This is my first blog i have ever done so it will prolly suck but hey...i do need to talk about this. oh and this will most likely be a rant or stupid to most people...

My mom has breast cancer...and as of right now...she is dieing the specialist has given her less than a month to live and ive known this for a while now. but i am a pussy and a dick ever since i moved out of my house and here to college i have not spoken to my mom we had a fight the day before i left and i said things a son should never say i told my mom she was a failure as a mother that it was her fault on Christmas i attempted suicide. That once i leave for college she will never see or hear from me again that i hated every moment i speant in that household with "a crazy psycho bitch who doesn't understand how fucked up she is raising her children" and i intended on keeping it that way i deleted her number from my contacts blocked her from Facebook did everything i could to keep my own mother..the woman who gave birth to me and stood by me even those times i didn't think she did out of my life forever.

it took a story on the internet to knock some sense into me i finally called my mother. at 1 am she picked up her phone as soon as she saw it was me..after everything i said to her..after ignoring all her phone calls, all her messages everything my mom still told me she loved me. now i know everyone is told "watch what you say to someone it may be the last thing you tell them" it is true..i was afraid my mom wouldn't pick up that phone..that she would ignore me and she would pass away with me telling her i hated her and she wasn't a fit mother. i was given the chance to tell my mom im sorry and hell..less than 12 feet away from my girlfriend i broke down and cried when i hung up that phone realizing that tomarrow i could get a call "jake...its justin..mom...shes dead" and that scares the living shit out of me.

but tonight i also realized...to those people like me who think they hate there family. who like me count down the days to thwhen they can move out and move on. don't be in such a rush with my income.. chances are the last time ill actualy see my mom...was the day i told her i hated her. everyday tell them you love them (your parents) even when they piss you off beyond belief or they are pissed at you before you go to bed or before they leave anywhere tell them you love them, tell them without them you would be nothing.

I love you mom