Something to Live For (Solo)

[Ronin]

Something to Live For 7th of Spring AV 511 Ronin was up early on the morning of the seventh. The night before had been a life changing experience, and it left him in a dazed and confused state. So many things that he had held onto for so long were now seen under a different light. Ronin was a changed man when it came to his view of his father and even of his own childhood. He had decided that he would have to find his father and figure this thing out face to face. If his dad had been able to find him then surely Ronin would be able to find his father. However, he didn't have a clue where to start. The letter had given him no clue of what his father was doing or where he lived. The only thing he knew about his father was that he had been married to Ronin's mother and that he was a tanner, but there were dozens of tanners in Wind Reach. Finding a single one would be nearly impossible and Ronin wasn't about to go to each of them and ask if they were his father. After several minutes of deliberation, Ronin decided that his best chance would be to try the library. If he was lucky, he might even run into Vala. This would benefit him threefold. For one, he would get to check on her ankle and see if she was managing to get around. Also, she was a skilled librarian and one that he wasn't intimidated by, at least, not too much. And finally, he had a strange feeling about this girl, like he was falling for her. Maybe if was just the fact that they had been through such a traumatic experience together, but Ronin felt very close to Vala and would be excited at any excuse he got to go see her. It took no more reasoning than that for him to be on his way. Ronin did not hurry about the warrens like usual. Instead, he took his time and used the extra moment to contemplate what exactly he would say if he did find his dad. Would he just want up and say 'Hey I'm the kid you abandoned when your wife died."? No, of course he could say that. But that isn't to say that the thought didn't cross his mind more than once. Ronin decided that he would have to be polite. After all, his father was of a higher class that he and could have Ronin punished if they didn't get along. However, his father had hurt him quite deeply in the past and that wasn't something Ronin would let go easily. It took him his entire walk, but he finally came to a conclusion. His father had found him, so presumably, he knew what Ronin looked like. Therefore, no introduction was needed. When Ronin reached the Enclave he was greeted by the smell of musky books and the still silence of scholars pouring over the next of countless manuscripts. Ronin considered himself relatively intelligent, but here, he felt outclassed by these people who spent the majority of their time learning for the huge tomes of the Enclave. An older woman approached Ronin and he already felt as though he had violated some rule that was unknown to him. To his relief, he had not. The woman was kind and gentle and politely asked him what he was looking for. "I was wondering if Vala was working today." He said in a quiet tone. "She is not here today." The woman said in an even softer voice, as if to tell Ronin to be quieter. The fact that Vala was not present worried Ronin. Perhaps she was injured worse than he had thought. Maybe she still couldn't walk and had been trapped in her room for days. He immediately felt the urge to run to her room, but he resisted it. He quelled the negative thoughts with rational ones, like, it was her day off. Once he had composed himself again, he returned to the conversation. "I am trying to find someone, a citizen of Wind Reach. However, I don't know his name or very much about him at all." The older woman nodded and led him by the arm to a table. She motioned for him to sit, and, as soon as he complied, she shuffled off behind a bookcase. Ronin was beginning to wonder if she had abandoned him, but as he was getting ready to get up and leave, she returned. In the hands of the librarian was a stack of dusty books. She placed them on the table in front of Ronin before picking up the top one and beginning to leaf through it. She explained that each one was a list of citizens organized in a different way. One was a list of all the Endals, another was of every master craftsman and their art. When she got to a list of everyone who had perished in Wind Reach over the past fifty years, she made a joke. "Unless you a looking for a ghost, I don't think you'll need this one." The woman chuckled at her own joke, but Ronin got a very serious look on his face. For some reason, an idea had sparked in his mind. He grabbed the book from the librarian and being searching through it. She looked at him strangely, but she let him do what he wanted. After a couple minutes of searching, Ronin found what he was looking for. It was his mother's name and a short list of information about her. This included the piece of information he wanted, he husband's name. Once Ronin had a name, the librarian was quickly able to find out where Ronin's father lived and worked. He now had all the information he need. Now, he just needed to find the courage.

[Ronin]

Courage was something that was in short supply today. Ronin wasn't usually the more religious person, though if you asked him, he would say he was a proper follower of Priskil. As such, with no other place to turn to for strength, Ronin decided it was time to pray. Praying had always been awkward for Ronin, since he felt like he was talking to air. Usually, he just tried to direct his thoughts toward the goddess, but he knew that wasn't a real attempt. If Ronin was going to be serious about his prayers, he was going to have to go somewhere he could be alone, so he headed back to his quarters. On his way back, Ronin thought back to when he was younger and more religious. He had slowly drifted away from his beliefs as he grew up. The more bad stuff he experienced, the harder it became for him to pray to a goddess he had never seen.However, living in Wind Reach, where almost everyone prayed to Priskil, it was hard for Ronin not to believe. So, with shaky confidence in a plan that he thought unlikely to work, Ronin continued on to his room. When he eventually got there, he closed the door behind him and lit a candle before walking over to sit on the edge of his bed. Ronin stared at the flickering flame as he tried to come up with something to say. The other problem he had with praying was, it was hard for him to feel as though his problems were worth the time and attention of a deity. He had once been told to speak as if he were having a conversation with Priskil, but do so with respect. To Ronin, this meant speaking as if he were speaking to someone of a higher caste than himself, and it seemed that what he usually did in those cases was apologize. He knew that he had not been a very faithful follower of Priskil, and that he should probably start by asking her forgiveness for those grievances. "Um.. Priskil, its me, Ronin. I'm sorry I haven't prayed in a while. I know I should do it, but sometimes its hard. You know?" Ronin shook his head. What was he doing? If Priskil really was listening, she must have thought him to be a fool. On top of that, his voice broke the still silence in such a strange way. Ronin did make a habit of speaking to himself and he didn't have many visitors, so his room usually stayed complete void of voices. But now, here he was, speaking to a goddess he didn't even know was listening. Ronin once again shook his head, this time trying to shake the thoughts from his mind before he started speaking again. "Some people say you are watching over us all the time. I've never met you, so I don't know if that's true or not, but if I ever do meet you, I think that is the first thing I ask. However, in case you haven't been watching me, I should explain what is going on. A few years ago, one of my friends died, and I feel responsible for it. Since then, I keep having dreams, no, nightmares, about her. And now, just days after my first nightmare in a long time, I get a letter from my dad, who I haven't seen in thirteen years." Ronin paused. He still felt silly doing this, but it was beginning to come more naturally as he remembered back to when he would pray on a regular basis. "Anyway, now I have the opportunity to meet my father, who I barely remember, but I can't get up the courage to do it. I feel guilty for only praying when I need to ask you for things, but I promise that I will do this more faithfully if you help me. I just.. I really need someone to comfort me, and I don't have anyone else to turn to. I just wish I knew that this would be okay." Ronin had nothing else left to say. He had said what he had wanted to say, and the sound of his voice in the silence was about to drive him insane. By now, it was getting late, and if Ronin was going to do this today, it would have to be now. Summoning some courage that he didn't know he had, he lifted himself off the bed and strode to the door, but he stopped there. Where had he gotten the strength to do this? He wondered. Just minutes ago, he was ready to give up and go the rest of his life without ever seeing his father again. Could Priskil really have given him the strength? Ronin didn't know, but there was no use in standing there wondering about it. He had to act. Throwing open the door, he ran to the room where he now knew his father lived. It was a strange feeling to do this with such confidence, but it was also comforting to know that he had conquered one of his greatest fears. Ronin arrived at his father's door with renewed courage, and full of hope, he knocked on the door, not sure what to expect on the other side.