Too much music can be highly distracting. Invading your ears, staying in your mind until you go mad …

But today, while listening to Jolin Tsai, Kana Nishino and a lot of other great Asian artists, I think about my schedule for the weekend. I will have to work a lot for Mura, but at the same time I want to keep doing sports and playing violin. Wednesday, where I skipped a lesson with my violin teacher, was bad, and I can't repeat that. Additionally, I have to do my homework and sit down and learn a bit for Monday, but that shouldn't take too long. I already see myself doing this at Sunday evening, but I don't care, haha~.

It's amazing how good friends can motivate someone. Just a side note … when I imagine myself being slender and elegant, I want to do sports much more than before. This just seems like the right time. Sure, I tried several times a few years ago, again and again, but couldn't keep the activity up, and so I gave up rather quickly. This time is different. This time I think I can do it.

From September on I feel a lot of change I've ran and am still running through. And although I don't really appreciate change when it comes to daily actions and projects, I really welcome this kind of change. I'm developing, maturing, growing into adulthood. Guess it feels like that … It's a good feeling.

Additionally, I find it easier to be enthusiastic and motivated about projects. Not only new ones, but also people and ideas that have already accompanied me for a while. I have recognized that our relationship has grown and gotten better during the time we spent together. It's a feeling I haven't really known before when my attention span was very short and I couldn't keep working on a project for longer than … say, two hours.

Working during summer break has helped a lot too. When looking back, I find completely and utterly boring what I was required to do back then – browsing through endless lists of CVs, sending dozens of emails, scanning more than 300 sites...

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Oh, I’d really, really like to post, but this is one of those days when I just sit in front of the screen and do nothing useful or productive at all. Since that’s both annoying for me and the people I’m writing with, I usually get depressed. And today is special in more ways than one, because yesterday has been incredibly important for my personal development. I’ve realized something about myself.

And discovering the truth is always painful.

I’m in seventh form now (Warning: Austrian school system, meaning two years away from graduation), and there are two new subjects: Chemistry and Psychology/Philosophy. The latter is far more interesting for me since it deals with problems and craziness of people and personalities and lifestyles. I don’t really want to explain our school system, but psychology is taught as a required and optional subject. While the required deals with general information such as different branches (cognitive, emotions, learning, illnesses etc.), which is less interesting to the layman, the optional is more interesting because the teacher started with developmental psychology and doing a personality test. Once you’re through that test, you have scores in four categories. Of course they do overlap and change within someone’s personality as time goes by, but I’m pretty sure that what is written for my type describes me very well.

Since I went on a shopping trip with my best friend yesterday, during which we usually talk a lot about ourselves and our relationship, I suddenly discovered my weaknesses and bad personality traits and nearly cried because of that awful feeling of helplessness. We had an argument, and after that she kept talking about ways to overcome the problem, then about a few problems of herself etc.

I’ve always had trouble with telling people to just shut up – that’s one of my problems. I’m an incredibly nice person. But at the same time I easily slip into the trap of bearing annoying situations just because I...

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There are songs that absolutely paralyze and addict us. I'm sure everyone knows that feeling. This is one of these songs, or rather the most important part of it since it's really too long to read. It sounds best when watched as part of „High School Musical“ with singing and dancing together. I noticed that the content also fits RPGs and especially Mizahar since it has got a young and still small playerbase where everybody knows one another and sticks together. I really like that feeling. It's one of the reasons why Mizahar is my favorite writing game these days. It feels like you can do anything, meet and talk to everyone and together create something that's bigger than all of us. Please, everybody, stick together and don't let details and misunderstandings distract yourself. We're all one, and we can do anything if we just try.

And, listen to what your heart has to say and act as it tells you. You can do nothing wrong when you really love to take that way, when you feel drawn to this particular thing again and again. It's only right and natural, no matter what your mind might say. This is your dream and you can only be happy when following it.



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