’ve known aren’t interested in reaching the general populace with their work – lest they be called journalistic, a horror to every true academic! That’s exactly what I don’t like about it though. The research and creating new knowledge part I really like, although writing fiction is still more enjoyable.
However, I’m at a loss as to how I could turn writing into a career. I’ve submitted a novel to publishers and got turned down… so I guess I should just keep trying and polish my stories until they’re good enough. However, at this point I’m a little frustrated with the process. You know, I publish my stories on websites from time to time and they get positive feedback. Of course, there’s a huge gap between readers and editors when it comes to judging a story’s worth, but I still can’t help but think I should do something with those positive vibes.
So I’ve been gravitating towards self-publishing lately. Publish a book or two via the internet, learn a thing or two about advertising it and then go from there. It wouldn’t hurt my CV too. I’m still writing in German which could pose a minor problem, but surely there are ways to overcome it.
I guess my doubts come from the fact that this way goes against my original dream of traditional publication. I want to hold my physical book in hands! But I can still do that… a little detour doesn’t have to be a bad thing, after all. I’d appreciate your thoughts on that. Self-publication or the traditional way? Which is better?
Of course, I wouldn’t be content if I didn’t have a plan B. I still want to be a translator, but like I said, I’m frustrated with university and writing papers right now. (Really, how can they take themselves so seriously? Only a tiny fraction of mankind will ever read what they produce!) Plus, I’m not sure how to bridge the gap between a degree in regional studies and a job in translation. I’d need methods we aren’t taught because we don’t specialize (yet).
Right now, my plan B would be in catering, beverages and specifically bartending. I’ve been working as a waitress for about four months now. It’s exhausting, but depending on the occasion it can be fun. Also, I’m drawn to the bar. Always. They haven’t let me work the bar yet, but I’m really fascinated by the beverage part of it all. I’ve also been mixing a few cocktails for fun and I have the equipment to do so at home. In the near future I’d love to do a course or two, earn some qualifications. First I need to save up though.
So that’d be my plan. Like I said, I’ve been confused about what to do for some time and writing down thoughts feels good. I’d really appreciate comments too! At 22, I’ve a feeling I should have a more solid idea of what to do with my life, but it can’t be helped. If I’m slow, I’ll be slow until I get to the place I feel comfortable in.
