[Note by Luminescence] Volta

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Volta

Postby Volta on January 25th, 2020, 4:30 pm

nvm i guess
Last edited by Volta on January 25th, 2020, 7:01 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Volta
Player
 
Posts: 2
Words: 81
Joined roleplay: January 23rd, 2020, 1:21 am
Race: Human

Volta

Postby Luminescence on January 25th, 2020, 5:53 pm

Image
Let me shed some light on the situation

Welcome to Miz, Volta; we've already spoken some in chat, but I'm Luminescence, and I'm here to help. You're on the right track, but there are some things you need to fix with your CS before you continue.

*Your age: It is currently only winter 519 AV, meaning Volta would be 19 and not 20. Please either adjust her age or birthday.

*Your appearance: If you're implying that Volta dyes her hair often, it's a bit vague; I had to reread this a few times to make sure you weren't saying she can change her hair colour at will. Please make this clearer; it also wouldn't hurt to describe her natural and current hair colour. (And realistically, one couldn't change their hair colour daily, as it would be way too damaging to be sustainable, never mind cost) It might also be worth describing her height/weight and eye colour.

*Your history: Your history as is doesn't particularly have any issues, but I would encourage you to add some details to it. From what age to what age was she kidnapped? How was she kidnapped? How did she escape? What happened after she escaped? (If she reported her kidnapper, the Shinya would have arrested him.) What was her life like before she was kidnapped/what do her parents do? These are just suggestions, however you definitely do need to explain where she learned her skills from.

Also keep in mind that while Volta was living on her own that homelessness is not allowed in Lhavit; you don't mention that explicitly, but I just want to make sure that's clear since you mention her struggling to survive (which is more than fine).

*Your languages: Just a small thing, but you can remove the 'Practiced Languages' bit if you want, since it's sort of redundant given you list her languages just above it. It's just a helpful hint on the CS template.

*Your skills: You don't have any number values entered for your Seduction or Stealth skills, and your total column is off; you should have a 30 in Persuasion. Keep in mind you are allowed 50 SP to start with as well as your RB, and you can put a minimum of 5 and maximum of 30 total into any one skill.

*Your possessions & heirloom: Please choose a cloak OR coat. You're also missing your heirloom! This doesn't have to be an heirloom in a traditional sense, it can literally be anything that your PC found/was gifted provided that it's one item worth 50 GM or less.

*Your housing: Cottages are all located in the Okomo Estates and also come with a garden if you'd like to include that description with your housing.

*General: Don't forget to include a link to your CS in your profile; you can do this through the User Control Panel.

Let me know once you've made the above corrections and I'll remove this intervention. Otherwise, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to either PM me or find me in chat!
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Luminescence
Allow me to light the way
 
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