[Issues found by Astator] Alsha Seiki

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Alsha Seiki

Postby AlshaSeiki on January 24th, 2016, 10:47 pm

Name (Given by Humans): Alsha Seiki

Race: Mixed Zith and Human

Age: 15
Date of Birth: 10th of Summer of 500

Gender: female


Physical Description:

smooth grey skin, long black bat wings each almost reaching 2 meters, short claws , 5.9" tall , 120 lbs , red hair


Character Concept:
%%%Personality - calm and civilized (by zith standards) has tendency to get angry, tough, tries to control emotions and blood-lust
%%%Ethics - does not eat humans
%%%Likes - Arts, metalworking, reading, fighting
%%%Dislikes - most fellow Zith with the exception of some relatives in Xy, Barbarians expecially Myrians


Character History:
Pre-Creation - My mother left Xy to escape the savage life of the Zith and to live he calm life of humans where she met love with a human for one night only. She eventually became pregnant so she settled in a small village in Sylira where she gives birth to me and my brother. The humans, although uncomfortable around us, found the dedication of my mother useful and gave her jobs that would be able to sustain me and my brother's growth. I was about 8 years old when a pack of Myrians from Falyndar managed to make it to our village in Sylira, they killed everyone in there path, my mother was a good warrior and tried to fight them off but there were to many, they killed my mother and soon after my brother and were about to kill me when a troop of mostly human soldiers drove them off. After the tragedy i lost my family and my village and have been wandering Sylira going from village to village and occasionally Xy ever since, and have learned to adapt to human culture.
Post-Creation - i still have no true ambition other than craftsmanship though i have always desired to travel all accross Mizahar to meet new people and have revenge over the death of my mother and my brother. I also hope one day to find my father


Training & Skill points
Zith Racial Skill: +10 observation
Human Racial Skill: +15 Weapon Skills
Beginning skills (Total 50 points):
Blacksmithing = 5 points
Wilderness survival = 10 points
Hunting = 20 points
Dual Wield = 5 points
Seduction = 5 points
Unarmed Combat = 5 points


Equipment/possessions

Beginner Equipment:
-1 Set of Clothing: half-naked (no shoes, short pants, half-shirt like a pushup bra made out of leather)
-1 Waterskin
-1 Backpack containing: 1 set of Toiletries, food for a week, 1 eating knife, flint&Steel
Family Heirloom:
Father's Sword, given to my mother by my father then to me by my mother, crafted by Isur
Starting Shelter:
No shelter therefore i cash in for 500 gold rimmed mizas


Ledger:
Starting amount: +100 gold Mizas
no shelter cash-in amount: +500 gold Mizas
Total: 600 gold Mizas
Last edited by AlshaSeiki on January 25th, 2016, 1:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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AlshaSeiki
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Posts: 1
Words: 820
Joined roleplay: January 24th, 2016, 8:59 pm
Race: Mixed blood

Alsha Seiki

Postby Astator on January 25th, 2016, 12:29 am

Image

Hello there, you need to just… Not post. And Read the Starting Guide. I will tell you what is wrong first, and then we can fix it. Okay? BUT! I will require you to read the Starting Guide. Let's begin!

  • Let's start with your age. Well you are have right with the Birth date… You got a date, a season, and a year… However, your age and your year don't add up. At 15, you would be born in 500.
  • You are a mix of Human and Zith. SO! You do NOT have wings. Let me repeat that: NO WINGS.
  • Erm.. In your history you mentioned a village… In Sylira? No. There are no villages out side of any of the cities. None. Period. No exceptions.
  • Also Myrians coming ALL the way from Falyndar to kill them off? Ermm… No. Not if the Knights have anything to say about that.
  • You don't get the racial bonuses from both Human and Zith, You do get the racial bonus of +10 to any one skill due to being a mixed breed.
  • Dual Wield clearly states in it's lore page that you need to have 30 points in a weapon skill before you can even start to use it. So I am not sure at all where your weapon skills are.
  • You are missing your two lores, lores are specific bits of knowledge a character knows.
  • You have not selected your three languages, we recommend usually placing Common in there somewhere, but you get a Fluent, a Basic, and a Poor language. You do not need them all.
  • You heirloom is a sword made by an Isur, but what kind of sword? Curious because I cannot go forward with that.
  • Syliras allows no homelessness, if you want to live outside of the city or Mithryn you need to contact the Storytellers of the city and ask them.
  • Your Account Name needs a space between the first and last name. This is an easy fix by just going and editing it in the User Control Panel.
  • Please attach your character sheet to your profile, same are you would edit your account name in
  • There are no… Halter top styled clothing like you described, I would suggest adjusting your clothing style.

Your character sheet is not all bad, but I strongly suggest reading the Lore on Mixed Bloods, Syliras and it's region, and the Starting Guide.

Once you have fixed this stuff, or you need assistance. Please click the little envelope to the left and let me know.

Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

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