Hair [Flashback]

[Rael Telano]

60th of Winter, 498 AV

"You look like a girl."
"Well you look like a dead fish."
"Your hair makes you look stupid."
"Better than actually being stupid like you."

Even playful banter was beginning to sting

She laughed them off, he insulted them back, and tried not to be upset. It was all in his head, he told himself everyday, but he worried all the same.

Rael sighed, flopping down onto his bed. It exhausted him, wondering who knew, who might suspect. How many others were like his aunt and he, able to see past his flesh. If there were any, no one had made any comment, but he lived in constant worry, that one day, someone would figure it out, that he'd walk out onto the streets and see people pointing and whispering and laughing. That might be the worst.

Too many odd looks. Too many teasing comments. Should just cut it off, he thought. Fingers played with light brown hair, pulling it forward to see. Definitely past his shoulders now, long enough to attract attention. He didn't need attention, didn't need people gossiping about him, that boy who insists on growing his hair out long. He should just cut it, and let her deal with it herself.

He didn't, of course. Why, he couldn't say. It was certainly more common for a girl to have short hair than it was for a boy to have long. And then he wouldn't have to deal with people wondering, even if he did like it better like this, sometimes. It was just his hair.

He scowled, annoyed, and brushed it back. Why couldn't his life be simple?

[Rael Telano]

74th of Spring, 502 AV

It still looked wrong, she decided. Pulling the ribbon out, she shook out her hair, glaring at her reflection. It didn't matter what she did. It was always him looking back out at her.

She stood, examining her reflection in the mirror. Her hair hung loose behind her back, the ribbon that normally held it in place now in her hand. She was slender, yes, and fairly pretty. But it was the little things that she hated sometimes. The way her hands were growing larger, the inches she had suddenly grown, the hints of muscle she could see developing. It was harder to pretend, now. He liked it, liked that he was definitely, visibly male, but she didn't know what to do.

She would have given anything to be him forever, but she couldn't stop being her. So she tried again, gathering her hair back behind her head, angry at herself and at the world and at Lhex for doing this to her. A soft hand rested on her shoulder, and she turned, surprised, to see her aunt standing behind her. "Let me." She murmured, and Rael could only nod.

She sat in silence as her aunt pulled out a brush and began to smooth her hair out. The rhythmic strokes soothed her, and she began to breath, in and out, in time with the brush. After a few moments, her aunt put down the brush, and began to braid her hair, humming a soft, vaguely familiar tune.

Rael just stared into the mirror, her breathing even, as her hair was braided. They made a strange picture, the blind mage carefully braiding the hair of the young, half grown teenage boy. What a joke.

It was finished in a few chimes, and she touched it nervously. Yes. Tilting her head, she smiled. It was better. "Thank you." She whispered.

It still wasn't right, but it would do.