by Panna Cotta on November 21st, 2010, 12:30 pm
Make some lemonade.
I have recently learned of the symphony a watermelon, lemon, and melon cocktail can do to my taste buds. (Picture may vary from actual product). It was so delicious. My mind is still refusing to call the pinkish-red drink a lemonade - the color is as far away as it can be from normal lemony lemonade.
So, I was also told "there are pink lemons the way there are red oranges".
Deceitful, how fruits can be. Somewhere in that declaration of my dear sweet special someone, lies a profound message. Like "sorry I'm not the man you want me to be" But when you're in love more things make sense when you don't have to explain yourself.
So I kissed him and told him to shut up.
And then we both cried and were happy after.
PS. Not true story. |
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by Panna Cotta on October 19th, 2010, 3:46 pm
Every writer aspires to make his own book, his own novel. I'd say the same thing about myself. I've known NaNoWriMo since forever, but I have never joined. I can't do it. Deadlines, to me, are fluid. I admit, I'm incapable of doing such sacrifice. I can't devote one whole month to something like novel writing. I don't have enough chutzpah. November is a particularly slow month for me, and I always get busy preparing for Halloween, and then for Christmas, there's just no time to squeeze in NaNo. Should I try this year? Maybe even get to finally write a novel I have always wanted to write?
I'm so unsure, but I've got plans to travel this November. My long awaited day at the beach! Hurrah! I really need some time off, heal myself. I don't know if any of you could write, and write particularly well, when there's so much going on in real life and everything appears to be heavy luggage. I'm having, let's just say, a mid-life crisis. Heaven forbid I die by 50. But yeah, I do have a life and plans. It includes a functional relationship with a mature person, so taking all things into account, I'm somewhat spent with school, family, work, lovelife. It's a miracle I can even write for Mizahar. It's probably because I've grown to love Mizahar, it has given me the opportunity to do what I love the most - writing. Sadly, I never really do it professionally. I'm perpetually an amateur wanna-be novelist. I am always pre-occupied, I say I'm busy, I make myself pre-occupied.
I've seen people ask around if they're doing a NaNo, and it seems like a number of us will give it a try. Go for it, everyone, do your best. I'll cheer you on at the sides.
Maybe I'll find enough... | [ Continued ]
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by Panna Cotta on October 8th, 2010, 2:30 pm
There comes a point in time when you just take people close to you for granted. They become part of your life, you breathe their existence that sometimes it is hard to distinguish the important role they play in your life. You are sure they will just be there. It will become mechanical and soon you blur them out. Instead of cherishing every moment and putting value in every minute you are together, you just chalk it up to being together in general.
Why does time do this?
Why does time make us realize that we are missing out on the important persons in our life only when the important person is on the verge of disappearing? Do we really have to lose someone before we decide that we should have "spent more time together, talked more together, gave attention and listened to what they were saying more often, more more more". I'm not sure but I think saying "If only I knew I'd lose you I would have done everything to prevent that from happening" is actually very stupid. It speaks a lot of how you handle relationships.
It is like planting a seed, waiting for it to grow, and once it had blossomed you lose the enthusiasm. The rain and the sun and the wind will take care of the plant, it will live on its own and happily grow if left untended. If it dies you say "what did I do wrong?"
You ignored it so much it died on its own. |
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by Panna Cotta on September 24th, 2010, 7:13 pm
"After all, no man is at peace with himself" -the Queen's Butler, Kuroshitsuji
I have never been more depressed in my entire life after going through Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Whoever has read this book and not gone on an existential anxiety must be harder than a rock.
"We have come to know man as he really is. After all, man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the Lord's prayer or the Shema Yisrael on his lips."
And then I just cried and cried and cried a lot. And I don't think I can write a paper on the psychotherapeutic method of finding a reason to live without crying again.
toad: why are ou online? princess: I'm sad and depressed toad: why princess: a lot of things princess: I'm holding it all together, though princess: don't worry toad: just talk to me if there's anything okay? toad: dont keep it all in toad: youll go insane princess: it's alright princess: I'm used to it princess: nothing new, etc princess: why are you still up? toad: forgot to send an email toad: you should get some sleep princess: it's that bad princess: I can't sleep toad: what's to worry about kukub? princess: it's just sad princess: it's this book princess: Man's Search for Meaning toad: O SHI toad: yeah toad: that book is depressing princess: it doesn't help you know princess: that I could possibly connect to some of the lines toad: i wont say dont be depressed. that book got me too toad: it didnt help janine put it in the bathroom for reading toad: let try to rest toad: okay? toad: go offline princess: I told you I can't toad: at least leave the PC toad: youve been online longer than me toad: and i took breaks princess: I'll just keep on crying if i don't do somethng princess:... | [ Continued ]
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by Panna Cotta on September 11th, 2010, 3:10 pm
I want to be really quick and short about this. There are times when I feel so terrible - who doesn't - so much that I imagine I'm carrying the world's burden on my shoulders. These are the times I really feel incompetent, like I'm just wasting space in earth just by existing.
BAM!
He tells me I'm doing a great job.
BAM!
I feel like I'm flying to the moon.
I'm really a very emotional person. In fact, I'm a crybaby. But you know how they say that kind words does magic on people? Well, I'm quite easy to please (shove me nice looking desserts or decorated food and I can't help but smile - my day brightens up just like that) but sometimes I would really be down and no amount of chocolate or dessert will cheer me up. Then, that one person says something positive directed at me. I may be the only one putting extra meaning in those words, or maybe I'm putting too much value in sincerity, but you know, praise does nice fuzzy things to people. And don't we all love to be told that we are useful, functional people? I think there are six billion people in this planet. But I can say, fuck Maslow and his pyramid.
Sometimes you only need ONE.
So next time, remember to say something nice to people, because you never know if you'll be the reason for them to try better and never lose hope. Thanks. |
Last edited by Panna Cotta on September 11th, 2010, 3:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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