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[Alea] Regrets of the pasts, with more pain in the future.

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Built high in the massive branches of Taldera's bloodwood forest, The Spires is a city crafted by the peaceful and scholarly Jamoura. Considered a haven for scholars and sages Mizahar-wide, The Spires is a mecca of philosophy and science that draws people from far and wide with its promise of deeper thinking and higher reasoning.

Weight of the Past

Postby Banir Ironwood on February 22nd, 2013, 5:48 am

Winter 92 512 AV Mid Afternoon

A large bulk, bolder of a man sat alone on the edge of one of the Spires many petals. Dressed in his usual dirty green coat, adorned with cold iron armour. All six foot of the stocky man sat at the edge of his perch. The hood brought up over his head hiding his face, a scarf covering the lower half. He sat idle with his hands in his lap as he gazed out towards the forest. For the good part of the day he had been here. For going breakfast and soon the fast approaching lunch as he had realized what day had come. His emotions had taken him before he had known it, as he felt them began to surge and pour forth. The young man sought to remove himself from public eyes. Quickly finding himself alone he let it flood freely from him. It was not rage that greeted the world through his eyes, but rather depression, sadness, agony. As well, as thoughts of suicide graced his mind once or twice. The ninety second was a very special day for this young man, it was after all. The day he had been born, and the same day his young fresh life had killed.

Banir was now a young thirty eight, his age betrayed his appearance as he was sill just a young man. It was thirty eight years ago that he had killed his mother by being brought into this world. And it was for thirty six long years of abuse at the hands of his father, and thirty six long years he had been blamed for his mothers death. His own thoughts began to betray him, turning upon himself destroying any positive sense of self he had carefully built over the two years away from home. He was just a murderer, a destroyer with no purpose in this world. It was all his own fault that this miss fortunate life had be fallen him. Had he never been born there would be a woman alive, healthy and well. As well as a man who'd hold no pain or wrath in his heart. If only he'd never been conceived there would be less pain caused by him. He was a walking ball of rage that deserved only an end. Why? Why had he been born if he was only to end up like this? A berserker barely restrained who's greatest talent is ending life? Why did he have to exist?

As these thoughts ran rampant in him tears streamed to pure and deep blue eyes. His throat became choked as he felt the cool tears stream down his mutilated cheeks. The scars on his face and body began to give a dull thud, though they agreed that he should have died a number of times now. He should have just died and let the world live on with one less problem to contend with. Banir didn't want to be like this, he tried forcing back the tears, forcing back his pain and anguish. To silence himself but this only caused him to sob louder. His rough voice echoing his cries of pain and sadness, his tears began to fall and dampen his old and stained scarf. His mind forced more thoughts upon him, how he had no right to feel this way. After what he had done to others how did he have the right to cry and sob? What right did he have? To even presume himself to be a warrior? To have honor? To be allowed to walk among people who can actually do something for others. Among those who may actually help people rather than kill them. Perhaps he should just die? At the behest of these thoughts he felt himself stand up at the edge. Looking down with tears streaming his eyes. Estimating if he could jump beyond the nets that caught the stray falling citizen of the Spires.
Last edited by Banir Ironwood on April 24th, 2013, 8:16 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"Where life leads me, is where I shall go. The greater question is, who is willing to accompany me on such a long travel?"
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Weight of the Past [Placeholder]

Postby Alea Davenport on February 22nd, 2013, 5:58 am

Alea was strolling casually across the Petal, in an inexplicably good mood for some reason. She wasn't sure why she was in a good mood; certainly nothing out of the ordinary had happened to make her feel this way. If she had to explain it, she'd probably say that her good mood was due to nothing more than a recent lack of reasons to feel bad. Not that she didn't have reasons, but, well, they were all fairly old reasons, and she had gotten used to them enough that the lack of new disasters was cause for her to enjoy it while it lasted.

Unfortunately, it looked like someone did not share her optimism. Banir, very nearly the oldest friend she still had left, was standing at the edge of the Petal, looking absolutely miserable. This, obviously, was unacceptable. She was having one good day, and she refused to be dragged down by his depression, which, as far as she was concerned, was completely unnecessary, whatever it was about. Of course, as far as Alea knew, there was only one way to cheer Banir up. Nevermind that, in past trials, the best this strategy had done was turn his depression into confusion (or, at worst, mindless destructive rage). That was still a step up, even if it wasn't the out-right jolliness she was going for.

And so, she found herself sneaking up on him from behind, a thing that was depressingly easy by now. Really, you'd think he would learn to hear her coming. When she was only a few yards away, she broke into a sprint, and with a slightly crazy yell, tackled his gigantic from from behind with her rather small one, sending them both teetering over the edge toward the nets below.
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Weight of the Past

Postby Banir Ironwood on June 12th, 2013, 6:07 pm

As the sharp thuds that struck the boards behind him he knew someone was approaching. And as he heard the shout and the sudden weight on his back he only felt apathy as he was wrapped within his thoughts. As he felt his weight shift forward he simply shut his eyes and felt the weightlessness as his feet left the petal. His depression and sadness gripping him as he fell, then a sudden fear striking him. Forcing his eyes open as the colour shifted from the deep pure blue to a torrent of black and blue molding into a dark lasting shade of negativity. He suddenly felt the surge rush through his veins, the world seemed to slow as he realized something. There where few people in this world who would just tun up and jump on a person. And while he knew the nets where below them, that there was no chance for death. His mind seemed to forget and doubt their existence. And with the world slowed to his perception his arms moved in time with his body. Reaching around he found someones waist, pulling that person from his back he brought them onto his chest. Putting his arms around them one of his large hands on the back of their head. His focus and fear was not for himself. As he had realized that the person who jumped on him from behind. Was Alea.

The fear he felt was not for falling or for his own death, he was willing to accept his end. But what he couldn't accept was hers, Alea, still very young and while sometimes he did question their friendship. He'd not let her go down. And that thought kept him sustained as what almost seemed like minutes passed as they fell to the nets. Once he felt the lines of the net hit his back and stretch as it held his and Alea's weight. Everything seemed to just rush back, air suddenly filled his lungs. Had he been holding his breath the entire time? He didn't know, his next thought was almost instantaneous. Is Alea okay? Quickly he looked down his eyes wide as darkness flowed around his iris. Fear for her safety and well being. However what he say only made him release a sigh, of mild irritation and great relief. His head fell back as he felt a few more tears fall from his eyes and down towards his ears. Looking back down he took another deep breath as a final tear fell to his damaged cheeks. Letting it out again he took another quick breath and spoke. "Are you trying to, send me to an early, grave? I think I have a, a few grey, hairs now." His voice was filled with irritation, annoyance, worry, and fading fear. He took another quick lung full, still trying to get his breath. And while for the moment his depression forgotten.
"Where life leads me, is where I shall go. The greater question is, who is willing to accompany me on such a long travel?"
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Weight of the Past

Postby Alea Davenport on June 12th, 2013, 11:50 pm

Alea had fallen into the nets once before, but she was by no means used to it, so there was still the terrifying exhilaration of having nothing holding her up. The fall did not last long enough for her to notice much else, but that was still enough time for Banir to wrap his arms around her and hold on... which resulted in something odd and confusing happening in Alea's brain.

They thudded into the net, gently as far as Alea could tell, just as she was realizing that what Banir was doing now... pretty much no one had ever done for her for her entire life. Her first instinct was to be annoyed with him--she did not need his protection from the fall because she had already taken the net into account. But she realized with stunning clarity that that was a very Denvali way of thinking. All her life she had been taught to be self-reliant, independent. And she enjoyed being those things immensely. But now, out here, in the rest of the world, she saw the other side of that coin. It was a very lonely way to live.

She was keenly aware of the fact at this moment, perhaps because Banir was the only friend she still had. All the others had gone far away, with no intention of returning. It wasn't that she felt left behind; she wanted to travel as much as anyone. She just fell prey to that conflict: she wanted to have her own reasons for a journey more than she wanted to journey with friends. She thought she'd made peace with that fact, but...maybe not yet.

As long as they were hanging in the nets, she decided to make herself more comfortable. Perched on his chest, she folded her arms in front of her, to prop herself up, kicking her legs idly in the air behind her. At his accusation, she felt a mix of shock and genuine confusion. "Of course not! That's the opposite of what I was doing!" she exclaimed, turning indignant once she realized that he was annoyed under false pretenses.

It occurred to her, barely, that maybe, if Banir was assuming things that were not true, then maybe he did not actually understand her motives. She struggled to put words to what felt so obvious to her. "I was trying to awaken your sense of adventure! Which, if anything, is a thing that belongs to the realm of youth! So I wasn't trying to make you old at all!" she finished, frowning down at him with a bit of a pout.
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Weight of the Past

Postby Banir Ironwood on June 13th, 2013, 5:48 am

Only sighing and closing his eyes as he tried to calm the tempest of emotions that where swirling around in his mind right now. His depression had been broken, or at least suppressed for now. The feel of his blood calmed was an odd feeling almost disturbing, often he always had his rage. Always had some sort of emotion boiling within him. His blood, his mind, never let him rest, not from this world. And not from the things the people in it had done to him. But his mind found other things to focus on. Like the girl on his chest, the one he had a bit of a bone to pick with. He looked up at her, his hood falling away to show the top half of his marked face. It was only Alea around at the moment, and his concern for her well being seemed to stem the rage. Though that didn't stop it from brewing just behind his eyes. Twirling and festering like a disease as it slowly grew and pulsed within his eyes. His red eyes pushed back in colour as white dominated his eyes. An odd clarity of mind in it all, after shifting through so many emotions perhaps this was for the best. He was glad emotions rarely weighed one down physically. Silently he suspected if emotions did weigh one down. He'd be a lot heavier.

Offering a sigh as he felt her not move from his chest he just looked at her as she spoke. Laying back to chuckle and take more long and deep breaths he reached up and secured his hood back on his head. With his last deep breath he spoke again. "By the gods Alea, I think you may be the, end of me. And I am far older than you, might even be older, than your, dad." His last word had a long pause to it, he remembered his tears now. Banir's reason for being so sad and depressed, but not in front of Alea. He'd not cry before a girl, choking down his tears and sadness again he was glad his hood and scarf was up. He was unsure as to how well he'd be able to keep such an emotion from his face. However his eyes felt different as his eyes slowly became the same deep pure blue. Regardless he chocked past it to continue talking. "My sense of, your 'adventure' is a nice, quite afternoon, walking around the Spires. Your sense of adventure, is to risk your life, just for a laugh." He kept his focus on the conversation, last thing he needed was to think. With that in mind he started to sit up with a bit of a grunt. "Lets get out of these nets, and get you off of me." He said picking her up like she was little more than a sack of flour and setting her. Best as he could on her feet in the nets, he managed to get on his feet as well. Heading for where the nets came to be a wall.
"Where life leads me, is where I shall go. The greater question is, who is willing to accompany me on such a long travel?"
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Weight of the Past

Postby Alea Davenport on July 12th, 2013, 7:29 pm

Alea spared Banir a skeptical glance. "There is no way you are older than my father. I mean, he is ooold. His hair is grey and everything." She waited, expecting some sort of retort, but Banir stayed silent. Alea frowned at him, perturbed. Was something wrong? With Banir, there usually was, but this seemed...different from normal. She frowned suspiciously down at his features, inches from her own face, but all she could see was the slightly fascinating blue shift in his eyes.

She'd never really watched the color change happen before. She was usually too busy to look directly at someone's eyes, though she at least knew that Vantha's eyes changed color. She just hadn't realized that Banir did too. He certainly didn't fit what she usually thought of as Vantha, those pale, dark-haired, scrawny...artists. She wondered if his eye-colors were linked to his emotions, like the Vantha. She wondered what blue meant. Or red, the color his eyes always seemed to be when she first met him. But she was never very good at reading emotional cues--always too busy dragging her friends into improbable schemes.

Banir's idea of "adventure" was clearly flawed, as was his understanding of her thoughts on the matter. She was busy enough trying to find the words to articulate why that she allowed him to set her aside, but when he tried to escape the net, she knew something had to be done. "Nope! No leaving the nets until I'm done with you, Mister!" With this declaration, she lunged at him, grabbing his ankle and wrapping her arms tightly around it, thinking that if she immobilized one limb, that might prevent him from climbing the nets until she was done explaining how wrong he was.

"Adventure is... well, it's about more than 'just a laugh'. It's more about... feeling alive, doing things you wouldn't normally think about doing, just to prove that you're not stuck in the same everyday boring life until you die. It's about not letting yourself get trapped by fear, or rules, or whatever other not good reasons there are to stay at home and avoid the world. What are you going to do about all that stuff going on out there in the world that you've never even heard of yet? Are you just going to let it happen without you, or are you going to go watch?!"

Alea was getting a bit caught up in why she had left her home in the first place, and it didn't occur to her that other people might not feel as strongly about this as she did. All she knew was that she could feel that this was an important thing, and if Banir did not understand this important thing, then it was her duty as his friend to make him understand.
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Weight of the Past

Postby Banir Ironwood on July 27th, 2013, 8:06 am

He hadn't reached the wall of nets that led up yet. His mind focusing on getting out of hear as he awkwardly walked towards where they began to rise. His armour clinking lightly as he tried not to let one of his feet fall through. When he heard her shout some sort of nonsense. He continued on though ignoring her. Believing that she was just saying something without sense and ignoring her. However he took notice of her as he suddenly felt something grip his leg. Clenching his fist as he feared something had gripped him he twisted his top to get a look at what had grasped his leg. Seeing only Alea holding on to his iron clad leg. His clawed hand relaxed and he offered a sigh as he let her explain her definition only to find himself growing annoyed. Alea was ignorant, as what he had found of Mizahar.

With another breath he sighed, quickly expressing his opinion. "Doing things that you, wouldn't normally do? Like ending someones life? Burning someones house down? This world has many, wonders. But has just as many, if not more, dangers, evils, and tragedies in it. More than I want to, know. Like the storms that, happened not so long, ago. Alea, this world, may take your life, if you let your, sense of 'adventure', take over you." He paused. Throughout the conversation his eyes kept shifting, from a sad blue, cautious orange, and even to an irritated red. As his emotions died down he closed his eyes then opened them again. Gazing back at Alea for another small piece of his mind. "If just letting it, happen without me, kept you safe. Me safe, and left us alive, and well. I would, for surviving this world, should be your top, priority. And if it happens when, I look for the, best way to survive, live, and prosper. If I can do good, I will if able, if not, then another time." He finished off by sneaking his hand underneath his scarf and massaged his throat. The sore throb thumping in it as he ran his fingers along his neck hoping to relieve it.

Turning to the wall of net behind him he looked back at her. "Lets get out of, the nets." Was all he said before freeing his hand and starting to climb back up the wall of nets. If Alea wanted to talk, they could do it on more sure footed ground. It was weird balancing on the nets and he didn't like it. He'd even just pick her up and climb up holding her if she didn't want to go. Honestly it made little difference to him.
"Where life leads me, is where I shall go. The greater question is, who is willing to accompany me on such a long travel?"
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Weight of the Past

Postby Alea Davenport on August 3rd, 2013, 8:59 pm

As Banir spoke, Alea's frown grew deeper. What he was saying might sound like it made sense, but... She couldn't explain why, she just knew somehow deep down that he was wrong! She just couldn't figure out how to say it in a way that would make him understand. He was stubbornly refusing to listen! Her frown became a scowl as she tried to think of a solution. Keeping him in the nets wasn't working, so she grudgingly followed him, pulling herself up the loops in the slugsuckle vines until she was back onto a solid branch of one of the giant trees that made up the Spires, running through the puzzle of talking to Banir as she climbed.

If I outright tell him he's wrong, he'll just reject it (it's what I'd do) and we won't get anywhere. But I know I'm right. So... I can't tell him he's wrong, but I can find out why he's wrong. Maybe if I know I know that, I can have a better chance of convincing him I'm right!

Banir's view of adventure was so skewed toward the bad parts, the tragedy and danger, it was almost like he didn't even know the good parts existed. She could only imagine what could have happened to him to give him such a strong opinion on the matter. ...Of course, if she did this right, she wouldn't have to imagine. She could just get him to tell her.

She resolved to wait until he was in a place that made him feel comfortable talking before she interrogated him. Sadly, her patience lasted only until he had escaped the nets. As soon as he had two feet solidly on the Petal, she said, in perhaps a more thoughtful tone than he'd ever heard her use before, "What makes you think there are more dangers than wonders anyway? What if it's really the other way around but you were just looking in the wrong place? What happened to make you so certain?" Or at least so unwilling to risk being wrong.
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Weight of the Past

Postby Banir Ironwood on August 26th, 2013, 7:02 am

When he heard Alea's words, Banir felt something inside him. His old rage stirring again as he remembered the events of his life. All that he had seen, all he had known everything. It was brutal as he remembered the horrible times he had endured through to become who he was today. And while he couldn't say all where bad, there where plenty of times when taking his life would have made things easier. Sighing as he felt the weight of her gaze and curiosity upon him he turned to look at her. His eyes slowly shifting and swirling from the pure red to orange, then blue. Keeping this tempest of colour alive as he felt the many memories and emotions within him surface to make turmoil in him. Taking a long breath as he looked at Alea with his ever changing eyes. Perhaps it was time he gave her a shot of reality. "Alea, please allow me to, answer with a question, in turn. How many people have, you killed? How many people have, you seen killed? How many people have, you beaten to bloody pulps? I know I've killed at, least two people in, my time alive. But what of others? Who knows how many, have died by the, hands of others. How many are dying, as we speak."

Taking a moment for a breath as he closed his eyes to prepare to speak again. "There are slavers, bandits, and creatures all looking, to find you, hunt you, kill you, and eat you. Walking outside of a city, can get you killed or, worse. Hell I bet even some, of the gods are, responsible for the, deaths of many! What makes me this, way? Its because I'm looking, at the right places. I'm looking for the, danger, the death, the problems. So I can avoid them. I'll not die from a, slavers chains or a bandits, sword, or even in the mouth, of a monster. I'll die when." He paused realizing he didn't know when he'd die, or even how he'd want to. Did he even really want to die?

He paused turning away from Alea. What did he even want in life? He had no idea what to do beyond surviving. Living till the next day and trying to help his friends in life. Beyond this he had little reason to see a tomorrow. Honestly he had no idea if he wanted something more than just fighting and living. What of a woman? Could someone even, could he even, love? He shook his head then looking at her for a moment. His eyes a swirl of colour and emotion as his mind tried to force the thoughts from his mind. "This conversation is, done." He said as he turned around and thumped away, his body lumbering away from Alea. His back turned, face hidden in hood and scarf. Trying to sort out his emotions and thoughts in the meantime.
"Where life leads me, is where I shall go. The greater question is, who is willing to accompany me on such a long travel?"
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Weight of the Past

Postby Alea Davenport on August 26th, 2013, 10:39 pm

Alea shook silently as Banir spoke, her anger, rising with each syllable. "Petch you," she bit out when he'd finished. "You think I don't know that? You think I don't know what's out there? I was trained from birth to expect to go to war at a moment's notice!" She was shrieking by this point, earning curious and concerned stares from the Jamoura around them, but she didn't care. Banir had forced her to acknowledge things she had fought so hard to keep buried,.

"My entire home is gone; I can never go back because there is nothing to return to. My people are scattered and broken, and yes, some are dead." Thinking of her sister, a sob caught in her breaking voice, but she couldn't stop now. "Maybe I didn't cause it, maybe I wasn't there to witness it, but that doesn't make them any less dead. There are people in this world I knew once and I will never see them again, and that thought makes me so sick I can't stand it!"

Alea was breathing hard now, and she took a moment to let her words sink in before she kept going. She had been trying so hard to ignore these feelings, but now that they were unleashed, they just wouldn't stop. "I'm so scared I'm going to kill someone one day." Her voice had become so quiet she almost had trouble hearing herself. She shook her head, as if she did not want to hear the words she couldn't stop saying. "The only reason I haven't yet is because I'm not strong enough. Why do you think I left Avanthal for the Spires? A Jamoura's harder to hurt than a Vantha. So, yes, I am aware of the danger of death."

For the first time in the conversation, Alea's voice took on an even tone. With calm confidence, she concluded, "But I'm not going to live in fear of it. You are so focused on death you've forgotten to live."

She waited anxiously for Banir's response. Before her outburst, he'd said this conversation was over. If he held to that decision now, Alea knew that something between them would be broken forever.
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