Cairis' Scrapbook - Dreams and Reality.

[Cairis Beth]

A character I love dearly. Would like to be able to bring her in somehow. The long history story was wrtten as part of a roleplay nearly 6 years ago. She's a character 8 years old. Happy to adapt history to be more accurate with Mizahar. Maybe. You tell me - or should I just love her, and leave her be?

Name: Keely Maria O'Starre Tarija

Age: 23

Gender: Female

Genetic/Race: Human

Occupation: Garrison Commander

Marital Status: Widowed

History: Keely was born into one of the wealthiest Family's in Aberdeen. Her father was the Commander of the Army, her Mother, the daughter of the Duke Dustin of Franchek. There was much love in her family, and she was a treasured only daughter. Kathleen's pregnancy had been precarious, and at birth, Keely was pronounced dead... However when she took a gulp for air and let for a mighty cry, the midwife changed her mind. From that point on, Kathleen and Liam knew they would have no more children- they would not put their gem at risk of being motherless.

At the age of 7 and a half, Keely was skilled at writing, and horse riding. It was then that her father was called upon to lead the Army of Aberdeen into battle during the War of Kighner. As much as he loved their family, Liam took to gambling, and ended up gambling all the family had. Belac Kinsler, his 'Right Hand Man' finished the job of destroying the family, when Liam fell in battle. By this time Keely was 10, and closer to her mother than she's ever been. Kinsler personally delivered the news of Liam's death to the O'Starre's. Keely opened the door, seeing Belac, she ran for her mother, who was already grieving. "Mother. Mother." She had cried, pulling on Kathleen's hand. Following her daughter, Kathleen found herself sobbing in Belac's arms, for her husband, for her daughter and for herself.

Over the next year, things turned horribly wrong. Belac married Kathleen, and used his fists upon both her and Keely often. In fear for her daughter’s safety, Kathleen took her in the middle of the night to an old abandoned church. With a prayer to the Patron Saint of Children, St. Philomena, she left Keely on the door step with nothing but a blanket, a few pieces of gold, and some food. Keely awoke on the morning of her 11 th birthday with no mother, no father and no home. She wandered the forest for days, crying, barely touching her food and only stopping to sleep when she stumbled from sheer exhaustion. It was two weeks before Belac found her, wandering hair wild, and eyes glazed with tiredness. Belac took her that day, in the forest, where no one could hear her screams, and caused her the most pain and shame she could feel in a life time.

He set her on the path to the town of Caldenen, where she live for two years, hiding in attics, in gutters, in taverns, anywhere. On the eve of her 14th birthday, Keely left Caldenen, driven mad by the hustle and bustle of the city life, and of being always ignored as she shivered in the cold. She went into the nearby forest, with little more than the clothes she had on. During the time she wandered through from forest to forest, she would find things people had left behind, and survived this way. When she was 16, she found her beloved sword, lying in a pile of autumn's leaves. Keely's love was instant. Here was a weapon with which she could defend herself, with which she could earn a living. Without a second thought, she taught herself, from memory of her father's swordsmanship, how to use the sword. She thought up new routines, adding ideas from passing fighters, samurai, and rangers. In the space of two years she became one of the fairest sword handlers in the land.

Her seemingly aimless wandering led her to Alithrin Valley, where she quickly became the leader of the Knights Guild at eighteen. It was during her reign that she was once again attacked by Belac – but Keely had grown in her skills, and her hatred of the man, and he was killed – but not before he wounded the young woman seriously. Keely’s co-leader, Jaycel discovered her – not only tending to her wound, but declaring his love for her also. Keely found herself quickly falling in love with Jaycel, and within the year they were married – a rather large step for the unlovable, hard case young woman.

However, happiness was not to befall Keely – in the year of her twenty-third birthday, Jaycel was killed. Once again, Keely was on the move – her soul once again broken, bare, and cold as stone. She shed a tear for Jay, her love, but not more than one. For to cry was to be weak. And she was, is, far from weak.

She is yet to find out that she is pregnant with Jaycel’s child.

Description:
http://epilogue.net/cgi/database/art/view.pl?id=69571&genre=2
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/14801227/
Keely is diminutive young woman, reaching only 5”4, and weighing only 105lbs (just under weight for her height) – a deceptively small and slight woman who looks like she could be knocked over with a feather. Her height and weight however are quite helpful her fighting – no one really expects a tiny woman with flyaway copper curls to beat them in a sword fight. Her hair reaches to her waist now, but is most frequently pulled into a braid hanging down her back, with stubborn tendrils springing loose about her face. Her eyes are the most delectable shade of amber – like aged whiskey. When she is happy, her eyes dance and swirl. And when she is not (which is most of the time), they are old, cold and hard. She has the ability to make her knights quiver with just one slated look, and a flick of her eyebrow.

More often than not, Keely can be found wearing breeks and a tunic in greys, browns and greens, though on occasion may wear a plain homespun dress of dark green. Her sword is her constant companion, sitting at her side in a plain leather sheath, connected to the belt slung low on her hips. The 23” blade is covered in intricate Celtic knot work (Similar to the one found at http://www.spiral.org.uk/acatalog/info_SWORD14.html)

Weaponry:
Aside from the sword detailed above, Keely also carries her husband's bow and arrows.

Personality: Keely is an oddity. From her experiences, Keely is usually cold, aloof and abrupt. She commands respect from her stance, and deals with situations with the experience of leadership. She tolerates no silly behaviour, especially when it may endanger her, or her followers. She is the typical mother-superior type. She places loyalty, respect and honesty at the top of the values list, and is a prime example of all three. However, those who have managed to break through her defences have seen a softer, vulnerable and kind side. A side that is full of compassion (through the same compassion has come out after a battle as she walks around her wounded men), and tenderness. Only Jaycel has seen this side, and she is most reluctant to show anyone else.

Family Tree:
Commander Liam Conan O'Starre (Father)+ Kathleen Marsilie Dustin O'Starre Kinsler (Mother) = Keely Maria
Belac Damien Kinsler (Step-Father) + Kathleen Marsilie Dustin O’Starre Kinser = Siobhan Jane Kinsler, Rhiannon Bridget Kinsler (Half sisters, died at birth)
Keely Maria O’Starre + Jaycel Tarija = ??

[Cairis Beth]

Destiny's Games Part One
The Beginning
Alithrin Valley
Keely and Jaycel

All was well. The stars shone brightly through the blanket of night; the moon sat high and full. Up in Keely’s room the window was opened out onto the balcony, soft warm fingers of heat flowing through the room in tendrils. It was late in the night, maybe three am and Keely lay sleeping, lit by the pale glow of the moon.

The bed was large, and enveloped the girl, in her sleep looking at last happy and peaceful. She lay on her back, hands folded over her stomach, her sword propped up on the table beside her.

She dreamt of nothing much, in sweet black oblivion. A faint smile played on her sleeping lips, until the stillness of her rest was broken by the form of her mother appearing. Keely frowned. Kathleen still looked youthful, beautiful, identical to Keely but for the snub nose and pointed mouth. Keely felt herself pulled into the dream, hugging the woman she called Mama.

“Mama! Mama, of, I’ve missed ye so!”
“I know my darling, my heart, but I’ve been watching you.” Keely smiled widely and took a step back; recording every aspect of the woman she’d not seen for seven years. Her mothers face became slightly drawn and grave and Keely began to worry. “My darling,” Kathleen said before Keely could say anything “You have to leave. Belac is coming.” Keely shook her head in bewilderment and fear. “But… but this is no but a dream!”
“Aye, it is a dream, but he is coming Keely.” Kathleen became agitated, taking Keel’s hands between her own “You have to leave, my darling. Go! Now!”

“NO!” Keely screamed, jerking upright in bed. The scream resounded in her ears, ringing down the halls. Her breath came fast a shallow as she sprang from the bed. Pulling on her clothes with great haste, she strapped her sword around her middle and scribbled a hurried note to Jaycel.


“My dear Jaycel,
I must leave, and I am not sure if I shall return.
Carry the Knights through to Glory. Remember me.
Forever yours,
Keely Maria”

Pinning the note beneath the heavy quill she wrote with she scrambled out the window, jumping to the ground. She escaped in a flurry of billowing cloak out of the Knight’s Guild.

It was early the next morning when Jaycel found the note, coming to Keely's room to wish her a sleepy 'good day' before he went down to the dining hall for some breakfast. Slightly confused, he had noticed that her sword was gone, and was about to leave to check if she had gone early to the training grounds when he found the note.

Reading it through he swore violently, fighting back the red haze that threatened to overwhelm him before sitting heavily on her bed. Remember me, she'd said. Remember me. He wasn't going to remember her, he was going to go after her! No matter what she said, he loved her, and even as he thought that he felt as if his heart had been pierced by a dagger, but if she was in danger she should have said, not left in the middle of the night. Swearing once more he got to his feet, returning to his room and pulling on his riding gear.

She couldn't be far gone. He thought as he considered which out of his numerous weapons to take. Finally deciding on a hunting knife, light sword and a strongbow. With a final, almost furious look around his room he stalked out, walking through the deserted corridors.

Destiny's Games, Part Two
The Beginning
Alithrin Valley
Keely and Jaycel

Hood pulled low over her amber eyes and fiery hair, the Lady Keely gazed out over the beginning of a new life. Again. It was with many tears she’d arrived at the border. She’d wept for her mother, for herself, and for Jaycel- who had been more to her than just a kind friend. Keely dreaded leaving Alithrin, but if the dream of her mother was correct, Belac was looking for her, and she would not risk being caught.

She did not know he was standing behind her, stalwart, muscular, dark and handsome. He had chiseled features and most considered him attractive, but for the evil leer in his black eyes.

“Oh Keely my dear. What a beauty you have grown to be.” He laughed voice deep and rasping. Keely stiffened, and turned very slowly, drawing her sword. “Ah yes.” Belac nodded in approval, snarling slightly “ Always so aggressive. I remember how you kicked and screamed when-“
“Stop!” Keely interrupted, amber eyes flashing. “I dinna need reminding I kent it well enough.” What have you done to my mother?”

“Ah, Kathleen.” His eyes shadowed with, what? Sorrow? “She died giving birth to my daughters.” Keely paled ‘And what of my half-sisters?”
“They died also.” He said, his tone almost flippant “But no mind, you were always my favorite, Keely.”
“Enough!” She commanded, pulling her sword into attack stance.

Belac laughed, grating and malicious, pulling his own sword. “I had heard you were a skilled swordswoman, Daughter-Keely.”
“I am the best.” Keely said coolly, no emotion showing on her face “And I am not your daughter.” Gripping the hilt of her sword tighter she added “I am going to kill you.”

Her eyes hardened and she charged at him. Belac just looked amused. Her took her blows well to start with, the crash of clashing swords ringing across the battle field. She was stronger now, he realized, and he had to fight harder than he’d expected.

Keely could see he was starting to tire and she charged at him again and again, fury blocking the pains of the injuries she was acquiring. Belac, taken off guard by her new surge of strength was quickly overcome. He made one last attempt at her, managing a deep slicing gash on her left arm, from shoulder to elbow. With a gasp Keely stepped back, looking at her arm, and then back at her step-father. With an unearthly, unnatural cry, she ran at him, running her sword through his stomach.

His eyes grew wide with shock as the sword passed through him. “That was for my mother.” Keely said between gasping breaths. Belac fell backwards, blood gurgling in his throat. Keely turned away, sheathing her sword.

She stood tall until she heard the rattle of his last breath. Her own breath was tight in her chest. Se gasped, but no breath came. She fell forward into the grass like a rag-doll abandoned, her blood soaking the musty earth.

It was a while later when Jaycel found her, slumped by a mans body, her own blood staining the earth. With a startled yell he jumped from his horse, leading the shaking, foam speckled roan to where the bodies lay. The man was obviously dead, and for a reason he couldn't understand he felt an instant revulsion, but the woman appeared to be breathing shallowly. Speaking a few words to Nevyn he left the tired horse and almost tripped in his haste to get to Keely, eventually falling to his knees at her side.

Drawing blood from his bottom lip he pulled her into his arms, muttering to her and pushing her bloodstained hair tenderly out of her face. "Keely...?" He awkwardly tugged his cloak off, laying it over her, then glanced around. She must have left earlier than he thought, unless her horse had bolted. Nickering to call his own stallion to him, Jaycel stood, picking Keely from the ground, he once more looked around him then at the sky, it was growing dark, he'd better make camp though he was reluctant to do so. It was safer than riding at night, with the bandits. Just thinking of them made him give a convulsive shudder, and he gently placed her in the shade of a tree, looking at her with concern.

He grimaced when he spotted the cut, or perhaps a better word would be gash, along her arm, and all at once he was out of his depth. Sure he could bind it, but he'd have to... Shaking his head at his own stupidity, he pulled out his hunting knife and sliced the sleeve of her shirt, pulling it away and wincing. It looked bad. Rolling his eyes he concentrated on that first, then, when he was satisfied he led his horse to her, tethering Nevyn nearby so if she awoke she'd know he was near, then wandered into a nearby copse to gather firewood.

I must be dead. There's no way I could be alive... not feeling like this. I like this feeling. It's so peaceful here. she sighed softly, basking in the soft white light that formed about her body I do hope Jaycel doesn't find me dead...

While he was gone, Keely stirred.

I'm so tired of lying on my back.

She rolled over, onto her wounded arm. She screamed, lurching into consciousness. Her face was pasty white, eyes rimmed with red. She swore violently as a wave of nausea washed over her. Bending to throw up, she retched and retched, tears streaming down her face.

About five hundred metres into the copse, Jaycel lifted his head sharply as he heard a scream. His first thought was that the man he had thought was dead hadn't been, and had attacked her. With an almost rueful laugh he dismissed that, gathering the wood he had gathered under his arm he set off at a run back to the makeshift camp.

"Keely!" He yelled when he found her retching, and dropping the firewood he kneeled next to her, sitting her up and moving her hair out of her face. Nevyn, thoroughly spooked, was rolling his eyes and pulling at the tether, puffing and blowing out streams of steam into the rapidly cooling night air.

Shaking, Keely leaned in to Jaycel. She slowly lifted her right hand to wipe at her mouth. She said nothing, just rested for a moment. Her face was pasty white, skin pricked with sweat, and hot to the touch.

After a short moment she looked him, helplessness in her eyes. "you...came after me..." she said between chattering teeth. "why?"

He smiled, drawing her closer to him and pulling his cloak to cover her. "Because I think I'm in love with you." He murmured, shaking slightly. He glanced at the man, the one who Keely had obviously killed. "Who's that?"

A brief smile crossed her lips in love with me...?

She didn't answer for a moment, and then sighed heavily, her body heaving with the effort. "Belac." She said finally, her voice soft. "My Step-Father."

His eyes narrowed, then he grinned. "I thought we were going to kill him together." He joked, absently stroking Keelys hair. With a small grunt he stood and looked at her. "Keep warm, I'll light a fire." He told her, fetching the wood and crouching beside it, producing a tinderbox.

...

A light sleeper, Keely woke with Jaycel's cry. Her first instinct was to grab her sword, but seeing him still sleeping, she relaxed, marginally. She sat up, siddling over to him, and mumbling softly, like a mother to her child "Hush, Jaycel. It's okay. It's alright."

He struggled slightly, then snapped awake with a yell and scrambled away, his hunting knife in his hand. Seeing it was Keely he relaxed, his hands falling to the ground as he turned his face skyward. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, then looked back at her, hurt showing plainly on his face. "Did I wake you?" He asked quietly, suddenly avoiding her eyes.

[Cairis Beth]

She shook her head slightly "I'm a light sleeper." Jaycel's reaction puzzled her- especially how he was avoiding her gaze... had she done something wrong??

"Bad dreams?" She asked quietly, noting the hurt that showed plainly on his features.

Still not meeting her eyes he nodded, his gaze fixed instead on the still-glowing embers of the fire. He smiled faintly. "I suppose you could say that."

"Jay," She said softly her eyes clouding with disquiet "You can tell me about them... you can trust me... can't you?" She moved her hand to catch his, and held it lightly, gently trying to dispell the memory of his dreams.

Reluctantly, almost against his will he looked up, meeting her eyes. Slowly, hesitantly, he began to speak. "I... I was twelve, when it happened." He stopped, as if unwilling to go on, then continued. "They were stronger then. My village... they raided it, burned it... Set fires to houses with people locked inside..." Shaking his head with another of those strange, twisted smiles he chuckled under his breath, a chilling berserker chuckle that had sent chills up the spine of many a man before a sword had run them through. "My mother told me to find my brother and get out while we could, but they found us and pulled us back, then they... they killed my parents, and my brother, right in front of me." He bit his lip so hard that he drew blood, and swallowed. "I went crazy... I actually managed to kill one of them with my bare hands before another knocked me out and left me for dead."

Keely listened without a word. His laugh had startled her, almost chillingly so, but she listened. When he finished, she dropped her head staring at her lap. Keely withdrew her hand, refusing to touch him, just for a moment as she recalled his murmerings, "Mik... Mik was your brother, wasn't he? You called out his name."

He noticed her pulling away and shook his head slightly, drawing his knees up to his chest. "Mikeel. He was... My twin brother, actually." Lifting a hand he indicated the scar across his cheek, and then pulled up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing an ugly, twisted rope of scar tissue. "They gave me these... and scarred me more than that." His voice trailed off has he repeated. "Oh, so much more than that."

Keely's vision has hazy- obscured both by the curls that fell in front of her eyes, and anger. "Monsters." She muttered, shaking her head. Falling silent, she lifted her hand, her fingers trailing down the scar on both face, and arm. Her expressions were masked again, and she looked up, leaving her hand to cover the scar on his arm. "I'm sorry." She said helplessly. "I'm sorry."

"So you see why... Why I find it difficult to trust anyone." He continued, his face once more blank and expressionless. Brushing at a strand of hair he absently covered Keelys hand with his. "But somehow I trust you, Keely, and I don't know why that is."

He blinked, and suddenly his eyes were warm, the hard line of his jaw softened in a smile. "Though, thanks to them, I'm a demon in battle." He said almost cheerfully, but his tone was tinged with bitterness. Mentally refusuing to tell her what he meant unless she asked, he stared resolutely at a pebble on the ground. Berserkers were usually found as wanderers up for hire, and most were afraid of them. He didn't want that.

She turned her hand, linking their fingers. "Aye, I see." She said, a sad smile on her face "I was like that too." She gave his hand a light squeeze of acceptance- they were alike.

A demon in battle? She shrugged a little, planning on dismissing the notion, but it bothered her. "What do you mean, a demon in battle? Fer sure, all of us have our demons, and some show in times of anger, or hurt, or fear..." she trailed off, looking up at Jaycel, questioing in her eyes.

He froze, he hadn't bargained on her actually asking him. Pulling his fingers away he dropped his head into his hands, thinking. Finally he sighed, looking up and gazed distantly towards where dawns first light was tinging the horizon. "I'm a berserker, Keely." He admitted with a rueful chuckle. "Get me somewhere where I can fight... properly, mind, and I'll kill anything that comes within reach." He smiled slightly. "I don't even know my best friends when I'm like that. It's the only thing they left me with."

"A Beserker." She echoed softly. She felt a qualm go through her- he was potentially dangerous. With a small, soft laugh she said "Best not to cause a fight with you then, aye?"

It was her way, of telling Jaycel she understood, that she would not run.

He looked at her, eyes slightly widened in surprise, then that chuckle started up again. Soon shaking with hysterical laughter he got up and leaned heavily on the nearby tree, breathing deeply to calm himself. "Oh, Keely..." He sighed. "You have no idea how good that makes me feel." Managing to get a firmer grip on his sanity he shook his head, hands behind his back. "Just... it's probably better not to tell anyone... agreed?"

Keely grinned in reply, her own laugh starting, bubbling over the deserted battle field.

"Agreed." she nodded, slightly breathless "As long as no one finds out that he was here." she motioned towards Belac's body, a slight glaze shadowing her eyes for a moment. Shaking it off, gently- in mind of her arm, she looked up at Jaycel, for she was still on the ground and asked "Help me up?"

With a lopsided grin he nodded, walking over to her and taking her good arm at the elbow, putting the other arm behind her back and lifting her to her feet. He whistled, then gave a low nicker, and with a snort Nevyn yanked his tether, the knot coming undone. Jaycel winked. "I taught him to do that." He informed her, stroking the stallions neck as he trotted over. "Did you walk here? Or did your horse bolt?"

"Clever." She said with a smile, stretching a little. Her hand, as usual slipped to her sword hilt, and she pet it in fond appreciation.

With a bashful sort of laugh, she looked up abruptly at Jaycel and said "Neither... I ran."

He raised an eyebrow. "You ran?" Suddenly, in one fluid motion and before she could protest, he caught her around the waist with both hands and lifted her onto the saddle, pushing her upright with one hand before squinting up at her. "How's the view from up there!?" He called, jesting, then grabbing the gear left on the ground he stuffed it into the saddlebags before swinging himself up behind her. Catching hold of the reins he made a few small noises in his throat, twitching them. Nevyn danced backwards a couple of steps then set of at a steady trot, nervously avoiding the bloody body on the ground then speeding up, heading homeward. "Are you alright, Keely?" He murmured close to her ear, keeping his eyes fixed ahead.

Keely gave a small shriek as he hoisted her up into the saddle- the horse was huge! She had peered down her nose at him at his jest, replying with a curt "Fine, thank you."

She felt elated up on the horse, with Jaycel, and she nodded enthusiastically at his question. "I am... just fine." She said, a little breathless, whether it was the effect of the horse's speed, or the closeness of Jaycel, was something only Keely was able to define.

Leaning back and uttering a wild sound from deep in his chest, Jaycel urged the horse on and laughed as the regular jolts blended into a smooth rhythm. He always felt so free when riding, and he closed his arms around Keely as the ground sped under them, letting out a child-like whoop of delight.

Soon enough, the base of the knights guild came into view and Jaycel slowed the horse to a walk, breathing in deeply. "You still alive up front?" He laughed, his body seeming to be in tune with Nevyn as he rose and fell with the horse.

She nodded, leaning back against him, sighing contently, a smile bright on her face.

She'd been caught up in giggles, Jaycel's laugh infectious. "Aye." She said, "Aye, I am."

She was undoubtedly glad to see the guild- "I didn't think I'd be back here." She said quietly, barely above a whisper, and mostly to herself

"Excellent." He chuckled. His eyes still facing forwards as he twitched the reins every so often. Catching the whisper he frowned slightly, unconsciously tightening his grip on her. "Don't ever scare me like that again." He murmured.

Je t'aime...un peu..., beaucoup... passionnement... pas du tout
The Beginning
Alithrin Valley
Keely and Jaycel

Keely stiffened a little, a scathing reply on her tongue, 'Scare you!? I ran for fear of my life! Would you rather have me dead by the hands of the man that ruined me!?, but she bit it back, knowing that she was blowing it out of proportion. 'Settle, Keely Maria!' He cared for her, and she for him- very much so... maybe even loved him, she was not sure yet.

She placed her hand atop the arm tight around her waist lightly, relaxing back into him. She was comfortable here, she realised lazily, smiling a little. She closed her eyes, stars dancing beneath her eyelids. She was tired, and her arm throbbed with every heartbeat. She was suddenly feeling a little queasy- shock, she suspected, but she wasn't at all sur if she'd be steady once on the ground.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, they rode into the training grounds. Jaycel slipped off as they drew near the stables, landing lightly on soft-shoed feet, and looked up at Keely. Giving a short bow he tilted his head, then glanced around as if checking to see if anyone was stirring. "Need helping down?" He enquired, his eyes twinkling, resting a hand on the stirrup.

Keely shook her head, peering down at him. Swinging her leg over the saddle, she then slid down to the ground. She looked at him, blinking slightly at the black dizzy splotches in front of her. "See. I can do anything." She said with a small laugh, before her knees gave way.

"Whoops!" He darted forward, catching her before she hit the ground. Holding her close to him he caught Nevyns reins with one finger, leading him into the stables.

That accomplished, he walked back out, slowing a little due to the young womans weight, then set her down in a patch of sunlight, grinning. "So... can you walk now?" He asked, folding his arms.

Keely let out a whoop as he lifted her, and seriously considered kicking and stuggling.

When he put her down, looking down at her she went a furious red colour, and she glared at him a little. "I'm fine." She said quietly, her lips pursed.

"Well, that's alright then." He sat beside her, his expression not showing that he'd noticed her displeasure. Pushing up the sleeves of his shirt he scratched absently at the scar on his arm before sighing, looking up. Squinting he kept his eyes on the sky, which was half shrouded in cloud. He drew his knees up, wrapping his arms loosely around them. "I guess... you know everything there is to know about me, then." He admitted, shrugging ruefully.

Keely relaxed, and smiled " I don't think so." She said, giving him a funny, shy sort of look. "I don't know your birthday, nor do I know your favourite colour, and nor do I know your favourite food." She paused, and then continued, her accent thickening "I don't ken what books y like, or even if ye lke reading books." She shrugged, and smiled, "There's still a lot I don't ken about ye and a lot ye don't ken about me."

"True spoken." He nodded. "Well, for those answers, my birthday is in four days, my favourite colour is red, and my favourite food... Well, I haven't yet found any to beat the bread made in this guild." Smiling he breathed in deeply, eyes flickering around the grounds. "And I'll read anything I can get my hands on, to be honest. But no, there isn't a lot I know about you." It wasn't an invitation for her to spill out her innermost secrets, just a simple statement.

She smiled, mentally catalouging the information as he told her. 4 days... red... guild bread...

Gently pushing curls from her face, she lifted an eyebrow, and then mumbled "Today, green, apple, and poetry." She quirked a smile up at him, and then looked off towards the guild, caught up in her own little world.

"Today?" He looked taken aback, surprised even. Seeming to be deep in thought he frowned, eyes on the ground. "I wish you'd said something."

Keely shrugged a little. After living so long without anyone to wish her a happy birthday, she no longer felt the need to celebrate her birthday. Dismissing the notion with a small wave of her hand she said softly, "It's not that important."

Jaycel made a small, inarticulate noise, smiling slightly, then nodded a little. Crushing a few blades of grass under his hands he glanced at them, rubbing at the stains, then sighed. "Well, happy birthday, anyway." He said quietly, lying back and putting his hands behind his head.

She nodded a little, a shy smile appearing. "Thank You."

She stole a look at Jaycel, the memory of last nights kiss plain in her mind. Was it out of pity...? No... not pity... he said he was maybe in love with her... but what then?

An air of unease washed over her- she was no longer able to stand on her own. Tiredness, pain, emotional stress, it all came crashing down on her in a heap, and leaning back on the fence behind her, she felt her eyelids become very heavy.

Je t'aime...un peu..., beaucoup... passionnement... pas du tout
The Middle
Alithrin Valley
Keely and Jaycel

In the Middle of Nowhere ...

The sun felt good on her skin, she had decided, laying back into the long wavering wildflowers. Her cloak rolled up and placed strategically beneath her head as a pillow, Keely turned her face towards the warmth of the sun, a tiny smile lighting her face.

She was conscious of how edgy she had been in the last few days- so much had happened! With a yawning breath, she closed her amber eyes; fingers as always, wrapped around the cool metal of her sword hilt. It was not long before she felt all her muscles relax, and feeling languid she let herself fall into a soft sleep.

Wearing soft riding shoes, worn brigga and a loose shirt, Jaycel rode Nevyn through the forest towards the clearing that marked Ladesina Meadow. The dappled sunlight falling on him warmed his browned skin and he smiled as he noticed the trees thinning out, kicking the horse into a gallop towards the meadow.

He gave a shout, more of surprise and shock that any real fear at Nevyn shied and jumped, dumping an unprepared Jaycel on the ground before moving off, nibbling at the tall grass around the bases of the trees. Jaycel sat up with a low groan, glancing around to see what might have spooked the war-horse enough to have him jump over it. He grinned when he saw Keely. "Well, my Lady." He said, laughing slightly. "I would have hoped to make a rather more dignified entrance into your presence than that, but it can't be helped."

Keely was startled into wakefulness as she heard the thump of Jaycel nearby, her face ashen and her stomach sick with the sudden transition. Lurching up, sword drawn, she glanced over.

"Oh, it's you." she said with a half smile, laying the weapon on the ground beside her. Running a hand through her tangled curls she gave him a quirky look. "What are you doing here?"

He grinned. "I was riding, but Nevyn..." With that he cast a disgusted glance at his horse, who seemed to sense his masters displeasure, putting his ears back. Jaycel chuckled. "He has better eyes than me. He jumped over you, I didn't see you and ended up being thrown off."

"Sorry." She smiled, definately not sorry at all. She stifled a yawn, and eyed him curiously. "But you know, for one to be effective in protecting himself from any type of distraction, whether it be an onslaught of furious soldiers, bent on pilliaging and destroying, or a harmless maiden sleeping amongst the flowers, he must watch at all times every area he passes." She laughed good naturedly "That incudes the ground he travels upon."

Smiling, she shuffled over to him, still trying frantically to tame the wild curls about her face. "What are you doing out here, anyway?"

Not answering, Jaycel had paled considerably as she had said an onslaught of furious soldiers, bent on pilliaging and destroying, but as she finished and asked him a question he shook his head lightly, managing a brief smile. "Naught, my Lady. I was just enjoying the fine weather we're having." He replied quietly, watching as she attempted to calm her hair.

She frowned, finally capturing her wayward curls and tucking them behind her ears. Inwardly she punched herself for mentioning soldiers, and forced herself to think of other things.

"It is lovely, isn't it?" She smiled, a slight blush in her cheeks.

He grinned, sitting up and leaning back on his hands, squinting up at the sky. "Beautiful." He sighed, glancing at her. Of course, he didn't mean the weather, but he wasn't that bold. Taking a deep breath he cast his gaze to Nevyn, grazing nearby, then looked around the meadow.

Keely sighed a little, mirroring his actions. It had been sometime since she'd come to the Meadow, and she loved the peacefulness of it. But now that Jaycel was here, she was feeling rather distracted, and all hopes of resting diminished.

He noted the sigh, recognising it's meaning as he made that noise often enough. Standing he ran a hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck. "I can go, if you like." He offered, striding forward a few steps and catching hold of the worn leather of his mount's reins.

"No!"

Keely leapt up, struggling slightly to stand straight from sitting. She was wearing a gown- a very rare occasion indeed. It was a deep green, the front panel criss-crossed with gold braiding. She looked slightly out of place, but the dress in no way held her back.

Taking a few large steps, she put a hand on Jaycel's as he took the reigns, looking up at him with pleading eyes. feeling bashful, and slightly stupid, her hand slipped down to fall limply at her side.

"I mean, you don't have to go..."

Jaycel's eyes widened momentarily as she called out, and he gave her a confused look as she touched his hand. "Erm... alright." He said hesitantly, dropping the reins and giving Nevyn a pat on the neck, looking warily at Keely. Thinking that she had wanted him to go he looked bewildered, and noticing the look in her eyes only confused him more. Women!

"I thought you wanted me to go?"

Keely frowned "I never said that." And she hadn't had she?

With a sigh she ran one hand through her hair, and placed the other on her hip, putting weight on one leg. "If I'd wanted you to go, I wuold have said so. I... I was enjoying your company." Her tone turned a little shy, and she looked up at him her eyes- which were often so carefully mastered, showed that she was telling the truth.

"Oh."

His gaze softened slightly, and he raised one eyebrow. "Oh, well... alright. You just seemed... uncomfortable with me there." He explained with a shrug, meeting her eyes briefly then looking away. He rubbed the scar on his cheek then froze, smiling a little. "But if you want me here..." He trailed off, feeling uncomfortable.

"I wasn't uncomfortable, so to speak." She said slowly, thinking as she talked "But... just... unsure."

She took a deep breath in, feeling the tension between them, and wishing to get rid of it. "Jaycel," She started, holding her hands infront of her, chewing on her lip nervously "You said... back at Kalsana that... you thought you were falling in love with me..." She looked up at him, questioning in her eyes, "Did you mean that?"

About to give a straight answer to whatever question he thought he heard, he pulled up short when the question sank in. A small frown creased his brow and he looked down, chewing his bottom lip. Finally drawing in enough breath to answer he paused a few times, then nodded.

"Yes, I meant it."

Keely nodded, a pleased flush lighting her face. "I thought so." she said smiling, and then walked a little way away, and sat back down in to flowers. Picking one, she studied it carefully.

This however was a guise- her emotions threatened to betray her, and she would not let Jaycel see. How long had it been since someone even mentioned love to her? Eight years ago, when her mother left her. She ducked her head, hair covering her face, as she plucked petals from the flower in an absent-minded game.

Jaycel didn't move, instead standing and looking rather bemused. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, watching her, leaning against Nevyn, who stood solidly beside him. "Why did you ask me that?" He enquired with a questioning smile.

"I just wanted to know." She said quietly. Her heart felt like it was in her throat, and she hated the way she was reacting. She dropped the flower and smoothed the wrinkles from her gown, frowning in concentration.

"I think I'm falling in love with you too, Jaycel." She said, still not looking at him, but staring hard at the ground instead.

He nodded slowly, as if not quite beliving what he was hearing. "Oh." He said simply, another small frown flickering across his face. Drawing in a deep breath he smiled slightly, moving to her side and sitting beside her he kept his gaze fixed determinedly on the grass. "Well..."

"Well." She repeated, looking over at him. Her face was practically glowing, her confession finally made, but her eyes were unsure, nervous. Her fingers itched to touch her sword, but she kept them firmly clenched in her lap.

Suddenly she burst out laughing. The sound reverberated around the meadow, filling it to overflowing. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she bent over double, groaning between fits of laughter because of her aching stomach.

"I..I'm sorry." She gasped, turning to Jaycel and wiping her eyes. "I.. sorry."

He grinned, watching her laugh, and drew his knees up to his chest, folding his arms across them and resting his chin on his hands. "No need to apologise. I quite understand." He stammered between supressed chuckles. Shifting position he returned to his previous pose, leaning back on his hands, closing his eyes and turning his face up to the suns heat.

The giggles subsiding, Keely turned to watch Jaycel. He looked peaceful sitting there, face towards the sun. She was suddenly struck at how lucky she was, and flying on an impulse, she leaned over and kissed him lightly, a fleeting touch on his lips.

At first he thought he'd imagined it, and opened his eyes, squinting slightly against the sunlight. He gave a child-like lopsided grin as he saw her, then pushed himself into a sitting position, turning towards her. He smiled slightly, then kissed her back.

Keely felt shy and elated, uncertain and confident all at once, and a whole lot of other things. She pulled back, and looked at Jaycel, eyes searching his face intently, for what she didn't know, but she knew that she wanted to record every part of his face into her memory.

She lifted her hand to his face, tracing the mean scar, her mouth turned down a little. With a surge of tenderness so great she almost could not understand it, she kissed the scar and with a small smile asked "All better?"

He shivered, feeling chills going up his spine. Not answering, he meerly smiled slightly, dropping to lie on his back and looking straight up. With a small sigh his eyes glazed over a little, trance-like, while he mulled over what had just happened. No doubt there were feelings between the two of them, quite strong ones judging on what he knew about Keely's normal behaviour. His eyes flicked to her and he gave a brief smile, wondering what she was thinking.

She caught his smile, and returned it. Looking away then, her eyes seemed a little troubled.

'You're falling, Keely and you're falling fast. Be careful- sure he says he loves you, but you have to be careful.' She sighed a little as her throught ran away from her.

She flinched a little, hissing at the thought, but said nothing more.

"Something wrong?" Jaycel enquired, sounding a little tired. It was comfortable, here on the grass, and he could easily go to sleep. When he heard the noise she made he opened his closed eyes a little and spoke then sighed and shifted, plucking a small pebble out from under his back and chucking it away.

"No." Keely replied, turning back towards him. "i was just thinking." She smiled at his drowsy coutenance and commented on it as she shifted postitions, leaning bac on her hands. "You look tired. You should rest."

He blinked sleepily, grinning. "I am resting." He stated firmly, giving a small nod and stifling a yawn with the back of his hand. "Comes of spending all night in that damned library, I'm surprised I'm not nocturnal."

Keely laughed, remembering the library saga.

"did you find what you were looking for in the end?" she asked, laying herself down in the long grass, resting her hands on her stomach. She was wide awake, but she knew that if she stayed here for long enough that the warm sunlight would make her drowsy. She blinked, and then looked across at Jaycel waiting for his reply.

The young man's expression darkened slightly, and he shook his head. "No, no I didn't." He said shortly, plucking at the grass blades under his fingers. Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly he kept his gaze fixed on the sky, watching a solitary wisp of cloud drift over them.

Keely frowned, just a little. Whatever he had been looking for had not be pleasant.

"It looks like a sword." She said quietly, pointing up at the cloud and staring at it intently.

He tilted his head, well, as well as he could lay flat on the ground. "So it does." He mused, but his voice was still coloured with the thoughts that mentioning the library had brought up.

Keely rolled over, proping herself up on her elbow, and resting her head on her clenched fist. "What's wrong, Jaycel? And don't tell me nothing, because I know better." She tried to add a little teasing into her voice, but it didn't work, so instead she took to the somber and solemn approach, her face turning comically blank.

"It's nothing." He replied automatically, then shook his head slightly, turning towards her and copying her gesture, propping himself up on a clenched fist. "I was looking through the archives, trying to find out if I had any family left." He admitted. "They keep records of things like that." He looked down, plucking at the grass with his free hand. "As far as I can figure, myself and Mikeel..." There was a painful pause as he spoke his brother's name. " We were the last ones of my family, and now I am."

Keely stayed silent for a moment, contemplating what he'd said. It would be easy enough to say she knew how he felt, and she was the last of her family too, but she did not. She knew that his hurt was bigger than hers, for she had never shared the bond of having a sibling, let alone a twin.

"I'm sorry." She said simply, quietly, her voice sincere, and her amber eyes matching.

"Well, nothing I can do about it now." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. "There must be a reason I survived, and I can live with the loss." He shrugged in dismissal of the subject, turning his eyes down so she wouldn't see the hurt reflecting in them. Looking back up he smiled briefly, rising to his feet and looking out over the meadow.

"Maybe," She said very quietly, barely above a whipser, laying back and watching the clouds again, "Maybe you survived to help me." She closed her eyes then, placing on hand behind her head, the other resting lightly on her stomach.

He turned his head, looking at her. "What?" He was sure he couldn't have heard right. What did she mean by that?

She pursed her lips, as if contemplating whether or not to repeat what she'd said. With her eyes still closed, she did indeed repeat it. "I said, maybe you survived to help me. I'm not thinking highly of myself, nor am I saying, even suggesting that I am the sole reason, but Jaycel," She opened her eyes, and looked up at him "You saved me from many things already. From myself, from my demons. From Death." She closed her eyes again, and turned her head slightly away from him.

A comically confused look frozen on his face, Jaycel frowned and tipped his head to one side. "What do you mean?" He asked, looking as if he was going to move towards her then seeming to change his mind, just looking at her curiously.

Keely sighed again, and shrugged- an odd motion, considering she was laying down. "Never mind." she mumbled, still not looking at him, and keeping her eyes tightly shut "It's not important."

"Yes it is."

Jaycel hurried over to her, kneeling beside her and placing a hand on her arm. "Tell me what you mean, before I start to worry about you."

She turned her head towards him, smiling a little. It was a sad smile, yet it held a promise of happiness, as did her amber eyes, which were normally so cold and hard.

"I suspect you have an idea of what it is to live in pain." She started. "That gnawing emptiness that threatens of over take you. You know what I mean, don't you?"

He smiled wistfully and nodded. "Yes, I know what you mean. Time doesn't make things like that easier to bear."

"No. Time doesn't" She agreed, with a small smile. " I was... not living wholly. I was a mess. You saw how jumpy I was... how badly affected I was from the things that happened in my past," She grimaced, remembering the training feilds, "But you've stuck by me. Made me see there is something worth living for."

" I had planned... at the battle field... to die. When Belac came" She gave a shudder at his name, "I thought 'well, this is it. You either beat him, and beat him good, or you die trying.' Before you came... I had given up. And I was so sorry, for you! The only thing that kept me hanging on... that kept me from floating off... was the thought of you."

He blinked, slipping to one side with a small sigh and leaning on his hand. "Wow." He breathed, looking shocked. "I mean... wow."

Looking at her he smiled slightly, wondering if she had any idea about how she had just made him feel. He tried to speak but just breathed out slowly, digesting what she'd just told him. "Wha...? Wow..."

Keely gave a bit of a half laugh, and said "That's what I thought too."

As if remembering something, she shuffled over, looking for something hidden inside the folds of her cloak. With a triumphant "Hah!", she extracted a rectangular item, wrapped in brown paper.

She moved back over to Jaycel, and held the package out to him. "Here." She said, suddenly quite shy. "Happy birthday."

In side, was a red leather book, with the title 'The Arts of a Knight' embossed in gold on the front cover.

He grinned. "Oh, you didn't have to." He took the package and opened it, laughing lightly as he saw the book. "Excellent." Leaning forward he gave her a kiss on the cheek and smiled. "Thanks, Keely."

Opening the front cover he flicked through the pages, stopping every so often to look at a diagram or paragraph, then glanced up at her. "This is great." He told her with another grin.

Keely smiled widely, a pleased flush in her cheeks. "You're welcome." She said softly, running a hand through her curls. "I was hoping you'd like it."

In fact, she was elated.. he did like it!

[Cairis Beth]

His grin widened at her blushing, but as his mind drifted back over the conversation he frowned. "Wait a minute. You planned to die?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Why? Why would you willingly give up your own life?"

Keely's face immediatly changed and she took a deep sigh drawing back from Jaycel. She was silent for a long time, staring down at her hands, trying in desperation to peice together what she wanted to say. " I... I thought..." She stumbled over the words, mumbling quietly, "I thought... no.. I had to kill him. After what he did to me."

She shook her head- she was doing miserably. "Jaycel, I ran from the guild hoping that you would not come after me, because I had decided I was either going to get across the border, and never come back, or I was going to meet Belac, and kill him. When we did meet..." She looked up, afraid of what he might be thinking, searching his eyes, and not shying away she continued.

"When we met, he told me my mother was dead, along with my two half-sisters. I had so much anger... I could think of nothing but killing him. And I did. But, as you saw... he got me too." she sighed, a shuddering sigh as she wiped at her eyes. Clenching her fists she told herselh not to cry.

"I thought, what good is living? The only thing here for me is the guild... and you. I was willing to die, and I tell you... I came so close, but I didn't- you know why? because the thought of you gave me hope."

Jaycel listened intently, his hazel eyes serious, when she finished he nodded slowly, as if letting it all sink in. "I..." He paused, shook his head, then looked up. "But of course I was going to come after you! What did you think I was going to do? Leave you to die out there, not knowing how I truly felt about you?"

"I didn't think you would. I didn't know I meant so much to you." She said, with a sad smile, "Since I was seven I have never known love... so." She shrugged. "I guess this is a bit of a novelty for me."

She sighed, and lowered her head a little, "Sorry."

He smiled slightly. "I have to admit that it has been a long time since I've felt this way for anyone, but I know what love feels like, and..." He tilted his head so he could see her face. "Its how I feel about you. I can't explain how it came so fast, but there's something about you that makes me love you, and I haven't figured it out yet."

Keely looked up and met his eye, and nodded "I understand... it's like that for me too." She smiled, and then looked away across the meadow "Isn't it funny how you can know something as strong as love, without having met it before, or in a long long time?" Her shoulders dropping then, and she drew her knees up to chest, resting her head on them.

The strong, silent type. That's how she described her crying- silent tears streamed down her face, hidden from Jaycel's veiw.

Realising that the woman beside him was crying, Jaycel felt uncomfortable. "Yes, that is strange." He said thoughtfully, his forehead creasing as he looked out over the meadow. He was quiet for a moment, then looked sideways at Keely. "Um... why are you crying?" He asked, managing to look concerned without letting his confusion come through.

"I'm not." Came the muffled reply, as Keely wiped furiously at her eyes. "I'm not. Don't worry about it." She rested her head back on her knees, and closed her eyes with a sight. "It's just... there's so many things, Jaycel. I'm grieving for my mother, though I did not know her, but I'm rejoicing for you. I just feel... overwhelmed is all." She paused, and looked over at him, her eyes red and face streaked with wetness "But I'm not crying."

"Alright." He said, his tone serious as he reached up a calloused finger to touch her tear-wetted cheek. "You weren't." He nodded slowly, knowing a little of how she felt. "I understand."

She smiled, and reached up to take his hand. "Tha's right. I wasn't." Taking his hand, and tucking it under her chin, she sighed, and leaned into Jaycel, laying her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for understanding, Jaycel."

"Not a problem, Keely." He replied, leaning towards her slightly, laying his head lightly on hers. A wind whistled around the trees and he shivered, looking up and gazing at the sky. Strange how the weather could change without you even noticing it. The blue sky had been replaced by low, angry-looking clouds. "Looks like it's gonna rain." He murmured.

"Is it?" She asked, looking up, and the grimacing. "ooh. It is too." Reaching over to grab her cloak, she pulled it over her shoulders. "shall we go then, or are you not afraid of a bit of water?" her tone suddenly held teasing, and her amber eyes showed the same.

"Not unless you are." He shot back in the same teasing tone, tugging the sleeves of his shirt down. "I should have thought of this..." He glanced around. "And where's that goddamn horse?"

Keely shrugged, laughing, and looking around, "I don't know... I think he... oh!" She pointed off towards the forest edge "There he is."

The rain had started, a light drizzle, drops so fine that caught in her hair like raindrops on a spiderweb. She lifted her face towards the sky, and smiled, "Yu'd better call that horse over, Jayce, before it starts raining for real."

He lifted himself from the ground, spied Nevyn, then gave a shrill whistle followed by a shout of; "Get over here!"

Out of love for his master Nevyn obediently trotted over, coming beneath the trees where Jaycel grabbed his reins and stood, tugging a wool cloak from the saddlebag and pulling it on before sitting back down. "Are we just going to wait it out, then?"

Keely smiled, and shrugged. "I don't see why not." Pulling her hood low over her head and face, she leaned back into Jaycel. "When I was living in the forest as a child," she told Jaycel, "I used to hate rainstorms, because I knew there was no way for me to keep warm. Even worse was the thunder and lightning."

"I used to sneak out of the house with my brother, we used to go into the woods and watch the lightning from under the trees." He sighed pensively, remembering, and pulled his own hood up over his hair. "Good times... when it seemed like nothing could hurt you."

Keely laughed softly. "I was always so afraid of thunder storms. Looking back it was silly, but I was a very frightened little girl." She reached up to push a lock of hair back under the hood of her cloak, and then let her hand fall outside her cloak into her lap. Turning her palm upwards, she caught the rain in her delicate princess-like hand.

Jaycel smiled faintly, ignoring the pain that mentioning his brother had brought on. He slipped an arm around her waist and leaned towards her slightly. He pulled his feet out of the rain, tucking them under him and looking out at the rain.

--

The End
Alithrin Valley
Keely and Jaycel

We passed the storm, sitting together like that. Sometimes in silence, and some times in conversation. That afternoon in the sun and in the rain I knew I was in love. Jaycel said never to scare him like I had again, and I vowed not to. I wish I had made him make the same vow. By marrying a Beserker, I had to expect his time - for heavens sake, we were both Knights of the Order of Alithrin - we both knew we could be gone quickly. But Alithrin was at peace, Belac was dead, and as far as we were concerned we had the rest of our lives ahead of us.

~*~

That day was my nineteenth birthday, and we married on my twentieth. I have never loved a man as much as I loved , as much as I love, Jaycel Tarija. He was my life. Perhaps that was my mistake. Perhaps my mistake was allowing myself to love and be loved - I knew ... I knew it'd only bring heartache. And it did. We only had three years of marriage before The Rebellion. Three years of marriage until I was made a widow. I no longer talk about my husband. I suppose I am back to being as hard and bitter as I was before I met him. Though, admittedly, I am softer spoken.

But being hard and bitter serves my purposes well - no one expects a half-weight woman of diminuative proportions to be able to bark orders, fight, and lead like I do. But I do it as well as I did before Jaycel, and in Jay's memory, I do it better. Everytime I ride Nevyn, hold Jayce's longbow, or wear his favourite cloak, I do it better. For him.