Day 75, Season Fall, 513 AV
It didn’t long for Jorin to pull her further into him. Before he could tug her tightly up next to him, she sat up and reached down for the covers. It was likely they weren’t going to bother getting up after this point, so she draped the covers across their waists—she wanted easy access to his chest. He buried his face into her neck and for the most part Rinya remained completely still save for her fingers. Instead of throwing a leg over his like she normally would have done, she still left a little space. Half for himself—half for her. The bond still pounded with emotions, but she could still feel his exhaustion.
After several long chimes, he apologized to her. At least her failed attempts at easing his pain didn’t go unnoticed. And she agreed mentally with him that really all he needed was time. But in some ways Rinya knew she was extremely selfish. Not only in keeping Jorin as her bondmate, but as her mate as well. With everything being so obviously logical as to why he was acting the way he was—she still wanted him to be fine. Her impatience with emotions was starting to show. So instead of focusing on the building frustration, she shook her head against his chest. ”You’re fine Jorin. I just hate feeling… pointless. I’m a ‘do’ kind of person. Being unable to do anything is just—frustrating.”
There was no point in denying it; even with her attempts at keeping it down she was sure if Jorin wasn’t so wrapped up in his own emotions he would have felt it. Maybe he even still did, but thought better than to mention it. Either way he seemed to daze out again, lost in his own thoughts and Rinya decided perhaps it was just better to leave him there instead of interrupting his thoughts. After all, they had agreed that there wasn’t anyone that could fix this for him. It would be something Jorin would have to work out in his own head. And in the very least he wasn’t delaying it. So Rinya sighed again, letting his scent and warmth of skin tug at the edges of her consciousness.
For her there really was no telling how much time had passed. Despite everything, being curled up against Jorin felt normal. Deep down she didn’t even feel the shift in his emotions. Though it may have been indeed due to the fact she was so very near sleep. His fingers running across her skin were hypnotic and he was comfortable—there was nothing wrong with falling asleep on her mate. Maybe other than the fact that he was so upset. The hum when his fingers met her cheek however was a reaction to the pleasant feelings wrapped in it, and she opened her eyes to look up at him as he insisted her face lift.
Though the gentle kiss caused her insides to curl, a splash of heat that she couldn’t hide in the bond. The kiss was much more familiar, traces of her Jorin shining through. Which only made the desire flaring inside harder to control. Luckily for her he pulled away, releasing her face and just holding to his side. He insisted that while he may have loved his job—it was just a job. Rinya could have argued, but Jorin seemed to have had most of the shock wear off. And if this was what he gathered from his mind—well it was certainly better than him blaming himself. Of course she figured that he was just going to internalize those thoughts from this point. Nodding a little, she shifted herself so she was looking down at his chest. It still bothered her that his passion had been taken from him again. In more ways than one. If she got a hold of that stage manger he was going to wish he never met her that was for certain.
He hesitated, and she tilted her head to look at him—desperately trying to ignore the feeling of his hands on her skin. Without sleep addling her brain she was putting the touch into the wrong category… for once she regretted not getting into the bed dressed. In hind sight that would have been better really. Desire was—deterred by clothing, or it helped if nothing else. The words out of his mouth stole the breath from her. And not entirely from desire or passion. It was completely true of course, but it was never really said aloud. They loved each other, but they rarely had issues like these—once for her nightmares, and now this. It was different to hear it… they were not alone. They had each other. And that was part of the shift between them since that night on the grass. They fully and completely had each other.
He kissed her again and Rinya felt like her mind was suddenly lagging behind. She tried to return the kiss, to keep up, but the only thing that rang in her mind was did he actually want this? Or was this an attempt to rationalize the rest of his pain, his sadness. So with a protesting groan at her thoughts, she pulled away and took several deep, calming breathes. ”Jorin…?” She didn’t have the words to finish it. Her hesitation was for him and him only. She could still sense his exhaustion—she could honor that. But if he started something and backed away… well there would probably be little to stop her from crying. With his emotions flowing through her, she had little doubt she would see it as a type of rejection even if her mind logically told her otherwise.