Ilyamatar's Journal

[Ilyamatar]

Within these pages can be found the personal and private journal of Ilyamatar, Vantha, wood carver of the Skyglow Hold. If you are ever given opportunity to read the words contained within this book or should your fingers turn the pages within and discover the sketches and notes that have and will inspire Ilyamatar's wood carvings, know that all you read was committed to this journal by Ilyamatar alone and to read her thoughts and see her imaginings committed to paper does not allow you the right to borrow or steal of what you find. For each of us creates each day and whilst not all of us allow, or are able to give our creations, physical form from the moment we imagine them they exist and they belong to us.

[Ilyamatar]

Journal Entry: Summer 49, 511 AV Each of us is unique with our own personal interpretations of events and our own reactions to situations so why is it we all, no matter how experienced we may be, try to guess or understand the behaviours and ideas of others by applying to them our own patterns of thought and behaviour and judging them by our own standards? Why do my own, those of the Aurora Borealis assume they can judge my situation and reason that I remain unmarried solely because of my own behaviour? Am I really the ice-maiden they all assume me to be? Do I appear as cold and as unfeeling as the ice? I feel, I care, I allow myself emotions deeper than the fallen snow in Avanthal's mid-winter. I am not without the ability to form attachments; have meaningful bonds and even feel love itself. Why can they not understand that there are reasons for Vantha females my age to remain alone and independent beyond our ability to accept the advances of those of the male gender or the meddlings of Vantha families wishing to negotiate a wedding? Can they not appreciate that I am not an ice-maiden by make-up, it is not my natural disposition to remain so emotionally distant but my choice? My choice to not allow dangerous, unguarded emotion to take over my mind and body and govern my actions beyond reasonable, considered thought, so much so, that it could leave me unable to protect myself against hurt, against betrayal or against loss. If I ever form an attachment, of any nature: friendship or something deeper it will be by choice and not because someone has melted my frozen heart. I am and so I feel... I think they forget I can.