[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon

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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon

Postby Gossamer on October 17th, 2020, 3:27 am

Writing And Arting


Work is kicking my ass. It's been kicking my ass for most of this year. Why? Covid. While people were sheltering at home going stir crazy, I was one of those fools that had to be at work 24/7 getting TP into people's homes and keeping the masses relatively calm. And if Covid wasn't bad enough, the busy season is here... and we are processing holiday stuff in full swing. Why does everyone gift exchange and spend spend spend during the holidays? I get it they put on huge feasts and that's why grocery and liquor are going batshit crazy... it's about to the hoarding level that Feb/March was.

I'm sick of greed.

I want to get back to more core values. I want to do less collecting and gathering and more doing and seeing and creating. I want to start with more writing. I want to write every day. I forget when I am not writing how good it is for my soul. It really is healing. I'm making a pact with myself to write every day, regardless of its long or short or just making notes.

I want to honor my characters and tell their stories. I can do that here. I will do that here. I will keep doing that here until the day I die.

Then there's art. Art is a huge part of my life. I need to do art daily. I really do. I draw really well. I always have. But I love more than just hanging out with a sketch pad and PS. I have to do tangible art. I love ceramics and stained glass... and have recently discovered card making. There's this whole culture of folks that love making handmade cards and sending them to each other. I love this concept. It's like sending a hug in an envelope and a piece of oneself. I thought it would be a really great idea to start a little group where everyone makes some sort of card and sends it out weekly. I put together the group on Facebook and called it Arting From The Heart. I hope the people in this group will make and send each other cards or other arts to feed thier souls.

Image


Above is the heading... made up of pictures of my various arting. I've been gathering stamps, inks, blank cards or cardstock, and once work settles in I'm going start making cards in mass. I hope some of you might like some of them too. Both sending and recieving. Let me know. And if you'd like too share some of the things that are good for your soul. I'm always curious. I'll be posting some of the things I make in this scrap.

Gossamer

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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon

Postby Gossamer on November 1st, 2020, 1:54 am

Lesson's Learned

Image


It's been a hard year. I think everyone feels this way. Today is Samhain and the new year for at least half my people. Luckily, the Shoshone side marks the seasons passing but not an actual new year. If anything, the tribe considers the first snowfall a 'new' year and counts age in terms of snowfalls traditionally. But the Manx side celebrate it with the dead and recognize all that has come to pass.

For me, today is a huge time of retrospection, reflecting back on what has happened this year and getting a chance to recognize all those who have passed that we miss day to day. Being a mixed blood Manx Shoshone woman is a lot better in my mind than being nothing spiritually. We don't actually 'miss' our dearly departed. We have them around daily, weekly, monthly... whenever the mood strikes the dead. I can't tell you how often I smell my grandmother's perfume and know she's checking up on me or I get pissed for no reason out of the blue and know my mother's standing beside me. I usually tell her to get lost. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for her to wait for me to live this life and pass over so she can get at me and try to convince me she wasn't a bad person.

So many people think of this year as a dearth year. It hasn't been for me. For me, this year has been overly abundant. I've had too much work time. I could pretty much work 24/7 and no one would complain that my company was shelling out overtime too liberally. I haven't gotten an abundance of sleep and I certainly haven't had enough home time. But I'm overall happy. The big bad pandemic has made all kinds of people sick, but no one I know that's got Covid has died. I know a lot of people died of covid - and that's a tragic thing - but I'm also one of those people that suspect a lot of usual deaths here in the US are now Covid deaths. Staring at the numbers, the usual suspects - heart disease and cancer - have dropped off radically in favor of pandemic deaths. And since I know there's financial gain to be had by hospitals reporting such things as covid deaths I know they are doing it.

But honestly, that's not what this scrap is about. This scrap is about me. I've changed. This year has taught me to trust people a whole lot less. I see everyone around me cheating the system... lying to be on unemployment, faking injuries to be on L&I, taking school money without taking school seriously, grabbing groceries at the food bank when they could be working, and just sitting around bemoaning their fates and how opressed they are. I hate that shit.

I can tell you one thing I know and that is my ancestors couldn't just walk into the the door, throw tea on, pour white sand sugar into it, drink it by the gallons like it wasn't something rare, and scrounge in the refrige for food or the fixings of food. They didn't have TP on the roll, sixty sets of outfits, multiple pairs of shoes, multiple vehicles, a home of their own that was warm all year round, horses they keep for pets, and medicine they can get prescribed by the bottle full. They didn't have paper which we have by the ream. They didn't have cell phones and could call up a foreign country and chat with a friend or relative for hours just to catch up. Travel was grueling and dangerous, not a vague worry that the TSA would make you take off your shoes or delay you hopping on a plane to do a full body search.

My people couldn't walk into a Walmart and have the choice of a hundred varieties and scents of soap. They had to save all their lard and bacon grease and hearth ashes to make soap that was the same kind used for thier laundry and their hands. My ancestors didn't have books, and those that did treated them like they were precious comodities. We have the internet and its nothing to google whatever we want.

We are living in such a Golden Age and no one wants to take time and think about that. No one wants to understand how priviliaged we are to even live in these times regardless of the color of our skin. Very few of us have realized true hunger or have mulitple siblings alive and multiple siblings that have starved to death as babies.

What I'm getting at is that I'm so tired of people complaining. I really am. I'm tired of people taking life for granted. I'm tired of people standing in the streets and decrying how abused and underpriviliaged they are because of their choice of sexuality or spirituality. These are weak, blind, and selfish people. They are so closed to whats all around them. They don't gather in celebration but in protest... and it's completely baffling to me.

It's far and away past time people start realizing WHAT THEY HAVE instead of what they don't have and desire. Each and every person out there has oportunities presented to them and available to them. I think of each person having a basket that they carry. And in that basket, things collect that are all about that person. Their joys, their loves, their thoughts... all of it. It all collects. And I see so many people with these baskets... some people call them plates... and refer to it as a full plate. But so many of these baskets are filled with such negative things that there is no room for anything more. There is no room for joy, for happiness, for satisfaction or fulfilment. They make no room for it.

My basket lately has been filled with a lot of anger about working too much. I've had work partners out on illness and have been babysitting a lot of helpers that don't end up being much help. You loose sight of whats important in that situation. And it hit me the other day that this year.... I've been getting regular iron infusions, my hemo has kept a close watch on my health, and I've been working my ass off ... and I'm so much better.

I had a few months where I came home just limping and unable to walk because my work is so physical that it really kills me to be at a dead run for eight hours. But lately.... I've been at a dead run for upwards of 14... or longer and I haven't had those crippling effects. My body at my age feels so much stronger than it has been in the last five years. I'm tired, but its expected for the hours I've been working. And tiredness isn't exhaustion. My muscles are doing so much better at bending, stretching, climbing a million steps, and my mood has improved.

That's what I mean about the fact I've changed. I've changed physically. I'm some sort of powerhouse now and I feel almost good... its a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. Its also a hard feeling to talk about or describe. I'm still a tall bulky person... you know the type. I could easily fit into a full back or line backer position on a football team and no one would realize I was a girl until they saw my hair and my boobs. Can they even see breasts under pads? I don't know. Hrm. Anyhow... I love this sensation.

There was a time I had to really convince myself to stand up to get up off the couch or even hop down off my yard goat. Much of that was a medical condition I had no idea I had... one that took us roughly two years to get under control... two years and I kid you not 22 iron infusions later. But now I'm holding steady and I just .... I can think again clear headedly. I want to actively learn. I want to live. I think nothing of running outside or getting up to go do something. I don't have to gather energy and talk myself into it. I was in a cage of some sort and I didn't even know it before.

And that's one of my realities... along with unlimited tea and sugar to put into it... all the paper I can handle and new ink or paint whenever I can be bothered to order some off Amazon. Money comes in. Money goes out. We have enough. Life is so much enough. I am satisfied. I'm happy. I love my husband dearly and feel so lucky that all these people around me have suffered through their partners not being true to them while mine looks at me daily like I hung the moon.

A few minutes ago he went outside to check 'his girls'. He was worried that the chickens might get to cold today and wanted to see if they were still comfortable and that everything is okay. When he got home from work today.... after working 10 hrs... he sat down to relax a few and play No Man's Sky a bit... and had five cats surrounding him and one sitting on his head licking his hair. What in the hell did I do to deserve this guy? I'm not the only one that loves him. The girls at work who work with him love him dearly and tell me all the time they do.

He doesn't talk much to people he doesn't know or isn't certain he likes. Matt has a no-nonsene attittude about people. If he needs them in his life he interacts. Otherwise, given a choice, he won't interact. But give him a kitten or a puppy or even something even more exotic like a walking stick bug and he'll bend over backwards to see to its comfort and joy. He's funny like that. But he'll quietly escort folks anywhere that need some watching. I can't tell you how many times he's driven me to Seattle for women's things and quietly hung out while I did my thing just to be around. I'm grateful for that.

I'm grateful for Miz too. We might make it to twenty years at this rate. And that's a good thing because I don't think I can save all my writing off site at this point. Plus I keep making PCs I like and want to write with, and that makes all the difference in the world. I keep meeting new people I want to write with as well. I keep missing older folks who have vanished and I've loved writing with too. But I look on that bright side as well. I've encountered people on the internet that I would have never otherwise met if Miz wasn't between us as some sort of common ground and meeting point. It is our Golden Age. The information highway connects us.

I have an APP on my phone that reflects this age too. It's called Disaster Alert. It notifies you when hurricanes hit, earthquakes strike, meterors fall, or even volcanos erupt. Our technology lets me care and worry for the Japanese who are in the middle of one of thier volcanos grumbling and threatening to erupt. I've been through that and can imagine their anxiety and feel for them... for people I don't know living in the shadow of a peak I've never seen. That's crazy. That's something my Ancestors didn't have. I'm fairly sure your's didn't have that ability either.

So if you take the time to read this scrap, take a minute to count all that you have against all that has come to pass in history. No matter how bad life seems... look at how amazing life is. You live in a time period where we don't know true war. You've never had to hold a rifle in your hands and know that you probably wouldn't live through the morning. Your city has never been shelled to the point its unrecognizable. You don't have a nuclear threat as close to home as Cuba. Things are pretty darn amazing. AMAZING. Hold on to that truth. Keep it in your heart. Let it burn through the bullshit and negativity that's out there and enlighten you.

It's Samhain. If not now, when?
Gossamer

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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon

Postby Gossamer on April 6th, 2021, 5:10 am

I Need To Scrap More.


I can't for the life of me understand how it's April already. The snow was just falling and we were just celebrating the holidays (at work) a few short weeks ago it seems. Life goes on... and on... and on.... with rarely a break and the days run into each other so that a blur occurs where I tend to have no idea what time of day it is and even what day of the week it is. For all intent and purpose, life for me has been on hold.

All it has consisted of is work - day in and day out. I don't sit behind a desk at my job either. I am constantly moving trailers around a retail warehouse yard throwing them into doors to be loaded, and putting loaded ones into doors to be unloaded, pulling empties and spotting empties. I'm considered a hostler, though some people call us Yard Spotters or Yard Dogs. Lately though, I've been Command Central and something of a Help Desk all combined.

It's a confusing role for me since I tend to bark orders out and drive off. But that doesn't work so well under the new system and now I have to patiently explain the same things a billion times a day all while shouting due to inconsiderate drivers not being willing to turn off their trucks to hear my directions.

I have my foot in the accelerator constantly. I never stop. This previous week was rough because there were no breaks, no lunches, no time to stop and pee. I had to pee a lot and often just dashed into the office for a two-minute bathroom break while the other guys were peeing behind trailers and not bothering with taking time to run into someplace sanitary with hand soap. Gross.

We have new help at work. I hope this guy lasts. I know the situation well - its the same story over and over again - where a truck driver thinks a hostler has it easy and now he's knee-deep in 'holy shit what did I get myself into' land. Its not a nice place to go live, and I wouldn't even want to take 8-hour vacations there daily. But last week.... last week... I had to babysit. And since he came in at 1230 as his start time and I was there at 6.... that meant I had to stay until another veteran came to work at 4... 430ish. So... 10, 10.5 hr days day after day and then a 12 hr Saturday nearly killed me. Most of it was just because honestly I can get the work done alone faster than I can be teaching someone else to do it and 'help'. The help turns out usually to be not that great of help after all.... but this new guy shows promise. We'll see...

I left him alone at 230pm today because I had a doctor's appointment at 240pm... so there was no choice. He was pretty buried when I left... but I'll see tomorrow about how bad it was. I suspect the receivers and shippers waited a long time for their trailers, freight, and all the moves involved. It's not a glamorous job. It's a job that leaves me exhausted most days... and uncreative.

I thrive on art, you see. If I'm not doing some sort of art or writing, I feel a little dead inside. But using last week as an example... working ten hours... sometimes eleven or twelve and not even realizing holidays come and go... there's no time to actually be creative. I want to be. I need to be. Writing is part of who I am. And something in me Saturday felt broken, so the longer I sat there after that hellishly long shift exhausted, the more I resented the fact that I have literally no time to myself. But having Sunday off, I set about doing some development which was long overdue.

It was like smoothing a healing balm over an open wound.

We need new things on the site to keep relevant and current. We need new concepts as much as we need new players and new stories. We need so much! That need revolves around someone stepping up and doing these things. If I can put together an entirely new magic in less than 12 hrs with after an intense week like this... and do it with zero preconceived notions about wanting new magic or what one could be... then others can step up too. People with more free time than I have should be volunteering to Storytell, Moderate, run threads, Grade, and work on development. People at the very least should be posting! Post to keep Miz alive because we've been acting like a mothballed site here lately and that's not who we are.

I'm sorry my interaction has been sparse lately. My work schedule has precluded it. But hopefully, with this new hostler, I will stop working these long shifts and have time to hit the writing and art as I need to in order to stay sane. And I hope some of you - if not all of you - will consider stepping up and helping Miz out as well.
Gossamer

BBC CodeHelp DeskStarting GuideRiverfallSyka
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Gossamer
Words reveal soul.
 
Posts: 20482
Words: 5857414
Joined roleplay: March 23rd, 2009, 4:40 pm
Location: Founder
Blog: View Blog (24)
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Featured Contributor (1) Featured Thread (1)
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