I wish I was posting this with a happy announcement, something like "ermagerd merzaherr guess who's back?" but alas, that's not my business here.
It's been about a month since I made my leave official and aside from popping up every so often, pretty much at random, and answering stray PMs from worriers, I've really done nothing more than made promises I haven't held up. Well, I'm here to say I'm done that.
My leave from Mizahar is going to end as of Fall 1st. No lie. I won't be returning until then, outside of the occasional log. I would return now, but really...
My cat died today.
I suppose that's the brunt of this post. I have to share. I think I need to.
My cat's breathing had changed about a month ago, getting deeper and heavier, and at that time we knew she would go. She was fifteen years old, she was slowing down, and she was getting thinner. About a week ago she had begun to limp. This morning I found her in my room, having woken me up, to snuggle with me. The part of me that believes animals know more than humans think they do tells me she was saying her goodbyes then, because as I gave her my undivided attention she began to have a coughing fit, and that's when I knew she would go today. I didn't even get to tell my mom because after my cat finished, she lay down with me and we snuggled and shared meaningful bonding time before we fell asleep.
When I woke up I found her gasping for breath outside of my bedroom.
Four hours later, she died as we were taking her out to the car to be euthanised at the vet, because she was crying in pain. We are poor. We don't have the money to afford euthanisation. We had to wait for a ride and my poor little baby suffered because of it. We don't doubt that she waited until everyone had come to say their goodbyes before she died, because it was only once my mom went to make an appointment with the intention of pulling the money from the rent that she decided it was time to go.
I can't even sit here and write this, but I want to get it out somewhere, somehow, because really... sitting here crying doesn't help and I shouldn't anyway, because it is night time.
I'm sorry I won't be back until Fall. Please take this as my encouragement to turn our threads in for grading. This applies to Tia'aria, Ehati, Quiarinox, and Sinvala.
-Annerbeller
