(Flashback) Tiny Fingers (Solo)

[Blythe]

67 Spring 505 AV

Blythe was was filled to the brim with joy. She was going to have a baby! Finally! Her cheeks were a rosy red, her eyes sparkled with a mixture of joy and excitement, her skin was glowing, she was positively radiant, and a little chubby now that the baby was coming. She'd more than likely be born within the week. Blythe was just so excited, everyone buzzing around the house preparing for the little girl's arrival.

Blythe hadn't settled on a name yet. She didn't think she would until the baby was born and Blythe was holding her in her arms for the first time. She could just imagine it. She rubbed her protruding belly lovingly. Whispering, "I can't wait until you get here." Blythe's mother had just finished crafting a crib for her baby out of wood. It had a pink sheet nestled in the bottom. "Looks great mom," she said, as she smiled, and her mother put the crib down in front of her. Leaned over her belly, and kissed her cheek. "Thanks Blythe, how are you feeling?"

"Alright, thankfully she's not really kicking today, poor thing probably needs a rest." Her mother nodded, and went off to answer Briar who was hollering about something again. Blythe simply stroked her stomach over and over. She was just too happy.

[Blythe]

68 of Spring 505 AV

Blythe woke up to feel the baby kicking. My, she seems like she wants to say hello, she thought as she lay on the blankets her mother had lain out for her, it being difficult for her to get into a bed.

Blythe's grandmother was to be the midwife, having had a number of children, and having watched her own daughter and granddaughters give birth a number of times. She always stayed close to Blythe, just to make sure she was comfortable, and remained ok. Her grandmother was not very fond of surprises. She didn't want to be caught un-prepared, or have to wait to see Blythe's first child. She wanted to make sure she was there when Blythe gave birth, and she hoped to be first to see the child.

"How are you feeling?" Rose asked.

"I'm alright," Blythe told her grandmother as the baby kicked again, and she exclaimed "oh."

"Something wrong?" Rose asked. "Baby's kicking," Blythe replied, as her grandmother simply nodded knowingly.

[Blythe]

Blythe spent most of the day painting vases for her sisters, but around midday, she started having contractions. Or at least, that's what her grandmother told her they were. She wasn't sure she was in labor, not having been around much when her sisters gave birth, and this being her first child.

The contractions were light, maybe 22 minutes apart on average. Blythe didn't really notice them. They were too far apart, and not long enough to really upset her normal schedule. She even managed to nap through them at one point.

Eventually, the contractions started to come closer and closer together- 20 minutes, 17 minutes, 14 minutes, 10 minutes, 7 minutes apart. Startled, she called her grandmother, who quickly ran to her side. "What is it Blythe?" she asked her, as Blythe's brow began to sweat with her anxiety. "I... don't know what this is," Blythe said.

"They're just contractions," Rose replied. "How far apart are they?" she asked. "Five minutes or so," Blythe replied. Rose nodded, thinking, "and how long do they last?"

"About a minute," Blythe replied. Rose nodded, and helped Blythe to sit down, by guiding her right arm. "You're in the active phase honey," Rose said, to Blythe. Blythe had no idea what that meant. She didn't care. She was just hanging on to her grandmother's voice. Letting it calm her anxieties, and her excitement. Blythe was going to be a mother.

The baby kicked again. Blythe winced. That had hurt her a bit. "Mist," Rose called. Mist appeared in front of them a few moments later. "What is it grandma?" Mist asked, her eyes trained on her grandmother, her skin seeming to glow. "Please get your sister some water," Rose said. "Yes, grandma," Mist said as she bowed her head slightly, and went off to fetch some water, the train of her blue dress trailing slightly behind her.

Mist returned with a water-skin a few moments later. "Thank you Mist," Blythe said, as she took the water-skin, opened it, and drank deeply, before closing the water-skin up, and wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand. She placed the water-skin on the floor next to her, as Mist disappeared again. Blythe had no idea where she went. But she was happy her grandmother was still with her, holding her shaking hands in her own, slightly wrinkled ones. Rose was smiling down at Blythe, and she found this reassuring, and strangely calming.

Blythe rested for a bit, to only be awakened by what her grandmother called the "transition phase." Blythe's contractions were now only two minutes apart, and were about a minute long each time. Blythe had started shaking, so her grandmother wrapped a blue cloak around her. At the same time, Blythe's forehead was sweating, and her hands could be described as clammy.

Rose placed a dampened cloth on Blythe's forehead as she continued to shake. Briar placed a few pillows behind Blythe to help her get comfortable, as Blythe groaned. She was not liking this whole birthing experience.

Briar kept telling her that she was doing well. Blythe glared at her sister, giving her the evil eye each time she said this, she sure didn't feel well.

When this phase was done about an hour and a half later, Rose informed her that she "was now completely dilated." Blythe didn't feel the need to "push" yet, as all of her sisters had told her she eventually will, and the contractions stopped for a bit.

[Blythe]

69 Spring, 505 AV

Blythe rested a bit. But the rest was not very rejuvenating. It didn't make her feel any more rested. Her brow was still sweaty, her eyes felt sticky, and she felt positively sick to her stomach.

Rose was resting in a nearby rocking chair. Snoring loudly. Blythe smiled. She loved her grandma, how she was always there, even though she couldn't always be awake.

Blythe just sat quietly for awhile, rubbing her stomach lovingly, wondering what she would wind up naming her child.

Suddenly, her brain screamed "push." Blythe was confused, "Grandma!" she called. Rose awoke suddenly. "Whhaaa- whaa?" she said. "What is it honey?"

"I think it's time," Blythe said, as Rose sprang to her feet, grabbing the blanket on her lap, and running over to Blythe. "You mean to push?"

"Yes! Yes! To push!" she hollered, frustrated and annoyed. In pain. Brows sweating, hands sweating. Body trembling with anxiety and anticipation.

Rose knelt at Blythe's feet, which were scrunched under her body, and spread Blythe's legs. She placed the blanket under them, and then put each of her hands on one of Blythe's knees. "Push," was all she said.

Blythe sat as upright as she could, hands on the ground. Face scrunching as she pushed and pushed and pushed. It hurt, a lot. "Push," was all her grandmother said, so that's all she did. Push.

The contractions spaced out again, as Blythe pushed, and she grew more and more tired as time wore on, and more and more sweaty and more and more impatient. She just wanted the baby to be here already. Why wasn't the baby here already?

Seven hours later, Blythe had pushed out the baby, Rose having caught her in the blanket. Rubbing her slightly to help her get warm. "It's a girl!" her grandmother said. Blythe smiled. "A girl," she whispered, already having had the feeling that it would be, for months now.

Rose wrapped the baby snuggly, and tightly in the blanket, and handed her to Blythe who held the baby happily in her arms. Happy tears of joy streaming down her face. She was a mom. She was a mom. "Hello," she whispered to the tiny form, as she bounced her up and down in her arms. She rubbed noses with the baby who began to cry. "SHHHHH, please don't do that," Blythe begged, of the baby who looked up at her with icy blue eyes. Her baby.

Blythe's family all appeared around her. All her sisters, their children, her mom. "She's beautiful," her mother said as Blythe smiled. She hadn't noticed them come in.

"Push," her grandmother said again. Blythe frowned, "I already did that grand-ma," she said. "Well you have to push some more," her grandmother said.

Not understanding why, but not wanting to upset her grandmother, Blythe pushed, and within 15 minutes, the placenta came out. Her grandmother smiled, as she cut the umbilical cord. All the work was done now. Blythe could rest.

[Blythe]

70 Spring, 505 AV

When Blythe awoke the next morning, her grandmother was sitting in the chair, rocking back and forth, holding her newborn baby girl. Blythe hadn't yet given her a name.

Blythe was still tired from the previous day, and for some reason, a little dizzy, so she sat up slowly, clutching her head a little with her right hand as the world around her began to spin. It calmed down after a few moments, and Blythe removed her hand from her head.

"Grandma..." Blythe whispered, as Rose rocked back and forth in the chair, bouncing the baby, getting her to relax. The baby was wrapped in a pink blanket, and Rose seemed neither tired nor awake, but somewhere in between. She seemed serene and happy to Blythe, as she held her great-grandchild. Rose rubbed noses with Blythe's baby, and her child tried to grab Rose's nose. Blythe laughed.

Rose looked up from the baby, "oh you're awake," Rose said, a little surprised. Blythe just smiled warmly up at her grandmother. "Would you like to hold her?" Rose said. "Yes, I do," Blythe said, wishing she could get herself to add the silent, 'she's my baby.'

Rose tip-toed over to Blythe and bent down. She rested on her knees before handing the baby over to Blythe. Blythe took her from her grandmother. Just then, the baby began to cry. "Shhhhhh," she said, "Mommy is here for you."

Blythe moved a corner of the blanket away from the baby's face. The baby looked up at her wide-eyed. Her eyes were an icy blue, so icy, that it sent a short chill down Blythe's spine. The baby had stopped crying only long enough to look up at Blythe, before she started up again.

"So have you picked out a name yet?" Rose asked her, over the baby's crying form. Blythe was rocking the baby slowly, back and forth in her arms, trying to get her to calm down. "Shhhhhh," she kept whispering to the little bundle of joy, "shhhhhhh."

Blythe then looked up at her grandmother. "No, I haven't actually," Blythe began, "I was hoping a name would come to me when I saw her." Her grandmother chuckled, "guess it doesn't work that way..."

"What about Aria?" Rose asked. Blythe scrunched up her nose. "Doesn't seem to suit her," she replied, as the baby started to calm down. Blythe looked back down at her baby. "Don't worry grandma," she began, "I'll think of something."

"Eventually," her grandmother finished. Blythe smiled, and rubbed noses with her baby, who stared up at her with wide eyes, and giggled, a little bit of spit dribbling out the side of her mouth. It reminded her of a doe, the baby's eyes. How wide they were... how alert they became when something she didn't know or understand came to her attention. "Suppose that's it then."

"What's it?" Rose asked. "I think I'll call her Fawn," Blythe replied, as she started to bounce the baby and rubbed noses with it again. The baby giggled, more drool dripping out the side of it's mouth.

Rose leaned over and wiped off the drool with her fingers. "That's a nice name," she said with a smile, as she looked down at her great-granddaughter. "Hello Fawn, welcome to the world," she said simply, holding out her finger to Fawn, who latched onto it, and smiled, little tongue sticking out, eyes still wide, showing off their beautiful icy blue. Both women laughed, and Blythe's heart felt as though it were about to explode it was so filled with joy. This baby was hers. Not her grandmother's or her mothers. Not Briar's or Mist's or anyone else's. It was hers, and hers alone.

Blythe leaned over and kissed her baby's forehead before lifting her shirt a bit, and holding Fawn to her breast so she could feed. It tickled at first, and on occasion, the baby would bite her, and she'd stifle a low "ooowwww." When the baby seemed satisfied, Blythe patted her back lightly until she burped, and then handed her back to Rose.

"I hope you don't mind, but I need some rest," Blythe said as she lay back down. Her grandmother nodded, placing the baby in her crib. She rocked it gently, and eventually, Fawn fell asleep to her mother's lullaby. Her grandmother used to sing it to her. At times, Blythe thought Rose joined in the singing too, but she was too distracted by watching her baby sleep as Rose rocked her crib to be sure.

The lullaby went like this:

"Hush-a-bye don't you cry,
Go to sleep-y, little baby.
When you wake you shall have
All the pretty little horses.
Blacks and bays, dapple grays,
Coach and six white horses.
Hush-a-bye don't you cry,
Go to sleep-y, little baby."

By the time Blythe had finished singing the lullaby, Fawn was fast asleep, and Rose had tucked another pale yellow blanket around her, and kissed her forehead. She then went back to her seat, and started knitting.

Blythe soon fell asleep after closing her eyes. She didn't dream however, and awoke to Fawn crying a few hours later because she needed to be fed again, and be changed.

Rose showed her how to change Fawn's cloth diaper, and after, Blythe nursed her Fawn again, before Fawn fell back asleep.

Blythe stayed up a little longer, writing her poetry, but none of it made sense, she wasn't even sure they were all meant to be the same poem. Frustrated and exhausted, Blythe fell back asleep a few hours later, after recording the line, "when leaves fall into one."

[Blythe]

71 Spring, 505 AV

Blythe awoke early the next morning to Fawn's crying and screaming in the crib next to her. She awoke with a start, and started to rock her crib back and forth gently, she was exhausted. Yet, she didn't know why, Fawn had slept pretty well through the night, only waking up once to be fed.

Yet, as she rocked Fawn's crib, the baby only grew louder and louder. She must want something else, Blythe thought, as she picked Fawn up, and held her to her. Her bottom felt wet, and something smelled foul, so she immediately changed Fawn's diaper, before slipping into a new dress and throwing her old one into a bin to be washed.

When that was done, Fawn stopped crying, and she nursed her, before putting her back in her crib. Blythe's face hung over the side of the crib, staring down at her baby, as she absently rocked it from time to time. Fawn was tucked tightly into a light green blanket, and was making little gurgling noises. Blythe smiled, and stuck one of her fingers into the crib, immediately, Fawn clung to it, more tightly than Blythe thought possible for such a young being.

Blythe smiled as Fawn looked up at her, her baby's skin seemed to shine a pale yellow color, and the sunlight filtered through the open window. The sunbeam landed directly above Fawn's head, giving the illusion of a sort of halo.

Blythe couldn't do much other than smile. She found her child both beautiful, and adorable.

Blythe found it strange that none of her sisters or other family members were around. But then again, she figured they had better things to do than watch her take care of a newborn, and obsess over this and that, and continually exclaim just how adorable Fawn was. After all, anyone with eyes should be able to see that.

Fawn let go of Blythe's finger, and put her tiny fingers in her mouth. When she extracted them, she was giggling as spit dripped off them, and she started to kick her blanket off. Blythe tucked Fawn in again, as her eyes began to sparkle, and she pointed up at the open window, gurgling, mumbling things that Blythe didn't understand... trying to make words, but coming up short, with only strange sounds.

"Hello," Blythe said, as she started to rub Fawn's forehead, pushing her baby blonde strands of hair out of her eyes. Fawn had started blinking, and let out a little yawn, and as Blythe resumed rocking the crib, Fawn began to drift off into sleep, when she had, Blythe got up, and walked over to the table in the corner of the room which contained a few breakfast items May must have lain out for her earlier. She was grateful for her sister.

Blythe picked up the roll that had been placed on the plate on her table, and took a bite. The crust of the bread was crunchy, the inside warm. It smelled and tasted great. It had rosemary baked into the crust, and pine nuts and whole grains in the fleshy part of the loaf. Her mother must have baked it recently, rosemary always seemed to be her favorite ingredient.

When Blythe was done eating, she sat by Fawn's cradle, and recorded any more thoughts, and any poetry that came to mind, and once again, she found that she had no idea if everything she received was all one poem, or not. She didn't understand what she got.

Fawn awoke after she had finished the lines:

"with open arms
the stone cold
will embrace
the warmth that once was
and is the light."

"Shhhhhhh, Fawn," Blythe said as she picked her up and cradled her in her arms. "It's ok," Blythe said, as she gingerly pulled off Fawn's blanket, as she realized that it was unusually hot in the room.

Blythe rocked Fawn gently, and then blew in her face. Fawn scrunched up her eyes, and her tiny face, and stuck out her little tongue a bit, before retracting it, as a spit bubble appeared on her lips. Blythe laughed gently, as she rubbed noses with her baby. It didn't feel real to her. It didn't feel real at all. She felt like any minute, Brair would come barging in, and demand she hand Fawn over to her, because Fawn was HER baby. Blythe could even see May doing it.

Without realizing it, Blythe held onto Fawn a little more tightly, and closer to her chest. She wasn't about to let her go. Not for anyone, not for anything.

Blythe leaned in a bit, and kissed Fawn's forehead, her icy blue eyes staring into Blythe's lavender ones when she pulled away, "I love you," she whispered before placing Fawn back in her crib, hoping that would allow her to get some more rest.

[Blythe]

76 Spring, 505 AV

Blythe woke up late the next morning, when the sun that was filtering in through the open window hit her eyes, instinct taking over, arm shooting up to block the rays as her race scrunched, and she slowly got up, arm still shielding her face. Slowly, she removed it, and began to blink rapidly to get the morning exhaustion, which caused her vision to blur, to go away. Eventually, it let up, and she could see clearly.

The sunlight was filtering in the window, but everything else was dark, quiet, and strangely still. Blythe surprised the baby hadn't awoken her, considering how, for the past few nights, she had awoken several times, crying hysterically for some reason or another- she was hungry, thirsty, too hot, too cold, uncomfortable... there was always something. Except today, today, there was nothing.

Blythe crawled over to Fawn's crib and peered over the edge. Her skin shined a pale blue color, and her eyes were shut. She seemed peaceful, as though she were sleeping. Blythe smiled, surprised she had managed to stay asleep for so long, but wondering if she were hungry or something, she whispered, "good morning," as she nudged her.

Fawn didn't even stir. Her eyes and her face didn't scrunch when Blythe disturbed her. Was she in a very deep state of slumber, Blythe wondered, as she picked Fawn up and cradled her in her arms, holding her close across her chest.

Once again, the baby didn't stir, didn't move. All that happened, was her hand drooped a bit, and Blythe realized that Fawn's tiny heart wasn't beating against her chest. Blythe's own heart wasn't beating either; it had skipped a few beats.

Startled, Blythe pulled Fawn away from her breast, tears welling in her ducts. Fawn's chest wasn't rising and falling, her skin still shone a pale blue. Heer eyes were still closed, but it wasn't because she was peacefully sleeping, it was because her baby was dead.

Realizing this, tears started to spill down Blythe's face as she put her baby back in her crib, and tried to wipe them all away. She failed miserably. Buried her face in her hands. Fawn was gone. The life that she had just helped to deliver into this world was gone. Fawn's light was gone.

[Blythe]

Blythe sat and cried for a long time. It was a while before her family found her there, kneeling, he sunlight from the window shining through and illuminating her back. Her grandmother found her first, and she didn't need to ask to know what was wrong.

Rose patted Blythe's back as she continued to sob. She would never hold her baby again. Never see her toothless grin, spit dribble out of the side of her mouth. Never see those icy blue eyes. Never feel her baby soft skin against her own. Never watch her as she slept, or ate. Never again see her gnosis mark. Her tiny form. Her curious and innocent eyes. She wouldn't get to watch her grow, see her develop gifts, take interest in things. Never get to read to her, sing to her, paint with her. Spend any time with her. Blythe would never get to see Fawn grow up and have children, and a life of her own, because now, her baby was lifeless. She had been taken away just about as quickly as she had come, if not faster, and Blythe was devastated.

Blythe cried for what felt like days, but in reality, it was only a few hours. Eventually, her grandmother managed to coax her into getting up so that they could bury Fawn. Mist had already dug a hole behind the house, and as Blythe lifted Fawn from her crib and carried her out, she felt numb. Her eyes were red and puffy, her body felt heavy, and far away at the same time. Her hands were shaking, and her skin shone paler than usual; but she was numb, trying to block out all the pain.

When she got to the hole her sister had dug, she kissed her baby's forehead, one last time, as her body shook, and she placed Fawn into the hole, cupping her head in her hands. As soon as that was done, her grandmother said a prayer, but Blythe couldn't hear the words, she was crying too hard. Mist started to cover Fawn with dirt, but Blythe couldn't look. She didn't want to look. She didn't want to see her baby like that, it scared her too much. So she simply cried, despite being numb to the pain, which would be sure to overtake her in the coming days, weeks, and months, maybe even years.

[Alice]

Blythe

Experience: 2 Singing, 2 Writing Poetry
Lores: Bliss, Being Pregnant, Being Supported during the Birthing Process, Giving Birth, Being a Mother, Finding a Name for One’s Child, Singing a Lullaby, Discovering the Death of One’s Child, Feeling Numb with Pain

Comments

This was a very beautiful and sad read, especially the last part. The active phase of the birthing process sounded a bit lifeless, but then, there isn’t much to describe, right? I’m glad I could read that story.