Too much music can be highly distracting. Invading your ears, staying in your mind until you go mad …

But today, while listening to Jolin Tsai, Kana Nishino and a lot of other great Asian artists, I think about my schedule for the weekend. I will have to work a lot for Mura, but at the same time I want to keep doing sports and playing violin. Wednesday, where I skipped a lesson with my violin teacher, was bad, and I can't repeat that. Additionally, I have to do my homework and sit down and learn a bit for Monday, but that shouldn't take too long. I already see myself doing this at Sunday evening, but I don't care, haha~.

It's amazing how good friends can motivate someone. Just a side note … when I imagine myself being slender and elegant, I want to do sports much more than before. This just seems like the right time. Sure, I tried several times a few years ago, again and again, but couldn't keep the activity up, and so I gave up rather quickly. This time is different. This time I think I can do it.

From September on I feel a lot of change I've ran and am still running through. And although I don't really appreciate change when it comes to daily actions and projects, I really welcome this kind of change. I'm developing, maturing, growing into adulthood. Guess it feels like that … It's a good feeling.

Additionally, I find it easier to be enthusiastic and motivated about projects. Not only new ones, but also people and ideas that have already accompanied me for a while. I have recognized that our relationship has grown and gotten better during the time we spent together. It's a feeling I haven't really known before when my attention span was very short and I couldn't keep working on a project for longer than … say, two hours.

Working during summer break has helped a lot too. When looking back, I find completely and utterly boring what I was required to do back then – browsing through endless lists of CVs, sending dozens of emails, scanning more than 300 sites...

[ Continued ]

OK, Terrible pun. Still, that makes me the youngest mod (or assistant mod) I've ever met. It's overwhelming.

Still, I'm really glad it was on a site where I can have a hands on experience with the PCs.

So..... I'm not to sure what else I'm supposed to put here.

. . . . I'm a little pissed off at this I must admit. I thought it be best to get it out with righting so here I am...doing my thing.

I've lately been attempting to find a theme song for my character Banir Ironwood. I say attempting because I've yet to be successful so I'm kinda pissed. Banir is bloody hard for me to figure out. See most songs, and people, stick with a theme. Banir however has a few problems with themes, one he doesn't have much of one. Two he's got more depth than most characters I've made till now. Banir isn't a depressed kinda guy, he's actually really nice, kind, caring and gentle. But he's got a past that has made him as dangerous as he appears to be despite being more of a gentle giant kinda guy. When certain points involving his past art brought up.... well to say the s**t hits the fan is a good description.

Going from nice and peaceful to a f**king almost unstoppable monster hell bent on destroying anything before it. IE: Berserk. And because of these two elements, which can and usually mix. Its hard to find a song that suits the brutish son of a b***h. Cause if it sounds too depressing it won't work, if its too filled with rage and power, it won't work. It kinda has me walking with my hands tied to my feet...and I'm bent over backwards. What I need is a song that starts out slow, upbeat and cool and maybe gets a little power near the end with tints of rage. Mind you its not too hard to find but then the f**king lyrics don't match and its alllllll the way back to square one. I swear my ears will bleed by the end of this, but for now I shall do as they did in Pirates! (Lame I know but you think of a better analogy) Fight! To runaway, to fight later~!

Or...something like that...





Run away!

One of my favorite poems I've written, enjoy!

You flow like water, and you roll over me I break beneath you, I let you be free You taste like sunset, mirror my need I take and take, consumed by greed Selfless you give, I'm drowning in you End over end, I sink to the Blue There it goes, moving slow yet starting fast Shimmering, inverted through the looking glass Lost sight of me, it is always you End over end, I sink to the Blue Velvet like nightfall, comfort and sin Your voice like the wind, inviting me in I don’t hesitate, regardless you’re mine Break away to madness, hands count the time Selfless you give, I'm drowning in you End over end, I sink to the Blue Your eyes beckon, now your skin tastes of the moon Haunting, searching, there you sweetly make your wound Never for me, it's always for you End over end, I sink to the Blue A wave relucent, aching speculation No apology given, only temptation To quell fate, I try to stand still Poison it is, this gilded pretty pill Selfless you give, drowning in you End over end I sink to the Blue Never? Forever? Many questions insistent Ending, Beginning, the answer far too distant There is no me, there is only you End over end, I sink to the Blue

If everyone was like me; identical appearance and identical personality traits there would be no fighting. Everyone would get along as everyone would think alike and know exactly what the other person is thinking. Life would also be extremely boring. That's not to say that "I" am boring perchance, because you can transfer this same portrait upon yourself as the clone for all to assimilate into.

For me, variety is the spice of life. The many different appearances, ideas, values, perspectives and attitudes that all we humans assume are what makes life great. I grow tired of the same old repetitive thing day after day. Only through diversity does my life seem uplifting. I appreciate it and welcome it into my life.

You must take the bad with the good. Appreciating diversity also means tolerance. Since everyone is different, you will encounter those people who are completely and inexplicably opposite in their ideals and values than yours. Everyone has an opinion. Flexibility of the mind is the key ingredient in acquiring tolerance. In order to appreciate Love and all that is beautiful in our world, we must also learn to tolerate and understand war and hatred. We can not have one without the other. War and Peace are two ends of the same spectrum and both must exist simultaneously.

Striving toward peace is similar to striving toward perfection. Knowing you will never be perfect should not deter you from at least working toward perfection. I call this concept "Healthy Perfectionism". The same goes with peace. One must accept and realize that wars will never end. Hostility and violence are an integral part of human co-existence. Once the seeker of peace realizes this, they can in a mature and healthy manner strive towards peace.

Every thing in life is both good and bad. Evil is such a strong word, but it may be substituted for bad. As the "good" inhabits the other end of the spectrum regardless of which negative term you use. Like the polarities...

[ Continued ]