[Issues found by Astator] MY PC

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MY PC

Postby Mia Scarlatina on June 6th, 2016, 11:46 pm

Mia Scarlatina


Appearance

Race: Human
Gender: Female
Age: 21
Birthday: 13th November, Winter, 495
Starting City: Syliras
Birthplace: Syliras

Appearance: Red long hair, Blue eyes, Light weight armour, Daggers on back, Scar near eye and a bracelet made out of leaves.

Character Concept

She is a well trained knight but can get strict at times. She has 2 sides one is her strict nature and the other laughs at almost everything. She buys her poison at a black market in Siliras and is highly disrespected because of that. She spends most of her time outside exploring and guarding.

Character History

She was raised by an assassin and learned how to kill at a very young age but she holds back in fights because of how she can kill her opponent even by accident. Later after her father killed someone in front of her and then they went home to practice when she killed her father due to when she found out how evil and cruel his job was. After that she hid in a forest until she was 18 then she went to sign up to be a knight.

Language

Fluent Language: English
Basic Language: French (she only knows abit)
Poor Language: Idk

(HELPFUL HINT, Please Remove - Practiced Languages: Common)

Skills

Skill EXP Total Proficiency
Skill 1 Poison # Novice
Skill 2 Blacksmithing # Novice
Skill 3 Weapon Skills Competent




Lores

Helpful Lores: Nykan Culture and Laat religion
Lore of Nykan Streetplan
Lore of Nykan Culture
Lore of History of Nyka
Lore of History of Nykan Monks
Lore of Religion: Uphis
Lore of Religion: Laat
Lore of Religion: Xannos
Lore of Religion: Skerr
Lore of The Power of the Aperture
Lore of Nykan Wards
Lore of Nykan Superstition

Possessions

1 Set of Clothing
- Light Weight armour (Top)
- Light Weight armour (Pants)
-Simple Undergarments
- Black cloak
- Black boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
- 2 Dagger (Which can open releasing poisonous gas)
-Soap
- Types of Poisons
-Food is given out daily
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
100 Gold Mizas or 100 Laats

Heirloom: A red diamond that shines when danger is near
Housing

Location: Siliras

House: A small hut that only contains a chest with poison in it and a bed. (She only visits for important events and to get more poison)



Ledger

Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM or +100 Laat 100 GM or 100 Laat


Thread List

Link your current & past threads here!
Mia Scarlatina
Player
 
Posts: 1
Words: 751
Joined roleplay: June 6th, 2016, 10:37 pm
Race: Human

MY PC

Postby Astator on June 7th, 2016, 2:17 pm

Image

Welcome to Mizahar! You are clearly new and that is okay! There are some major issues that need to be addressed before we can allow you to roleplay though.
  • The title of your Character Sheet should be your Account Name, which should be your Character’s name. Please fix this and do not do it all in caps.
  • We do not use months on Mizahar, it is seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. Each Season has 91 days, Winter has 92.
  • Your age is not correct, as the year 516 just started a season ago your birthdate (if Winter is correct… Which with November being the RL date it is not).
  • Assassin like character in Syliras? Hah… No. Someone tried that recently, failed.
  • Your History and Concept do not make any sense… Poison? Blackmarket? Siliras… Err… It is Syliras, and no on the other two things.
  • There is no way you are able to survive in the forest.. Alone… With your skills… Just no.
  • Languages are not English, French, etc on Mizahar. Please look at the Languages Lore: here
  • You have listed skills that do not work with your current concept of assassin knight thing… Also, no points? You get 50 Starting Points and as a Human you get a 15 Racial Bonus to any ONE Skill.
  • TWO lores. Not a dozen… Plus they are all Nykan lores… How did you get Nykan lores beyond just copying and pasting.
  • You have to pay for the armour to start with it, it is not default.
  • You daggers are no acceptable in Mizahar, plus you would have to pay for them as well (they do have hollow blades which might be what you are looking for) please look at the Price List, Ctrl+F is your friend there (that’s Find if you don’t know hot keys)
  • Your heirloom is just not acceptable… Glows when danger is about is clearly magical and therefore not a valid heirloom.
  • Again no huts are found in the world of Mizahar. Where do you live?
  • You have numerous typos throughout your character sheet. The city is called Syliras. That is a Y, not an I.
  • Please attach your character sheet to your profile. If you need help with this please private message me.

After looking over your character sheet I cannot let you go any further with it as is. Please take the time to read at least the below listed content.


When you are finished the changes and have read the above materals, please private message me via the little envelope to the left below my name.

Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

Attention Players, Graders, and Storytellers:

A character sheet does not require the green checkmark for the player to roleplay. This is just a notification to all that the character sheet has passed through the Liaisons thorough checklist and meets Mizahar standards.

All sheets with a large red X or a speech bubble beside their thread title do not recieve grades and cannot continue threads they are currently involved in until all issues have been fixed and verified.

She said down...


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Astator
Helping Hands.
 
Posts: 238
Words: 101175
Joined roleplay: January 30th, 2013, 3:34 pm
Location: The Labyrinth
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