[Issues found by Prophet] Andral Mydrafi

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Andral Mydrafi

Postby Andral Mydrafi on September 26th, 2017, 2:32 am

Andral Mydrafi



Appearance


Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Birthday: 23, Winter of  495 AD
Birthplace: Sylira

Appearance: Tall, Lean build. Small, thin tattoos which almost look like scars, but are projection glyphs.

Very fair skin, with dark raven hair. Brown eyes.


His hands are soft-looking, like someone who has lived his life without ever having to do heavy work, but the inner layers of his palm and knuckles are toughened, and lightly bruised from his pugilistic training.

He has a charming, beaming face that smiles almost constantly. His skin is rather pale and soft looking.
Andral never bothers to comb his hair so his hair is always a little messy.

All in all, Andral is a charming young man still in the prime of his youth

Character Concept

Having lived with a Shinya for most of his life, Andral has never faced society in its fullest.
He is always rather happy, being able to finally see and observe the outside world in motion.
He enjoys looking at things, and learning about things.
Things that he hasn't been able to see in his 9 years in Lhavit.


He is always rather truthful and honest, if a bit naive.
Although it is easy to trick him, he never trusts anyone too much at first.

Character History

Andral's father was a humble Sylviran Knight.
His mother died in labour, though his father was prepared to take care of Andral on his own.
Andral never had many friends, he always played with the street rabble or the orphans at the orphanage, much to his parent's dismay.
Kindhearted but naive, his father often worried for his son's safety

Like many children of Knights, he too spent his time working as a page, and then as a squire.
His father did not have a vast amount of wealth, and was often away for missions to compensate for it.
Thus, Andral's training began scarcely a year before his thirteenth birthday, briskly going through the skills required for his career as a knight; Horse riding, sword fighting, and maintaining equipment.

On his first mission as a squire, his Knight-mentor was assigned to escort a caravan to Lhavit. He was accompannied by his own father.
Surrounded by the two Knights he looked up to the most, Andral felt safe.

And he would have been, had there not been a Wailer on the path.
The two Knights both tried to defend the caravan, fighting valiantly, but in vain.
As Andral lay, covered in the Knights's blood, mouth open in a silent scream, one of the Caravan's occupants stepped into the fray.

The fight between them was intense, as the occupant seemed to be able to keep the Wailer at a distance at all times.
The Wailer, sensing that the fight had gone sour, turned and left.
But for Andral, he might've aswell killed the entire caravan, since the two Knights he respected most, had died.

The occupant, who revealed himself to be a Shinya, took Andral into his wing, taking him to Lhavit.

In Lhavit
Andral renounced the ways of the Knight as it had done him no good against a Wailer.
Instead he decided to be like the Shinya, the only one who could fight toe-to-toe with the Wailer.
So, he was taught the basics of hand to hand combat, and was given the ability to use Projection.
"One day" he thought "I will be stronger than both the Shinya and the Knights!"

He would spend each morning sparring with the Shinya, every evening projecting his astral limbs to manipulate objects, and every night meditating.

He trained and trained each day, remaining in the soltitude of the monastery, hoping to gain the strength that the Shinya showed that day.

But there lay the problem. Andral was not exposed to the darker side of the world. He knew not of the corruption that spread through the world.
He thought that by secluding himself, and being stronger, he could protect himself, protect the world.

9 years later, his Shinya mentor realised his lack of knowledge of the darker side of the world.
Lhavit was a calm, peaceful place.
There were little worries in a place like this.
He needed to see what the overly complex, corrupted world was capable of. How utterly wonderous, yet utterly horrifying the world could be.

Andral was sent to the one place farthest from being Lhavit.
He was sent to Ravok, the city of Rhysol, God of corruption.

"How bad could it be?"



Language

Fluent Language: Common
Basic Language: (Blank for the moment.)
Poor Language: (I dont think the hermit would care to teach him languages)


Skills

Skill  EXP  Total  Proficiency
Unarmed Combat  15  15  Novice
Glyphing  10 10 Novice
Projection  15 (+15 Racial)  #30 Competent
Medicine  10 10 Novice



Lores

Lore of Syliran Geography
Lore of Syliran Knight's History

Possessions

1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Cloak
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week's worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel 
100 Gold Mizas

Heirloom: A stilleto dagger (Commonly called Misericordè. Its used to quickly end the suffering of a dying comrade). When his father died, the hermit buried him along with all of his arms and armour, except for this stilletto.

Housing

Location: Rhysol, NHC Housing

House: A cheap, small home that reminds Andral of the Shinya's lodgings
It is rather bare, as he never really had many possessions to keep in here, nor the material desire to gain any.

20x20 cottage with hearth, bunk, chair, chest and small table.


Ledger

Purchase  Cost  TotalStarting  +100 GM  100 GM


Current threads
Last edited by Andral Mydrafi on November 17th, 2017, 2:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
I bet Projection is really handy when you need to scratch your back but you can't reach.
(Boxart is an edited veraion of Karin's free boxcodes. Credit where credit is due)
Andral Mydrafi
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Character sheet

Andral Mydrafi

Postby Prophet on November 14th, 2017, 10:21 pm

Hey there-

So... I read your CS and there's just a LOT of gaps in the history and several logical breaks that I'm having problems overlooking.

Where's the hermit live? Where did he learn medicine? How did he teach your PC?

Why would a knight leave his order for help? There are 12000 knights in Syliras... help would be closer than some rumored hermit. Also- Miz has no small villages or loner types roaming the wilderness- it's simply too dangerous.

I like your concept and where you're trying to go with your PC but you need to take some time and fill in some of the leaps you make in your history. Any magic you start with as a skill has to be explained in your background. Furthermore, the type of wounds you're trying to give your PC aren't legitimate.

Projection is manipulation of the astral body to affect the physical world.

Before I approve your job application, I want to see your CS fixed up first. Furthermore, a noncitizen will not be allowed to become a doctor right away (even if you had the necessary skills, which you don't) but you may be a nurse or assistant. Please consult the lore for more detail. One final thing: you can't use projection to aid in medical procedures until you've been taught such things and a hermit will likely not know how to do that.

I mean, how would you see inside the body to know what's wrong?

I do like your PC's general direction but he's swiss cheese right now. Do some fixes and hit me up when you're ready for a review. Feel free to consult with chat/discord community for help. :) Happy writing.
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