Reclaiming What Was Lost [Mao]

[Cayenne]

Who: Mao
Where: Beach beyond Sanctuary
When: 25th of Fall, 510 AV

It was late at night, the sky an inky black but for the stars and moon that lit up Akajia’s darkened splendor. Beyond her, the wind rustled in the grass off of the sand dunes that made up the beach, making the emerald blades undulate and dance to Zulrav’s rhythms. The same wind caused the fine hairs on the back of her neck to prick, and send the occasional shiver through her body as it ruffled and pulled at the thin dress that she wore. The waves lapped at the shore, the frothy, foamy caps breaking when they came in contact with the sand at last. When the cold water came in contact with her skin, it never failed to cause minute goosebumps to rise. The sand, smoothed by wind and water lacked footprints, and those that she had left behind were beginning to fade as well. Life, like happiness, it seemed, was fleeting, able to be washed out like the sand by the tides. What would she have to show for herself when she was gone?

Even though she was being denied her birthright of being allowed to shift, she roamed at night anyway. She wasn’t alone in her nightly habits – she could usually find some of Sanctuary’s denizens still awake, some as if they never seemed to sleep. She had seen the Akontak there, preparing to assault the dummy for yet another night. But no one tried to prevent the once-fierce, man-eating Kelvic from prowling in the night. Perhaps no one quite dared. Mao had developed one nasty reputation, one that was for once entirely deserved. Violent. Aggressive. Unstable.

Not that it mattered anymore. In some ways, it seemed like the life had gone out of her. She was bitter and depressed about the collar she was forced to wear to protect the baby she was carrying… like the unborn mattered more than she did. And to the Akalak… it was likely so. Perhaps that was why they let her go out at night so long as she promised to stay out of trouble. It wasn’t like much harm could come to her there – or to the infant she was carrying. Once she’d birthed the child, then maybe she’d be free to go. Unlikely. If she’d borne them one child… she could certainly stand to bear more.

As she walked, she might have started to notice the massive feline paw prints in the sand. In the breeze, she smelled something that was foreign here in the shores of Cyphrus. It smelled of tiger. It smelled of the jungle. Mao would never forget that scent – she knew what the Myrian tigers smelled like. She was pretty sure that she knew just who that one was, too. But the paw prints were truly massive, and Mao had a feeling that big as the Myrian tigers were, these prints were even bigger. But it smelled like one. Her nose told her it was female. And, to add salt to the wounds and make this more irritating, it was in her territory. In between the larger prints, she had begun to notice smaller ones, still feline, but smaller and lighter than the bigger ones. She was also catching the scent of a male. What were they doing here?

The tracks led her along the shore, the scent getting stronger until she could just see an outline of the massive beast. It dwarfed her. It was huge. Even under the moonlight, its fur was a deep, dark orange, almost crimson, lined with stripes. It was sitting there on the shore, wearing the leather saddle that the Myrians used to stay on their mounts. They didn’t use reins – they depended solely on a good seat and leg work to guide the intelligent cats, leaving their mouths free to rip and tear at their enemies. The massive female tiger watched her approach, wearing a breastplate of her own lined with bones to protect her chest from the weapons of their enemies and help hold the saddle in place. Entwined between her front paws was a cub. That was the male she had scented. There was no sign whatever of the tiger’s rider, and wherever there was a tiger, there was usually a Myrian to accompany it close by. But there were no tracks, nothing to tell Mao just where the Myrian had gone.

Well, growled the female tiger, look what the cat dragged in. Mao, being a feline at heart, had no problems deciphering what the tiger was saying, and the cub, looking rather like a smaller of… was that his mother? It smelled quite similar to the massive female it was sitting under. All of a sudden, Mao knew where she had seen this particular tiger before. Not the cub accompanying her, but the massive female she had seen in the Training Yards of Taloba… when the Goddess-Queen herself had been teaching. This massive creature was Myri’s personal tiger, and like as not… the little male with her also belonged to her. That would explain the bones decorating the massive beast. The cub, curiosity in its amber eyes, watched the exchange, but seemed smart enough not to interrupt her. The big cat dwarfed Mao in her human form... and probably would have made her seem almost as small even if she had been permitted to shift. I remember you. You're wearing a collar. You look pathetic… and it’s not cub-weight, either.

[Mao]

There was a certain lonesome that enveloped the kelvic that night. It had not helped that the memories of her life outside the Sanctuary’s vicinities were still so vivid in her mind. She remembered the taste of blood, of the wind as it caressed her fur, of the texture of the earth beneath her paws. These were things she longed for. Freedom. Had she been in the wrong to search for her bondmate? Mao had thought him dead; destroyed by the treacherous humans who inhabited this world. She had fled to Taloba, where she met the fierce Myrians, and even then she had wished she had had her beginnings there. They were creatures that shared the same passion as she, even if the kelvic had been under the influence of a demonic parasite. The ocean soon became her companion on the nights she felt the most alone; heavy with the sinking burden of abandonment. The bond they once had dwindled, yet at times Mao found herself holding to whatever remained, hoping…. The cold water brought her mind back from her reverie. Her gaze fell over the expansive sea, trailing up the unobtrusive shore and out onto the vast ocean of grass. But what truly caught her attention were the paw prints heavy in the sand. For once, there was something curious to be had on her nightly excursions… a predator out in her midst? She lifted her head toward the sky, just as a breeze lifted the scent of a feline toward her. Familiar. Of course this did not change the fact that Mao felt a certain aggravation at the presence of another. Pale eyes trained on the sandy floor, the kelvic followed the trail, aware of the growing scent in her nostrils, the female and the male, but somewhere where she was sure they should not be! The massive tiger Mao came upon did not startle her. It was, after all, a fellow feline, but her presence did surprise her. Caution was what drove her slow approach, whispered by instincts not easily forgotten. This tiger was enormous, and the cub, the male in her paws! A mother… Mao stood several paces away from the grand female tiger, glancing up to gaze into the eyes of the cat that now spoke to her. Oh yes, she had remembered now. The scent of tigers was prominent in Taloba, and this one in particular.. It was so distinct, so otherworldly, a creature touched by a god. Mao couldn’t help but bow her head to what she believed was a queen of felines. “I would never have imagined you being here. Is your home not in Taloba?” Mao inquired, glancing behind her as if, expecting more to suddenly spring from the tall grass that swayed lightly in the breeze. She paused as the tigress spoke of her collar, fingers clenched tightly around the spoken leather, and a look of contempt spread into her eyes. “I never asked for this. I only wanted my bondmate… and look what happens. But… I promised the konti.. I don’t know why, but I don’t want it anymore. I just want to… to run.” She gestured toward the sea of grass, “Do you have a bondmate, tigress? I lost mine. He’s gone, and our bond weakens. There is nothing for me now. Only this child keeps me here, and I don‘t know what to do.” Mao truthfully wasn't sure if she was confessing her fears or her troubles or if she sought advice. There was no ill intentions in her words, only blunt truths and frustrations. She was confused. Confused over how she should act and what she should be. Seeking a reason.

[Cayenne]

The tigress seemed satisfied by Mao's display of respect. In their world, the world of life and death, of predators and prey, respect was not freely given. It never was. It never could be. It had to be earned. Mao could well imagine what this queen could do, if she ever unsheathed her claws. Even the cub beneath her looked like it could eat one of the blue-skinned gorillas and still have room for more food in its belly, and it was far from being done growing. It had to weigh two hundred pounds or more, at least. My home is in Taloba. My home is where my bondmate is, wherever she goes. Where she goes, I will follow, from this world to the next, the tigress bared her monstrous fangs as she rumbled at Mao. But my bondmate, unlike yours, does not leave me, does not change. That is my life. I would not have it any other way. But this place ill-suits you. I smell it on you, I sense it on you. Navre would scoff to see you here in this, wearing your collar, like a pampered pet lounging on a pillow and lapping cream. You were better in Falyndar. At least there, you were happy.

The tigress' cub, a few shades lighter than his massive mother - it definitely smelled like her, and Mao was pretty sure that the scents matched up - came out from beneath her, where he had been wrapping himself around one of the tree-trunk sized limbs, approaching Mao. His ears were pricked forward, towards her, his mouth opening and closing slightly as he neared. His attitude was somewhat playful, but he, like all cubs of his kind, learned that when they played with their riders it did not necessarily go well. And Mao was as small as one of the Myrian cubs he had been raised around. The queen made no move to reproach him, but let him sniff the expectant mother. The cub reached her hips, easilyYou know what to do. Your bondmate left you, not once, but twice. This encounter has torn you. You know what to do. But you do not want to do it. Instead, you choose to wallow in self-pity and shame yourself. You do not need to stay here to birth your cub. You do not even try. You are taking the easy way out. You choose to stay, and deny yourself the lessons you learned from in Falyndar.

The cub sat back on his haunches and looked up at her, balancing as his forepaws left the ground, and batted at her with a padded paw, lightly, like someone tapping at her with a hand as big as a dinner plate. What loyalty do you owe to one who has abandoned you? Why do you stay with the Konti? Ask yourself these questions, and answer them. Really answer them, Mao. The answers are in there, the cub swiped gently at her head, as if drumming his mother's point home. You know them. Seek and you will find. Do not blame your lot in life on your bondmate. You are not stupid, not bonded young like some of your kind. You must take responsibility for your own choices.

[Mao]

Better in Falyndar. Because I was happy.

The words pierced her like the horns of a vicious elk, skewering what little she felt in her heart. Her jade gaze watched as the cub, so innocent, yet so ripe with potential and raw power yet to be honed, approached her, with only the innocence that the young could retain. She touched his paw, a cherishing smile on her lips. If only I had cubs of my own. True felines, true children of Navre.

She glanced down at the small swell of her stomach, the growing signs of the blue cub within her. The tigress' words yet echoed, You know what to do. "I know what to do." She repeated, her gaze catching the bright irises of the tiger cub, then up at the Mother. "Yes, I am ashamed. I am ashamed and angry and scared. I shame you, Queen Tigress, I shame Navre, I shame all the predators that form our collective family." The anger arose in her. She clenched her hand into a fist, as if Mao needed only to hear the words from someone else to truly understand.

"I owe no loyalty. I owe nothing. I will find my way, without them, without anyone. The Konti does not understand. I have a purpose, I was given a purpose. I kill and stalk and eat, I am a predator. I am not prey. I am not PREY!" The word escaped her as a snarl, baring her fangs not in a threat, but a display of potential. But how does one fight nature?

"My life has always been torn by the need to bond. Like a burning... searing, unquenchable desire. It hurts even now, it hurts and I yearn for him, for something I lost. It hurts because of what I am. When he was here, it didn't hurt anymore. When he's gone, it returns. So I must leave. I must free myself, I must find a new bondmate. Someone who will not leave me. Someone who I can fight for, to shed blood for."