[Fish] Syliran Shiner (Peer Review)

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Please post all your approved development articles here. They must have an "Approved" tag from the previous forum. Articles in this section do not need to be complete, but if so, please tag with [Peer Review]. This forum is for FINISHED articles that are undergoing peer review and revision urged by said review.

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[Fish] Syliran Shiner (Peer Review)

Postby Solemn Warborn on May 29th, 2017, 2:04 am

I'll be looking through this soon to add comments and edits. It looks great so far.
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[Fish] Syliran Shiner (Peer Review)

Postby Karyk on May 30th, 2017, 8:36 pm

Made several grammar, sentence structure, and readability edits. No content change.
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[Fish] Syliran Shiner (Peer Review)

Postby Martini Elwood on June 18th, 2017, 8:20 pm

the Shiner will latch on with its sucker and excrete a small amount of enzyme. This enzyme dissolves the metal into smaller particles, which it then sucks into its mouth.


This might be me being nitpicky, but how long about does this process take?

During this frenzy, the females feed heavily, then lay eggs atop the metal.


And just something to think about; Approximately how many eggs does a female lay in a feeding frenzy?

Otherwise I don't see any grammatical errors, so wonderful job on the article!
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[Fish] Syliran Shiner (Peer Review)

Postby Karyk on June 20th, 2017, 11:13 pm

I have made content changes to answer both of these questions.

This might be me being nitpicky, but how long about does this process take?


1 hour/bell per 1/4 inch of metal, with no real difference between different types of metal

And just something to think about; Approximately how many eggs does a female lay in a feeding frenzy?


2-3 dozen
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[Fish] Syliran Shiner (Peer Review)

Postby Kaleidoscope on July 3rd, 2017, 9:24 pm

Right-o! Apologies for the lengthy delay. Here's my review.

General Comments
Overall, I really enjoyed the feel of this article, being both explanatory and easy to read. Although you do not skimp on the details, they are easy to absorb and understand due to the format you have written them in, i.e. story form. There is a good mix between 'scientific' and roleplay, and instead of just being a simple fish write-up, which would ordinarily have little to no impact on the game, your article and your creation adds history and story to multiple cities, races, and cultures. Well done!

A Point or Two
Now, in the section where you discuss Torvir Steelthroat and his wife, Iori Hammertoe... this is a simple one, but I believe you have spelt Terras the first time and then Terra the next. :P

Where you mention the knights traversing the river basins of Sylira. Mostly throughout this article the Syliran Shiner has been referred to as being in the sea. Therefore, is it only a saltwater species, or a freshwater species, or can it function well in both? If so, how/why? Linking on from this, how would a Syliran Shiner fare in captivity, for instance a tank? Can they be bred in captivity? How many exist in total/are they rare? (I have a feeling you might have mentioned that, but I can't seem to find it?)

Finally, what would be the typical sale price of shiner oil, and what would be it's availability outside of Syliras? What about shiner cosmetics?

Alvadas-Specific Discussion
In relation to Alvadas, I cannot see much if anything to discuss! :P Ildoge's story is very fitting and inkeeping with the general culture of Alvadas. Kaleidoscope=approves.

Conclusion
Overall, I'm very impressed with this. I feel you have done a good job, and would be happy to add this to the Alvadas linkmap and history once it has gone through the founder review process.
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