[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon I

[Gossamer]

. It's Snowing At My House! (Honest, I took Video!) Don't mind the muddy pasture, the fence that needs painting badly... summer and more free time will take care of those issues. I just can't believe its snowing in April here... thats crazy stuff. .

[Malia]

Wow ... I couldn't believe it as well when it snowed at April 1st which was even more unbelievable considering the date. The snow even stayed for one or two days, but at Easter it had already molten (fortunately).

Btw, I mean I know how a pasture looks ... but it must be really cool to possess so much space to run around at, hehe.

[Gossamer]

It's cool to have land, that's for sure, and I'm thankful every day that I do have it. But I can tell you something, Vanessa, no one gave it to me. I often look at other people and what they have and wonder how it came to be. When I was younger, a lot of people I knew inherited land from their family or were given their first home by their parents. I never had that option. I am born of a lower to middle class family. I was the first in that family to go to college. I saw a lot of people around me marry well and young to men that had money or the means to provide for them whatever they wanted. I saw a lot of people have kids in their late teens and early twenties rather than go to school. I went the nerd route and I had my BS by the age of 21. Then I spent quite a while traveling as a professional biologist. But as the economy in the US went sour and our presidents changed their mandates, I found myself along with a lot of other wildlife biologists out of work as private industry was suddenly defunded and mandates requiring Timber Industry to have on staff biologists were reversed. It was a real trying time in my life and a time of introspection. I asked myself what I wanted out of life. The list got really short but really intense fairly fast.

1. A place I could vacation at home.
2. Lots of animals around me.
3. Someday a wonderful man to share # 1 & # 2 with.

Don't think the man takes third place either. He's first place always. But anyhow, I needed cash to make this happen. I sacrificed seven years of my life to work intensely in a non-scientific field where I was home maybe 1 or 2 days out of seven and alone 24/7 the rest of the time constantly working. The money was fantastic, but it was incredibly lonely and boring. It was sometimes really dangerous too. So, when I got to the point where I simply couldn't do it anymore because I was going crazy, I found my lovely farm AND had the money to pay for it. I was married by that time, but my husband was going to school full time and working a forty hour work week as well just to pay for his school. So, you can imagine how hard it was...

And how rewarding it is.... and how I never forget to be thankful to have some space to move around. And one more thing you might not understand or realize too. Taking care of a lot of land is a full time job. It's every bit as hard as taking care of other people.

[Malia]

That's very admirable ...

I don't know what exactly I'll be doing in the future, but I have my dreams and I really want to achieve great things and earn money on my own too. My family is middle class as well and a few years ago my parents built a house and made one of their dreams come true - this and people like you really motivate me to do something similar with my life. Of course I know that it'll be a long and hard way, but I'll do everything for my dreams, and I'll do it with my own hands.

[Gossamer]

. Busy Weekend... Well, its been a busy weekend. Its been an incredibly short weekend too. I worked Saturday and had plans to get some stuff done on Sunday. That stuff included cleaning the kitchen, making some bread with Cayenne (via the net.. we're doing it next Sunday instead and Selena is going to play too), and helping Gillar finish our taxes. I was going to fit Mizahar in there somewhere but that didn't seem to manifest itself. I'll tell you why. We adopted a cute cat that was a stray in need of a home. I posted pictures earlier in this scrapbook of her. Well, today she decided to have her kittens. We planned on 3, maybe 4. No... she had other plans. Instead, she decided - this tiny petite cat - to produce 7 enormous vibrantly healthy offspring. Momma is doing well. She's a bit hormonal and savagely lunging at the door of Matt's office when another cat even gets close (even with the door shut). But I think that will calm down in a few weeks as her hormones level out and the kittens get braver. Well... its 3am Sunday - the Kitchen is finally clean - Matt finished the Income Taxes (and we got a great refund!), so we can finally go to bed. But I thought I'd post some rather cute pics first. Remember, in about 8-10 weeks I'll have kittens ready so if anyone lives close and would like one, we have a nice assortment to choose from! Though, I'm fairly sure I'm keeping at least two of them... the baby calico and the pale one pictured below. He/she looks a little like my Cloudly - who btw says if I post those damn kitten pictures, he has to get his posted too. He's a little jealous. We thought she was done at five. She looks done doesn't she? But no... two more came about twenty minutes later. Seven! Count them! Seven! Argh! My already favorite one... he/she looks like a miniature Cloudly. Cloudly (Unrelated but terribly jealous so I decided to post his pic up too). - Ugh! Mom smells like kittens - she hasn't even given me nip today for gods sake! .

[Gossamer]

. A Friend's Poem He Wrote For Me. Some of you might know him as Leafsong, while the others who know him a bit better might understand him as Jason the crazy adventuresome southern California guy that isn't afraid to be who he is deep inside - someone who rolls with the punches and spends most of his free time teaching - anything and everything. I've admired and liked his elven spirit for ages and ages now. I hooked up and reconnected with him a few days ago only to learn he wrote me a poem that only just now made it to my hands. I'd love to share it with you. I put it in bright green text because for some reason, Jason is one of those people that when I think of him, I think of all the hues and tones of the forest. I know for a fact his gemstone is an emerald. Thank you for the lovely poem. There is, sometimes, no greater gift than simple words. I wonder if the sun debates dawn some mornings not wanting to rise out of bed from under the warm cotton horizon If the sky grows tired of being everywhere at once adapting to the mood swings of the weather If the clouds drift off trying to hold themselves together make deals with gravity to loiter a little longer I wonder if the rain is scared of falling if it has trouble letting go If snow flakes get sick of being perfect all the time each one trying to be one-of-a-kind I wonder if stars wish upon themselves before they die if they need to teach their young to shine I wonder if shadows long to once feel the sun if they get lost in the shuffle not knowing where they're from I wonder if sunrise and sunset respect each other even though they've never met If volcanoes get stressed if storms have regrets if compost believes in life after death I wonder if breath ever thinks about suicide I wonder if the wind just wants to sit still sometimes and watch the world pass by If smoke was born knowing how to rise If rainbows get shy not sure if their colors match right I wonder if lightening sets an alarm clock to know when to crack if rivers ever stop and think of turning back If streams meet the wrong sea and their whole lives run-off track I wonder if faith wants to be a fact If the soil thinks she's too dark if butterflies want to cover up their marks if rocks are self-conscious of their weight if mountains are insecure about their strength I wonder if waves get discouraged crawling up the sand only to be pulled back again to where they began I wonder if land feels stepped upon if sand feels insignificant if trees need to question their lovers to know where they stand if branches waver in the crossroads not sure of where to grow if the leaves understand they're replaceable and still dance when the wind blows I wonder where the moon goes when she is hiding I want to find her there and watch the ocean spin from a distance Listen to her stir in her sleep if effort becomes existence and if my tears ever get to weep they'll breathe a short eulogy remember me. .

[Gossamer]

. Writing History I have to admit one of the hardest things on Mizahar to write is simply a character's history. It is not hard to write the history of an NPC who is sometimes a static dead thing that reminds me sometimes of placeholders in an otherwise unreality. So that's not really what I'm talking about either. Nor am I simply stating that history is a challenge in terms of the timeline or what events happened where and when and why and how. I'm talking about a pc's history. On Mizahar, time is fluid. You can move forward and backwards in it, writing the pcs childhood, writing the pc's present, thinking about the past, while at the same time planning for the future. What you write about currently, if taking place in the past, effects the current mindstate of your PC. It can change his or her thinking in a heartbeat. Writing history can make the whole of their existence from the time you first posted their CS up to the time you are sitting before this screen with a finished flashback a lie. It is a treacherous seductive sultry little dish - those flaskbacks - that makes me want to sample them over and over again... but sometimes I am afraid of the cost. You can laugh at this, but the truth is I get into my characters. I feel like they live somewhere inside of me and some where too on the pages of this website. Do I want to really alter them? Every PC they meet potentially alters them. Every one of their current actions influences their future. But it can't be so deadly as the past, writing yourself into a corner and wondering how to add this new twist or turn in. I feel like rather than writing from one point (X - the posting of your CS) onward... like this... X--------------------------------------> We write for Mizahar like this.... <---------------------------------------------X------------------------------------------> Such writing is fascinating... but it makes me feel like a kitten having way to much fun with a ball of string. That string, of course, being my PCs life - her history. And when I toy with it so much, studying it, batting at it, bringing it into the light from where it was buried deep into the carefully wrapped skein I risk the danger of being that tiny squealing wiggling fluffball totally tangled in the string she's pulled at random from the ball of yarn. I wonder if others feel like this sometimes. I wonder if others feel cautious writing flashbacks and running the risk of something completely uncontrolled happening in that flashback? Threads take on a life of their own... people can claim they can control them but I'm always surprised at what my PC says or does within them. So the risk is real... do you feel it? .

[Gossamer]

. Mini Rant... So I've been kinda down lately. I am not sure I can exactly explain why either. I'm just tired of people gossiping and being snarky and enjoying the heck out of others misfortunes. Sure, we all do it once in a while... but if you do it... for gods sake keep it to yourself. Some people deserve to get a little of the grief directed back at them of the same variety they dish out. But, when they are average folks doing average things living average lives - you can't imagine how unbelievably bad it makes you look to glee over other's angst. I'm also tired of people discussing my business behind my back - be it rl or ooc or ic. The world should work in a simple enough fashion. If I talk to you about something, I'm not talking to all your friends - JUST YOU. If you can't accept that and I keep repeatedly finding out that talking to you is like shouting it to the world, then forget EVER hearing another peep out of me about anything personal. Forget even any remote niceties from me. I refuse to play the games. I hope the games and gossip are worth more to you than the friendship was. .

[Gossamer]

. Baby Kitties... and... Adoring kitty fans wanted to see the little ones now that they are a bit older. We have a few named and a few favorites... so we'll see what ends up happening to them in the end. If anyone lives in Western Washington and would like to adopt a kitten, please let me know! This was a stray we took in who ended up having seven kittens (and she's just a tiny thing!). .

[Alice]

They're soooooo cute! <3

I want to fly over to you just to really see, hear and touch them! I'd even take one, although I don't know what my parents would say to the idea ... Adorable little kitties. I want kitties too, one day ...