[Scraps] Following the bread crumbs

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The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

[Scraps] Following the bread crumbs

Postby Crow on November 16th, 2016, 4:35 am

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Crows like to bury their food. I can say that I can relate. The truth is in real life I hate birds. So why personify myself into something that I can legitimately not stand? Because I would rather stand, that is why.

As a person some of you might know me more than others. As an individual and a writer here on Mizahar, I have always stood up to what I believe is right. Lately, I have been fairly busy and have been neglecting my writing (not on purpose). A lot of things have been crushing down on my shoulders lately and sometimes the weight is just too much. I will ask simply that if you are scared by me writing this don't be.

I am writing this to open up to those interested in reading it.

These past few months have been incredibly busy for me. While I can never go into full detail of what it is that I do on a day to day basis, I can tell you this much; I serve.

Oh, but Crow? Serving isn't that demanding of a job. Haha, while I do enjoy bringing smiles to people's faces... the context was misconstrued on purpose there. Evil? Nah, I just like the suspense.

I serve in the military. Some of you might have figured as much. Some of you might connect the dots and figure out who my PCs are. I don't much care for mixing business with pleasure, so please don't bother me on them if you do find out.

Today marked the first day back to work after Veterans Day. I went the entire weekend without a single "Thank You For Your Service." While normally I would find it irritating for people to constantly stop me and say thank you for doing what I feel should be mandatory to those capable... It left me to think. I think way to much. While I support the United States I don't like what I do. I will be going to Poland some time in January or February on Deployment. ST wise nothing should change too much. I will take every opportunity to devote myself to this site, and the friends that I have made here.

In a recent attempt to cheer myself up... I figured writing about my problems and joys would help me cope with some things on a personal level.

I was worried... scared... and perpetually conflicted about being deployed. Some days I just felt like giving up and doing something so I wouldn't leave the country and be placed into the bitter cold. To explain: When I first arrived to the unit I am in 2 days later I was in the field for 2 weeks. A month after that I was in another field, and another month after that I was in the desert for yet another field exercise. Most of my free time I spent writing... and some of you didn't even notice the difference. I would cuddle up to some uncomfortable steel and my trusty M4 and write. It gave me peace of mind and an escape from the ever daunting attacks that were thrown at us. Oh, and the driving. Great Rhysol, the long hours and night missions were exhausting.

Now comes the time that we are going to shove the steel into the bitter cold and my cuddling will most likely shrivel me up.

I do not know what will happen out there. Heck, I was told that we wouldn't even have heat or food out there. Then I found out that my unit was over budget. For those that don't know... that makes travel and over-seas deployments very difficult. Though, now I can say that no matter what life throws at me... I will stand up to it and take one step after another.

The unique aspects of going to Poland is that I will be experiencing things that most who have been in the recent military have only hoped to experience. I will be doing advanced training with allied forces and be offering support to said allies. The level of interaction I will have with the other nations is pale in comparison to all deployments within the last 20 years.

Before you guys try to imagine a crow flying around with a M4 carbine and a helmet, rest assured that I am quite the typical guy, and I prefer the ground. Army. Oh, and I am bald. :)

Or not so typical if you actually know me. You can argue with me on that.

In any case, I still have big plans on Mizahar, and I have even greater plans personally. I only have 2 more years left on my contract. I still don't know if I will re-up or not, but if I do I sure as heck know I will be throwing my wrenches and wenches away. I definitely do not like them. I feel like it is a waste of my capabilities.

Before the Military, unlike most of my brothers and sisters, I joined later into my life. I had a career before it, and had to sacrifice plenty. That is why I feel like I am in turmoil right now. I miss it. I miss the life I had previously, and the friends which I could count on no matter what. Most of them I have known since Kindergarten. I still visit with them whenever I get the chance... don't worry I didn't lose them or throw them away. Though, since joining things have gotten complicated.

The upside of all of this though is that I have learned a lot about myself as a person, and am continuing to do such. I have figured out more of what I want in life and how to not screw it up. You see, I have always stuck inside that said group and often led an isolationist personality to any and all outside of that group. It was a big part of my personality. I didn't allow anyone I didn't know to get close or even to get to know me. Even at work everything was strictly business. I never went out. I never partied with anyone I didn't know.

Now, things have had to change. I have experienced so many different individuals and cultures that it has indeed been an eye opening. Think for a moment of being thrown into a tent with 60 other people all coming from different states, countries, and ethical backgrounds... and live with them for months at a time. Sometimes even a year. People come and people go, and almost at an alarming rate. To each that go another comes in and fills the spot, mostly completely polar opposites to the other person you have gotten to know as a brother or sister.

While I am never good at saying goodbye, I have had to get used to it. I would rather just disappear than ever having to deal with the situation. I've done that before too. Crude I know, but everyone deals with things in a different way. Here on Mizahar I could never disappear or say goodbye. Quite a few of you have become close friends. So I am here to stay. The only thing I ask now is that some of you stand with me and understand what it is I am going through currently. While I can't explain everything in full detail... I have taken a leap and a huge one for me.
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[Scraps] Following the bread crumbs

Postby Vypec on November 16th, 2016, 5:33 am

Hey Crow, I found myself reminiscing on my own experience when reading your Scrap today. I understand that feeling of missing out on life whilst you are out in the middle of a foreign desert listening to nothing. That special brand of field exhaustion that breaks you down so thoroughly, it is a suppressive force that takes so much mental discipline to just get up and find some water in the morning. But your friends will be there when you return. We are here now, to talk to and encourage you. I found that it helped to combat my fears of wasted time by thinking about each individual interaction and experience that none of my friends would be able to get, and find a positive that could make me grow as a person.

As to your deployment. It's hard. There's no getting around that. But, that is the essence of sacrifice. That is why random people are grateful. Because you have given up valuable time in your life for this. I can only say to make as much of it a good experience as you can. Also, thank you for your service :)

I found Mizahar when i was 4 months deep in the desert. I was looking for something that I could focus creatively on, like a game, but that I could do with the abysmally slow Afghani network we had set up. Turns out Mizahar was the ticket, and it really helped me deal with that deployment. You are established here and have friends, I don't doubt that will help very much. I'd love to talk if you need someone to bitch and moan about the GI rats to :)

Whatever your political beliefs are, I respect all those who serve because in the end we all joined because we wanted to give back in some way to our people. Anyways, thought I'd drop in and let you know that I totally see what you're saying and I wanted to thank you again for sacrificing this portion of your time for us.

...Oh and Semper Fidelis ;)
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