Footprints and paw-prints [Scrapbook]

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The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

Footprints and paw-prints [Scrapbook]

Postby Roulette on April 2nd, 2019, 1:50 am


Rules: All rules of Mizahar apply here too. Feel free to leave comments if you want to. Whether it's constructive advice I can work with or just simply chatting. But I do ask that any real-life drama is checked and left at the front door. This is a drama-lama free zone. Thanks for understanding!

~Roulette


Image


Look deeper into these red eyes...


Beyond the smiles, past the friendliness and deeper than the surface. Even the eyes can be misleading. Hidden under the mask, loneliness and a heart aching to be heard yet falling on deaf ears. A voice no longer used because of past experiences. Yet there is always this hope. Things will change. Things will change for the better. Things must change in the end. It is inevitable. When others look, they only see the mask. They don't see me. They don't see the pain. I hide it extremely well so they can't. I blind them with the mask. Appearing happy, and energetic. When inside I feel like curling up underneath some bed and crying instead. There are days that, if I could, I would sleep and do nothing else but. I tell myself to keep smiling, so I do. Appear happy. So they don't worry. Maybe things will change. They have to, right?

User avatar
Roulette
Energetic fur ball
 
Posts: 28
Words: 30722
Joined roleplay: March 23rd, 2019, 4:28 am
Location: Syka, Falyndar
Race: Kelvic
Character sheet
Scrapbook

Footprints and paw-prints [Scrapbook]

Postby Roulette on April 5th, 2019, 12:16 pm


Spring 519 AV Seasonal Challenge Song(s)

Following song or songs are under consideration.




User avatar
Roulette
Energetic fur ball
 
Posts: 28
Words: 30722
Joined roleplay: March 23rd, 2019, 4:28 am
Location: Syka, Falyndar
Race: Kelvic
Character sheet
Scrapbook

Footprints and paw-prints [Scrapbook]

Postby Roulette on April 5th, 2019, 5:13 pm


A few things about the player behind the character

No one is perfect. And I certainly am no exception. I am riddled with flaws just as any other simply because I am human. I have a very small circle of close friends, and for good reason. No, I do not trust anyone easily. Nor do I befriend someone at the drop of a hat. I do not, and will not, expect someone to be my friend. People come and go. Whether or not they choose to stay is entirely up to them. I never beg someone to stay, because I refuse to force them to stay. To those close to me know all my flaws, mood swings, and have seen me at my worse yet have had the patience to get to know me as I have with them. I'm not in the habit of going out of my way just to make a friend. But to the few I've made along the way, I'd go above and beyond for them if I am able to do so.

I do have mental problems such as depression, which comes off as rage. It's not healthy but out of forced habit I've learned to bottle it so I don't take it out on anyone. When someone makes me angry, I tend to go one of two ways: react or ignore them for the rest of the day. 9 out of 10 times I go with the latter. But if said someone attacks my family and friends, then I'm quicker to snap at them versus them attacking myself. I can tolerate and ignore hateful words toward me. Back in school, I was often a favored target for bullies. So it's easy for me to ignore someone like that. But if those words are directed at someone I care for, then I will not be so tolerating. I hate it when my family or friends become targets to someone else's cruelty.

I am also prone to paranoia, severe anxiety, and chronic insomnia. Other problems include chronic headaches and migraines. Visual/verbal dyslexia runs rampant in my family, as does thyroid disease and several other medical problems.

Mood Swings: Yes I get them. Who doesn't? It can affect how I write. And often they affect my creative thinking to the point I can't think of a decent post to write.
Stress: Currently I'm very prone to this, and as a result, I tend to break out in hives pretty badly. From the toes, up both legs then both arms. Usually, it's under control via medication. Though recently I've been unable to refill these due to other priorities that needed attention. So my stress levels stay through the roof every single day.
Stress Relief: Usually listening to music, playing on games, reading, or replying to roleplay partners. Otherwise, it's sleep if I'm able to. Talking to close friends and family can also help to an extent.
Speaking vs. Typing: Online it is easier for me to talk to people. However, even then it's still a little difficult for me to initiate an actual conversation. In real life, I'm a hermit who prefers her privacy more than anything else and face-to-face conversations drive my anxiety through the roof. This is made worse if I'm not completely comfortable with the person. Generally, when I leave the house to go into town for whatever reason, I talk as little as possible, go where I need to and get back home as quickly as possible. If it were viable, I'd never leave the house ever again.
Signs of Comfort: You will know when I'm comfortable enough to talk. I tend to use emojis like "xd" or ":3" Or even "<3". It simply means I'm comfortable enough to talk to those within the chat. If my answers are short and very far in between or blunt, it means something is wrong or I'm in a bad enough mood that I don't want to drag anyone down so I stay relatively silent.
Triggers: I realize I can be insensitive at times and say thoughtless things. If something I say triggers someone, then I'm not likely to repeat it by completely avoiding whatever the topic was at the given time.
Animals: Yes, I love animals too. Just because they sometimes annoy the piss out of me doesn't mean I'm going to get violent with them. I'd much rather snatch them up instead and cuddle all day. Granted... I'm a cat person! I don't do well with dogs, but I'm able to care for them just fine. Yes, I even have experiences with horses, parakeets and one cockatiel that I had before he died of old age. Currently, I have a male orange tabby kitty that I adore to pieces. He drives me batty, but I love him anyway. My mother found him as a kitten. Someone abandoned him at her workplace, and I begged her to bring him home as soon as she told me he'd been left there. None of the wild mother cats would take him in, so he was brought home shortly afterward. Since then he's been my loveable furball, and I swear he's fearless too. I could talk all day about him if given the chance.

Last but not least, I'd like to leave off with a quote. It's one I've learned to live by just about. "Never judge a book by it's cover."

User avatar
Roulette
Energetic fur ball
 
Posts: 28
Words: 30722
Joined roleplay: March 23rd, 2019, 4:28 am
Location: Syka, Falyndar
Race: Kelvic
Character sheet
Scrapbook


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