[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

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The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on July 29th, 2022, 2:06 am

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What Do You Remember?


Someone recently asked me a very serious question about looking backward in my life. They asked me.... "What do you actually remember?" I immediately opened my mouth to tell them I remembered everything, but then I paused. I considered the flood of memories that came pouring over me. And I gave her question some serious thought.

If you look back over your life and really 'see' what you are remembering, you'll notice a few things stand out. For me, people and personalities stand out. Those sharp moments of laughter or fleeting joy that flood you when you are in the presence of folks you love.

Animals stand out to me. I can remember every dog, cat, and horse I've ever been blessed to have in my life. I remember how they sound, look, smell... the feelings they generated in me when i was near them.

Places stand out to me as well. I can immediately picture looking out over Dead Horse Point in Canyonlands National Park or staring at the stars in Panama while listening to the ocean compete for being heard over the sounds of land crabs fighting battles.

I remember my first kiss with a boy in Montana on the lawn of a Mansion that was hauled up a hill to be restored after we walked all the way up there and it got dark. The stars were unreal in Montana. They are even brighter there than in the tropics.

I remember the smell of rain after its been hot for a long time. I remember the taste of my skin after I've been swimming in the ocean. I used to look forward to licking the salt off my lips right after a fresh swim.

What I don't remember so well is the overall story of my life. It is virtually meaningless, really... maybe because I made no waves and published no post-grad papers. I remember the first day Miz was up and running and I will undoubtedly remember the last day when it comes... if it comes in my lifetime.

Think about it? I remember that butterfly or bee that perched on my wrist for ten whole minutes while I admired its beauty. I remember that strange call in the dark of the night out in the middle of the woods that you couldn't attribute to anything but reverberated through you so you know it was real.

I remember the first time I galloped on a horse and how afraid I was and then how thrilled I was and how I couldn't stop. All we wanted to do, that horse and I, was run the rest of the day. We were at Bumping Lake, part of the Alpine Lakes National Wilderness. I remember galloping across bare pastures up there that thumped like drums under my horses' hooves because they were old filled-in lakes. It was magical.

Thinking back on college, I remember so little of it other than those sweet spots.... drift netting fish in the Clarkfork river, visiting the national bison range, getting a rattlesnake caught in my boot. I can't tell you what it was like to sit in a classroom day after day, but I can remember every detail of managing the mammal museum and bug processing lab and the little mental breakdown that happened there. I remember sitting in the greenhouse at midnight and thinking how big the world was.

I remember meeting other witches, and that one time and elder read not my tarot, nor my palms, but he read the iris' in my eyes and told me that I was tied to Copper and it was my element more than anything else that ever existed. And I smile when I think of meeting David Zyla, a very famous stylist, and getting my colors done and him telling me I was a Copper Autumn.

When I was young I used to speak to plants and animals and they'd talk back to me. I'd whisper to the wind and it would whisper back at me. I could physically hear voices in my mind that had nothing to do with mental illness. And later, a Flathead Indian Shaman told me at the Ki Pow in Missoula after we'd danced half the day that I had a medicine ear. Can I see spooks and ghosts? No. Can I witness the unthinkable? No. But I can hear them when I am listening and can communicate. Born to the Bannock Shoshone tribe, and raised Pagan, I was told every child had three gifts. Hearing, otherwise known as a Medicine Ear, was one of mine. I have two others and I remember discovering them as if it happened five minutes ago.

I don't remember my birth. Who cares? My first real memory was of peddling a bike with training wheels oh so far from home and a lightning storm struck. I was so scared, but I kept peddling and made it to safety. Years ago, I asked my Grandmother about the incident. She said I was four... had stolen my brother's black BMX and was peddling about three houses down the street at a visit to my mom.... and that I turned around and returned his bike in tears so terribly frightened that he had summoned the storm. Three... houses... away... my memory is wrong because I was miles away and so very scared and alone and I just peddled and peddled and peddled.

So, you've made it this far in this scrap... either through sheer curiosity or dumb boredom and I bet you are wondering why I'm writing this scrap?

I had to go on and on about what we remember to make a point. And that point is about what we remember when we write on Miz.

I don't remember the big overarching plots. I don't remember the deep core drive that made my PC do this or do that. Not really. I mean I can talk about them if someone asks, and I generally am sure why things are ... but when I think of Miz, I think of the little moments. I think of the laughter and the interaction. I think of first-held hands and meetings in the wild. I think of Shiresses' 101 reactions to Shade being mean IC. I think of Tazrae interacting with the Ixam and how she trusts them more than people... a hundred little incidents of that. I think of all the scene setting some people achieve, writing circles around a setting like a painter vividly splashing paint on a wall to form an instant mural so you know exactly where you stand in the setting.

I remember the mean things too. The little in-character and out-of-character slights and the snubs. I remember how people act, react, and all the broken promises. I can 'hear' the truth or the falsehood in the typing when people lie... especially to themselves. I think it's one of the meanest things you can actually do... is lie to yourself. That's especially true if you know deep down that something is true but you won't acknowledge it.

People sweat the big picture and want a big scene. But the gift of Miz is in the little scenes, those irreplaceable moments that come so fleetingly yet become so important to us all. I challenge all of you with scraps... to write about what you remember when you write on Miz. What draws you in? What aspects of other people's stories do you remember the most? Are you like me? Or are you walking a different path. I'd like to know.

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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on August 19th, 2022, 12:17 am

Supporting Online Communities


When internet groups form, supporting the forums you like and love to depend on is super important. Online communities help their members learn, share and collaborate with each other, which in turn can foster growth and relevance in their respective areas of interest. In this case, storytelling. You get instant feedback, put your work out there, and have the ability to grow and change your writing. In short, Miz will help you evolve as a person if you let it.

We haven't had any posts in the last few days... no writing that is. It's a busy time of year for everyone, and people are spending time doing various summer activities and getting the last bit of summer memories under their belt before we all move into fall and the outdoor activities decrease.

However, I urge you to make time for Mizahar. I urge you to post, drop by chat, and get ideas flowing. You don't have to spend all your time on the site, but a quick visit or two a few times a week to do some writing would do wonders to keep our membership up.

I'm getting very discouraged lately. I ask myself a lot if it's not time to just let the whole thing go. There's always been that one person that has told me in times like this how much the site has meant to them and how much they love the content... but we aren't getting any activity lately.

New people show up, get frustrated at the site traditions, and leave. They take a lot of our time that we could be writing that we devote to helping them get started then they quit. Why? They can't have it all out of the gate or be the best character they envision themselves being without any work. Is it the age group? Is it the 'my way right away' generation?

I suspect long-time members or people that have put a lot of time into the site just expect Miz to still be around whenever they want it to be... but the truth is the life of these sites always depended upon members putting effort into them. They crop up like flea infestations on stray dogs and those sites die just as quickly. Even sites that have been around a long time can be gone in the blink of an eye.

I don't want this for Mizahar. I want us to be around another ten years with a long online legacy of storytelling. I want characters to be born, live, and be retired for other characters.

I can't do everything. I can run a lot of things via the help desk. I can restrict areas down until players can interact with other players. I can create universal meeting sites so players from different cities can interact. But I can't keep up with grading, moderating, and being a cheerleader day in and day out. Honestly? I'm not that positive of a person, especially working the hours I do this time of year out in the heat.

I love this site. I love making and playing characters. I know there are a lot of other people that feel the same way. Can you please take the time to step up, do some posting, maybe grade your own threads if you are a grader, and make some time for Mizahar, and help keep us moving forward?

I don't ask people for much.

Goss
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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on September 4th, 2022, 10:23 pm

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Just a quick heads up. My CS on one of my PCs has been getting huge and today when I went to edit it, it errored out so totally completely that it gave me this message for the entire page and it won't let me back in at all.

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I can't fix it. I don't know where to begin to actually access it. I don't know what happened and what was wrong. I'm redoing the CS completely using Wayback and that means I have to put in all the code by hand again. Might it error out when I get it back to a certain point? Yes. It might. I don't know what else to do though.

Save your CS's in some outside source in code form please. I should have had mine saved as well. Its taken me hours to just get to through possessions and I haven't even come to the massive thread lists yet. I will probably have a few days involved in regenerating it before its over.

Save. Save. Save. Don't let this happen to you. And if it does, know that I can't help you. I don't know, again, if this is an isolated event or if this was something bigger and systemwide we just don't know about yet.

Be careful.


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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on October 26th, 2022, 7:04 pm

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You deserve to be
told a good story.

If you can't find anyone to tell you one then tell the story you deserve to yourself.

If you find someone to bounce ideas off of and give you honest opinions and suggestions, cherish them forever. Then in turn tell them a different but equally good story.

If you find yet another person that actually wants to hear your story, tell it to them... even if it's just the cliffnotes version. Their reaction will mean everything.
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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on December 2nd, 2022, 2:25 am


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"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed."
---Albert Einstein

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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on December 11th, 2022, 6:03 pm

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Players often think that the people who run sites like Mizahar should be somehow detached from feelings and aspirations. These unreasonable individuals want to see us as above-board perfect people that are just gracious and ever so thankful that they – these takers - dropped by our site and stuck around. I am thankful and gracious – or I try to be - when people give as much as they take. The problem is, they don’t often do that. We live in a selfish time – a greedy time – where people want to take and take and take and never consider giving.

I feel like these people see me as if we are some sort of free vending machine and no one has to pay for the treats stocked in our innards. Push the button, get a reward, and no coin changes hands. They so often treat me like I am some sort of inhuman machine that vends plot right and left because I enjoy being such a giver. This is completely unrealistic. It turns out that I _am_ human. I _have_ feelings. And I decidedly do have needs. The plot candy isn’t free, and you aren’t some special goddamn snowflake that gets everything handed to you. I just spent almost a year seeing to the needs of others and ignoring my own. Then I spent a very selfish month writing for my own pleasure.

Guess what? It put things into perspective.

It was such a good feeling. I stopped moderating during the month of November and concentrated solely on my PC and told myself the stories I wanted to be told. I gave some of that plot magic back to myself instead of always giving it away to others who could give a shit less about me and mine. I had more fun during the month of November than I’ve had in a long long time. And it’s a lesson I will carry with me for quite a while moving forward. In the past, I’ve complained about solos. But I’m starting to see how nice solos can actually be.

Selfish RPers aren’t my friends. They will just be nice to you as long as you are feeding them plot and making the storyline all about them. Give and take is dead in this world for the most part. And the worst part? The narcissism involved is astonishing. These sorts of RPers will gaslight you right and left when you ease off giving them what they want in hopes of getting you reeled back in.

They will make promises, but they won’t stick to them and they will lead you on and on in some sort of sick game that means nothing at all to them in the long run. If you don’t give them their fix, they will turn to something that will. Everything they do to you they will then twist and accuse you of doing to them. It’s sad, really sad, and it's nothing I want any part in any longer. If people can’t play on an even rping field, they need to take a long hard look in the mirror and work on themselves… because they are fucking broken… broken beyond redemption.

Hand nothing to others. Accept nothing at face value because its probably a loaded gun that’s heavy with prices and expectations. And trust me, you will never live up to it. And you’ll never get what you want from them and they’ll try and break you if they can… purposely and deviously. The signs to look for are sad sob stories… the ‘poor me’ situations… and the frequent and repetitive ‘soon’ situations. Soon won’t ever come. You’ll never get your ‘turn’. And the moment you ask for something, it will be met with a wall of ‘unreasonable’ followed by gaslighting and narcissism.

You are better off without. Trust me.
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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on December 11th, 2022, 6:04 pm

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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on December 18th, 2022, 6:36 pm

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How is everyone? Doing good I hope?

Some of you may have noticed I took about a week off Mizahar. I needed the break after NaNo and all the drama that was spilling over from people's irls to the site. I'm about ready to make a comeback, do some hardcore grading, and get things started for this current season.

I honestly don't think I could have written another word after NaNo and battling the Influenza A which knocked everyone at work out for almost ten days. My whole crew was down and we had drivers that had never hostled before running the show. It kinda makes me smile because you should have seen the appreciation when we were all back full force.

I'm not 100% back yet. My iron tanked and I don't have any energy. I'm scheduled for an infusion next week, which I should have gotten three in the last three weeks... but with the flu getting an infusion and even going to the infusion center with a ton of people with cancer and exposing them to that virus was out of the question.... so we're squeezing in two sessions before the end of the year and the reset of my insurance - totally the last minute.

Hopefully it will be enough to bring my energy levels up so I stop shaking after standing around for just a few minutes and feeling weak as a kitten.

My Yule gathering got canceled.

My whole flu ridden county is sick and my coven has about 80% of its members out ill... so for the first time in 20 years I'm not gathering with a group to celebrate the longest night and shortest day. It feels kinda odd, though I will be celebrating at home.

I've never had a fondness for Yule... mainly because of how it was hijacked by Christianity to subvert the pagans throughout Europe. Christmas is an utter lie. Everyone knows Jesus wasn't born on Dec 25th... but in the spring when Mary and Joseph were traveling to Bethlehem to pay their taxes.

The lies we buy into...

Easter is the same bullshit. The Roman Church, and the Church in the West tends to celebrate Easter on the first Sunday following the paschal full moon. Never heard of it? It's the full moon that falls on or after the vernal or spring equinox. At the Council of Nicaea in 325, the entire Church adopted this formula, which is why Easter always falls on a Sunday, and why the date changes every year. It is not, in fact, celebrated on the 14th day of Nisan, when Jesus actually rose.

Why? Conversion and subversion. Want the pagans to turn Christians? Subvert their holidays.

The point is various organizations in the world try to pretend you are stupid and spoon feed you alternative history in hopes of getting people to conform. They've done it throughout time and they keep doing it now. Individuals do it as well; frequently. Don't buy into it. March at your own beat, figure out your own truths, and do your research. And I don't mean Google. Google lies as much as anyone else.

Don't believe me? Research the FBI and Twitter collusion. Elon musk bought out Twitter and released all their internal emails. That was fun. Its enlightening to see how much the government wants you to believe one way rather than make up your own mind and go against them.

I get labeled all kinds of things on sites all over when people review Mizahar. Bitch comes to mind first. Some sort of RPG tyrant. All sorts of things. I was even called an anti-vaxer. Heh, I still don't have the Covid shot and lived through Covid just fine. Guess what? No covid shot side-effects either. And I've been called a conspiracy theorist. But you know? When everything you believed is backed by facts - studies upon studies of the adverse affects of mRNA protocols... that aren't real vaccines... I can't be an anti-vaxer if I'm not against vaccines... the real ones, not gene therapy. And when I know the government is trying to control the dialog out in the world.

Others having the control is not a good thing. We need control of our own lives, and of our futures.

Anyhow, I don't mean to jump on a soap box in my scrapbook. I just meant to tell you that I'll be back in the coming days. I'll be grading. I'll be storytelling. I hope you will be as well.
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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on April 24th, 2023, 3:47 am

Life Is Funny


They say... (and don't ask me who 'they are')... that your surroundings reflect your inner mindscape. And I think to some extent that is true. I've felt diseased in and out lately - low iron saturation, neutrophilia leukocytosis acting up, work being crazy... and a miniature 'redo' of our living room have all been preventing me from posting.

I used to post from the comfort of my beautiful chocolate sectional couch. I had a great little couch table that slipped under the front of the sofa, lofted my laptop over where I curled up, and I could write for hours. The problem was that the sectional couch gave up the fight. We've had it for numerous years - almost a long as we've had this house. I tried numerous ways to fix its sag, but it was worn out. I decided - against Home and Gardens recommendations - to replace the couch (which sectionals run in the thousands these days) with at least a recliner on my end due to cost. I ended up buying two recliners.... namely because my company was bought out by a furniture company and I get new things at half price... and in this case even cheaper. It took a lot of seating away from our family room, but it gave us super comfortable lounging and gave us the ability to put in new shelves and set up another sort of library.

The transformation took two weekends, part of the weeks in between when we weren't on the job which of course my hours are still stupidly crazy.

I'm all done now for the most part except for a small pile of art supplies in the center of the living room which needs sorting and shelving. I was able to load up the shelves in a very witchy way with some of my crystal skulls and tarot now on display. I enjoy that tremendously.

I've kept up with spam, inactive user cleanout, and reading new posts. I just haven't gotten to post myself. I find it distinctly uncomfortable writing with a laptop on a super cushioned rocker recliner. It's taller than my laptop table so I can't keep my laptop on its table... it actually has to set on my lap. And my 17 inch monster gets hot! I think I finally found a solution for this though. I have a huge art board I use to sketch on... and I find it holds my laptop well. And since it's made of acrylic plastic, it doesn't transfer heat that easily. So now since my living room is finally put back together and looking decent... I can do some writing!

Or so I hope.

Take tonight. I am finally unwinding from my shower, comfortable after dinner, and taking my Ashley Warrior Fortress Rocker Recliner (they named it that, seriously.....lol) for a spin. And it's super comfortable checking out Miz while watching Homestead Rescue. I even rocked old-lady-style for a long time which helped my muscles tremendously.

And allowed me to write a blog post.

Next week is going to be challenging. I have a trainee all day Monday and I have to go to Olympia straight after work for an appointment. My Oncology/Hemo clinic closed in my small town and now I have to go to the one 30 miles north of where I live. And that's just to get test results.

I'll be working 6 days this week as well... which is already a drag. So it will seem like a nightmare by about Friday when its not really Friday. But I have to push through. Writing will help with that a lot. I've missed having it as an outlet and even having no access to my laptop in that way.

Anyhow... expect to see my PCs kicking around doing new things in the next few days. I'm excited to hop back into the storyline again and continue on with her saga. I'm also going to take some creative license with people who may have vanished from the game altogether to write them out of my PC's storylines. I don't mind doing that if they don't care to be on Miz any longer.

Someone posting.... anyone posting is so much better than post silence.

I'm also going to keep rewards coming for people who achieve. The people that are still here still active are rock stars. It's what is keeping Miz alive. Thank you for that. I said something to people in chat about it... about how much it means to me that people keep posting here.

Anyhow, this is just me being social - checking in - and having a look around.

PS. Anyone dream of free puppies lately? Just curious!

Goss

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[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon II

Postby Gossamer on November 7th, 2023, 1:21 am

Five Things You Need To Stop Doing
If You Are Serious About Changing Your Life


1. Stop Complaining.

Its just an excuse for your ego to stay wounded. Become wise to your struggles. Just move on.

2. Stop Accepting Apologies From People With No Change.

It's called 'Manipulation'.

3. Stop Letting The Opinions of Others Become Your Own.

Your self-worth cannot be defined by anyone other than yourself.

4. Stop Trying To Fit In.

You'll just end up wondering why you didn't stand out.

5. Stop Procrastinating.

Match the time you spend dreaming of a new life with the time you spend chasing it.


This goes for NaNo too! I'm speaking to everyone here, not just individuals. If you want to do it, just shut up and godamn well do it. Don't make excuses. Don't let yourself off the hook. Don't think about it and not follow through. I've been doing this successfully for decades. DECADES. I'm the biggest dumbass I know. If I can do it, you can do it. And I can't begin to explain the feeling of pride you get for accomplishing it. I will help as many people with NaNo as want my help, but I will not badger, harass, beg, complain, or manipulate someone into replying. If you ask me... I'll thread with you (unless you have a PC mine will kill on sight) and respond to your responses or vice versa. But pull your weight. Craft stories for your PC. And if we thread together tell me a story as much as I'm telling you a story. Let's tackle and come out on top of NaNo together keeping in mind the five rules above.

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