Completed [The Amphitheater] The Price You Pay (Rinya)

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Summer, Day 64, 513 AV

Eleventh Bell

The amphitheater was quiet this time of day. No show going on, no dramatic play being performed on the stage, nor colorful acrobats jumping and leaping and somersaulting through the air. At this Bell, all was quiet. Few visited the Amphitheater at this time of day. There was little reason to. So Jorin decided it would be a perfect time for him to see this place of art and drama.

As he walked down the tree-lined path toward the Amphitheater a part of him wondered why he was going there. Was it to remind himself of his eventual goal? The Amphitheater did not accept new patrons; he would not be able to find work there. All he could see is a stage for someone else, a place for actors who have made it much further than he did.

Sighing, he raised his head to observe the grand spectacle. A beautiful green semicircle of concentric terraces. The place looked serene, majestic. The stage in the center shone in the morning sun, like the throne of a god. Jorin sat down on one of the upper terraces, and stared at it, brow furrowed in one of his rare moments of melancholy.

In his mind, he was on that stage, head lifted high as his voice carried to the back terraces of this theater, eyes shining as he, the humble actor, begged the audience to hear his prologue to his troupe's play. There he was, arms out dramatically as he strode confidently across the stage, cape billowing in the warm Riverian breeze. The sun embazoned across the sky the color of fire, clouds orange and yellow against the bright blue of twilight.

The audience leaps up ... ! The roar of their applause drowning out the final few words of Jorin's introduction, leaving them hungry for the play to follow. Unconsciously, Jorin himself jumped up, so swept away in his imagination that he almost saw the crowds of people, the flickering of torches, the grand majesty of being an actor on that stage.

Jorin looked around. The Amphitheater was silent as a grave. Only the songs of birds in the distance and the quiet whispering of wind through leaves broke the quiet, almost as though the world was holding its breath. The applause, the audience, Jorin's dreams, faded back into reality.

The price he paid for his choice in life, Jorin mused as he sat back down, was that he would always be here. An observer to his own life. Always a faceless member of the audience, watching the play of Life take place, but never participating. When, he wondered, would he walk upon that stage?

[Rinya]

From far above, everything in Riverfall was sharp lines and details. She couldn’t see the entire structure of buildings, just the curve of the streets around them, the twist of the city wrapping around the bay. The cliffs, the ocean, even the lines of the trees all floated in her mind. Rinya had taken to the sky for that specific purpose… she wanted to really see the land for what it was, instead of hunting. Despite being here for almost half the season, Rinya had yet taken the chance to observe the way Riverfall was laid out. The difference between the Orchards and Vineyards, separated by the river… even Kabrin Road was being filtered into her mind, a mental map similar to what she had of Sylira some time ago. It was part of her nature to know the layout of her territory. It was one of those things that brought her peace. She didn’t have to think, just feel. The wind gently pressed against her feathers, the vibrant blue and green colors with everything in between below her. Rinya had spent most of her morning in the air. Mapping Riverfall in the only way she knew how. It was pure indulgence, especially since she wasn’t sure yet if she was going to give into the migratory genes that would soon be kicking in once fall began to come about. Winter was hard enough in Sylira, and Rinya didn’t know what to expect in Riverfall. Below her was one of the few places left she had to look at. She had been by the hot springs, making a mental note to visit it later, and now she was passing over the amphitheatre on her way back towards Riverfall. Rinya had considered carrying in her talons one of her lightest dresses folded as small as she could get it— after all it would be much lighter to carry than her shirt and trousers. Granted she was able to snag a fish that was about two pounds, but carrying anything that heavy for long periods of time was difficult, so she had decided against it. The amphitheatre should have been empty at this time, but her keen eyesight spotted some walking down the path. Blinking, Rinya focused her eyes on the person, they looked familiar. Tilting her wings she dropped lower to the treeline before she realized she did know this person. It seemed the two of them were going to continue running into each other at this rate. Dropping her wings, she landed on the ground silently near a tree a good ways from him, her eyes trained on Jorin’s back. He seemed very in the moment over whatever he was thinking about. Sitting and staring at the amphitheatre as if it had answers to everything. Shifting, Rinya quickly pulled herself upright, stretching her muscles. Approaching quietly, Rinya pulled her hands behind her back as she glanced from amphitheatre before them then back to Jorin. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but he didn’t look particularly happy. Sitting down behind him only a foot or two away, pulling her knees together and up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and rested her chin on her knees. She knew they would both be a little uncomfortable with her nudity, but she used her legs to effectively hide most of her from sight. She felt so small curled up like this, but she was truly curious as to what Jorin was doing this far out alone. ”Jorin? Rinya inquired softly, not wanting to startle him with her sudden appearance. ”What are you doing out here?” OOCWasn't planning on her being naked, but traveling all day with clothing would probably be too exhausting to her lol

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Summer, Day 64, 513 AV

It was strange. Had it been anyone else, Jorin would have plastered a smile onto his face, turned to them, greeted them as warmly as he was able, asking all sorts of questions, and trying to impress them with his acting skills. Maybe tell a story or two, or perhaps compose a poem for them. His usual act.

And it wasn't all an act; he did love meeting new people. Not only were they fantastic inspiration for his art, but they distracted him, almost like acting distracted him, allowing him to be who he wanted to be, not who he really was.

”Jorin? What are you doing out here?”

He would recognize that voice anywhere. Rinya. He turned to her and gave her a tired smile.

"I could ask you the same question, little osprey," he replied, as he took off his cloak. Looking into her golden eyes for permission, he quietly wrapped the cloak around her shoulders, tying it off in front.

"This amphitheater has so many stories, Rinya. Can you see them? Can you hear them?" Jorin spread his arms wide, as his imagination supplied what nature did not. "Dozens of people, pushing and shoving, their conversation mingling in the air, as the show is about to begin. There, along the path where people trickle in, large Akalak ushers are waving them in, keeping a close eye on the patronage. The smell of fresh fish and wine float in the air, as refreshments are passed around."

Jorin jumped up. "It's night, and the stars are laughing above. The moon shines brightly down on the stage, and the torches dance and flicker in the gentle summer breeze. The murmur of conversation dies down as a solitary man walks onto the stage, he is dressed in brighly-colored clothes, cape billowing in the wind. He bows low; a fancy, sweeping action, arms wide in welcome. He lifts his head and smiles at the audience. 'Thank you for coming,' he says. And it is like the audience is holding its breath. The play is going to begin."

Jorin sat back down, face red with his exertion, but eyes shining. He grins at her. "That's what I see, Rinya, when I sit here. Someday, I will be that solitary figure on that stage. Someday." His smile fell slightly. The Amphitheater did not hire. That was the first thing he checked. How was he going to get onto that stage? It did not matter. He'd find a way. He wouldn't give up.

"I am glad you're here, though, Rinya. I'll be honest, sometimes I wonder if I don't come here to torture myself with visions of something that might never happen." He smiled. "At least now, we can imagine together. So what are you doing here?"

[Rinya]

He wasn’t himself. Rinya knew it instantly when he turned to face her, even before his lackluster smile. He just answered her with a question, gently wrapping her in his cloak without any other words. It unnerved her a little actually. Rinya didn’t know how to react to him this way. Her words were useless, but it still gnawed at her insides that she should say something. "This amphitheater has so many stories, Rinya. Can you see them? Can you hear them?" Rinya bit her bottom lip, tilting her head a little. She wanted to say yes, but if she was honest... she didn’t have the imagination he did. She could see the things in front of her in whatever moment she was in. The fish in the bay, the sunset... him; but almost as if he could read her mind—or maybe he simply couldn’t help himself, Jorin let his words handle the rest. Closing her eyes, Rinya could place the stage before them in the dark, the people and the noise… even though she had never seen such a sight before. Most of all she could easily picture him on the center of that stage, bowing and smiling as if he was born to do nothing else in the world but bring beauty—another world to escape in even if for only a moment. As she opened her eyes, her gaze fell on his smile fading again. For a moment she almost reached out to stroke his face—anything to get him to smile again. But he repeated his earlier question, so she pushed the feeling back. ”I am here because I saw you.” Rinya shrugged. But she wasn’t looking at him; she was staring at the stage in almost a glare. Imagination was one of her weaker points. So, maybe he shouldn’t imagine it. Gathering up her courage, she stood and snagged his wrist in her hand and pulled Jorin down the path that lead straight to the stage. Mindful of the cloak she easily hopped up on the stage and dragged him with. In the back of her mind Rinya was aware this plan might not work so well. She could easily be making this worse… he might even be mad at her. Letting his wrist go, she took a few backward steps from him before clearing her throat. She could feel the flush on her face before she even opened her mouth. Rinya figured she was about to make a fool of herself, and she dearly hoped this wasn’t about to blow up in her face. ”So thee is an actor, let us see it. Recite something from the heart.” Rinya’s face turned seriously, and she moved to stand in front of him, placing right hand over his heart and spoke so softly, she was afraid he wouldn’t hear her. ”Say what needs to be said. Hopes, fears, anger… anything to bring peace here; whatever it is you need to say.” She patted his chest once, staring at him as gently as she knew how.”I am only one person, but I will listen. You know about this already. Put it into your words… not what you think everyone else should hear. Be you. Let go.”

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Summer, Day 64, 513 AV

Jorin smiled when Rinya grabbed his hand, and dragged him onstage. It never occurred for him to step foot onto the stage. It was silly, he knew. The actors of the Amphitheater weren't using it, but for some reason he felt that doing so would be ... trespassing, somehow. As though until he could claim to be as famous and beloved as them, he did not have the right to dirty the place with his presence.

”I am only one person, but I will listen. You know about this already. Put it into your words… not what you think everyone else should hear. Be you. Let go.”

Be me. That was the problem. Five years of acting, of being someone else, he'd almost forgotten what he really was. Who was Jorin Ertihan, really? Did he know? Did anyone know?

"I really wanted this," he began, almost a whisper. And it was the complete truth. "The bated breath of a hundred people just waiting to see what new play I would perform in. The roar of the applause after a rousing curtain. The cheers, the flowers, but most importantly of all, the smiles."

He turned to Rinya, watching her small, light frame wrapped in his cloak. He smiled at her awkward stance, her earnest eyes, and her clear desire to help him. He realized; he hated to see her smile disappear. It lit up her whole face, was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. To take it away would be a crime. So he kept smiling, and this time it wasn't a tired or a fake one.

"You know, I believe smiles are like snowflakes, or raindrops. Each individual one is not much, it's true. But they are, every one of them, unique. And if you collect enough, you can change the world."

Jorin spread his arms, walking into the center of the stage, owning it, commanding it. This was a stage for actors greater than him, it was true. But for this chime, at this very moment, the stage was his.

"Hear me, people of Riverfall! he cried to an invisible audience. "For here upon this land I bring you a play that shall lay bare the history of one of your own number. Not a tale of valor or steel, nor a tale of blood or magic, but a tale of a man who ran from home, only to find that home was not a house, but an idea."

His arms fell as he paced across the stage.

"This tale shall unfold before your very eyes! Though the prologue begins here upon this stage, the play shall continue beyond it. It shall transcend these walls that attempt to contain it, burst forth into the real. I promise, however, that I shall return to this stage for the final act. An actor can do no less."

Jorin sat down, looking up at all the terraces. He looked over at Rinya, patting the spot next to him, asking her to sit down with him.

"Like I said, I really wanted this," he said, as he looked back at the terraces arrayed before him. "And you know me. I won't give up until I get it. But there are times ... there are times when I wonder why i want it so badly. And then I see it. A seashell on the shore with a unique pattern. A cloud in the sky with a funny shape. A rainbow, stretching across Riverfall like a bridge, shimmering in the cool summer morning ..."

You, smiling back at me. He didn't say it. Jorin had no idea how Rinya would receive such a statement. In truth, it even surprised him. Where had that come from? So he swallowed the words, and continued.

"I want it because ... there's beauty in this world. So much of it! And I want others to see it too. See the world anew. It's hard going sometimes, but I always find one more reason. Every single day."

Finally, he turned to Rinya. "It must be so beautiful for you, Rinya, to soar above ... all this. Things must look so peaceful from up there. Calm. From a distance, the world must seem so ... serene. I wish I could see it." He smiled. "Maybe you could describe it for me?"

[Rinya]

Rinya slowly released the breath she had been holding. The whole idea had started to look like a bad one after she had spoken. After all comforting people wasn’t something she understood really. She was supposed to be indifferent, focus on the task at before reaching out for a new one. It had been drilled into her mind for so long, that this kind of affection felt alien. Sharing smiles and encouragement between the two of them—though she was rather sure it was still his fault. And it was hard not to be infected by him really. His shift once on stage was so obvious. He lit up—enigmatic and bright. Almost like he caught fire… it was a side of him she really couldn’t understand honestly. With his words—quite the promise really, Rinya couldn’t help herself. She grinned, unable to help herself… the kind of smile that you couldn’t stop if you wanted, his energy setting off her mood. She was happy. She had been happy before of course, but not like this. The feeling swelled in her chest uncontrollable. While he spoke and paced the stage, she circled opposite of him. He was like the ground she had been mapping not so long ago. Only he wasn’t just vivid lines to be drawn up into her mind. She mapped his determination and strength. He probably didn’t even realize he exuded such feelings. Especially the ones he caused out of her. His mere presence shifted her attitude. But at the moment how he made her act wasn’t important. She took his invitation immediately. Sliding to sit next to him, she didn’t bother trying to keep any appropriate space between them. Rinya enjoyed being close to him; and it never seemed to bother him anyway. Her knees poked out from beneath the cloak, though it didn’t bother her for once. She was still too absorbed in feelings to pay much attention to anything else. Cocking her head slightly to look at him, she thought over his question carefully. He wanted words out of her… why words? She was so bad at them. ”Well… honestly I do not always appreciate the view. Some days I just let instinct take over… hunting and territory, simple survival really. Today was one of those days—I haven’t had much time to take in… territory.” Rinya’s smile melted some, however it wasn’t in sadness. A more serene thought crossed her face before she pushed off the stage on the grass before them. Her golden eyes locked on the sky merging with the spare trees. ”Flying though… that is its own beauty. It feels different of course… skin versus feathers. As a bird I don’t feel the wind on my skin, but it pulls at all my feathers at once. There is nothing like wind beneath my wings… you were right the first time I met you. Flight really is freedom. I can… go anywhere. I have no responsibility.” Tilting her face so she could look at him, she smiled a little sheepishly at him. ”The plummet is the best. The fall before hitting the water… I could kill myself very easily with the slightest tilt of my wings. But it’s always there—instinct. Twitch this way, move that way. I have to trust myself that I know what I’m doing. It’s always exhilarating.” Rinya resisted frowning. Those were not quite the words he was looking for. ”Above it is all… sharp laid lines. The ocean meets land… land meets trees, trees turn into mountains. Lakes carve random shapes into the land. The clouds are best actually. If they are low enough, flying through them is fun. Though it is like mist… it makes my feathers wet." Biting her bottom lip, a thought crossed her mind and she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t thought of it before. The happy ache in her chest faded, instead it filled with a feeling she couldn’t identify. ”Jorin… why do you not try to go back to your troupe? It is obvious you have the talent to be great. Remembered. This is a life you want… you said so yourself several times already. Why are you letting it get away from you? I have no doubt you would easily talk your way back in… your second chance would certainly bring you everything you seek.” Rinya realized if he rejoined the group he would leave Riverfall. And if she would let her mouth get away from her, she could have easily told him she would follow him if he asked. But instead she wondered if her life was always going to be like this. Thinking thoughts and actions and never acting on them. She was starting to feel like a coward in some ways.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Summer, Day 64, 513 AV

Jorin enjoyed hearing Rinya describe flying. From his perspective, as a land-bound human, he could never experience it, not the way she did. As far as he was concerned she was the best qualified to describe what it felt like. As much as he could imagine, it was still no substitute for actual experience. And she seemed so happy, describing the feeling of freedom that flying granted her.

As she spoke, Jorin watched her small frame seem to grow lighter as she spoke of how the wind felt through her feathers, or how the world looked from so high above. It was like as though she was flying still.

Then she asked a question. A question he'd asked himself may times.

"Jorin… why do you not try to go back to your troupe? It is obvious you have the talent to be great. Remembered. This is a life you want… you said so yourself several times already. Why are you letting it get away from you? I have no doubt you would easily talk your way back in… your second chance would certainly bring you everything you seek."

Jorin sighed. How could he explain it to her? Jumping down to the grass next to Rinya, he glanced up at the sky, as though there would be answers in the white puffy clouds.

"When I was still in Zeltiva, I felt it was stifling," he began softly. "Like ... like walls of air, closing in around me. Imagine if you were in your hawk form, but you could only fly inside a cage. Sure, a cage the size of a city but ... sooner or later you want to know what's out there!"

He smiled at the memory of his first sight of the troupe. So colorful!

"When I first saw the troupe, I was entranced. Here was a group of people who could bring joy to everyone, who traveled the world, who didn't spend their days locked up in their office, or their studio. So I told my father. And he was furious."

Jorin's mouth twitched unconsciously at that memory. "He shouted at me, for the first time in many years. He very rarely raised his voice at all, so this was a big surprise. He told me I was being foolish, that I was taking a completely unnecessary risk with my life. But on the day I was to leave, he didn't say a word. I suppose he knew by that point there was no stopping me."

Jorin knew the story seemed, at least so far, to have no relevance to Rinya's question, but somehow, he also knew she'd listen to the end anyway.

"But still, it was very hard, leaving my parents. For fifteen years of my life, they were the only family I'd ever known. To leave them behind was ... difficult. But still, it was my choice, and eventually the fun I had on the road left the homesickness a quiet longing in my heart, not a constant pain. And it was fun on the road. Oh, the stories I could tell you Rinya! I could stand on this stage for a week and not be done. We weren't just a troupe, we were a family. Sharing in the triumphs, the failures, the pranks, the laughter. And the stage master was like a stern father, watching over us all."

He turned and looked in Rinya's beautiful golden eyes.

"Don't you see, Rinya? When he kicked me out, it was like Zeltiva all over again. Except this time it was my fault. No one else to blame. He was like a second father, and he was essentially kicking me out of my own home. Before I left, he told me that he thought I was a fantastic performer, but a lackluster actor. He said to me, that until I genuinely understood the difference between the two, I had no place on his stage."

Jorin gave a quiet little sigh, as he plopped down on the grass, staring up at the sky again.

"I ... I was so angry. So I told him that I would make it. In Riverfall, in wherever other city I go to, so that when we met again I would show him that he was wrong about me. So you see, Rinya, I can't go back. Not until I've proven myself. Because if I do, I'd be admitting failure. I'd be admitting defeat."

Jorin looked up at Rinya, and grinned. "Besides, if I went back to the Traveling Thespians, I'd never get to see you again! Now, let's not talk about such depressing things. I know! You always seem to cheer up when I recite one of my poems. Let's see..."

Jorin realized he hadn't brought his books with him that day. No matter; he had plenty of poems in his head, ready to burst forth. Jorin climbed back onto the stage, and smiling at Rinya, he started to recite:

"Summer's lease is almost done
And leaves are starting to fall
Autumn's clouds blot out the sun
That once shone over it all

In the Amphitheater rings
Upon its stony stage
A single actor quietly sings
A song for a different age

He sings of seasons now gone by
And things that yet will be
His poems a plaintive, pensive sigh
Of a future he wishes to see

Worry not, my little ocean bird
That future will come to pass
With you by my side, I swear every word
Will come true for us both at last."

When the poem began, Jorin was pacing the stage, eyes closed, arms outstretched, the words flowing out as they formed in his mind. But nearing the end, his heart betrayed him. And before he could stop them, the last four lines tumbled out as well.

His eyes shot open and he glanced at Rinya in panic. What would she think? What would she do? His heart beat wildly in his chest. It was far too late to take it back now. The lines hung in the air like moisture, and a heavy pause settled on the Amphitheater. Jorin's face flushed heavily, and he could feel the sweat running down his back.

How could he explain what he meant? What did he mean? Jorin started to feel lightheaded. He felt like he was spinning out of control.

Why did you say those last lines, you idiot! he berated himself. But the truth was, if Jorin was being honest with himself, he meant every word. Or he would not have said them.

[Rinya]

Rinya knew there was little point in trying to keep the frown from her face as Jorin described his family. There were too many emotions tied up in a neat little package to understand. He had been blessed with two families—and seemed to be under the distinct impression that it was solely his fault for losing both of them. Blessed or cursed… there was no sure fire way to choose which had been bestowed upon him. But she let him talk, it almost seemed like he needed to say it. The idea of being in a type of city sort of cage though, that was something she was well aware of. After her father left her, she had two paths. She wondered what would have become of her if she had stayed in Sylira. Would she have decided to remain a bird? To get so caught up in being only that and ignoring the pull of a bondmate—she had the distinct feeling she would have ended up like her father. And like always, Jorin was able to pull a poem out of thin air. Weave his words together and give her vision of something she couldn’t physically see. Rinya didn’t understand the difference he spoke of herself. Her gaze remained on him, pacing the stage. Maybe he could a little over dramatic, but she preferred him this way. It was endearing in a way she couldn’t have explained. That required his words. ”Worry not, my little ocean bird That future will come to pass With you by my side, I swear every word Will come true for us both at last." The words seem to leave him before he could properly get a hold of them. He was staring at her as if he expected her to yell at him for it. Turning so she faced him on stage, physically she was perfectly calm. Rinya’s insides however felt like mush. She was confused... very much so. He seemed upset that he had let it slip. Her eyesight could easily make out the sudden tension in his body, his face too red to be heat of the sun. Exhaling slowly, Rinya let her eyes fall to the grass at her feet, her lips pursed slightly. Did she ignore what he said—it would be simple enough. After all, he handled her closeness without a second thought. She could treat his words as such. But that seemed like such a long way to go to avoid everything that had been nagging on her mind for days. ”When I was two, there was a boy... I cannot even remember his name really. He was the son of a trader that couldn’t leave the docks until their ship was repaired. He was different from others... younger children couldn’t understand my aging and my eyes. They didn’t like me much. I spent a lot of time with him. It made my father so furious.” Shrugging slightly, she pulled herself back up on the stage. Rinya didn’t approach him immediately. For once she respected distance; she didn’t want Jorin to feel pressured by standing too close. Her gaze however remained on him. Not an angry glare, but a strong purposeful stare. ”I guess there was a pull to him. My father restricted me from seeing him, and I couldn’t understand why. I knew what a bond was, but he insisted that I didn’t. He told me it wasn’t worth it to bond with someone, unless it was meaningful. I always thought that any bond would be. It didn’t bother me much that I never saw him again, I was more angry at my father for treating me like I couldn’t accept a bond without his help.” Rinya snorted slightly and rolled her eyes, heaving a heavy sigh. ”There are... light bonds, which are easily broken. They don’t hurt... they usually form when Kelvics are young. But those types of bonds are weak. We live more to serve than to... be our own person. My father didn’t want me to go through my life barely connected to one person who could trade me off like a slave... like he was—like my mother was.” Breathing deeply, Rinya twisted her fingers together tightly beneath Jorin’s cloak. Her insides wouldn’t settle down, the thoughts of her father’s protective stance in her life—thinking it had stilted her entire being from being a real person. She should have known better that he would be right. Jorin didn’t feel it like she would, at least not yet. But she should have known from their very first meeting when he brought about a different side to her, that it was there. She was purposely leaving the potential bond hanging between them. Narrowing her eyes at him, she tilted her head slightly. ”What in the world makes you think I would not have followed you anyway? At least I would have depending on your choice. It is your choice Jorin. There is no acting to be had with a bond you know. The longer the bond is in place, the less you can hide from one another. I will be able to feel stirrings of what you feel. And it would be the same for you.” For a moment Rinya considered running from this discussion. But she was starting to realize it didn’t matter if she ran—it was going to be there regardless. She was drawn to him, and he had a right to know. She prided herself on honesty, even if she felt like a coward for dropping it on him like this. ”Each bond is different, but the base remains the same. Some love... some are companions, best friends. Things grow from bonding, but bonding does not create things that are not there from the beginning. You would not love me for instance, if you couldn’t have without the bond. Bonding only makes a deeper different connection to the other. It is a hard choice... not one to make lightly Jorin. I know you would not do me harm on purpose, but if you choose to bond and decided later it wasn’t for you—I might not recover. And it is not a choice you have to make right now either. Kelvics bonds to not just happen with anyone, I won’t be bonding to another unless you refuse outright. And right now it wouldn’t damage me; I would be sad, but not damaged.” There was still time to be had over bonding. Leaning forward a little, Rinya made sure to stress this last point to her artist. Jorin was not stupid, she of course knew that. But she didn’t want him to accept a bond because he thought it might kill her if it didn’t.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Summer, Day 64, 513 AV

Jorin had been sure he'd messed it all up. Maybe irrevocably. This was what he got for speaking off the cuff, for making up a poem without the benefit of the written word before him. Without the distance that writing created, he spoke the first verses that came out of his heart. With a start, he realized what that meant.

Rinya seemed perfectly calm. For some reason, Jorin was both happy and upset. He'd expected ... well, he wasn't sure what he'd expected. Part of him thought she'd throw off the cloak in anger, transform, and fly away, leaving him alone upon the stage. Another, that she'd climb the stage and slap him for his impertinence. He didn't anticipate what actually happened.

The bond she spoke of, it would hurt her, severely, if he ever broke it. If he accepted this, it would be permanent. Would have to be permanent. Jorin knew if he accepted the bond he could never, would never break it. But...

"Rinya ... I ... I'm not sure how to say this," Jorin began, haltingly. "Remember when I said that all things were beautiful, but that didn't mean certain things weren't unique and special? I ... rather feel that way about you. You're beautiful and independent and free. And I worry, because if we were to bond you'd be bonded to a failed actor. Someone who couldn't live up to the promise of his father, or the potential of his mother, who tries and tries but never seems to succeed ... it wouldn't be right, to shackle you to someone like that. Someone like me. You deserve so much more."

Jorin smiled as he approached her. He appreciated the distance she was keeping. He suspected she was doing it for his benefit, so that he wouldn't feel pressured by her presence. But right now, he wanted to be close, so that she'd understand.

"Rinya, nothing on Mizahar would make me happier than to bond with you. I think that this connection you speak of, would be a whole new adventure for the both of us to share, a beautiful thing! But ... I have so little to offer. I am not a particularly rich man. Or a handsome one. Or even a strong one ... you deserve someone who is. Someone better."

Jorin smiled at Rinya sadly. He kissed Rinya gently on the forehead, and and said, "Don't worry about me, Rinya. I can survive, I'm sure. As long as you are happy, so am I."

[Rinya]

For the first time ever, Rinya was mad at Jorin. Or maybe it was more frustrated. Petch it, she was going to go with both. He could smile at her, and tell her he would love to be bonded to her, then turn around and tell her that he couldn’t be because it wasn’t fair to her? She knew he had a hard time accepting his own worth, but he didn’t seem to understand that bonding had nothing to do with what he could physically offer her. She stood stock still as he kissed her forehead, before his final words set her off. She was even able to ignore the fact he called her beautiful, which normally would have left her stuttering and beet red. Growling slightly, she pulled away from him. She rubbed her hands over her face, trying to take a calming breath, but he was being so—so vague! Whirling back around to face him, she fixed him with a hard glare and poked him in the chest roughly with a finger. ”I am not bonding to an actor, I am bonding to you. Whatever you do in your life, I don’t really care. If it makes you happy then I am happy. If you were happy just to be a small town poet the rest of your life I would not care! This isn’t some cage you’re sticking me into!” Rinya winced as her tone went up an octave. Taking several deep breaths, she crossed her arms and looked away from him. ”You offer me everything I need. Otherwise there would be no chance for a bond. I don’t just look at someone and decide they would be a good bondmate.” Huffing slightly, she felt tired all of a sudden. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she closed her eyes and shook her head. ”I will always be free. I will always have the choice to argue with you, or tell you no. I am old enough now… everything I do would be of my own choice. I don’t need you to take care of me. At least not in the sense you think.” Rinya sighed and opened her eyes. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye before shaking her head again. Nope she was still mad at him. ”I could easily say that bonding with me could cause you trouble. I can list a full set of reasons why bonding with me of all people would be a bad choice. But that doesn’t mean I would want to change it. I have always trusted my instincts—at least as a bird. And this is part of my being, so I’ll trust it. I trust you.” Rinya groused lightly. She couldn’t look at him now. She let her temper get away from her and she scolded after she told him to take his time on the decision. She was frustrated and confused, but if she looked him in the eye she’d forgive him. It wasn’t his fault; he didn’t force this problem on her. Rather he was trying to keep her out of it. ”Look just… forget I said anything about it okay? I’ll… deal with it.” She’d figure it out. Rinya wasn’t willing to just abandon Jorin and never see him again, but she’d have to deal with the bond some other way.