Patience is a Virtue, Knowledge is a Gift (Torc)

by **Vala** on May 10th, 2011, 12:31 am

Vala trudged all the way to the reception desk, where her katinu lay folded in her little nook. She pulled it out slowly, as if it was a living breathing creature. Then she rummaged through the pockets until she found her journal, tucked away in an inner pocket. Dropping her now worthless shell of a katinu, Vala slumped into a nearby stool. Taking her time to flip through her precious journal, forgetting all about Torc, she let herself get lost in her words, in her own thoughts.

The beat up leather cover was soft and malleable beneath Vala’s probing fingertips. The yellowed, ink stained pages crinkled softly as she flipped them. Her journal, which she had dubbed Ina, after Skyinarta, was already more than half full – she would need another come summer. She paused at the few tear stained pages, the days when she had come across tough times. She skimmed over her words, full of hate, fear, and insecurity. Words she revealed to no one but herself and the silent papers of her journal.

She wouldn’t back down. She wouldn’t allow herself to be brought low. She wouldn’t lose the chance to rise up.

Vala stuffed her katinu back into her nook, before walking back to the Storytellers Well, back to Torc, clutching her precious journal tight against her chest – protecting it, protecting herself. It was when her watery sapphire eyes caught sight of the muscled Isur, pacing about, when the uncertainties came washing back up, a monstrous wave threatening to sweep her away. She still had the book in her hand; she could still feel its comforting warmth, its softness against her cool flesh. She had yet to relinquish her fragile tie to the world of sanity. Never had she missed writing out her black soul into its forgiving pages: what would she do without her daily confession?

Why hadn’t she thought about that earlier? She had been too busy, too anxious at the thought of Torc’s brutish fingers violating her privacy, tearing through her precious pages, ravaging her most private of thoughts, to even think about the future. Which was rare for the girl who thought mostly of the what if? One who could not risk remembering the past, or be swallowed by the pain and rage. One who could not savor the present, so disappointed in her lot. Vala wrote out her pain so she could focus on the beauty she could make, the future she could have. What would happen if that was taken away? She would be forced to wallow, to think about what she was feeling, to keep it inside; she couldn’t have that.

Her voice came stuttering, her words without proper organization, revealing her undeniable uncertainty. “I don’t think… I want to learn, I do, but… my thoughts… I can’t…. not my journal… what if? I can’t… I want to learn, I [i]do…really… I just… I just can’t. This isn’t fair…Can I? No? I can’t… please… please. I can’t.” Vala almost began to sob. She wanted to run away, just hide from Torc’s judging gaze, but she was frozen in place, unable to decide. The indecision ate away at her, devastating her brittle confidence. Before Torc, at the choice he had given her, Vala was made weak, a defenseless child.

It was a coward’s plea. The question was: would Torc pressure her to stay with him, to change her ways, or would he leave her to wallow in the darkness of her current path?

by **Torc Ironwood** on May 20th, 2011, 2:38 pm

Torc heart broke at Vala's pleading. He wanted to relent in his price, he wanted to hug the little girl and tell her that pain wasn't the answer. Instead Torc looked down at Vala, his face wore a stone glaze, somehow he was able to keep the crumbling and flood of emotions from his eyes. Torc believed that the this girl soon to be woman wanted to learn. Yet he knew that she needed to value the knowledge. So he crossed his heavily muscled arms, his forearm rippling with corded muscle as he relaxed his hands. "In your hands you hold a piece of yourself, your hate and pain." Torc voice sounded cold to him, in fact it sounded almost dead. He felt the deep turmoil in himself and yet he clamped down on it. In doing so he felt this stomach clench hard and a small release of air came from his nose. "You want to learn… yet you want me to take the choice away from you. You want me to tear that book from your hands and force you to be different. Yet you state that making you decide is unfair." Torc leaned in closer to Vala, his stare almost turned into malice. "Life isn't fair! It's hard, dirty, and filled with hurt. That's life, and if some of us are lucky and make hard choices we find happiness."

Torc gritted his teeth, was it fair that Sharn died out in the sea? Was it fair that Mola had married another man and Torc had been left watching his only love walk away? Was it fair that so many other people found families and yet Torc hadn't? "If you want to remain a child, with all your childish hate and anger, then take your book and leave. You will remain a Chiet for the rest of your life, because you choose not to make decisions. You choose to be weak and spiteful because its easy, 'Oh, life is so unfair! People want me to think about others and how my actions affect their health. Why should I care, they are weak just like me and I hate that about them!' Please, you want dangerous knowledge to improve yourself and your station. Yet you don't want actually improve who you are to obtain it." Torc face rippled as his anger and disgust came out. He might have started the conversation feeling horrible for Vala, but now he fully expected Vala to make a decision like an adult. He knew the first one was the hardest one, but once made it was hard to fall backwards.

"You want power, but you aren't will to have power over yourself…" Torc put out his hand. "When you want power, real power, place the book in my hand, and if nothing else you will learn that you choose to be great or little by your own hand. Yet if you want to be small, and have an easy life then leave and never seek me out again. I don't have time for children playing at being people. My choice is to give children the lessons and those that accept them come back for more. That little girl might one day be an endal, and its important for her to learn that power over oneself is the greatest power one can have. You still think you have power over others, yet I have made you low with one question and a choice. Tell me, what power do you have?"

Torc face was flush with blood, he felt his heart beat in his ears, he was angry at Vala. She hadn't realized the trap he had set for her, and he was stripping away just the first layer of her façade. If she choose to learn with him he would strip her of everything, and it would be by her own hand. Torc knew the power, for it was a power of a real parent. It was the love that tore the boundaries away, and helped support the person left. Torc waited for Vala, wondering if she would ever realized that he now mirrored her inner feelings for the dek. It was a harsh thing that he did, forcing her to look at the face that she had given a hundred times. Yet, he had asked her to choose, but he hoped her own inner hate for herself would choose the correct choice.

by **Vala** on May 22nd, 2011, 5:48 pm

He was mad at her; he was yelling at her; he was disgusted at her. That was all she needed.

A lifetime of dealing with Wind Reach’s prejudiced caste system, had taught Vala how to harden herself to condescending treatment. It was Torc’s pity that had thrown her off, and now it was his rage that brought her back. She smiled, mischievously content to have passed on her bad mood to the man who had brought it on in the first place. She smirked as Torc’s face flushed red with blood and rage. The tears vanished to be replaced with a malicious gleam.

Her stuttering and pleading had been drowned out by his yelling. She was left standing, silent, a little in awe at how effective her pathetic pleading had been. Now the strange thing was their roles had been reversed; Torc was the raging emotional one and Vala was the calm stoic one. Vala was not sure how long her lucidity last, or more importantly, how long Torc would remain angry. She was acute enough to know to take advantage of her upper hand.

Using the back of her hand, she brushed away the tears from her eyes, and used your fingers for roughly comb through her hair. Her eyes were still puffy and red, but she at least filled a little more presentable. And to the girl whom appearance meant near everything, the change was enough to bring her to a deeper level of clarity. Her sharp blue eyes looked up, straight into Torc’s fiery gaze, almost challenging him to hit her. As she faced his rage head on, words began to bubble deep in her chest, forcing themselves out. Vala was surprised at the level of eloquence at which she responded, of which was definitely sculpted by her icy rage. “My power lies in my potential. Every day I see these ants, these people, not only Dek, but Endal as well, going through their lives, unaware of the change they can demand, content to live their lives in ignorance. Just like them I have the traditional Inartan hot headedness, I might even have more rage, I may even be consumed by my rage, but my coldness, my heartlessness, as some would say, is what puts me apart. What are you fueled by? Your need to do good? What happens when you help that child destined to be an Endal? What happens when she squanders your gifts, your unconditional efforts for them? What if the child dies, having done nothing in their life but feed a population of mindless, insignificant, inbred cretins? I am not powerless. I am weak. I am vulnerable. But I am not powerless. You call me childish – true. I must agree, my reaction was not what I would have wished, but you had caught me off guard. I wish to thank you, for allowing me to gather my wits so.” Vala’s chin rose, with arrogant pride. “I am not evil, let’s get that straight. I am cruel; I am cold; I am calculating; I am callous; I am a great many things that many find distasteful, but I am by no means evil. Sure I hurt the Dek, and by the way you are looking at me, I am almost perfectly sure that you know, but who doesn’t? How long have you lived in our society? Honestly.” Vala scoffed. “I am no worse than the Endal who treat everyone like dirt. I at least know my place.” She narrowed her eyes, again, as if daring him to strike her. “You offer me power, true power, but is that really what it is? This magecrafting, I am sure, like most magiks would force me to depend on a master, such as what you are calling yourself, not that I am doubting your skill, sir.” She nature just wouldn’t allow her to say an entire speech, without at least one passive aggressive dig. “This dependence on you, will give you power, but once I know this magic will I truly have power? What is magic but a tool? What are words but a tool? Yes, I am verbally trying to convince myself I do not need you, but in all honesty I am actually only convincing myself more that I need to do this, to prove not to you,” Though she would never admit it, she would always want Torc’s approval now that he had demeaned her so far. “but to me, that I can do great things. To long have I stagnated here, lost in the dusty, dead stacks of the Enclave. You are my escape, my savior to say. I am no idiot, I will not let such an opportunity pass. If I have destroy a piece of myself, If I have to morph myself to your precious standards, so be it. It’s not like I even like myself that much.” Vala finished her soul cleansing speech a little anti climactically, but she didn’t care, she was just happy she hadn’t made too much of a fool of herself, while keeping her sarcastic bites at least mostly in check.

It would have been utterly impossible, if she had not been caught up in the moment, but without wasting another thought on it, Vala slammed her journal into Torc’s hand.

by **Torc Ironwood** on May 30th, 2011, 12:44 pm

Torc felt the leather bound book slam into his hand and the scowl left his face. Like storm clouds breaking in a few moments showing the sun hidden behind them. Torc's anger left him instantly, namely because he really didn't care. He was willing to work with Vala to create positive change in her life, but he wanted to make sure she was committed. The anger that he had felt left him instantly, and in truth Torc care less about her answers then the fact that she had given him her. In fact, most of her words were very confusing… she sees potential? Yet she questions why I would help a little girl become something greater then herself? "Vala, sit." Torc gestured to the ground next to the storytellers bench that he had used. Gently Torc lowered himself onto the bench and place her book next to him. He wanted to make sure that Vala had sight of it for every moment.

Torc paused for a moment thinking, "You asked me why waste my time trying to teach children anything, especially at Wind Reach. Its not a start forward answer, Vala, but it does go well with your first lesson. Magecrafting and at large all magicks are about energy. Its about generating the right form of energy to do what you want, the more rare that aspect or type of energy, the harder it is to find and move/create. Take for instance, that little girl you were speaking about. I invested what… a few moments teaching her about the power of women? What if in ten years she grows up and becomes an Endal and does me a small favor in return? Afterall a kindly man who took time to speak to children and tell them stories are often rewarded and protect by those children when they grow up. Look at Val, your gatekeeper, respected by the entire community because of what he use to do, and because he spends time talking to the children so that when they grow up they remember him as a gentle and kind man. Now your right, tomorrow that little girl might have an accident and it was for nothing, but I am a gambling man and I like placing a small wager on long odds."

Torc paused for a moment, "So back to magecrafting and energy. Magecrafting is about infusing an object with a particular aspect. There are plenty of fancy equations, and estimations of how much a particular reagent has of an aspect, but in essence its about gathering energy and placing it into an item. So here you and I am, I have just told you the very essence of the craft and you are sitting there thinking… its too simple if that’s it, and in essence your right. The heart of this type of magic is in understanding that gathering your reagents and balancing all the aspects to get the desired result. For instance, if I want to create a sword that shoots balls of fire every time I swing it, I have to understand a great deal about the aspects or energies I am dealing with. The sword itself doesn't actually shoot anything? So now I must come up with a way to place that aspect into it. Perhaps I can go to the armory and get a bow that certainly has the aspect of shooting an arrow… yet what type of bow should I get? A Longbow has greater distance and power, but it needs a greater draw strength to do so. A child's bow doesn't need that much strength to draw, but it certainly doesn't go very far."

Torc let Vala think about what he was saying, "So why not just pick up any bow and use it? Afterall, I shouldn't have to care about draw strength. Strangely, we actually do have to worry about it, when assembling an item. As a magecrafter draws out the aspect of a reagent, he or she must understand the energies that are connected to those aspects. We might want the longbow's aspect of range and strength, but we have to understand that will draw on the reserve of energy in the item faster. So it might only throw a fire ball once a day before the items Djed can fully restore itself."
Torc laughed softly, "Let me guess? You have read about Djed and have a hundred questions? Or maybe you are sitting there and wondering what exactly it is. So let me clear up some… misconceptions for you. Djed is an item, living or not, energy field. How do you think I knew about this?" Torc gently patted the journal. "I don't read peoples minds. No surrounding you a field with aspects and energies. As we live we began to entangle our energies with other items or people, and slowly that field changes. Sometimes, we take on personal quests to do just that change the very energies within ourselves. But be warned the more radical the change to that field… the more chance it can unbalance the whole thing."

"So in truth it makes more sense to go back to this sword of fire throwing and trade it out for a bow. After all the bow has our trigger already built into it. We can also build into a bow that as it fires it destroys the arrows Djed to create the fire, allowing us not to seek a renewing fire aspect for the bow. So… before we meet again, I want you Vala to go out amongst the library and find some magecrafting books. Within them they will have a list of different aspects that each item has. I want you to grab a small slate board and write down as many as you can with chalk. Usually, books will tell you the first four or five aspects of each item and next to each aspect they will have runes used to strip and purify unwanted energies attached to those aspects. Then there will usually be a number before each aspect, write that down as well. It’s the intensity of the energy versus water and a specific salt mixture. I will explain that to you later, but for now you need to find at least thirty of those components and write everything I described down. If you wish to find more… please feel free to do so. Now this concludes your first lesson in magecrafting, but not the overall lesson today. Before we move on to a magic that you can get results immediately with, what questions do you have about the lesson I gave you?" Torc waited patiently for Vala's questions.

by **Vala** on May 30th, 2011, 2:46 pm

Vala hated asking questions. They made her feel weak, ignorant. Asking questions was like publically announcing that she didn’t know what was going on. If she needed to know something, she would go read a book or observe a master do it. The only times she did ask a question was when she was asking for approval.

Of course she still wanted to learn about magecrafting, especially after hearing about the complexity of such a craft, but she found seeing her journal in Torc’s hand, far too distracting, to the point she had trouble focusing on what Torc had said. Her lips were bloody and raw from how much she had been biting and chewing on the soft flesh. “No, I’m good.” Vala said flippantly, almost disrespectfully. She had gotten the gist of what he had said about djed and the basic idea of combining aspects, but she had every intention of being fully prepared by the next time they met. And she would do it all on her own. She may need him to learn, but she would do her utmost to keep it to guidance – she was her own master. “Is there anything else you need from me, sir? Or may I go back to work now?” She crossed her arms, after rubbing her eyes one last time. She was tired, and she wanted to take a quick nap before getting back to work on the Enclave, and maybe even starting on her research, but only if she had the energy. With Torc in the equation of her life, she knew she had to be wary; she couldn’t burn out like she use to; she had to be prepared, ready for anything he threw at her at any moment. It wasn’t that she was afraid he was going to hit her, she was always ready for that; what she needed the energy for, was to keep her emotional stability, something she was pretty sure Torc would be testing quite often with his holy righteousness.

As she waited for Torc’s answer she began to plan. She was still too low ranking to be assigned to shelving duty in the magic tomes area, but every once in a while, when there was a shortage, she was allowed a glimpse. In the few glimpses she had, she knew such books that Torc spoke of were rare and far between. She would have to draw on a couple favors… especially from Warden.

OOC :

by **Torc Ironwood** on May 31st, 2011, 4:52 pm

OOC :

Torc sparse eyebrow arched a little as Vala said that she didn't have any questions. Personally, he didn't care if she had a thousand or none, but it was up to Vala to ask them instead of Torc just droning on. It was almost like Vala didn't give a damn about what he said. Like he was just some kind of distraction and that everything she needed to learn she could figure out on her own. Though the thought did make him a little agitated at Vala, he kept a smooth face and even voice. Maybe she was a magecrafting genius, or maybe she was just a young kid who thought the world was wrong and that she knew better. Well if that was the case, then Torc might as well give Vala a sword and let her cut itself on its edge.

"Actually Vala, no you can't go back to work just yet. We just discussed magecrafting, a large part of magecrafting is Auristics, the ability to sense the energy or aspect of an object. Now normally, I would tell a student not to over due there new magickal sight. I would tell them that they try and start their sight count to ten and let it go. Slowly, over the course of a season they can go on for quite a while. Normally, that would be the warning I would tell a student, but in truth I know my breath is wasted. Vala, I am going to teach this to you, practice till we meet again, if you overgive… then headaches and deaden senses will be your reward. If you do it too much too frequently, permanent blindness is the kindness thing I can think of that will happen to you." Torc gave her a serious look, he had warned her of the consequences of pushing herself, and he had especially told her about his recommendation to beginners would be. However, it was her decision to follow his advice.

"Close your eyes Vala…" Torc waited till she did so. "I want you to focus on the sound of my voice, while you take deep heavy breaths." Torc enacted his own auristics, sadly he had learned how to feel energy first. Looking at Vala, all he could really see was a halo of whiteness around her. Yet, as his hand slowly moved up to a point between her eye on her forehead, he felt a small bump about a foot away from her skin. It was Vala energy center that he needed to awaken. "Slow deep breaths Vala… Innnnnnn through the nose…" Torc took a deep breath as he began to feel his the bump of Vala's energy center warm. He stroked it like it was newborns skin. Softly and in a slow spiral going from the center to the outer edge of the bump. "Andddddd out through the mouth… Relax every muscle in your body… don't think, just focus on what you are sensing." Slowly, Vala's energy bump began to wax and wane with energy, as it began to grow again Torc spoke, "There you go Vala, focus in on what you are experiencing. Try and describe it out loud, as you take another deep breath." Torc began filling his lungs deeply with air. He listened to Vala's words as energy center grew. He waited as she continued speaking, he finally felt the bump flutter and twist slightly under his hand. "Vala open your eyes."

by **Vala** on June 3rd, 2011, 4:34 am

Vala closed her eyes, but not before making a quick face showing her displeasure. It didn’t take her as long as a normal person, thanks to her experience in meditation, to get her breathing down to a serene one breath every two seconds, from lower in her chest, not quite utilizing the entirety of her diaphragm, but enough to start slowing her heart rate. She gasped, inhaling sharply, when she sensed something in front of her face. Her facial and hand muscles tensed and her breathing pattern hitched to an uneven pattern. It took her several moments before she realized he wasn’t going to touch her; she had forced herself to keep her eyes shut, going against all natural instinct to slap him away. Once she was sure he wasn’t going to touch her, she tried to get back into the calm state he said she needed to be in. She took another deep breath, making sure to keep her shoulders still, while her stomach expanded.

His voice, while calming, was starting to annoy her. She knew how to breathe – she didn’t need him to remind her. She stopped thinking about him though, when she felt an itch, not a regular one, but just a feeling of something on the surface of her forehead, as if it was getting irritated. It wasn’t painful, nor pleasurable, it just felt… different.

When he asked her to describe it, she had already brought herself deeper into her consciousness, so it took her a while to recognize his request.

Just like she did when she was meditating, she began to picture herself, her mental self, building up her own private room, stone by stone. While some people preferred to meditate in silence, in the darkness of their mind, Vala preferred to imagine a safe area. By visualizing in her mind, she could, as if physically, separate herself from the demons that swam in her head, ensconcing herself in her white stone haven. Once she felt comfortable and safe within her stark sanctuary, Vala tried to build something new on one of the undefined walls. It was a doll. A simple glass doll, just like one she had as a younger yasi. It sat on the floor, its back leaning against the wall. Vala’s mental self sat down, right before the doll. Unlike the white walls around her, the doll was just a figure. She didn’t need it as sturdy and self actualized to ‘defend’ herself. It was easier to imagine, but this was the first time Vala had ever tried something like this before, so it was still quite fragile.

Vala knew, if she tried to talk using her physical consciousness, she would shatter the walls of her inner peace. She was already straining her concentration by listening to him. If he spoke just a hint louder, or a tad faster, he could ruin her focus and draw her out of the calm state she needed to start learning auristics.

To compensate for her shaky control, Vala designed a technique, on the spot, to use a figure in her mind to symbolize Torc without actually having to rely on her physical form to connect with him. She only hoped that once she started he would stop, so she could focus entirely on keeping her room while narrating how she felt. Vala’s heart rate rose a fraction at the apprehension she began to feel, but tried to stifle.

The mental Vala opened her mouth, while the physical form mirrored, following in suit. She began to talk to the doll in her mind, with a calm and collected tone, with even and steady measure, as not to disturb the fragile structure of the wall. Her physical form whispered, and was barely audible. “It feels warm on my forehead. I can feel the man’s hand very near my face, but I know that is just physical.” Vala did not talk directly to Torc; she was talking to the Doll while Torc listened. “It is getting warmer now. It is not very warm all the time. It gets warm, then not so warm, then warm again. I feel the warmness from the rest of my body going there. I can’t control the warm though. I am trying to move it from my forehead. It is starting to hurt.” Vala paused, feeling the walls of her room begin to shake, dust falling from the cracks. Though only a mental visualization, Vala’s sanctum was every inch as vivid as a real place. “I stopped. It is hard to concentrate. It is still hurting even though I stopped trying to control. It’s getting warmer. It keeps fading and coming back stronger. It is hurting more. It is really starting to hurt now. I want this to stop. I can’t handle it. I’m sorry. I can’t.” As Vala’s voice grew more and more frantic, so too did her walls begin to fracture at an alarming rate. The glass doll before her shattered, fading into thousands of glittering shards at her feet. She opened her eyes with a jolt, just as Torc told her to. She blinked several times, trying to regain her bearings. She felt as if she had just woken up from a deep sleep and everything was spinning. Her head was pounding. She brought her hand up to her flesh; it felt warm even to her touch. She felt weak having given up so easily, but it had just been so frightening to feel such energy, her energy, with the help of her self actualization.

“I…I…” Vala stuttered, trying to say something, trying to explain herself to Torc, but still stunned quite speechless. She stopped, finally humbled by the realization of how little she truly knew about her power, the power she could have, and the power she could still not control but was just within her grasp. Vala looked down at her feet, her toes curling in anxiety, as she waited for Torc to give her some sort of lesson she knew she needed but still resented for forcing her to rely on another.

Vala's Sanctuary :

by **Torc Ironwood** on June 4th, 2011, 5:52 pm

Torc sat quietly as Vala looked down at her feet, he felt a tad bit sorry for her, though in truth he was still ready to beat her with words. "Vala, not everyone understands Auristics, the reason why I told you to breathe this way or that was because most people don't know how to meditate. You did… which as funny as it sounds was the reason you failed. Auristics, is a magic about sensing the very energy around us, meditation is about inner vision. We tend to block out the outside world and our swirling chaotic thoughts to focus inside during meditation. Auristics, is about using the energy inside of yourself to experience the world in a new way. When you said that you felt warmth and energy moving inside of you… that in part was Auristics, that feeling was what you should have been focusing on. Instead, you decided to push against and keep your focus."

"Vala, the fact that you sensed anything means you are capable of learning this magic." Torc stayed very quiet, "However, you also felt pain, which probably meant that you don't sense through touch very easily, I am the opposite. I feel the energy, I understand the swirls of energy, its flow, heat or coolness. I also feel the very shape of the energy, small impressions or large sweeping ridges. You probably have a different sense that is your primary way of detecting energy, but before we try again let me give you some knowledge about the craft."

"It is my belief and understanding that Auristics is inherit in everyone and everything. A blade of grass can't see the sun, it can't smell flowers, it can't hear the world. Let it feels the warmth of the sun's energy, pollen of the flowers sprinkle themselves over it, and so on. As the lifeform becomes more complex, their perceptions become more complex and stronger. We have the ability to breach our senses and become more attuned with the energy around us. The Gods and Goddesses are always attuned with the energy around them, sensing the world in more detail then we ever could. Vala, we slowly push past our senses and began seeing the world a little more differently, as we gain more experience with it. Some people say auristics is the oldest magic around, because it’s the most basic."

Torc held up his hand in front of Vala, it was three feet away from her. "Vala, lets try again. Do you remember the feeling of energy prior to it being painful? Try and stay focus on my hand as your mind releases the energy. Let your sense of feeling ghostly move that energy, as you use your other senses to perceive my hand." Torc was worried for Vala, if she couldn't learn to open herself up to the energy, then she was doomed to never learn any magic.

by **Vala** on June 5th, 2011, 10:09 pm

She already failed – did he have to berate her more? Vala’s fragile ego cracked under his hard tutelage. It was what she needed, but it was definitely not what she wanted. Her eyes began to water, but she tried to keep it hidden, lowering her head even further. Vala listened to Torc speak, paying attention to every word, while trying to close herself off from the pain of failure that threatened to overwhelm her.

She knew Torc wouldn’t approve of it, so she forced herself to push the thoughts deeper inside, thoughts of the power she could gain over others, over situations, with the extra knowledge and edge she could gain from auristics. But it was those thoughts that probably motivated her to continue the emotionally brutal training Torc was demanding from her.

She nodded; she remembered the energy before she had tried to control it and it backfired on her. This time, though it scared her out of her wits, her heart racing in anticipation, Vala tried not to wall herself up in her mind. Before she closed her eyes again, Vala stared, boring a hole into Torc’s palm with her gaze. It took two chimes before her breathing fell to a calm, regular rhythm, her heart beat following in suit. Once her muscles were relaxed, her arms hanging limply to her sides, Vala lowered her lids, as if she was sleeping. She cringed, gasping painfully, when thoughts of her past, when her personal demons began to rush to the forefront of her mind. She pushed them back with a strong force of will. Before they could return, Vala began to focus on the image of Torc’s hand before her. With his guidance she filled her mind with the purpose of understanding her aura. With the distraction, she was able to ignore the shadows. They did not dissipate completely, still pacing at the very edges of her subconscious, but at least they weren’t tormenting her now.

Vala opened her mouth, her facial muscles tensing unconsciously, as she tried to focus. “I can feel it like before. Like waves…” Vala paused trying to really understand the feeling before explaining it in words. It was just a totally new experience that it still overwhelmed her senses. Rarely had the girl used her sense of touch, relying almost entirely on sight. She had unintentionally chosen calligraphy for that very reason. Even for glassblowing, she had been told often, almost every day, by the masters, that her technique was flawless but she still needed to feel the glass, listen to its ‘voice’, before shaping it, and bending it to her will. “It’s like water… no. Like fire. Like a candle. First the energy is strong then it wanes then it comes back, like a candle flame, flickering. I can feel it very strongly where your hand directing it. Like the tip of the candle.” Vala squeezed her eyes shut, a single tear trailing down her cheek. It wasn’t as painful as when she had tried to control the situation as she had when meditating, but it was still very straining. Her heart began to pick up its pace, and no matter how deep she breathed, she still felt like she wasn’t getting enough air. “I…I…I can feel it, but I can’t control it yet. I don’t want… I don’t want to try again-“ Vala’s voice cracked with fear and apprehension. “It’s so inconsistent. It keeps flickering. It’s so unfocused…. This is really starting to hurt. Can I stop now? Please? Can I stop?” Vala begged, afraid to get yelled at if she stopped without permission. Her brows were furrowed as sweat dripped down her brow, even merging with the few tears dripping from the corner of her eyes. Her head was really starting to pound now.

by **Torc Ironwood** on June 8th, 2011, 12:43 am

By the time Vala lowered her eyes, Torc knew that she was going to cause herself more pain. Didn't tell her that touch or feel wasn't her primary sense! Torc paused keeping his mouth such and letting Vala cause herself more pain. She needed to learn, and at least she was beginning to understand that she could use more then one sense. When she started to beg, Torc came very close to slapping her, you look down at the dek and yet you can't handle a little bit of pain. Slowly Torc, let the red anger in him drain, "Vala, stop feeling and open your eyes. The feeling is just to start the process, not to focus all your energy into a secondary sense. I am guessing that like most of the population you are sight based. So, open your eyes and hopefully the majority of your pain will go away." He knew that she was likely to be exhausted from channeling any energy, but the truth was that there shouldn't be this much pain.

Torc waited to tell her that it was like a small door in your mind, that all you needed to do was all the energy to flow through it and your mind would interrupt the result. He knew that he could say it, but the truth was that most people never really understood what that meant. Most people simple just gave up, or didn't allow themselves to understand that each person was different. Torc knew that he sensed things through feeling them. It was the sense of touch that was heighten for him. He understood how to do things by working with his hands, for others they needed to see something and it was done.

"Vala, are you feeling better? If not, don't try to wrestle with the river of energy. You probably feel like it’s a river going through you, instead feel the energy all over your body softly being pulled into the flow. A drop here, some small mist there, you are an ocean of energy, if the river that you are using comes from many sources instead of one, you will get a constant flow. That river doesn't need to be so large, allow your senses to pull the energy instead of you pushing it." Torc hated giving advice about auristics, there were many books about understanding how your perceptions could enhance the flow or sharpen a specific aspect. However the complex truth was that everyone was different, because there minds viewed everything differently.