Completed Buried Beneath (Jorin Ertihan)

[Rinya]

Day 59, Season Fall, 513 AV

Unknown Bell

It was the strangest feeling. Being unable to tell if she was awake or asleep. The room was dark, with moonlight shedding the only light across the room. But that only told her it was late, not that she had been dreaming. Her heart was practically straining against her ribs, as though it seriously might beat right out of her chest. There was a chill to her room that had nothing to do with her sleeping nude. The sheets were twisted up around her legs, leaving the rest of her skin from the waist up completely bare. Judging by the glistening to her skin, she was—or rather had been—sweating.

But even with all these little facts circling her brain, it still didn’t tell her if anything was real or if she just continued to dream, and everything she saw was just another twisted reality of everything in her life. And that was the biggest problem she was having. Was she still dreaming—because if she was still dreaming she seriously considered that she might scream. The only solace she felt was the single fact, it was a dream and when she did wake up everything would be just as she left it. It had to be…

Closing her eyes, Rinya tried to catch her breath. Her lungs burned, and she wasn’t sure if it was because she had been crying in her sleep—or if the horror just stole the air from her. Everyone was there in her mind… well almost everyone. Children that used to tease her on the streets, to her father’s overbearing presence, to her first bondmate’s utter rejection of their bond. Oddly enough, she hadn’t even realized that her previous bondmate was more of a memory than a twisted reality. She just had chosen to forget the entire thing and pretend that it had been an easy break. Apparently that was a lie too.

Jorin’s lack of presence in her dream wasn’t something easily swallowed either. Under normal circumstances Rinya would have enjoyed the fact he wasn’t subjected to her nightmares—even if in the land of the conscious he didn’t know about them. Rinya kicked her feet free from the sheets with a muffled sob and covered her face with her hands. Not even this felt real, or perhaps the dream just felt as real as life. Her skin, her voice, her tears. Nothing fit. She didn’t break so easily under normal circumstances, so why did it change now?

Really the answer to that was obvious. Jorin really did have everything to do with change in her life. And that was what made the dream all the more terrifying. Because she could handle her father’s harsh words, or rejection of a bondmate long gone—even the children who refused to understand her. Her father had called it weakness. Jorin brought weakness into her life that he had so strongly built her to resist. There was no need for love, if she had to bond she was to bond to someone as closed off as she was.

In some ways Rinya wished that Jorin’s failure to make an appearance in her dream meant he was safe. Perhaps she might be abandoned but he was still safe. But the entire visual of his room torn to shambles with blood splattered across nearly every surface her eyes could land on felt real. What few items Jorin possessed either coated in the blood or pages of his poem books scattered around the room like snow. In the farthest corner of the room was a familiar sight—the Glassbeak she had faced nearly a season ago was clearly eating something or…

The whimper that escaped her throat made her wince. Everything in that realm she couldn’t control. It was like swimming against the tide. No matter how hard you push and pull and try you were still pulled farther out to sea. It just was, and nothing she could do would make it stop. No screaming, no crying, no cold hearted glares through the stabbing pains in her chest would make it stop.

It was entirely fear that kept her glued to the bed for so long. Despite the faintest sensation that Jorin was still there across the bond, she could not make herself get up from the bed. It crossed her mind to just lie there… pull the covers back over her head and curl up into a ball and just pray that if she fell back asleep—assuming she wasn’t still actually asleep and her mind was just preparing her for yet another shock—that everything would be easier in the light of day. Most times after a nightmare it was enough. But then again, no nightmare thus far had felt so real. Not even directly after the Glassbeak attack. And she knew why, but saying it out loud made it real.

It was sheer force of will that Rinya slipped out of her bed. There was a need to see the rest of the condo—more specifically someone occupying the condo other than her—and Rinya couldn’t put it off any longer. Tip toeing across her room to her door, she was for once glad she had shut it. Turning the handle, she held her breath and slowly opened the door. Part of her honestly expected to see the Glassbeak standing on the other side of the door, waiting for the moment to end her after it took everything else in her life.

But the condo was quiet and empty. She couldn’t see much of anything really, her eyesight was far too poor in the low light to make out anything other than shadows—which didn’t make it any easier to inch across the room to Jorin’s doorway. The only thing that made it easy was the light from the windows. Jorin slept with his door open and she could vaguely make out the moonlight from his room. Rinya held her breath, but it still felt like several chimes before she peaked her head through the doorway.

He was there of course, reassuring her that she wasn’t still asleep but in fact awake. She could barely make out the sound of his breathing, deep in sleep. She was incredibly happy for that because the last thing she wanted was to wake him over a nightmare. But now that she had reached his room, her body didn’t want to move. There was no heading back to her room—not yet. Releasing a silent breath, Rinya drew herself up slighty until she was in the door way, back pressed against the frame before she slid down to the floor.

Rinya was exhausted. Nightmares weren’t terribly uncommon for her, but this was the first to truly terrify her into thinking everything she held dear was pointless, much less destroyed. And not even by her own hand. Just ravaged by the simple facts. That someone or something could easily steal Jorin away from her. That her father just simply hated her because of the circumstances she came into the world by… it didn’t matter. Pressing her toes against the frame of the door on the opposite side of her Rinya leaned forward until her forehead rested against her knees, arms loosely wrapped around her shins.

It was still cold and dark. And she wasn’t likely to fall asleep pressed into his doorway, but she would eventually remove herself before Jorin would wake for the morning routine. She just… wanted to keep reminding herself that he was still there. His room as he left it, not in shambles by a disturbing dream.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 59, 513 AV

Jorin was normally a very deep sleeper. It was said amongst the members of the Traveling Thespians that a thunderclap could go off right next to his ear and not wake him up. So it was rather unusual then that this night, he found himself in an uneasy haze. And for once, Jorin was in a dreamless sleep. No strange images or unusual scenarios bounced around in his head this night. Nothing but an unpleasant gray haze that refused to go away.

Something was wrong. Jorin could feel it, and it disturbed his sleep more than anything else. Even though he did not toss or turn, even though he did not wake, his sleep was not as refreshing, and his consciousness often intruded into the restful state he sought to keep. Whatever it was that was bothering him, it was able to intrude upon his subconscious, and in his dream-less, somewhat sleep-addled state Jorin had no idea what that might be.

There was a sliding sound, soft but in the dead silence of the night, quite audible. Jorin did not jolt awake, but his eyes slowly fluttered open as he shifted in his bed. The feeling of wrongness was now stronger than ever, and for a moment Jorin wondered if perhaps his own instincts were warning him of danger of some description. But then the fog of sleep cleared and he realized that the feeling was not coming from himself but across the bond. Rinya! he thought, almost in a panic, and sat up in his bed.

And there she was, curled up in the doorway, arms wrapped around her ankles and face buried in her knees. What was she doing in his doorway? The soft moonlight shining through the window barely illuminated her, but Jorin could see the shiny sheen of sweat across her body. And she was obviously in distress, that much was very clear.

"... Rinya?" he whispered, and even that sounded loud in his ears, too loud against the near-silence of the night. Even the cicadas seemed to have gone to sleep, and the only real sound was the whistling of the breeze every few chimes. Jorin shook his head to clear the cobwebs inside. He was now fully awake, his entire being concentrated on his mate.

Fairly throwing his blanket off of himself, Jorin swung his feet off to the right, pushing off the bed in one smooth motion and padding softly over to Rinya's curled form. Plopping down next to her, Jorin put an arm around her, temporarily ignoring her undressed state and close proximity which would normally leave him beet red an unable to concentrate. The feelings across the bond were still raw, and he knew something was bothering her.

"Rinya, what happened? What's wrong?"

[Rinya]

Day 59, Season Fall, 513 AV

"... Rinya?" The only indication that Rinya heard him was the slightest twitch in her shoulders. She wasn’t all that startled by his voice, though she probably should have been. With everything lulling in and out of her mind, her reactions to things seemed slow and muddy. Moving in slow motion compared to everything around her. Rinya wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep, or the fact she had exhausted every emotion just to get herself out of her bed. The dead silence reminded her too much of the nightmare—but even that felt like it was slowly leaching from her mind.

Parts of the dream were becoming foggy. The little things, like sounds and colors. Other parts still felt fresh, and Rinya wasn’t entirely sure she would ever entirely forget the images. With eyes closed they flashed behind her eyelids, and since Jorin was apparently awake she let out a shuddered breath. Deep down she wanted to feel bad, she had probably woke him up. But really the fact he was awake did more to calm her than anything else. He was moving, and speaking—just simple facts that pressed the nightmare further back into her mind.

Rinya did jump under his touch however. Not unexpected, but his fingers felt hot against her clammy skin. It was a complete internal debate on whether or not she should resist his embrace. Relying on Jorin meant she couldn’t take care of herself—but it was a foolish thought. It was a thought her father trained her in, but if she had learned anything in just traveling—no one could be strong all the time. And Jorin always seemed to know how to make her feel better. "Rinya, what happened? What's wrong?"

Her only response just letting out a weak groan, letting herself lean heavily up against his side. There was a numb feeling creeping across her body despite his touch. His question was loaded and she had no idea where to start really. There was the simple answer—that she had a nightmare. But that had never driven her into his room in the middle of the night before either. Jorin would ask, if nothing but out of politeness, if she wanted to talk about it and that would be an even harder question to answer. Did she want to talk about it? As it was Jorin didn’t know she had nightmares…

”Nothing happened. I just…” Rinya swallowed thickly around the knot in her throat. The heat from him, even clothed, caused her to shiver and she shifted slightly, sliding her legs up underneath her. Her cheek pressed against his shoulder and Rinya closed her eyes, ignoring the images flashing through her brain the best she could for the moment. ”It was just a nightmare. A very realistic one.” She muttered. It was the truth, no point in lying about it at this hour.

”I didn’t mean to wake you.” Maybe that was a half truth. Seeking him out, even just to check on him—part of her had hoped he would wake up. Reluctantly she lifted her head and actually looked at him in the low light. She couldn’t quite make out the planes of his face, but she knew he wasn’t upset. ”I needed to see you were ok.” It came out more of a whisper and probably gave more away than she was willing to admit, but she shrugged half heartedly. It had to be the mental exhaustion—she wasn’t able to keep her mouth shut it seemed.

”You should go back to bed.” Reaching up, Rinya let her palm rest against his cheek, her thumb stroking along his cheekbone. Like everywhere else on her body, her hands were freezing. Her skin tingled with warmth everywhere her skin touched his and she managed a watery smile for him, even if he might not be able to see it.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 46, 513 AV

She was ice cold. That was the first thing that Jorin noticed as he put his arm around her. He'd never felt her this cold before, and he'd touched her plenty of times in the last season or two. When he'd asked her what was wrong, he wasn't sure what to expect to hear. But she just groaned and leaned against him, and Jorin responded by hugging her a bit tighter. Even despite her insistence that nothing happened, Jorin wasn't entirely convinced. Something must have happened, for her to be so obviously upset.

She insisted it was "just" a nightmare. Jorin was still not convinced. "Just" nightmares did not cause this much anxiety, did not cause a woman as strong as Rinya to curl up, freezing cold, in a doorway. He was absolutely certain of that. Realistic or not, whatever nightmare she had must have cut extremely close. Perhaps she dreamed of her father leaving her? He could understand how that might have become a recurring dream. Then again, dreams rarely followed any logic but their own.

Jorin smiled gently when she insisted she didn't mean to wake him. He would have kicked himself, repeatedly, if he'd slept through this, if he'd just let her sit, naked and cold, on his floor for Bells on end, just snoring away. No, she needed him and he wanted to be there for her. Apparently she needed to see that he was OK. The words came out in a soft whisper, and Jorin felt... something across the bond when she said it. Why would she need to... did something happen to him in the nightmare? Perhaps she was reliving that day at the hospital?

When Rinya reached up to stroke his cheek, telling him he should go back to bed, Jorin just shook his head and lifted one hand to cover hers. "I could never sleep, knowing you're catching your death of cold down here on the floor, Rinya," he replied softly. He gently took her hand from his cheek and pulled lightly, to get her to stand. He stood himself, waiting patiently for Rinya to follow.

Padding over to his bed, he gently led her to lie down on it, drawing the covers up over her, then going over to the other side and getting in, coming up to her from the other end of the bed. Under the covers, he snaked his arms around her chest and drew her close to him, hugging her close to himself and cuddling her as best he could. "I'm right here, Rinya," he insisted, taking her left hand and placing it on his chest, over his heart as he knew she liked to do. "See? Still beating."

Jorin didn't know what to do to help her. Dreams were not a monster he could slay for her, not a place he could go to protect her. All he could do is hold her tight and promise not to go anywhere. Which he would do regardless. "Rinya, just... stay here tonight. Stay here every night... until the nightmares go away." It was somewhat of a bold move for him to say it. Despite their intimacy, Jorin had never actually asked Rinya to stay the night in his room. But at least, if his presence by her side would help keep the nightmares at bay, it would be a job he would be happy to do, any time. More to the point, he honestly would not have minded in the least if, even if the nightmares ended, she continued to stay...

"You don't have to tell me about the nightmare if you don't want to," he whispered to her, as he continued to cuddle her close. Despite the sheen of sweat on her body he insisted on hugging her close. He didn't know how else to warm her, to assure her that he was not going to leave. "But if you do want to, I'll always listen."

[Rinya]

Day 59, Season Fall, 513 AV

The touch of his hand to hers caused another shiver, much stronger than before. She figured he wouldn’t exactly leave her on the floor either. Despite the numbness, she could identify that part of it was just from the natural chill in the fall air. Rinya bit her bottom lip as Jorin tugged on her hand slightly. When she had slid to the floor, it had felt as though her legs had just given out. But sitting on the floor sweaty and cold really wasn’t an option regardless of the circumstances. Letting go of his hand she used both her hands to press into the floor and push herself up. Her legs still felt weak, and she had to cling to the door frame for a moment to get her bearings before she trusted her legs to move.

Jorin was oddly quiet as he led her over to his bed. It looked inviting, even with the threat of more nightmares waiting in her head. She really didn’t want to wake Jorin if she fell back into one as soon as the exhaustion fully caught up with her. But her room just felt too far away to make it to. So she crawled hesitantly into the bed, and Jorin pulled the covers over her. His bed was exactly the same as hers, but she swore it was more comfortable. And she told herself it had nothing to do with the man who might actually occupy it. He slid into the bed across from her and instantly pulled her closer.

Between the covers and his body, the heat radiated across her. Familiar scents and the feel of his arms threatened to actually take her from consciousness sooner than she thought. "I'm right here, Rinya," Rinya simply nodded in response. It was Jorin’s hand pressing hers against his chest, directly over his heart that had her breathe catching in her throat. "See? Still beating." The words were gentle, meant to sooth and calm, but they had the opposite reaction.

The cold and numbness had kept her from falling apart. There had been a distance between completely accepting reality and the falseness of the dream. But the heat spreading across her body melted the barriers that went along with the cold. Jorin just stirred everything up inside her. The actual feel of his heart made her intensely relieved, but it came with an unfortunate price—to her at least. The last few weeks Rinya found herself far more weepy than she would have liked.

There hadn’t been much space between them to begin with, but Rinya pressed further. One of her legs slipped between his, her fingers clenching the fabric of his shirt into a tight fist as she felt the first sob bubble from her chest. In an attempt to muffle the sounds, Rinya buried her face into his chest just above her fist. This wasn’t the same as the Moonstone, just tears… it was the hospital all over again. Only instead of yelling at him she just fell apart. There was a vague sense of panic that flooded their bond, but Rinya just clung tighter to him.

Perhaps the worst part of her tears was the fact it wasn’t distress that was causing them. It was rather the opposite. She was crying in relief—and to some extent it didn’t make sense to her. But then, a lot of the emotions she felt didn’t make sense. Jorin just let her cry, so she let herself. It wasn’t pretty—not that crying ever was—and she would most certainly have a headache later, but it felt like a drain. Something that crying alone in her bed wouldn’t have done for her. Jorin’s arms kept her anchored in more than just the physical sense.

Rinya wasn’t sure how long she cried. Just a few chimes, or nearly a bell? But as the sobs started to subside, she could make out the sound of Jorin’s voice. He might have been talking to her during her breakdown, but she couldn’t say for sure. "Rinya, just... stay here tonight. Stay here every night... until the nightmares go away." For a moment she actually wanted to scoff. Until the nightmares went away—did that mean if they did she would have to go back? Not that it was likely to go away. She wasn’t naive enough to think that sleeping in Jorin’s bed would make them stop. But she wouldn’t be alone in the dark when she woke from one… sighing softly, Rinya nodded her face against his chest. It wasn’t the way she wanted to end up permanently in his bed, but she’d take it. Right now she wasn’t going to argue.

"You don't have to tell me about the nightmare if you don't want to," The mention of her nightmare out loud caused another groan, this one stronger than the one uttered on the floor. What did she tell him? She may not have seen the body the Glassbeak was picking apart—she didn’t have to. But it was like the switch between her mouth and brain had turned off. ”It didn’t start off to bad… I mean to some extent I should have realized it was just a dream. I was in Sylira… my father just drilling into my head with all his rules.” Rinya ground out against his chest.

Pulling her face away, Rinya didn’t bother to wipe at the tears on her face. It was dark, and she could worry about looking a mess later. ”In fact… I think some of the nightmare was actual memories… ones I didn’t want to remember.”

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 46, 513 AV

Jorin was not prepared for what happened when he embraced Rinya to himself, and placed her hand over his heart. He thought the act would calm her, since she seemed to like doing that when they were together, but instead she broke down, pressing tighter against him as her body was wracked with sobs. A surge of panic shot through Jorin. What had he done wrong? Jorin desperately searched his memory for some clue as to what he’d done to trigger her tears, but as she continued to cry he gave up and just drew her closer to himself, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and holding her close as she cried into his shirt.

Rinya’s body shook with each sob and Jorin felt… helpless. He never liked seeing Rinya cry, and he had a suspicion he might be the cause of these particular tears. Not knowing what else to do, he ran his right hand up and down her back in a hopefully soothing fashion, trying to do whatever he could to help. He didn’t know if his actions was calming her down or not, but at least their bond told him that she wasn’t feeling as distressed as before. Instead, what he felt was… relief? Jorin didn’t understand. If she was feeling relieved, why was she crying?

Rinya groaned when Jorin had asked her about her dream. Apparently, whatever had happened in it, was still clear in her mind, and was not pleasant in the least. Apparently the nightmare had begun with father drilling his rules into her head. Jorin frowned; even though she hadn’t stated it outright, Rinya had implied in the past that her time with her father hadn’t exactly been fun. In many ways her father reminded Jorin of his own: severe, demanding and somewhat overbearing. Did his father love him? Jorin couldn’t be sure, but he figured that being overbearing might well be his way of showing love. Perhaps in a similar fashion, that was how Rinya’s father expressed his love for his daughter as well.

"Memories can be strange like that," Jorin replied, when Rinya indicated that the dream might have had old memories she didn’t want to remember. "Sometimes the pain can cut so deep, you just lock it away. But they remain a part of you, and I think dreams can open a door for them to escape." Jorin himself had the occasional nightmare. Not anything close to what Rinya had experienced, if her reaction to it was any indication, but he’d had dreams where he was back in his father’s office, except his father was a giant, looming over him, everything around him was enormous, or perhaps he was just very tiny. Either way, he was craning his neck back to look into Rosik’s impassive face, as he kept telling Jorin that he had failed again. It wasn’t fear, not really, it was… intimidation. Frustration. Even a bit of anger. Jorin had never known what to do, what to say when his father looked at him like that. Just meekly nod, and silently back out of the room.

She’d drawn her face away from his chest, and despite the dark he could see the tears glistening in the moonlight. Using his free hand, Jorin released Rinya’s hand covering his heart and reached up to stroke her cheek as she’d done for him earlier, using his thumb to wipe away some of the tears. "It’s OK, Rinya," he insisted, as he leaned in to kiss her lightly. In the darkness, he almost missed her lips, but after a slight bit of fumbling he found them. "Take your time… I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere."

[Rinya]

Day 59, Season Fall, 513 AV

"Memories can be strange like that," Rinya hummed in agreement. She wasn’t entirely surprised she might have blocked memories. Though why her mind chose now to remember them she hadn’t a clue—maybe because she was more emotional than when she had arrived in Riverfall. Or rather more open to emotions, instead of trying to convince herself that they weren’t important. "Sometimes the pain can cut so deep, you just lock it away. But they remain a part of you, and I think dreams can open a door for them to escape." In some ways, the dream itself wasn’t terrible… at least not until the end. That was where the real terror had sat.

"It’s OK, Rinya," It might have actually made her laugh under different circumstances, as Jorin leaned to kiss her and nearly missed. It did cause a more genuine smile though. His reassurance that he would be there for her was what she had been looking for even if it was subconscious. Because it had been something she had learned with ease in the past season. If she could claim to know anything about Jorin it was this. Even if their relationship was platonic with no romantic feelings what so ever… he would have been here and willing to take care of her. Allowing herself a moment to enjoy his fingers against her skin, she took a deep breath.

”My father’s appearance in my dream wasn’t so shocking, though it did feel vaguely familiar. Like all the things he told me—good and bad—just shoved into one moment of time. But it was all… no bonding and no love and it just… led into another section of dreaming.” Rinya sighed slightly. She had no idea how Jorin felt about her previous bond. In reality neither of them really talked about—mostly because at the time she hadn’t remembered much of it. She had been young, and that bond had no romantic feelings. But the bond was a special connection, something she had shared with someone else before.

There was always the chance that her mind had made up the memories. After all, the Glassbeak and the blood had seemed quite real at the time as well. But she had flashes of the words before. One of the only times Jorin had ever raised her voice around her, yelling at Farline to get out. It was like a trigger in the back of her mind, and since then little things would set echoed words or feelings. Never more than a tick long, but most certainly there. Most of the time she didn’t pay attention to them—perhaps that was why it took a dream to flesh it all out. And that had led up to her the nightmare.

”My first bond… I had thought it was a simple break. My father had told me no and I just never saw him again. But—it wasn’t like that.” If her dream was a correct memory, she was starting to realize that her own feelings of self worth didn’t start with her father’s disappearance. ”I just didn’t want to remember, but the last few weeks have been… both harder and easier than my usual routine.” That seemed an appropriate description of her life lately. In all consideration, moving to Riverfall had twisted everything. ”The break to my first bond was actually quite harsh. But I was young and didn’t quite understand it. So the words just… filtered in and took root. My father’s disappearance just—made it worse.”

Sitting up on her elbow, Rinya stared down at Jorin’s face. While she was actually glad the first bond broke, it left a whole set of what ifs in her head. So many odd questions, pointless to ask, but there none the less. ”Nickolas broke the bond, not the space my father put between us. I just blamed my father and used the anger to avoid the truth about it.” Her voice wasn't sad or hollow. The one was more like she had discovered something, an awe over revelation.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 58, 513 AV

Jorin listened sympathetically as Rinya spoke of the contents of her dream. Apparently, the first half of her dream were just memories of her father, the good and the bad all muddled up together. Jorin shrugged internally; dreams often didn't make sense, and he could see how the twisted logic of dreams could result in such an occurrence. Jorin wasn't feeling any of the panic, dread, or distress coming from Rinya as she said this, so he figured perhaps that part of her dream wasn't too bad.

Then Rinya started talking about her first bond. Was that what the dream was about, then? The first time she'd told him about that, she said it was a light bond, that it didn't hurt when it broke. Now it seemed to not be true... perhaps that was what drove her to his room, cold and naked in the doorway. The fear that he would break the bond like her first bondmate did. She mentioned that the last few weeks had been both harder and easier, and Jorin couldn't help but feel that he might have been the reason for that.

So her first bond broke harshly. Which meant it must have been deeper than just a light bond, if what she's told him about bonds was accurate. In that case... Jorin couldn't help the small surge of jealousy that ran through him. How close had they gotten before the bond had broken? But, then again, given the rapid pace at which Kelvics aged, it was probable that she was not yet of age for anything romantic to have occurred. Besides, Rinya's own words confirmed that she was young, hence why she didn't understand, and her father's words apparently made everything worse.

Rinya propped herself up on her elbow as she continued. "Nickolas broke the bond, not the space my father put between us. I just blamed my father and used the anger to avoid the truth about it." she concluded. Jorin frowned, his concern obvious across the bond as he settled in closer. He could feel the warmth of her skin, even through the cloth of his shirt and it made him happy to know that she was not going to freeze to death anymore, but still he needed to know.

"Rinya, my love, was that what worried you? That I'd break the bond, leave you all alone?" Jorin's voice was full of pain, he could never do that. Not in a million years.

"I don't care if you're the best for me or not," he insisted, grabbing Rinya by the waist with his left arm and snaking his arm around to her back with his right, hugging her tight and resting his chin on her shoulder. "I'd never break our bond, any more than I'd betray our love. I don't care what some stupid dream says. As long as you want me, I'm yours."

Jorin was holding Rinya to him almost desperately at this point. If this was what had her so upset he needed her to believe that he wouldn't leave. She'd admitted a few days ago how badly her father's abandonment hurt her, and it seemed this Nickolas had abandoned her as well. He could only imagine how hurt she would be if she thought he'd abandon her too.

Never. Never, never, never.

[Rinya]

Day 59, Season Fall, 513 AV

Somewhere in the middle of trying to explain her dreams, there was an odd flash of jealousy. Impossible to pinpoint over anything other than the fact the conversation had turned to her previous bond, Rinya truly wondered what exactly was going through Jorin’s head. It didn’t seem to last very long and it had been strong enough to notice, but for the moment Rinya let it slide. Jorin had become completely focused on another aspect of her dreams—and concern took over most of the emotions flowing from him. "Rinya, my love, was that what worried you? That I'd break the bond, leave you all alone?"

The pain in his voice was incredibly obvious. In some ways it was almost like a punch to the gut. What that what he thought? While it had been a major fear in the beginning for her, nothing like that had even crossed her mind—at least nothing of his own choice. Even in her dreams something else stole him from her. Jorin’s unwavering faith wasn’t something to doubt at this point. He put up with her—if nothing else that was proof right there of his intentions. But Jorin didn’t even let her get out a single word before he snagged her waist and removed the little space she had created.

"I'd never break our bond, any more than I'd betray our love. I don't care what some stupid dream says. As long as you want me, I'm yours." As if there was any argument about that. She laid claim a long time ago, perhaps a bit selfishly, but it was hers all the same. But Jorin really did have the wrong idea. Rinya had to desperately focus her mind away from his words that made her want to kiss him until neither of them could breathe, to the fact that the broken bond between her and Nickolas had been far more personal. But for a moment she truly figured it could not hurt to indulge in a little of both. His kisses were better at removing the ugly images in her head anyways.

”Jorin… no.” She knew the singular word would get him to let go if she tried to squirm away from him at the same time. The moment his arms loosened their grip enough for her to pull her face from his own shoulder, she brought her hands to his face and let them guide her in the dark. She kissed him hard—with purpose. There was always love between them, especially during their kisses, but this kiss wasn’t heavy with need. It was solid reassurance. She had no reason to believe otherwise, even with past experience. In some ways her new life in Riverfall gave way to new everything. Including trusting someone when every experience told her to run the other way.

The kiss itself didn’t last long, but her skin tingled everywhere. Another common occurrence when she kissed him, the energy was potent as ever. Pulling a deep breath, Rinya shook her head down at him. ”It wasn’t… you didn’t break the bond in my nightmare Jorin. And Nickolas—he just said things… that I tend to think about myself now. His words were purposeful, meant to drive me away. I’m not sure if it was to make it easier on him… or me.” The vague flashes of memory in her head told her that while she never trusted Nickolas the way she did Jorin—it hadn’t seemed like a thing he would do either.

Letting go of his face, Rinya slid back down against him, face nuzzled into the crook of his neck. Even for as comfortable and exhausted as she was, sleep was still eluding her. In the back of her mind, she wondered if Jorin would figure it out. If he hadn’t broken the bond her in dream, and she had needed to see him so badly that she would wander the house in the dark, the pure effect of his heartbeat against her hand… The image of blood flared against her memory and Rinya shuddered slightly. She wouldn’t lie to him, but she certainly wasn’t going to bring it up first. Jorin was plenty clever enough to figure it out, so spelling it out was not in her choices right now.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 58, 513 AV

"Jorin… no."

For a moment, Jorin wondered if he'd done something wrong. Again. First he made Rinya cry, and now...? But as she squirmed a bit, Jorin reluctantly released his arms to give her room. If she was no longer comfortable in his arms than he would never keep her, although curiously the bond didn't indicate she was angry or upset. Her hands wriggled free and framed his face, and her lips found his a moment later, and Jorin understood instantly. She wasn't angry at him at all, she just wanted to reassure him.

The kiss, while quick, had its usual effect on him, and he held her just a bit tighter again. He wanted to press her up against him, and make the kiss more passionate than it currently was, but he sensed that wasn't the purpose of the contact, so he refrained. Nonetheless, he closed his eyes and enjoyed it while it lasted, smiling against Rinya's soft lips. He really did like kissing her.

When it ended, Rinya took a breath, and told him that he hadn't broken the bond during her nightmare, and that Nickolas had driven her away with from what he'd heard so far were probably fairly harsh words. Her tone of voice implied those words were a surprise to her, and he suspected it might have been because Nickolas was not normally a cruel or angry person. And as she said, she was very young; even slightly firm words would probably have stung just from the fact that a trusted friend, a bondmate, was saying it.

But if it wasn't the breaking of a bond that drove Rinya to him, what was it? It couldn't have been her father's abandonment; if that had been the case she'd have been in his bed long ago. Something terrible had happened, and she needed to see him, specifically. Needed it so badly, she would brave the darkness, where he knew her eyes were not suited, just to make sure he was there. And then her sobs, when he'd pressed her hand to his heart...

"Something happened to me in your dream, didn't it, Rinya," he concluded, quietly. It was the only explanation that made any sense. And the only time he'd seen his mate cry like this was in the hospital... the last time he'd been hurt.

"Did you dream about the hospital? When I was hurt?" he asked. But that didn't make any sense. If that was what Rinya dreamed about... unless maybe she dreamed he'd been hurt worse? Because even though she'd cried, it was not due to him being hurt, it was due to Farline's words. Farline... could she...?

But no. That made no sense either. Rinya was not the type to cry over things someone said a long time ago. So it wasn't what Farline had said to her in the hospital room. So what was it? Rinya had slid against him again, resting her head against his neck. He resumed his almost automatic action of rubbing her back, holding her against him and letting the warmth of her body flow into him. If it were not for this nightmare, he could easily just drift off while feeling the silky smoothness under his fingertips.

It had to have been something serious. What could be more serious than what had happened at the hospital? "Rinya, what exactly happened in that dream? How badly was I hurt in it?" he asked. He released her slightly so that he could bring her left hand back up to his chest, over his heart. If he had been injured in her dream he needed to reassure her he was just fine in the real world.

"I still remember what you said to me, the first night we made love," Jorin whispered to Rinya, his hand still covering hers over his heart. "Feel that? My heart? It's yours. Always has been. And it's still beating strong, for you, no matter what you saw in your dream."

Jorin sighed, tracing light circles on Rinya's waist with his left hand as he squeezed her left hand with his right. "Please don't be scared, Rinya. I'm right here. What happened to me in your nightmare?"