Rista's Journal - Embers and Ire

[Rista]

(First page) Dear Diary, today has been a good day with lots of sunshine and good events, and oh, by the way, I accidentally kicked someones ass on my way to breakfast... Yeahhhh... Right. You know what, this isn't going to work. I'm not rational and consequent enough to note everything I thought and did right after it happened. This is supposed to be for my personal use only anyway, so in case of any petching vagik's that find enjoyment in reading others journals I'm just gonna say this. TOUGH LUCK!! I'm not gonna note things in chronological order, I'm not even gonna bother with dates - at least I won't be bothered if I happen to forget about it - and if you think I'm messy and inconsistent in my thoughts.. well, that's just too bad for you. I never asked anyone to like me. Oh, and while I'm on the subject, feel free to scribble notes in the margin if you feel like commenting on anything I write. I know you're there anyway, I know you're reading, and I promise I won't find you and kick your butt. You don't even have to be nice, I'm just gonna be the mature one and ignore your presence entirely. Lets end the prologue shall we? On to the scribbling... What's up with this petching quill by the way? Keeps dribbling all over the place..

[Rista]

It's been a strange summer this year, and a lot of things have happened. I'm not going to reference everything, because that would take way too long, but a few things might be worth mentioning, just so you can understand the whole picture. Am I not nice, to take it step by step for you, Va sneak-peaker? Anyway, I suppose the first thing that happened was that the old man Val at the Gates started to bug me about learning Tawna. We've been going on and on about this for a while now, but this time he was more persistent than usual. I think he even got mad there for a while, for some reason that I can't understand. He did explain his reasoning, but I still don't understand why he bothers so much. It's not like we see the Chaktawe so often that there is a need for me to learn the language, and that talk about wasting the gifts I've been given sounds like pure bull to me. How can black eyes and black hair be a gift? How can dark skin be a gift? I'd rather look more like the other Inarta, that way I would probably have had a spot as apprentice now, or at least have a few friends... But lets keep going. So the old man talked a bit about the traits and let slip something about the Chaktawe being good wilderness people. I have to admit, that does sound really interesting. If that's something that comes with the blood, then I hope I got some of it too. Maybe I'd be able to do better, maybe I could become a hunter... I suppose it might be worth some reading up on. I'll head off to the Enclave when I get some free time, and see what I can dig up. In any case, on to the next weird thing that happened. This is a bit silly, I know, so bear with me, but I stumbled on a dek quite recently, and I ended up doing something pretty stupid. He was injured, see, and I couldn't just leave him there like that... So I ended up bringing him back to my room to try and stitch the wounds. I'm no healer, I hope you realize that. I can barely sew either, but for some reason he put up with my rough treatment. We ended up chatting for quite a bit - strange, isn't it? You never really consider the dek as people to begin with, and there I sat, wasting away time when I could have slept, just talking. My point is really, that he stumped me more times that night than I have been this entire summer. Not only did he step out of his way to help me when a couple of drunkards tossed 'funny' comments about my hips after me, he also didn't seem at all bothered by the fact that I'm above him in rank. He even seemed to laugh at me, talking back and.. and.. I don't get it. He's a big, tall, strong bull of a man, and he made me feel small and weak. I hate that feeling. He kept on saying strange things, like how I would be able to go wherever I wanted to, rise to heights and so on... I was tired, and a bit annoyed since I didn't understand his reasons for caring about me, so maybe I didn't get all of it, but.. you know, to be in a situation like that, with a big adult man that says he can do whatever he likes and I wouldn't be able to stop him, and then seems more concerned about me getting my night sleep... It's bound to change your views on things. I find myself starting to doubt the caste system a bit. Only a little, tiny bit, but still... If a man like him is dek just because his eyes aren't working as well, what keeps us from pushing down those we don't like with just as small a reason? It doesn't feel fair to me, somehow. It also makes me a bit worried about my own future. I don't have a lot of friends, and I'm so different from the others with how I look. What keeps them from saying that my eyes don't work just because they are black, and makes me a dek for it? I don't think I'd be able to stand it, honestly. To be kept away from the sun, always made to be indoors and under the weight of the mountain... It's not that I mind it most of the time, I just want the freedom to come and go as I like. Ugh, I'm trailing off topic again. I've got a lot on my mind, so hang in there, I'll try to keep to the subject. Weird things it was.. Well, I met a foreigner a few days ago, and tried to make him teach me to fight with my hands. Not sure how it went, honestly, I was just sore after a fight he initiated. That night, I had a really strange dream. Like, creepy strange, because it was so vivid and clear, it was almost real. Even now I can recall it without trouble, and it makes me shiver. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time, and towards the end of it.. but I'll describe it for you briefly, so you get what I mean. I flew high over the mountains of Kalea, happy as can be because I was home and doing what I wanted to do the most. It was late summer and the barely was growing tall, and everything was good and wonderful. Then there was a change in scenery, and I stood in something that must have been a desert; the land was all dry and stony, and the sun was beating down over my head. I was waiting for someone, and then looked into my hand on two beads, knowing that I have a choice to make. Then suddenly, the ground became black and the sky became white, and I heard horrible whispers of women and children in the wind.. Two white doors appeared, and I had to go through one of them unless something horrible were to happen. I hesitated but finally chose the left one, and leaped through it, emerging out into a beautiful meadow. Everything was wonderful and good, but I still felt like I was standing in that desert, with hard, hot ground under my feet. When I looked down, I saw that the plants and grass died around my feet, spreading more and more like some plague was trying to get to me. A song bird came and tried to land on my finger, but it died upon touching me, and fell to the ground. I was terrified, I turned around and tried to leave the place again to spare the land from whatever curse I brought along, but there was no place to go back to. The land kept on dying, the ground cracked and gave in, and as I sunk down the sun came lower and lower, chasing me and burning the skin and flesh off my bones, until I had nothing left.. Then it felt like I woke up even though I was dreaming still. I looked around in my room and felt incredibly lonely, and then I 'fell asleep' again and the dream continued. I found myself standing on some place called Riverfall, knowing clear as a day that I had been traveling and that it was going well. A bird came to perch on my finger, and as it chirped and sang, it started growing, more and more until it was too big to fit on my arm anymore. When it was so large that it could look me in the eyes, it turned into a monster with mouth and fingers, and it took my by the shoulders and brought me.. somewhere. I remember thinking Falyndar, but how I could know that, I have no idea. Anyway, there I saw a man with golden eyes kneel on the ground and behind me there were this red glow and the sound of horrible noises, and I was happy because I thought he was the one I had been waiting for, you know, back there in the desert. I don't think it was... anyway, I reached out a hand and helped him up, and everything became black around us. I saw pictures in his eyes, his history I think, and when it ended... he opened his mouth and spoke. It wasn't his words, maybe it wasn't even he who said it, but the words made me scared out of my mind. "Child, many things await you in your future, your actions, your very thoughts affect heavily on the course of events to come. Go now in safety and guidance, and make something of yourself in this new world. We are watching." Is what he said, and after that he disappeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I can't really remember that part very well, I just know I was scared and reluctant, and I couldn't remember what I wanted most of all... And then I woke up. I really don't like to think about it. The thought about who it could have been that said all that, what it would mean.. I don't like it at all. I went to the Dreamwalkers with it, but.. eh.. Oh petch, got to go, or I'll be late for dinner. Some other time then, Vagik's! Hope you enjoy reading this. I sure ain't..