[Issues found by Refraction] Turock

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Postby Turock on July 16th, 2017, 12:20 am

Race: human

Birthday: 12th, summer , 480 av

Gender: male

Age: 27

Appearance: 6 feet 5 inches tall ,broad shouldered, left ear torn partially off, scar over left eye and more on the left side of face, ragged full faced beard, brown hair, dirty, tanned.

Skills: endurance = 25 , brawl = 12 ,food preservation =5 ,intimidation = 8, wilderness survival=15

Personality: stubborn, likes to fight, friendlier to animals rather than to other humans and human like things.

Ethics:to survive, conquer something whatever it is, and to have revenge on the ones who destroyed his caravan and to find out if any of his family are alive.

Likes: war, beasts and animals, eating other human like things and fire.

Dislikes: people who act like they are better than others, thieves, assasins, and people who hide in the dark rather than fight.

Lore of taloba geography
Lore of history of myri

History: born in a caravan, when turock was 17 his caravan was destroyed by something that turock does not know and has been living in the wilderness alone ever since.
Before Turock's caravan was destroyed his life was a simple yet difficult one. He was the one who hunted when the caravan didn't have enough food left over and to keep the animals safe. Turock had one brother his name was Grubnick and he was 18 years old at that time. Grubnick's job was to make sure the path the caravan was going on was safe. Turock and Grubnick often fought each other with sticks in their free time. Turock also had a sister, her name was Careeb she was 20 at the time. Her job was to make sure the caravan had everything that it needed. Careeb was into magic, which Turock didn't understand what it was, and she also liked reading about all sorts of things. She also made sure Turock and Grubnick were up to date in education. She used to tell Turock and Grubnick about magic and they would be mystified by it. One day when Turock was hunting he was attacked by a 2 wolfs and he killed one but then the other jumped on him and bit off some of his left ear and made four deep cuts over his left eye. Somehow Turock managed to get it off and wounded the wolf and it ran off. Turock then returned to the camp with the dead wolf over his shoulder and then once he got back he passed out from the pain. After a while he woke up and he couldn't see through his left eye. Other than that Turock can't remember much about his past.

Items: torn linen shirt ,linen loincloth ,1 water skin, simple boots, Linen undergarment, ragged linen coat, 1 backpack, comb (bone) , brush(bone), soap, razor, balanced rations( 1 weeks worth) ,1 eating knife, flint and steel, 600 mizas.

Heirloom: skull with ancient writing engraved into it

Living space: none

God/dess: myri
Posts: 3
Words: 1159
Joined roleplay: July 15th, 2017, 8:53 pm
Race: Human
Character sheet


Postby Refraction on August 1st, 2017, 9:23 am

Hi there. There are a few things you need to fix before this character can be approved.

1) Please put your skills in a list format or something more readable. Once you start accumulating skills it's going to get very messy very fast.

2) Please mark which skills are racial bonuses and which are from the starting package

3) You'll need to pick an environment for wilderness survival. Given that you seem to be in Falyndar, I'd suggest jungle.

4) The skill is brawling, not brawl.

5) Taloba is the city of Myrians, so I'm not sure how you ended up with a lore of its geography if you've been living in the jungle. Perhaps you mean Falyndar?

6) You really cannot survive for any extended period of time outside of a city on 15 wilderness survival, let alone ten years. Mizahar is a harsh place.

7) Please separate your ledger from your items, and make a note that 500 came from cashing in your housing.

8) How did you come by your heirloom?

Once you've fixed these problems, PM me and I'll remove the intervention. Additionally, feel free to PM me if you're unsure of anything, or just want a second opinion. I'm here to help :)
User avatar
Retired Staff
Posts: 13
Words: 2991
Joined roleplay: July 11th, 2017, 4:02 am
Race: Staff account

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