[Issues found by Pentacle] Asta

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Asta

Postby Asta on October 14th, 2016, 8:08 pm

Name: Asta

Appearance

Race: Kelvic
Gender: Female

Appearance:
Image

Slightly taller than the average female and with a slender rather than a slight build. She has a lighter skin tone that goes with her copper hair, which is thick and straight and reaches to her upper back falling to just above the end of her shoulder blades. Her eyes are grey, and might attract attention as they have the vertical slit of a cat. The rest of her features are more "pleasant" or "cute" than classically beautiful.

When it comes to clothing she chooses practical and study over anything overly feminine. She tends towards green or earth tones and pants over skirts. Unless trying to make the right impression.

Image
In her feline form Asta is a medium sized female cat with a deep black coat. Her hair is fairly short and doesn't bare any markings that can be seen other than the dark color of her fur.
Character Concept

Quiet, reserved, with loner tendencies. Private and hidden. Has trouble describing feelings, tends to be unemotional. Not very affectionate. Can be insensitive to the misfortunes of others. Isolated and not influenced by others. Avoidant. Not complimentary. More interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family. Disorganized and messy. Can be a risk-taker who lives in the moment . Uncomplicated desires. Loyal to peers and own value systems, but not overly concerned with respecting laws and rules if they get in the way of getting things done. Not comfortable in unfamiliar situations. Fears drawing attention to self. Dislikes leadership and tends to be submissive. Dislikes counterculture. Interested in how and why things work. Excellent skills with mechanical things. Detached and analytical, excels at finding solutions to practical problems. Lower energy.
Character History

Asta had a fairly normal life as a child. Though it was a fairly quick one by most species standards, she did not go hungry while she lived it. Her up bringing was fairly middle class and she was lucky enough to be able to have the run of the back alleys and markets to more or less do with what she wished.

As she grew up she was forced to find a way to support herself. Being fully aware of what she was and being lucky enough to have an animal form that was able to at least hunt enough to keep her from starving, Asta decided she wanted more in life than simply not dying. To that end she began to explore the dark alleys and markets as this, thus far was the only world Asta really knew.

She came across the home of an old woman whose house had a rodent problem, an advantage to a hungry Asta, in exchange for getting rid of the rodents she would teach Asta her craft, for the most part. As it stood the woman dealt in poisons for the most part, and with the wealthier people who would pay to get access to those poisons.

As a result she is half educated she might not know the finer points of learning or how to read everything in a book, she can however pick out the names of poisons and how to defend herself when a customer decided they didn't like the deal or some one's family member decided to try and avenge them, which has happened once or twice.

Language

Fluent Language: Common
Basic Language:
Poor Language:

Skills

Skill EXP Total Proficiency
Skill 1 Massage 5 Novice
Skill 2 Swimming 5 Novice
Skill 3 Poison 26 Competent

Skill 4 | Unarmed Combat | 10 | Novice (racial bonus)

Lores

TBA

Possessions

1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Cloak or Coat
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week's worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
100 Gold Mizas

Heirloom: A thin gold bracelet belonging to her mother

Housing

Location:

House:


Ledger

Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM 100 GM


Thread List
Asta
Player
 
Posts: 6
Words: 2268
Joined roleplay: October 13th, 2016, 6:10 pm
Race: Kelvic

Asta

Postby Pentacle on November 25th, 2016, 12:08 am

Image
µ Hello! Welcome to Mizahar! µ

I love the cat kelvic concept and how you explained how Asta learned about poisons... and what to do when the customer isn't so happy.

However are a several things to polish up on your CS so it shines like a star. Let’s work out the kinks so you can get back to writing and roleplaying to your heart’s content.

1. Birth date / Birth place: Please include your character’s birth date and place of birth (city). Remember, as a Kelvic you age at the same rate as your animal equivalent. So a young adult cat might be around 2 years old (birthday at around Fall 514 AV).

2. History: You mentioned that sometimes Asta likes to hunt. If this is something she typically does, it should be included in her skill set.

3. Language: Although it’s not required, would you like to include a basic language and poor language? So long as it makes sense in your character’s history, then you can have these two other languages as part of your starting package.

4. Skills: It looks like you have a total of 36 SP (starting points) and 10 RB (racial bonus). That means you have an extra 14 SP to use for skills – to total 50 SP. Feel free to add these to your existing skills or new skills, so long as the total of any one skill isn’t above 30 points.

5. Lores: You get to start with two lores as part of your starting package. These are distinct pieces of information that can’t be expanded upon. Maybe since you’re starting in Ravok you might know of “Lore of the Black Sun” or “Ravok street plan”. Or maybe you’ve got a favourite Mizahar poison you want to start off knowing, “Poison: ____” Pick two that fit with your character and take a look at the Ravok Character Sheet Template for more examples.

6. Possessions: Please pick a Coat OR Cloak

7. Housing: You need somewhere to live :P Take a look at the Ravok Character Sheet Template (see above link) for ideas as to where to live in Ravok.


Once you have made the necessary changes, please PM / Private Message me (using the envelope button) and I'll remove this intervention. I'm also happy to answer any questions you may have.

µ µ µ
User avatar
Pentacle
CS Liaison
 
Posts: 29
Words: 17410
Joined roleplay: October 31st, 2016, 3:11 am
Race: Staff account


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