Haven't We Met Before? [Seliarus]

[Seliarus]

Sel felt weak. The emotions which flew trough him, were all a sign of his weakness. His storytelling, his breakdown, everything. But the worst of all, he knew she wasn't telling the truth. Her smile gave it away. No, and no. She wasn't okay with it. She wasn't fine with it. She hated him, but tried to make him believe otherwise. And even the Dhani, a wicked and lie-twisted race, understood why. He felt his hand getting squeezed. Her whispering words of comfort, of understanding and forgiveness. He wanted to believe into everything she said. So, why didn't he? His dark eyes slowly started to devour all the emotions that hid in his eyes. And once that was done, the emotions all over his body vanished completely. He never needed to feel. Feelings are for humans. And betrayed animals. No. A Dhani should only hate. Hate and enjoy the blood. He shook his head, while looking at the kelvic. A slight movement from left, to right, before returning to it's previous position. And after that, he didn't say anything for quite a while. He let the silence do it's work, and his eyes gave away nothing. He was cold, once more. "You know I hate that." He finally whispered. "Ssso why do you do it?" He asked. "Why do you lie to me?" He didn't know himself why he asked that. He knew the answer before he asked it. But, at least he let her know there was no use of lying to him. "I betrayed your trust...How can you sssay it's forgiven? How can you sassy it's forgotten? I can sssee it too well on you, Nida." He doesn't need sympathy! He doesn't want pity. He isn't a weak human. No, he is a Dhani, and he should act that way. Emotions were only in the way for the most time. He opened up for one person...And this happened. "I want to believe everything isss forgotten, Nida. Really. But I can't. And I wont." The Dhani once again looked away, and gazed around. "I would want to believe there would be a way to make up for my missstake. But I know how much of a fool I wasss. Open up. Tell me what you think. I want to hear the truth."

[Nidassasyae]

Yes girl, stop lying. You know you can't forgive him, so stop trying. You'll be a good little bitch and follow him around, but you'll find yourself cringing at his every move, as if he'll strike you again. He really must he a sucker for a lost cause.

The Kelvic bore the voice's tirade as best she could, sitting there as Seliarus' silence dragged on, and as he protested at what she had said. "I can say it's forgiven because it is," the Kelvic answered firmly. "You know it is. You know I can forgive you this, as with anything else. It's your own doubt and guilt that won't let you forgive yourself." She could sense those feelings swirling through the Bond, darkening her Bondmate's countenance in the process.

Liar!

It's true, she protested, tentatively trying to defend herself against the voice. I know it's true.

"What I think? I thought that you made me more bloodthirsty and merciless, but I didn't affect you in the slightest. I thought it was the Bond that changed only me. But I see now, like me, you've begun to let your emotions run you. You can't forgive yourself, just like I can't."

"I thought you'd never come back. But you did. How could I not forgive you that?" Her bland expression softened slightly. "And that's the truth."

As if he'll believe you, not that your opinion matters to him in the slightest. Your attempt at eloquence was laughable; you never were one for words. Maybe you should have stood on your head as you said that, it would have rendered your entire speech much more believable. Bah, if you can't even convince me, what hope is there that you'll convince him? You'll never convince anyone if you do things that way.

The Kelvic's face flushed for a moment at what the voice had said. She felt her checks redden in anger and slight embarrassment at the suggestive tone the voice had taken towards the end. Then the coloring was gone, and with a shock she realized her actions weren't hers. The voice cackled with mirth as it leaned her body forwards and pressed her lips to her Bondmate's. It left her there for a moment before releasing her back to her original kneeling position. But before it relinquished all control over her body, it forced her to say a sentence. "You taught me to hate. Maybe I can teach you to forgive.

The Kelvic tried to clear her expression of any embarrassment or surprise. She directed particularly nasty thoughts filled with vitriol towards the voice. Why did it have to do that? How could that have helped at all?

I hardly expect you to thank me now, but you will later, grinned the voice, and it's tone was not to Nida's liking.

What's that supposed to mean? Nida demanded of it, lowering her eyes so that Seliarus couldn't catch the confusion in them. A girlish embarrassment, surprise, and an overlaying sheepishness flowed from her into Seliarus' mind.

Don't play coy with me. He's a male! You know the only route you can take back to him is by getting back in his bed. Don't deny you've missed it. Now the voice tittered femininely, but its words cut as sharp as a knife.

I won't deny it, but I'm no quean. I've missed more than that. I've missed having someone who understand me, someone to talk to. I've missed someone who I could hunt with and who wouldn't be frightened of me. I've missed that someone could think of me as more than a device for killing, or a pelt to sell, protested Nida vehemently.

So you think.

CHALLENGE METWord of the day: Quean.

[Seliarus]

The Dhani remained seated. he let the aching, pulsing pain go trough his body, and misuse the already numb body of his. He couldn't do anything to prevent such a thing. The painkillers wore off, and that was all what was needed, to wake Sel up from his nightmare. Right into a new one. A real one. How he wished he could feel like he did before. Alone, maybe. But those feelings never pestered him before. Guilt? Bah. It's first exposure was after the bond. And all trough it.And even now, stronger than ever. Was it really needed? Are those negative feelings, that made him unable to think straight, really needed in such a relationship? Why? Why does it have to be so complicated? It's supposed to be easy. Someone to rely on. Maybe it was, but the Dhani didn't do a good job. He was pathetic. Even the chevas mark he wore was a lie. How could he promise anything, yet hurt her like that? NO! Guilt. Again. All his thoughts led to one thing. The one thing. He wished for something that would make him happier, but in some cases, the happiness was worse than being alone. Was that supposed to be the price? A price was for everything in the world, he knew that. And just now, he experienced the price of happiness. Dread, sadness, and despair. Ironically, though. He felt those feelings before as well. Really, he was confused. He knew he did something terrible, and even he couldn't forgive himself. But, why? he killed before. He hurt before. All with not a single drop of remorse. He was becoming soft. And that took advantage of him. He wanted to know if she felt as well, but Sel felt like a tool right about now. If Nida ever wanted, she could make him do anything. And he wouldn't even complain. Because those feelings of guilt would come back, and say that he should. The price of happiness. It's never fully paid. Do it. Price... He muttered out. His lips moved, but no sound came from them. Strangle. What was even stranger, was his Bondmate's mixed feelings that coursed trough the bond. And even stranger, her confusion, and battle with herself. Yes, she tried to hide it. But Sel saw passed that. Pass the kiss, which he longed for so long. It should make him feel relaxed. Calm. Happy. The action of hers should wipe all the worries away. For just a moment to last, he shouldn't even be thinking. He should enjoy it. So why didn't he? As her lips meet hers, he didn't even move. He didn't even part his own lips. No. Because something was wrong. "To forgive? Maybe...But before teaching me anything... Can you really be sssure you did that to yourssself?" He asked. He, through the bond, felt what was going on in her mind. Maybe he didn't understand feelings, but he knew what she thought about. Or, what he thought she thought about. Yes, his mind got her message. But why? He wont lie. He missed it. Yet he missed her more. Now, he would of have taken the lead in any possible situation but this. It might be hard, but he can't just let go of his passions, when there is one thing yet unsolved. His glance returned to the kelvic. He kept his emotions sealed away now. He will not let them get away in their talk. Yet it was too difficult to maintain it. They were too strong. "I could never leave you permanently...Unlesss Death ripss me out of your embrace. Yet, what I did...No, what I thought I wasss doing right..." He spoke, but never finished the sentence. He felt no need. His mind was already finishing all the sentences he spoke out loud. Why should he try and find excuses for something that shouldn't be excused. "We have problemsss...I wont deny that. But let me make it up for it...Jussst tell me how." There. That was the only emotion he was willing to give away. Hope. Just a slight fragment of hope leaked trough his eyes as he watched her."I made a terrible missstake...But I'm not perfect. We all have flaws..."

[Nidassasyae]

The Kelvic sighed, turning her gaze from his. Why couldn't he stop talking about it? Why did he have to dwell on it? All she wanted to do was forget it, but it seemed he wouldn't let her. What made it so nessecary that he had to keep bringing the pain of those weeks up? Pride? Guilt?

You're assuming he has good intentions. He could easily be doing this to hurt you. It's quite possibly the easiest thing for him to do. He's a Dhani, of course he has those kinds of motives! He loves pain!

“Dammit Sel, just let it go! Just forget it!” Nida cried out, covering her face with her hands. “I don't want to talk about it! I don't want to think about it, and relive it!” Her voice was strained, and she tried to lower the volume of it, realizing that the walls were only made of canvas here.

“You did what you had to do. I don't care! Please just stop bringing it up!” The Kelvic turned her face away from him, extricating her hand from his grasp and pulling her knees up to her chest. Why wasn't it obvious to him that this conversation was hurting her? Couldn't he just be thankful that he was alive?

No doubt he finds your antics amusing. Please child, continue. This is even more fun than watching you cry when he wasn't here! Imagine how entertaining it'll be since he's back.

“Shut up!” she cried, though no one had spoken aloud. This was to the voice, though no one but Nida could hear it. Her heart still beat at a frantic pace, but the Kelvic tried to calm down, knowing she'd sound like a madwoman if she continued like this.

“Yes we have problems. No you don't have to make up for them. For the love of Siku, could you please just stop talking about them! I had to stay here for weeks, not knowing if you were dead or alive, if you'd abandoned me or if you had been captured and needed my help. I was going mad with worry, and now you're back! None of it matters anymore! Please don't talk about it, I don't want to relive the past few weeks of my life, I want to forget them.” Her voice dropped lower and lower until it was finally only a whisper.

“I forgive you,” the Kelvic attempted to make her voice monotone once more, but it cracked on the last word. She pulled her knees closer to her chest and hid her face, her shoulders rising and falling with dry sobs.

[Seliarus]

He should let it go. Let it go and just forget about it. Just how exactly could he do that? He'd love to forget. He'd love to just stop caring about everything, and just forget. How could he? Those feelings he experienced. If they'd ever be wanted. He hated them. He hated himself to be able to feel them. He knew he was hurting her with his actions. That's all he was doing for the last weeks. And yet she can just casually say he was forgiven? Something told him that he wasn't even worth that. Yet she did. He made her cry. Made her hurt. Maybe he enjoyed in seeing others miserable and full of sorrow, but not Nida. She was the person who he tried to protect. But he ended up hurting her either way. Is a Dhani even capable of producing a feeling other than pain? He realized what a pain he was for her. So the words of forgiveness simply echoed trough the hollow walls of his mind. Absurd. It made no sense. He wanted forgiveness, but something told him he wouldn't get any. Yet he received it. And that made him so confused. All he wanted to do, is pull her in his arms, like he did before. To whisper in his ear, that everything is going to be alright. To tell her words of comfort, while stroking her hair. All of those little things that made both of them happy before. Why did they seem so distant now? He knew why. Because of those feelings. They were becoming like human. ... Human? The Dhani shivered at the thought. He couldn't let that happen. Yet a part of him insisted. It's like a second personality appeared after all those years of doing nothing but hiding. And now, that was telling him to be like a human. And to accept those feelings whom were eating him off at the moment. A disgrace! A Dhani never succumbs to that. He is a better being than a human. He is pure. He is a child of Siku. He is cold, and merciless. He can take the lead, and not feel remorse with anything he did. He wanted to be like that. He was like that. And he should become that once more. "Fine." He hissed out, quite more violently than he wanted to. He never meant to be shown hostile to the outside, but all of this was making him so irritated and mad. Her yelling out a 'shut up' to no one also helped in the insecurity he felt. Why couldn't he just accept he was forgiven? It would not hurt. At least she would feel better. "I am forgiven." He repeated her words, now with his usual tone. The sharpness of those words disappeared. "And by your request...I wont remind you of this." He continued, cold as ever. He observed her sobbing, and sighed silently while doing that. He reached to her body, and gently tried to pull her closer to him. If she'd show any sign of struggle, though, he'd leave her be. "I missssed you."

[Nidassasyae]

OOCHey Break. It's up to you if you want to end it like this, or if you want to add another of your posts. Lemme know if you want me to submit this for grading.

Nida thought she could feel the sharpness of his words dig into her flesh like knives. They tore into her, making the voice gasp in joy. This was what it wanted, to make her wince away from him. Sharp and cold as knives, they pierced her, comforted her, told her that he would stop, that she didn’t need to try anymore.

“Thank you” Her voice was filled with gratitude.

You’re slowly realizing it now, I can see it. You know he doesn’t care for you. Don’t you hear what he’s saying? Can’t you feel his irritation? His anger? But still you press on! Fool!

Stop it, she begged. I don’t need you anymore. I don’t need your hate.

But I am you. I am the part of you that you wish you never had. I am the part of you that will survive, that will obey your instincts, that knows what needs to be done. I am your lack of mercy, and your hatred.

No, this isn’t me. I don’t think like this. I’m not bitter and angry with everything, I don’t distrust everyone, the Kelvic pleaded, only half believing herself.

Oh but you are, you do! You can’t admit it, and that is why you need me. When the night is dark and lonely and your will is weak, you need me.

The Kelvic couldn’t argue. She didn’t have anything left in her that she could throw at the voice, to plead with it, to insult it, to rant until it left her. It never did. It stayed, no matter what she did. It had come to her when Seliarus had left. It was the part of her that wanted him to leave still. Nida felt his arms around her, gathering her to him. She was as limp as a ragdoll, and let herself be pressed against the hard planes of his chest.

“I missed you too.” The Kelvic turned to face him now, curious at his tone. Wondering what had become of the knife-like words. Were they gone, or only waiting? As her eyes traced over his familiar face, she felt the loneliness drop down on her again, reminding her of what the past few weeks had been like. Would it be so wrong to seek solace in him? “Help me to forget,” she sighed brokenly, tilting her face up to his.

Then she was kissing him. Gently at first, timidly. Then harder, her lips were hard and hot and passionate on his. Her hands were against his chest, as if she expected him to push her away. After a moment of this, Nida scrambled backwards hastily. Nida was a mature female, though by Seliarus’ standards he’d probably think she was still a “silly hatchling”. She was more than a little embarrassed to note that he might still think of her as a child, and thus not reciprocate certain desires.

“You… I… You’re wounded,” she stammered. “You should get some rest.” Hurriedly, the Kelvic stumbled out of the tent, not sure where she was going.

You just can’t stop running away, can you?

[FIN]

[Lariat]

Nidassasyae

Experience:

Field Dressing: 2 xp
Rhetoric: 3 xp
Socialization: 1 xp

Lores:

Restraining yourself in armed company
Pain through the bond
Buckling to the power of ID (AKA mind's voice)
Failing to lie
Struggling with confusion and not yet overcoming it completely
Intuition: How to deal with pain: Bury it

Seliarus

Experience:

Rhetoric: 3 xp
Socialization: 1 xp

Lores:

Minimizing the pain
Despair through the bond
Recognizing a lie
How emotions can taint actions
Denying the physical for the emotional
Recognition of Forgiveness

Comments
Thanks for adding another word to my vocabulary. I throughly enjoyed reading this thread and hope to read more threads by the pair of your. If you have any questions just send me a pm!