The Consequence of Time (Eldon)

[Kashik]

19th Day of Spring, 511 AV

It had been almost a year since Kashik had last laid eyes on Eldon - almost exactly a year, and so much had changed in that time that it was hard for her to really grasp how she felt. Guilt, of course, and some amount of regret. Only a year, but in that year she'd learned some measure about herself, and about what a foolish girl she'd been. Still was, in many ways, but she was learning to recognize it in herself.

Eldon, though, had been her friend. Her best friend for most of her life, and it pained her to think of all she'd gone through without him. Now, as she stood in front of the Sunkiss Pavilion, she wondered what he'd gone through without her, and whether or not they would be able to forgive each other that absence.

She waited a few moments, collecting herself, and her hands rested on her bulging stomach. The pregnancy was the most obvious change about her - for she was only a few weeks from giving birth, and she was a small woman carrying a warrior's child. But despite the size, she glowed with it - her dark skin was soft and bright, riotous black curls of her hair being tugged by the fitful breeze. Her smile, though, was hidden now as she fidgeted and wondered if this were the best idea.

She looked down at the long-legged Silkena that stood beside her, who bore the exact same coloring as the dog she'd had as a child - and should, since this was one of her pups. "Go on," she murmured, pointing her towards the tent. "Go find Eldon and say hi." The dog gave a short bark, and padded forward to obey her master's bidding - though she slowed as she stuck her head into the tent and investigated, smelling several other dogs and whining lowly as if unsure how she would be received.

[Eldon Sunkiss]

Eldon sat inside his Pavilion, the Sunkiss Pavilion, silently. Since his father's death, Eldon had been caught in a shykestorm of emotional turmoil. He felt the obvious and understandable feelings, rage, loss of self-respect, and genuine sorrow, yet there was even more that was perhaps a little less common and understandable. Eldon had become distant, often giving into spells of silent depression, radical philosophies, and violent self-abuse. The worst of it was he was losing his mind and didn't even know it. Only two days ago he nearly killed a woman, a sister Drykas, simply for startling him. Those thoughts made his hands tremble and his heart flutter in agony. Never did he think he could do what he did, and even though he didn't harm her, he got so close. Eldon's finger prodded the ground as he stared absent-minded. He was a reimancer at heart, he had initiated several people in his young life already, and they were all lucky to survive. He couldn't deny he was skilled, but he did manage to deny he had a problem. He was becoming absorbed by the power, obsessed with becoming a monster to destroy another, only in his mind, this monster was essential and beautiful. Eldon lifted his finger from the earth as a firm, solid spike of stone lifted upwards, coiling like a serpent as it followed the trail of res that was left behind by his moving finger. There was a smirk, a subtle, soft smirk that pushed it's way onto his lips, a sign someone might think of joy, but he didn't feel joy. He was only impressed. The eyes, Eldon's once radiant and lively brown gaze was colder now, not willing to sparkle or shine. Even Sam couldn't bring it back. Eldon was alone in the Pavilion excluding for his four guardians. Unlu, Danadeh, Nejin, and Morse. The dogs were nothing like that of Ykan that was slain a day before his father. The poor dog was an ancient creature by that age. Even Eldon's father was old, sixties yet strong. Eldon thought he'd never see him die, and being proved wrong tore his heart to shreds. Even now that Matasol learned he did have a brother, Matasol, and his brother had a mother, he felt little love for them. They were like strangers to him, absent for all but about thirty days of his life. They had a bond, but it was fragile and thin, Eldon usually couldn't feel it. The dogs all perked up as Kashik's canine poked her head in, but they didn't bark or jump to aggression. Eldon had commanded silence from them. This, however, did not stop them from wagging tails and trotting over to the opening. No, they wouldn't attack, they knew too well that Endrykas was safe. Eldon looked up from the awkward serpent-like stone limb that he was creating, for what reason he wasn't sure. He just felt a need to do it. The Dog's appearance looked familiar, different, but still familiar. Eldon knew, Nibbles, a familiar friend of his, and more importantly, a friend to Eldon's best friend. Eldon felt a sickness settle in his stomach as the stone construct crumbled into powdered stone, which exploded into a cloud and covered the Sunkiss Survivor in dust. He stood up and walked not towards the entrance, but away from. Retrieving a shirt from his chest, and hastily worked on putting it on. He didn't even bother to change it from inside-out. He didn't want her to see him, the scars that plagued his chest, the telltale sign of a hole that once existed through his bicep. It was more than just an embarrassment, but it would reopen wounds that he didn't want. He couldn't have more guilt on his plate, not right now. He was dealing with too much. Eldon turned, he had neither invited Kashik inside (which he assumed was outside, who else would be so bold with such a familiar looking dog as to peek in his home), nor told her to leave. He wasn't sure which he'd prefer to be honest. He had missed her, and despite seeing her on occasion, sometimes he took a stroll with the intent of seeing her, but without desiring to be seen himself. He tried to forget her, forget their past because she found someone she could be happy with, and it wasn't him. Eldon loved Vanator, he couldn't hate him to taking in the only girl Eldon truly cared about. He was envious, dreadfully so, and every time he spoke to Vanator, hunted by his side, or thought of how much he respected, it brought an ache to his chest. Vanator obviously was what Eldon wasn't. Whatever it was is what he lacked. 'Don't come in...' Eldon felt his voice in his head, a scared child once again, afraid that one day Kashik would get hurt when he wasn't there to pick her up. He had fallen though, it had been his turn and there was nobody that could return him to the way things used to be. Sam tried, Denen tried, Edalene tried, Matasol tried, and all they managed to do was give him something to not die for, not yet at least. Eldon wasn't truly alive though.

[Kashik]

The dog greeted the others with a happy wag of her tail, which Kashik saw since her back half was still sticking out of the tent flap. A moment later, the nose stuck out as well, and she gave another sharp bark - prey found!

Kashik heaved a sigh: he was home, then. She watched as her dog disappeared into the tent completely, intent on exploring and saying hello to her new friends.

Seconds ticked by, and then chimes. The Drykas woman had never been known for patience, though, and her pregnancy made her even less so. By the time two chimes had passed, she was heartily annoyed and lost all sense of propriety. With an aggravated growl, she strode forward and threw back the tent flap, inviting herself in.

She stopped when she caught sight of him, staring with her mouth popped open in surprise. Eldon was changed so drastically that she wasn't even sure at first that it was him. Not his looks - no, the same freckles dotted his cheeks, and that was his face for sure. She knew it better than she knew her own. But his eyes - sweet gods, his eyes were cold and dull, as if everything had been stripped from him.

She stared at him, and felt a strange sense of recurring memory. They had stood just so once when they were children, assessing each other, trying to judge if they were still friends or what might fall out between them. That had been solved by a hug. This would not be so easy.

Turquoise eyes perused him head to toe and back again, noting the disheveled appearance and the way he held himself as if afraid that something would lash out at him at any moment. She knew him, knew him better than anyone else ever had, and it took little more than that lingering glance to tell her that he was broken. Her gaze drew up to his face again, the beauty of it nearly overtaken by the sorrow...

...and Kashik felt a white-hot fury pour into her blood, so fast and scalding that between one blink and the next she trembled with it. It flashed through her eyes and then she was upon him, striding confidently across the room as if the gods themselves put their hand to the small of her back and launched her forward.

She raised her hand and, quick as a snake, slapped him hard across the cheek. "You idiot!" she yelled, though the fury abated and was replaced with fear, fear for him, that he had been broken beyond repair. The word broke on a sob, and then there were tears standing in those bright eyes, and she grabbed fistfuls of his shirt in her hands as she always had when they were children, and shook the ever-living shyke out of him. "You stupid, petching fool! Why didn't you come to me? Why did you... how could you let it get this bad and not find me? Why?" she asked again as she squeezed her eyes shut and the tears spilled across her cheeks, though her emotions did nothing to loosen the grip she had on his shirt.

[Eldon Sunkiss]

Eldon's entire head jerked to the side as Kashik's hand, which might as well have been a fist for what it was worth, pushed his entire gaze to the side. A small cloud of dust that accumulated in his hair from the strange reimancy obsession reached outward with the sudden movement. He felt a dizziness take a weak hold over his vision, stars dancing just outside of where he could directly stare at. The strike was so hard, somehow he was always surprised at her strength. Throughout their childhood she would hit him, sometimes in anger, usually in humor or playfulness, but it always hurt, always impressed him by how much pain she could cause. It was strange now to feel that burning sting on his face and actually find comfort in it, like with the pain there were memories, nostalgia, the life he would gladly see one more day of and willingly trade every day of the current for it. Eldon lifted his hand to his face, not the side she struck, but the right side. The blackened eye, a wound he gave himself, another small reminder of something he regretted. It seemed to be a recurring theme for him, regret. Eldon felt her tug against his shirt, it was like nothing had ever changed, like they were children climbing trees and playing chase, or teens still awkward on their striders but riding for hours with each other, or those few times they were able to just get away and be alone, watching stares and thinking up all sorts of interesting lives they were so certain they would have. He knew that feeling, the shirt pulled tight across his shoulders as she clung to him. He was making her miserable. Perhaps the saying was true. Misery truly does love company. But things were different. Usually Eldon would have found it within that awkward silly love for this girl to embrace her, pulling her tight to him, keeping her there until she was better or convinced she didn't need him so much, but he couldn't now. His arms hung limp at his sides as if they were broken and every bone shattered, or the very muscles were shredded or missing. Eldon loved her, but was still so empty. "You shouldn't get so excited Kashik. You're pregnant." Eldon spoke in an almost weak whisper, the tone was all wrong, like a ghost or spirit had spoken in place of his own true voice. Usually he would have apologized, begged for forgiveness, tried anything to make her smile like a true Brightsmile, but he had lost the ability to try. The hell of it was that it wasn't even her fault. He wasn't upset with her for going with Vanator. He wasn't hating her because she never saw just how much the silly boy Eldon was loved her. He just couldn't stand to see her. He wasn't able to look at her without wondering 'What if I had done this?' or 'What did I do wrong?' In the end, he just had to admit that it wasn't supposed to happen, no matter how much it killed him, it couldn't happen. "I've lost it. How could I when you've got everything anyone could want? I didn't want you to see this. I wanted to protect you from... this." 'This' sounded oddly close to 'Me' when Eldon spoke. He knew the anger he felt, and though he did know or believe he was losing a battle to reimancy, he didn't want Kashik to see what he had become. It wasn't a moment he could blush off either, this had altered the very person he was. "You shouldn't be here. Your family will worry about you, about the child. I'm not good to be around."

[Kashik]

Kashik listened to the emptiness behind his voice, and it came very near to breaking her heart. Tears still flowed down her cheeks even as her face twisted with despair to see the bright boy she'd known so utterly decimated. And behind it, a voice in her head whispered This is your fault - you did this to him, because you couldn't love him the way he needed you to.

Her hands finally released his shirt only to crawl up to take his face in her hands. Her fingers were still rough from the spear, though the strips of callous were fading somewhat since she hadn't been able to train through the last weeks of pregnancy. She cradled his face between them, fingertips trailing over his cheeks as if trying to find her friend beneath the facade he now wore.

"No," she moaned softly, shaking her head as she gazed up at him. "No, I should have been here sooner. I should have been here months ago. I'm sorry, Eldon, I'm so, so sorry." Sorry for disappearing, sorry for getting caught up in her own life. Sorry for not loving him as anything more than a brother and dearest friend. Perhaps even a little sorry she hadn't married him anyway, though she couldn't now imagine her life without Vanator. They might have hated each other if she had, the farce giving way to truth as the years passed, but she couldn't imagine that would have been worse than this.

"Don't worry about my family," she said, swallowing harshly. "They'll understand. Just tell me... tell me what I can do to help. Tell me how to bring you back from this," she whispered, the pieces of her heart in her voice.

[Eldon Sunkiss]

Eldon closed his eyes for a moment, to break her staring at him, to just feel her hands against his cheeks. He didn't know if this was making him happy or tearing him to pieces. It was hard to forget someone when they not only plagued your thoughts and dreams, but now stood directly in front of you and cradled you like a lonely child. That's what he was though, it's what he always was. His eyes opened again, his hand slowly lifted to her eyes, his finger trailed up her cheek, taking the tears that she gave for him, and literally absorbed them. It was the reimancy, taking in water, because he could make it. Her could have sworn he intended to just wipe them away, but no, for a moment her cheek was dry, and his finger was not moist. He didn't understand. The urge was there again, despite her being married, despite her being only a matter of days before giving birth, he still felt the need to take her, to kiss those lips. The guilt burned in his lungs even as he imagined it. He was friends with Vanator, they trusted each other. That was why it hurt so much to think these thoughts now. It didn't matter that Eldon thought them, embraced such imaginations years before Vanator even knew Kashik. She took Vanator. It sucked, but he now believed he understood why he felt equally towards men and women. It's because he did. Men, women, it didn't matter who they were, Eldon felt the same towards them all, which was nothing. Only Kashik really held true feelings of his. That's why it was easy to kiss Denen and not fret over being heirless. That's why it was easy to flirt with a girl and not be concerned. Even now he wanted to kiss her, despite her being as claimed as can be by another of his clan. "No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't have come at all." Eldon practically repeated himself. He was too dedicated to his belief, his last true love in this world, to Kashik, to accept her being miserable over this. If she had just never seen him again, she would have been able to forget him. He could leave Endrykas someday, die without her, and even though it would be a nightmare come true, it would leave her in peace some day. Eldon alone would be in pieces. "Nothing. It's all gone. It died. Death can't be returned from. You have priorities Kashik, you can't worry yourself about me. You have a family, your own now, they need you. Your child... Vanator. You'll hurt them if you become upset over me." Eldon was never known to give up, but his words, hollow and skewed as they were, had been clear. He accepted what happened, what was happening. He tried to fight it for a while, but he was inevitably consumed. Now he was a shell, walking, talking, eating, sleeping, but not smiling, not laughing, not loving or sharing, not mourning. He was just dead inside. "You should sit down at least. I don't want anything to happen."

[Kashik]

"You idiot," she said again, though this time her words were dripping with sadness. She knew what he did, knew he'd used Reimancy without realizing it, and that thought frightened her more thoroughly than nearly everything else.

"I have priorities," she said thickly, pressing her palms against his cheeks before lowering them to flatten against his chest. "And you are part of my family. I can't just forget you, you fool. Not any more than you could forget me. You think more than a decade of friendship can just be wiped away because you don't want to inflict yourself on me? Well petch you," she whispered. "You don't get to make that choice. I do. And I'm not going anywhere. And before you keep on in that vein, Vanator knows I'm here. I didn't sneak off to see you; there are no secrets between us. So. Offer me a seat, and sit with me, and tell me what I've missed while we were both being stupid and avoiding each other."

[Eldon Sunkiss]

Eldon stared at Kashik, his eyes were wide and almost frightened, as if he was caught off guard by her aggressive caring for him. His jaw opened to speak, but he found nothing to say, then he smirked, a faint characteristic of his old untainted self for just a moment. Kashik didn't change, not one bit since their childhood. Sunkiss nodded slowly as he took her arm and led to to a small gathering of cushions on the floor. His tent was notably empty of personal effects. There was a chest at the side, his father's, that he used to store his clothing and little personal treasures, the cushions, and the four Deerstalker Hunting Dogs that huddled together at the far side of the pavilion and watched Kashik with curiosity, but reluctance to move. "I didn't think you went out to see me behind Vanator's back. I know he trusts you. How is he doing?" Eldon questioned about Kashik's husband, Eldon's good friend. He hadn't seen him in a while but he still looked up to him. They were clansmen. Vanator was the guy Eldon always wanted to be. As a man and because of who he had. Still, Eldon's question was only to try and dodge talking about himself. Discussing everything that made him 'stupid', as Kashik said several times now, would probably harass his mind. He already lost control twice, and two other Drykas suffered for it. If he hurt Kashik, there would be no forgiving himself.

[Limey]

Kashik Skill and Lore Rewards Skills Lore Animal Husbandry 1 Eldon: Long Time, No see... Persuasion 1 Not Really One For Patience Tough Love, Drykas-Style You Don't Choose Who You Love... Or How No-One Gets Left Behind Eldon Skill and Lore Rewards Skills Lore Reimancy 1 The Slow Madness Of Depression Persuasion 1 Triumph Without Joy Kashik: Forbidden But Desired Losing The Will To... Anything Spare Those You Love Vanator: The Ideal Drykas Additional Notes : Bugger. It's a real shame this never got finished, because both of you did a good job with it. I liked the mixed loyalties on both sides, and I liked how Eldon's sanity slippage was well-portrayed and realistic. Kashik's own conflict was well done, too, and I like how she is aware that Eldon loves her, unlike most women in situations like this. So, not much XP to give, but here's some Lores, and a cookie each. ... OK, so there's no cookie. Any questions or queries, please PM me.