Flashback [The Silver Tower] Mental Alignment Part 1

[Ialari Pythone]

Late Summer 501 AV

So it was, after no small amount of pestering on the part of Tirin, Ialari’s mentor at the Tower, that she decided to attend a class on meditation and clearing the mind. The class itself involved an overview and study on meditation and mental alignment followed by guided meditation. The class itself wasn’t something Ialari found very useful. There were other apprentices present albeit only a few yet it was enough of a distraction that she couldn’t truly get into it. She was however a skilled note-taker and scribbled down as many things as she could in her journal from the overview and study part of the class. She was more of a hands-on do-it-your-selfer anyway. When she returned to her rather small yet comfortable quarters for the evening, she promised herself that the next morning she would attempt her own self-guided meditation and see if she could get more out of it that way.

Thus came the next morning. Ialari awoke somewhat rested however, as with every morning; she woke with the realization that nightmares had kept her from fully recharging. Never could she remember most of what she dreamed and what she could remember escaped her grasp but a few seconds after opening her eyes. That particular morning however, she didn’t dwell on what she couldn’t remember. Instead she got to work preparing her room and making it a little more comfortable just as the instructor had said. Being a day of rest where there were no assigned classes or formal studies required, she had the entire day to attempt the whole meditation thing and see if she could discover what Tirin had been pestering her about.

Before she did anything else, she took a seat on the small chair at her tiny desk and started reading through her notes. It was Ialari’s way of committing information to memory. The first thing she read to herself was what exactly meditation meant. She figured that before she could fully accept the process itself, she had to know what it was and what it meant.

“Meditation was a means to reflect upon, ponder or contemplate. For some it meant finding a state of pure consciousness. For others, the goal was to achieve a state of final liberation or enlightenment.”

As Ialari read her notes, she spoke softly to herself as she considered the meaning. “There are five steps; ethics, self-discipline, posture, life-force extension and the withdrawal of the senses. By practicing the first four steps, the fifth step arises and links the external to the internal. Well, that sounds a little over-complicated.”

“Ok, so, if I am grounded physically and mentally, I become aware of my senses yet disengaged at the same time. So…the goal is to remain detached yet observant. Doing this should ultimately evolve into an expanded state of awareness.” Ialari considered the meaning of that. While in writing, it sounded a little complex yet the more she thought about it, the more it kind of made sense. Continuing to browse her notes, she began to think more about what they were saying.

“Through concentration, I direct my mind toward what appears to be an object apart from myself. Eventually, I will become more acquainted with the object and be able to contact it. It’s more than that though.” She paused while staring at the page for a few moments. “To move further into meditation, I will to become involved with this object; to communicate with it. Supposedly, the result of this should be the deeper awareness that there is no difference between myself and that which I concentrate on.”

She thought about it some more. “That would be the self-realization. It reminds me of a relationship of sorts. I meet someone essentially making contact. I spend time with them, listening to and sharing with them until a relationship is created. Then, eventually, a deeper friendship or partnership is formed so that I start thinking less of the idea of myself and them and more toward the idea of us. I guess…I guess that makes sense.”

Ialari stopped for a few moments longer in her reading and thought more on what exactly it was saying. It sounded a lot like focusing on a specific target thought, image or idea in a every way possible. Becoming intimately familiar with whatever that target was would eventually lead to a deeper understanding of the target in a way that revealed its deep-rooted connection to her.

Turning her attention back to the notes, she flipped through the pages slowly, speaking aloud the more useful ways to meditate. “Here we go. Maybe this will have something of use on where to get started the right way.”

“The ways to meditate. Ok so, the first way is to concentrate on a specific object or choose a point of focus. I can either close my eyes or keep them open. Repeating a word or phrase; perhaps a prayer or visualizing the Father helps. Lighted candles as an object of focus is also recommended. Hmm, I guess I could count my breaths or focus on physical sensations…” Ialari reached up and rubbed her forehead. She paused from her reading to retrieve a small piece of dried meat from a pouch and poured a tankard of water. Returning to her meager desk, she chewed on the meat and sipped at the water as she continued to study what she had written.

Her notes took a more shorthand route for the next couple of pages but with a little effort, she remembered enough to fill in the gaps in what she wrote.

"One of the first methods to gain concentration was the use of sound. The repeating of a certain word or phrase with purpose and feeling forces one to be consciously engaged."

“So, chanting is a powerful way to get this all started as well. The rhythm and pitch of the chant helps with inspiration. Whoa, I’m not much of a chanter. That seems a little hokey…maybe something more like a prayer. Yeah, I think that’s more my style. Ok, so, I need to come up with a suitable prayer to repeat. Check. Moving on…”

"Visualizing is another good way to meditate and is one that many find easy to practice. Izurdin, imagined in vivid detail is the perfect visualization for meditating. Natural objects like flowers or gemstones or even a part of the body or color is also an appropriate focus."

“That is easy enough. The Divine Father is a no-brainer choice on this one. Check. Moving on…”

"Another variation on the whole imagery aspect is to maintain an open-eyed focus on an object. Candle gazing is easy enough but any object will do. Doing this with the eyes fully open or partially closed can create a softer image."

“Well, I have a few candles laying around in here, I guess I could try that too. Ok, so candles for imagery…Check. Moving on…”

"Using one’s breath as a focal point works too. Simply by counting the breaths you take is a good practice. Observing the breath as it is without changing it in any way is the main idea. It becomes the sole object of the meditation. Examine every nuance and every sensation breathing creates. Focus on the movement of the abdomen and torso, the feeling of air through the nose and the qualities it possesses such as temperature and taste. Don’t dwell or judge them, simply feel them."

This one was a little more difficult for Ialari to wrap her mind around. “Focusing on breathing…I can’t imagine having any other strong smells in the room. That would be too distracting. That eliminates candles from the equation; at least as far as using them to aid with any meditation. That one will likely be a difficult one. Focusing on breathing…I think I can at least try that one and see what happens. Check. Moving on…”

"Finally there are the physical sensations. Watch a physical sensation. Look deeply at a certain sensation that gets the attention. Perhaps something like how hot or cold your hands feel. Focus on that can open up other points of focus. Observing a particular emotion or specific point of discomfort also works. Whatever is chosen remains the point of focus for the rest of the meditation. This one can be one of the more difficult forms of concentration."

“Not too difficult there at least in theory. I focus on a feeling or emotion. Examine it from every possible angle. Well, I guess if there are multiple sensations getting in the way, that could be difficult. I think I’ll try that one last…Check.” Ialari reviewed once more the various methods of concentration before noticing that the next set of notes she took involved posture and how to position oneself for meditation. She finished off the piece of meat she was chewing on and washed it down with some more water. She was starting to get a little anxious the more she read. She wanted to get down to business with trying out the whole meditation idea but realized that she really had no idea how to really do it. If not for her notes, the whole class experience would have been completely useless. Perhaps that was a sign of her lack of focus and need for meditation. It was a thought that did not elude her as she continued flipping through her notes.

[Ialari Pythone]

After sifting through the first part of her notes regarding the basics of concentration methods, Ialari was feeling pretty confident about grasping the general idea of it all. As she looked at her notes, she tried to apply them to what she practiced in class. To the instructor’s credit, the theory and application of it all matched up rather well. Ialari still couldn’t wrap her mind around the shared experience of it all though. As she sat in her quarters with her notes, she felt much more comfortable. Having a discussion with herself about the different aspects of meditation actually seemed quite similar to some of what she was reading in her notes.

The next section of her notes involved postures. There were only so many ways to position the body for a good balance. First there was the basic sitting posture

“Any activity or position of stillness allows for meditation and full absorption. Sitting however is the most commonly recommended one. There are a number of different seated positions but two tend to be most common. Sitting in a cross-legged pose is the most basic while a reverse version is called the lotus pose.”

Ialari remembered trying the lotus pose in her guided meditation. It definitely required a bit of flexibility. One had to sit on the floor with their legs straight out in front. Then came bending the right knee then bringing the lower leg up into a cradle. The outer edge of the foot was to be notched into the crook of the left elbow, with the knee wedged into the crook of the right elbow. The hands were then clasped outside the shin. After that, lifting the front torso toward the inner right leg so the spin would lengthen. It was not all that comfortable when Ialari tried it but she did not rule it out in the future.

“I think I’ll probably stick with the cross-legged position. No sense in making pain and discomfort the focus of my meditation…that just sounds too masochistic.” Ialari commented to herself as she recalled the sitting postures.

“Chairs can be used for sitting but the most important part of it all is that the spine remains upright and steadiness and comfortability were maintained. A cushion or folded blanket under the buttocks is a good way to create slight elevation and guide the knees down to the floor thus supporting natural back curvature. Relaxed arms with palms up or down is also essential.”

Ialari glanced around her room. She had a blanket she could fold and sit on and she had a pillow stuffed with soft, dried moss. “Not sure which one would be more comfortable to sit on. Either has to be better than this chair though.” She shifted the way she was sitting and straightened a bit to stretch her back. The tiny chair and desk felt a little cramped but they weren’t exactly designed for comfort.

“A moving meditation such as walking is also a good choice. The challenge is to walk slow and consciously with each step becoming the focal point. Destination, distance and pace are inconsequential. Relaxed arms at the sides and coordinated breath are also necessary.”

The idea of walking while meditating was somewhat appealing to Ialari. “Now that could be kind of fun. There are countless tunnels that offer silence and are long enough to allow a good amount of time to meditate. Definitely need to try that one too.” She considered the pros and cons of each of the postures as she came to them in her notes. Of course she would eventually try them all but initially she thought of the best one to start with.

“Standing is one of the preferred methods for most isur. It helps build physical, mental and spiritual strength. One stands with their feet parted in line with shoulder distance. Knees are soft and arms rest at the sides. Shoulders rolled back and down, chest open, neck long, head floating on top, and chin parallel to the floor.”

The idea of standing while meditating, while being recommended for helping to build strength, did not seem all that comfortable over the long-term; at least not when the goal was to focus and concentrate. “I can see where standing would be a useful pose yet not for someone just starting out. I would imagine it more difficult to concentrate the longer I stood in place. Yeah, definitely one of the last ones I’ll try.”

The final posture in her notes and the last one she remembered hearing about in class involved lying down. It seemed like an obvious one to Ialari since lying down was already a big part of relaxation. Often she would lay in bed staring at the ceiling while thinking about a number of different things.

“Lie down on your back with arms at your sides, palms up. Touch your heels together so that the feet fall away from one another. A greater degree of alertness is oftentimes needed to stay awake.”

[Ialari Pythone]

“Considering how poor I sleep as it is, this one might not be the best; don’t want to fall asleep in the middle of meditation. Or…maybe it would be good when I’m actually trying to sleep. Probably going to go with the sitting position first though. Alright, so got the methods, postures, ok, what else? By the Father I wish I would’ve actually paid more attention to all this the first time around…” Ialari chided herself for her dismissal of the class in general. It was Tirin’s idea that she attend it to begin with but it didn’t seem like something Ialari would take to. According to Tirin though, it was one of the foundations of learning the art of Auristics which would aid immensely in Ialari’s Magecrafting. This brought Ialari to the part of her notes that reviewed the overall benefits of meditation.

“Profound physical and mental changes take place during meditation that actually shifts the brain and involuntary processes of the body. As one moved deeper into meditation, the brain begins to slow and clear while breathing and sweat are also reduced. This helps to enhance healing in many ways. It can teach one to become more alert and aware and in some cases, especially for those more magically inclined, allow one’s personal magic and senses to merge to enhance sight to mystical levels.”

Ialari considered the implications of that last part. When Ialari was magecrafting, she needed to use special lenses to monitor the item’s aura. If she could find a way to open her mind and gain an enhanced alertness to the world around her, she would be able to leave those lenses behind. They caused her terrible headaches with the constant shifting of focus brought on by switching lenses and looking away from the aura itself. The shock to her eyes and mind was exhausting to deal with and left her drained for a good day or so afterwards until she had the chance to fully recover. Even then she never felt completely restored. If for no other reason than to rid herself of that discomfort, she would give meditation a chance.

Tirin had also mentioned to her that meditation may also help with her sleep and with her occasional outbursts. Ialari hadn’t noticed any outbursts until Tirin finally told her about them. Ialari’s mentor mentioned how she witnessed Ialari lashing out at others over the smallest things. Such lashing out, according to Tirin, felt a little extreme in most cases. It wasn’t until having a number of discussions with Tirin about it that Ialari finally started to see what she was talking about. The one instance that always seemed to stand out from the others was the time in the courtyard when Ialari was being taunted by the three other apprentices. Her response was to break a vial of poison with her hand before cutting the boy with her fingernails to enact it followed by the blowing of dust into his face that caused his tongue to thicken and effectively silence him. Ialari chuckled at the memory of it. That wasn’t what concerned Tirin though. It was what Tirin described as unabated hatred in Ialari’s voice as she threatened the three apprentices. Ialari remembered how she felt during the whole encounter. She remembered the feeling that caused her gut to cramp. The discomfort went from her gut to her chest where it felt like her whole body was going to burst. That was when she reached for the poisons and attacked the one apprentice. When she did, the pain in her chest evaporated almost instantly.

Tirin told her that sort of reaction was not good. That level of hatred for another isur was intolerable and shameful and especially unhealthy. Ialari took those words to heart and fought hard to avoid such feelings. That had been a couple of years ago though and since that time she’d discovered a new outlet for those feelings. While she still acknowledged them as being unpleasant and dangerous to her own health, she found it difficult to avoid. She did however discover a new target for her hatred…humans. Such primitive, dirty, fragile things yet despite their inferiority, they still saw themselves as being above everyone and everything else. It was as if they carried some greater sense of entitlement; that the entire world was theirs to do with as they pleased and that everyone and everything else owed them something.

Ialari quickly stopped thinking about all of that as she could feel herself starting to get a little too worked up over it. Finally she returned to the last page of notes taken on meditation. These included suggested routines as well as times and places to practice.

“Consistency is important. Meditate at the same time and in the same place every day. Choose a quiet place that is pleasant and where you’ll not be disturbed. Morning is an optimal time as the demands of the day are not there to distract. Morning meditation can help attack the day with greater alertness and better outlook.”

Her notes ended with a quick overview of method including point of focus, repetitive words or phrases, breath monitoring, imagery, etc. She recalled the instructor mentioning that distraction was still a constant threat in the beginning but patience and determination would overcome. When she was finished going through her notes, Ialari skimmed through them one more time before finally closing her journal. It was nearing mid-day by the time she finished yet she felt like she had learned and retained more from reading her own notes and discussing them with herself than she had during the class. It being her only day away from studies for a while, she figured it best to start meditation the next morning. In the meantime, she decided to go for a walk around the Tower grounds and see if she could find a suitable place to meditate.

There were a number of different areas of the courtyard that might work. It was isolated from the city and considering the exclusiveness of studying at the Tower in the first place, there weren’t exactly crowds of people strolling around the grounds or even inside the Tower itself. A few good spots came to mind initially but Ialari decided the best way was to go looking first hand. So she filled her pouch with a few basic things to get her through the rest of the day and set out for the courtyard.

[Ialari Pythone]

Ialari exited the Tower and entered the grounds. The courtyard that surrounded the tower wasn’t all that large. A circular, five acre plot surrounded the tower making up what was the whole of the Silver Tower. Ialari always found the courtyard to be a monument to a mastery of magic she could only dream of. Surrounding the grounds were a number of pure silver shards. Spaced twenty feet apart and blanketed in glyphs, Ialari was told that the shards were the source of a magical shield that surrounded the tower and prevented any and all from entering unless specifically allowed to.

As Ialari casually wandered the grounds, she felt, as she always did while wandering the grounds, a sense of childish wonder. Deep beneath the mountain that Pitrius Citadel stood atop of, all manner of plant-life flourished across the grounds. It was said that the plants were fed channeled djed to keep them alive. Ialari couldn’t help but believe such a thing as the trees themselves looked like they were pulsing beneath the bark in a rhythm not unlike a heartbeat. Where there would normally be flowers or berries, there were dimly lit balls of energy.

Ialari casually walked along the marble, silver streaked walkways and at one point stopped on a small silver bridge crossing a pool of water. Gripping the marble railing, she looked down into the water. Lazily swimming in the impossibly clear water was a school of tiny fish. The fish were all colored red as blood with tiny pinpoints of light for eyes. They too were said to feed of the djed that permeated the water. The fish were creations of Sentinels who inhabited the Tower long ago; some of the first Sentinels to walk the exotic grounds.

She passed a few more small pockets of strange looking trees and mini-flower gardens while crossing a couple more bridges. Eventually she came to a spot that stood out above the others as being especially different. Ialari stopped on the far, back side of the grounds where a small circle of silver barked trees with black leaves and soft, green glowing berries. In the middle of the circle stood a statue carved from a huge piece of black opal. Ialari couldn’t imagine such a stone being mined figuring that it was likely formed by a highly skilled reimancer. The statue was that of robed depiction of Izurdin. His hands were clasped and covered in heavy, draping sleeves. His face was detailed with silver and accented the details of his jaw, chin and brow. His eyes were closed and his head was looking slightly down. The hem of his robes was etched with glyphs. The statue stood on a base from which black and silver flames crackled and swayed as real fire would. Ialari stood before the statue which was roughly a head taller than she was and looked up at its face. She then looked around again at the circle of trees that surrounded it. The tiny location was secluded enough from the rest of the grounds that distraction would be minimal. From her studies, Ialari learned that a point of focus was necessary for proper meditation. What better than a statue of Izurdin to serve as the perfect focal point.

It was into midday but not very late. Ialari had initially planned to attempt meditation before her classes the next morning. Now that she found a spot she thought would be perfect, she quickly came to the conclusion that she shouldn’t wait and spoil the perfect moment. She unslung the small pack that she carried over her shoulder and opened it. She pulled out the small folded blanket she had brought with her and laid it out on the ground a few feet in front of the statue.

“Well, this is it.” She muttered to herself as she kneeled down on the blanket. There was grass there, a dark, greyish-green color and like just about everything else in and around the Tower, was streaked with silver.

Remembering her notes, Ialari assumed a cross-legged position as she sat. She relaxed her arms and placed her hands on her thighs with her palms relaxed and facing up. She rolled her shoulders back and down and gently lifted her chest. She held her head up with her chin tilted slightly down. She was conflicted at first as to what exactly to use as a focal point on the statue. Looking up at the statue’s face would be too uncomfortable and looking at its torso didn’t really have much of an affect. The flames however…Ialari decided to focus on the black and silver flames that licked their way around the base of the statue. She wanted to keep her eyes open and look into the flames. Unfortunately she was feeling a little confused at first. She couldn’t remember if she was supposed to focus on her breathing while looking at the flames or if she needed to look at the flames and focus on the sensations she was feeling. She tried closing her eyes and focusing on the image of the flames in her mind. Trying that resulted in her thinking about the next string of classes that were coming up.

Hefting a deep sigh, she opened her eyes and leaned back. “Ok, Ialari, this isn’t that complicated. Just stop and think. What do I need to do? I have my posture so that part is done. Next is the focal point; the flames. I need to look into the flames and focus on them. Notice the details and go deeper from there…”

She resumed her posture with her eyes closed at first. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She took another breath and then let it out slowly again. Repeating over and over the slow, deep breathing, she tried to focus her mind on just her breathing. She felt the cool air enter her nose and fill her lungs. She listened to the deep intake followed by the exhale. Then, after several moments of focusing on her breathing, she opened her eyes. She stared into the black and silver flames and tried to empty her mind. It wasn’t going well as her mind continued to wander. Then, she remembered something else from her studies. A word or phrase repeated to form a rhythm; something to help focus the mind.

[Ialari Pythone]

Unfortunately as Ialari tried to come up with something to repeat, she couldn’t think of anything. Cursing softly to herself, Ialari decided to go back to the breathing. She started to breathe normally; not deeply or even timed at all. She allowed her eyes to look at the flames yet didn’t focus on them particularly. She focused first on the way her chest expanded softly with every intake of breath. She felt the coolness of the air on the rim of her nostrils. She felt how it passed through her nose and into the back of her throat on its way to her lungs. As she exhaled, she felt the warmth of the air as it traveled out of her lungs and to her nose before exiting. She kept her mouth closed as she breathed and just focused on the sensations of the air entering and exiting her nose. She continued this for an unknown amount of time. Each time she took a breath, she thought of nothing else beyond the sensations that each breath brought with it.

What Ialari didn’t realize at first was that while she was busy feeling her breaths and thinking of only the breathing sensations, she had stopped thinking about everything else. It wasn’t a conscious awareness though and the stillness that was forming in and around her was not something she was alerted to as of yet. She also didn’t realize that her hearing was becoming partially blocked to the slight outside noises. All that she thought about or heard was the feelings and sounds of her breathing in and breathing out.

Slowly, the realization that her mind had emptied of all other thoughts other than breathing and that for some amount of time all she could hear was that breathing, set in. She tried not to focus on that realization however due to the fear that she may lose the moment. She continued then to concentrate just on the sounds of her breathing. With her mind empty of distracting thoughts, she allowed her eyes to focus back in on the flames. Although the magical fire did not burn in the traditional sense, it did produce the muted sounds of burning. There was a light crackle accented by the occasional soft pop that one normally hears more pronounced in a full, mundane fire. There was no smoke nor was there a smell, just the crackling, popping and dancing of the dark blades of mystical fire.

She watched as the exotic dance of magic and allowed her thoughts of her breathing to also cease. At that point, all thoughts had disappeared. The external sounds went from not so loud to not being heard at all. In her mind, Ialari saw herself walking through a barren field of stone. Slowly, as she walked about aimlessly, the flames began to grow around her. They licked their way up from cracks in the stone. She held her arms out at her sides and felt the fingers of the fire taste them yet there was not heat and it did not burn. The flames grew thicker and higher as she walked until she was completely encircled and unable to see beyond them. She imagined herself walking through the wall of black fire. As she did, the imagery immediately vanished and her awareness of her true surroundings returned. She was still sitting on the ground in front of the statue. Still looking into the flames, she remembered a time shortly before her studies began at the Tower.

Why the memory had entered her mind, she didn’t know. She had traveled with her father to one of the nearby trading posts. Zyleron Pythone went to the post on behalf of the Sentinels to investigate reports of unauthorized magic use. He took Ialari with him mainly for a learning experience. She remembered Zyleron speaking with some of the residents about the reports which led him to a small human nomad camp just outside of the post. He was looking for someone specific who was named by one of his contacts. As Ialari followed along, she saw how truly foul the humans looked. They were living in tents made from animal hides, the same material that they wore on their bodies. They were hairy, dirty and the entirety of the small camp smelled like rotten body odor mixed with animal dung. While the camp itself wasn’t especially unkempt, it was primitive at best. The humans had been allowed to camp near the post for the sake of open trade along with protection from a slight rise in zith attacks during the previous season. When Zyleron met with the human he was looking for, the human spoke down to him. He spoke to Ialari’s father as if it were a hassle to even have to do so. The man was intentionally vague and withdrawn otherwise and it made Ialari instantly loathe him.

As the memory occupied Ialari’s thoughts, she felt a slight rush of adrenaline shoot through her body. Her face flushed slightly and a tickle danced its way from the base of her neck to the lower tip of her spine. She remembered wanting to wrap her fingers around the man’s neck and slowly, agonizingly so, squeeze. She wanted to watch the life fade from his eyes as her grip constricted his throat and bruised his neck before her fingers split his flesh and sunk into muscle. She could see the man’s blood pool around her fingers before trickling down his neck. She could feel her fingers contact bone and then feel the bone give way. At that point the man had already died; his voice having gone moments before as he met his end in silence.

Blinking once then twice, the image vanished from her mind. She was sweating and her throat was dry. She looked around to see that she was indeed still in the circle of trees in front of the statue. “What in Izurdin’s name was that all about?” She asked aloud as she tried to shake the strange feeling away. “Um…I hope that wasn’t what was supposed to happen. This is supposed to be relaxing not confusing and upsetting…”

Ialari wiped the sweat from her palms on the grass and unfolded her legs. She slowly stood and gathered her blanket back into her pack. She looked up at the statue’s face. “Father, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just feel normal? Why can’t I just fit in like everyone else? The others here, they have a place and they know that place. I don’t know what I’m doing here. Sure, there are the poisons and the magecraft but they just aren’t doing it. It doesn’t feel like enough. I can’t sleep, there are always the nightmares. I can’t talk to someone without finding something I dislike or even downright hate. Tirin is the only one outside of my family who I can tolerate and maybe even say I like and even she seems to view me as being a bit off. Please Father, help me find meaning in it all.” She was silent for several moments after. As she slowly turned to leave, another realization hit her. Her heart had stopped beating so fast, her breathing was more normal and she felt more relaxed. It wasn’t complete yet it was quite noticeable. She knew it wasn’t from the meditation as her first attempt at it hadn’t exactly gone all that well. What the meditation didn’t give her though, she did get from Izurdin.

In the past, she didn’t really think about too deeply but whenever she was feeling scared, angry, lonely or confused, she would go to a particularly large statue of Izurdin in a park located a short distance from her home. She would climb up into the statue’s open hands and talk to it. She would pour her heart out to the Divine Father. Every time she did, she felt better afterwards. It wasn’t until she had just finished pouring her heart out to him there at the Tower that she understood. Her focal point of meditation; it didn’t need to be the fire or her breathing or anything else for she already had it and always had. Her focal point was Izurdin.