Haven't We Met Before? [Seliarus]

[Nidassasyae]

Fall 25

The morning autumn sunshine fell softly upon the caravan of traders, casting them in a silvery golden light. They pulled their cloaks tighter around themselves, the mornings grew chillier by the day. Some rode and some walked, their beasts of burden heavily laden with goods from the elusive tent-city of the Drykas. The humans whistled and chatted amongst themselves, in good spirits at the money the goods would bring them, and happy to be leaving the tent-city for the civilization of Syliras.

Among their number walked a petite young woman. She placed her booted feet gingerly upon the ground with each step, walking with the natural grace of a predator. Unlike the other traders, Nida wore no cloak, seeming to revel in the chilliness of the air. Her glossy hair was pulled back with a leather tie, but her uncovered face was drawn and tired, with dark circles rimming the edges of her slitted eyes. She did not fit in with the human traders, and seemed to be resigned to leaving.

“Wait for me.” A voice whispered in her ear. The Kelvic spun abruptly, her eyes searching frantically for that familiar voice. No one walked beside her. No one wanted to walk with the strange and broken girl, who smeared blue paint on her face and muttered to herself.

Absently, her fingers traced over the wooden flute in her hands. Its surface was worn smooth with time. Her fingertips danced along the holes as though she were playing a song, though Nida did not raise the instrument to her lips. Seliarus wasn’t here to play a song for her, or to ruffle her hair and call her a silly hatchling. He wasn’t here to hold her in his arms when she cried, or to voice the comments dripping with hatred towards humanity.

He’d left her his flute, and left her to die.

[Nidassasyae]

She’d thought it was a sign, a symbol. He never entrusted the instrument to her before, probably knowing full well how she threw her pack around without any thought as to damaging what lay inside. When she’d found it with her belongings, Nida knew he must have left it there intentionally. Did it mean that he was coming back? Or was it a goodbye?

For weeks there had been no sign of him. His scent was lost on the wind, and though she tried to look, the Kelvic could see no trace of the Dhani. Even their Bond would not tell her what she needed to know. She knew he was alive, from the Chevas mark that remained on her neck, but more than that she could not say.
Her mind wandered and lost itself in memories.

"I won't, I won't ever talk like that again. I promise, I swear. Never again."

“Sssnap out of it, Nida!”

"I swear, if you did this to her..."

"Hrssss...I will advise you...To move away, or your little friend here...Might not end exactly well."

The whispers continued on and on in her head, tantalizing and taunting her with the cries of her siblings, her mother, Nehsmay, Seliarus, the slavers, and even her own voice. The cacophony shrieked on and on, filling her with nothing more than rage and fear. The Kelvic wanted to scream, to bite into flesh, to fill the air with the metallic tang of blood. She wanted unrestrained and uncontrolled running, to flee this scene that filled her with remembrance.

Her irises widened dangerously, overtaking the white and covering her eyes with aquamarine rage. The pupils remained as dagger-like slits, and her eyes darted back and forth like a cornered animal. Her hands itched to become claws, her mouth yearned to grow fangs and kill with wild abandon. To become the animal once more, the animal she could never have been around Seliarus. The animal that would have shamed and terrified Nehsmay, the sister she abandoned just this morning.

But the traders were not an easy meal. They had guards with them, hired caravan guards who glared at everyone and everything suspiciously. This would not be a good death. Not at their hands.

The Kelvic struggled to calm down, her strained steps slowing down even more. She would follow the caravan as far as Syliras, and make her own way from there. The loneliness crashed like waves upon her, telling her that she needed a Bondmate. The Kelvic wanted to snarl that she had one, that he’d left her, that there was no use in such things. But it would not listen, and filled her mind with the terrible baying of a thousand hounds, and the shouts of a thousand huntsmen.

You were never the predator. You will always be the prey, only there to feed your enemies.

“Stop” she murmured, unable to silence it.

You must Bond, Kelvic. That is your purpose. To ignore your purpose is to be like a human. You are an animal, you know your place.

“I have a Bondmate!” Her voice grew louder.

A Bondmate who left you. Who abandoned you, bleeding, on the grass. Who cared not a whit for you, and poisoned you with sweet words. What were you to him? A bed-warmer? A guard dog? He took his pleasure from you and tossed you aside like a broken toy.

“No,” Her voice had no more passion to it. The Kelvic sounded resigned. “He loved me.”

Love? You are an animal, Nidassasyae. What use does an animal have for love? What use does a Dhani, who care only for pleasure and blood?

The Kelvic could not answer, she had no strength against the voice. It cackled softly, scraping the inside of her mind with its ear-piercing laughter.

You’re a fool. Your kind does not mate for life, and you are no exception. You were ever the eager pet, eager to please, eager to follow. You’re trash now. Trash until the next one comes along and Bonds with you, and you’ll be the eager pet again.

The Kelvic would not answer, though anger flared deep within her breast. The voice taunted her, trying to elicit a response. But Nida refused, even as the doubts crept further and further into her mind.

Timidly, she allowed herself the barest flash of a memory, as if it could keep the doubts at bay. But they fed upon it, tearing into it, pushing her back down until she hid deep within the recesses of her own mind.

His lips had tasted of sadness in the shadows of the rainforest’s canopy, and the cool darkness of loneliness.

[Seliarus]

Exhaustion. Nights without closing a single eye, moving day and night. Pain. Aching from ripped flesh on his back, and left hand, and his heart. Sorrow. The returning feeling of leaving the One thing he treasured most. Hate. To the humans who did it, and towards himself, because he allowed it. Madness. The taste of the bitter-sweet blood still laid on his pale hands. Thirst. The blood, which remained on his lips, called out for more. There was a naked man dragging himself across the long, endless Sea of grass. A man, who had an arrow stuck in his back, together with a few pieces of flesh missing on his back, and some more hanging just by a threat on his body. The bleeding finally stopped. The same wound was inflicted on his left hand, where the missing flesh was even easier to notice. The pale skinned man looked like a moving corpse, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, but his back was bended slightly forward, and his arms hung lifelessly from their sockets. His fingers, were coloured red, where the dried off blood still remained. He didn't wash. Around his mouth, nose, chin and neck, a quite large amount of dried blood rested as well. The man's tongue occasionally slid out of his mouth, and went to taste the blood. The only mean he had for days. If the Dhani in his human form, would have any sanity left, he'd take a rest. he'd sit down, and take care of his wounds. He'd pray to Siku and ask her for help. He would wait, and try to mend his body. Take care of it. Dispose of the hanging flesh, take a bath. Maybe remove the arrow stuck in his back and then continue his trip. But, no. He didn't. He couldn't. He'd rather die than stop just for a second, and rest. No. As long as he still drew breath, he was going to advance. To the only goal that was set in-front his eyes.... Nidassasyyae. He had no strength left. Pure will-power controlled his un-coordinated steps. More like a drunk, he straggled across the endless grass, which gave a feeling, that it was cutting his legs with each step. And the burning! No wounds could inflict such pain. The Chevas mark he got. The mark he got, because he swore never to leave her. Look at him now. Regretting every moment of going away from her side. The physical pain was almost a bandage over the pain he really felt. In his cold, dark heart. Never was he the right person to open up. He was a Dhani, not a human. Yet, the same feelings of pain coursed trough his body now. He was weak. He was human! But. He couldn't care less now. By Siku's will, he did what he could back then, in the camp of the slavers. By Siku's command, he stroke down with vengeance, filled with hate and blood. Yes, Siku, his goddess whom he praised. He hoped she was satisfied. But, now. Now, he didn't want to stop. if he would stop, THAT would be acting like a human. The humans always give up! Run away! Turn their backs! never finish something! It'sss their fault! The Dhani yelled out, on the top of his lungs. The hissing sound echoed trough the grass. Yet, Sel heard nothing. He didn't stop. He didn't look around if someone heard, or saw him. He could care less. He had to get to his Bondmate. He had to get to Nida. He had to find her. But she was no longer in Endrykas. He checked there. As the Dhani walked, he dragged something behind him. The backpack, with his belongings. He couldn't set it on his back, as the pain would positively kill it. He could only drag it behind him, and hope the leather wouldn't rip. Then again, he couldn't care less. He never needed it. He needs nothing, but two things. His faith, and his love. "Wait for me..." He whispered again, his coal black eyes revealing the mist that hid in his eyes.

[Nidassasyae]

You’re just a broken toy. Don’t you understand? You’re nothing to him! the voice shrieked and howled with laughter.

The Kelvic had no strength left against it. She let it batter her into submission, trudging wearily forwards. She regretted everything she’d done. She regretted letting herself become the pet, and yet wished with all her heart she could become it once more. Nida was a Kelvic. It was her fate to serve, just as it was her lot to be alone once more.

Pain.

Its familiar presence entered her mind, blasting away any thoughts of self pity or doubt. There was no room for these trivial things. It scoured her clean, ripping away emotions to lay bare her tired mind. And once it had done that, it attacked her.

Nida fell to her knees, unable to withstand it. It was as if a dam had suddenly been broken, and the river of exquisite pain flooded through the Bond into her… Through the Bond! If Nida hadn’t been on her hands and knees, putting all of her strength into not screaming, she would have cried out in joy! The Bond was still there! It had remained silent, with only faint disturbances on its borders, for the past few weeks. But now it returned in full force, shoving the pain and desperation of her partner at her.

He doesn’t want you!

If she could have given a second thought to her own emotions, Nida would have waltzed straight up to Seliarus and slapped him, as the voice urged her to do. It wanted her to hurt him. It never wanted her to listen to anyone else but it. But Nida was a Kelvic, and once she felt her Bondmate in pain, nothing else mattered, for the moment. She could forgive him anything, never mind what the voice told her. Like a loyal dog, she would always return to her master. She always had to believe the best of him. Just like any dog.

You’re just a female. A plaything!

That voice. Her ears picked up a faint cry somewhere behind her. Was it him? The Kelvic didn’t know, but she couldn’t take that chance. Her feet were suddenly sprinting, carrying her closer to the source of that sound. Faster and faster, until her breath came in ragged gasps and pants. But still she ran, because she had to. Because her goal was almost in sight.

Stupid girl! Returning to your master, like a common dog! That is what you are, a common bitch, returning to her alpha!

He was trudging along slowly, mindlessly, almost as if the life had left his body and his shell continued to keep moving. There was only the barest flicker of life in those black eyes. Panicked, the Kelvic ran on, stopping only when he was a hand’s breadth away from her.

“Sel!” She gasped. “Sel, what happened to you?” The Kelvic immediately began ripping the hem of her cloak, trying to fashion makeshift bandages. Her voice trembled with pent up emotions: Anger, disbelief, pain, and relief.

[Seliarus]

His thoughts were focused into one thing only. He repeated the sentence over and over again. 'Just one more step.' 'Just one more step.' But he couldn't. It was like he couldn't even breath any more. Like the very same venom, that coursed trough his system, turned on him, and back-stabbed him. Just like he did. Everything around him was blurry. No real picture could be formed. only the dark green grass was seen waving around, carelessly, not even bothering to help the Dhani. Yes, nature was there before him. Nature will be there after he is gone. The true power. But not him. No, he was weak. He let himself get hurt. And now he is paying for it. With every step. With every breath. With every move. All of his muscles, all of his joints, all of his fibre in his body. Everything did hurt. Everything ached so much, it became numb. Numb from all that happened. And soon after, numbness took over his mind as well. He couldn't see any more. He didn't hear any more. He was but a standing corpse now. A corpse who broke the only promise which he tried to hold. His chevas mark kept burning, though. And, all of a sudden, he could feel a familiar feeling growing stronger. Just as when you're cold, a cup of warm rum warms you up, the feeling which returned, served as a rejuvenation. He knew that feeling. He wanted that feeling. But he couldn't even tell from which direction it came. One could ride towards him now, with thirty horses, and the Dhani wouldn't know it. He just kept walking. He had to get to his goal. He promised. He needed. Yes, the kelvic talked to him. She talked in full sentences to him. But all he could hear is a buzzing sound, with the occasional clear tone. Nothing but a shade of blue and pink-ish orange was seen in-front of him, even though she was standing right there. All he had to do, is reach out with his hand, and she would be in his arms again. Just one move, and this Nightmare would be over. He could of forget this all, if he would only move. But he couldn't. The pale human, which now looked like even more starved and dehydrated that usual, fell to his knees. His sightless eyes gazed into the blurred vision of his Bondmate, without even recognising her. But, he spoke. Slowly. Painfully. As if squeezing the last drops of life for those few words. "I am sssorry...Sssso sssorry...I regret...But I had to...Only now I see...What I did...Pleassse...Forgive me..." He whispered. He had no strength left. His will was no longer strong enough to support all of his worries. His hate. Yes, he hated himself. This all. His whole acting was a failure. He died! And he lost her! Where was she? Could she really forgive him? No, she couldn't. Maybe because of the bond, yes. But she couldn't. "Oh...Sssiku...How could I ...lossse...Your gift...How could I do that...Only now I sssee...." The numbness slowly faded. But Sel was still in his own little world. Searching for his bondmate, even though she was right there.

[Nidassasyae]

See how he uses you? You’ll patch him up, set him right, and he’ll leave you again. He’ll leave as soon as he’s finished with you, because he knows you’ll do anything for him, the voice thundered, panicking as Nida stoically ignored it.

“Don’t you dare die, Seliarus! “ the Kelvic demanded, ripping strips from her cloak. Funny, how those words seemed to keep finding themselves rolling off her tongue. “Apologise later. Just stay awake!” The Kelvic was no healer, but she’d watched Nehsmay bind enough wounds to know the general idea of what to do.

You don’t know what you’re doing. You’ll kill him!

With the long strips of black fabric in her hands, she wound them around Seliarus’ left hand, wincing at the wounds she saw there. But the real horror was the arrow currently sticking out of his back. She wanted to wring her hands in panic. What was she supposed to do with that? Pull it out? Keep it there? What was supposed to happen? What would Nehsmay do?

Nehsmay would pull it out. She wouldn’t be frightened. But you, you’re weak. You’ll leave it there, you don’t want to hurt him, even if it will save him.

Nida gritted her teeth and steeled her mind. She placed herself behind Seliarus, kneeling, one hand on his shoulder, the other hovering over the arrow shaft. “Sel, Sel I have to pull this out. It’s going to hurt. I’m sorry, but I have to do this. Please try not to move,” her voice was hoarse with fear and tension. So many things could go wrong. Remembering the bottle of the pain-killing draught that Zeal had given her, Nida pulled it from her pack and pressed it to Seliarus’ lips. There was precious little liquid left there, but she hoped that It might help.

Her hands did not shake as she drew the arrow from his body, pulling the blood-coated weapon from his back and throwing it to the grass. Nida pressed a wad of cloth on top of it, and tied the bandages around the wound tightly. Now she allowed her hands to shake, trembling with fear and adrenaline. Seliarus could not die. She wouldn’t let him.

You can’t save him.

Her body sled was out of her pack and assembled in a matter of seconds, her hands shaking as she worked. The Kelvic carefully placed her Bondmate on the sled, making sure to secure him to it with more strips of cloth. She shifted, and suddenly a huge leopard the size of a horse was staring down at the Dhani. The Kelvic gripped the handle of the sled, and pulled. He was so light, hardly a burden for a beast of her size. Swiftly the Kelvic carried him the short distance back to Endrykas.

In a matter of seconds, she’d shifted back, gasping for breath. Nida was exhausted and dizzy, but she pulled the sled to a familiar grouping of tents. “Help!” she cried. “Please!” A number of Drykas healers poked their heads outside of the tents, curious to see who came calling. One quickly hurried over, paled, and helped Nida drag Seliarus inside.

In the space of a few seconds, the healers were a flurry of activity. They readied needles, alcohol, thread, and other medical contraptions that Nida had never seen before. They seemed to forget the young woman kneeling by their patient. She kept perfectly still, not wanting to be ushered out of the tent. Nida wished she could have found Zeal, the Drykas who had healed her, but he was nowhere in sight.

The healers worked feverishly on Seliarus’ wounds, bandaging them and cleansing them, but Nida was witness to none of it. Overcome by stress and exhaustion, the Kelvic had fallen asleep kneeling beside Seliarus, her head resting on his cot and his right hand held in hers.

[Seliarus]

He heard a voice in the back of his head. A voice telling him not to move. Funny, really. Even if he could move, he couldn't. He didn't even feel his muscles, let alone move them. His Bondmate was doing her best to save him. She was breaking herself over. But he didn't note anything. He fell face first in the grass, and allowed his body to be played with for all he cared. Now, every other living being would scream out as the arrow got ripped out. But, not he. Sel couldn't. His mist-covered eyes simply watched the dirt. Once she placed him on the sled, Sel was no longer present. He passed out, and didn't know of anything. And as the healers worked on patching him up, Sel didn't even move a muscle. Not until for several hours after the operation. Sel lost all feeling of time. He didn't know how much time had passed. He didn't know, at first, how he actually got into this tent. Why was he dressed in a white robe? Why was his body hurting like being brought back to life? But a light shinned in the back of the Dhani head. All of a sudden, all the blurry images he couldn't understand, all the buzzing sounds that had no meaning, and all the touches he didn't feel...All of that was perfectly clear. Everything returned. His eyes opened in an instant, as he forced himself to sit up, only to be greeted with a immense amount of pain on his back. But, as he finally sat on the straw bed, he saw his saviour. Lying there besides him. She saved him, even though he left her. Why? He wasn't worth it... He used whatever strength there was in his body, and pulled Nida up, to him in his lap. Slowly, so she wouldn't wake up. But even if she would wake up, once he'd succeed, he'd wrap his arms around her body, and pressing her against him. Softly, as he couldn't really move much, and every fibre still hurt. But, he could live with that. he found her. He finally found her.

[Nidassasyae]

She dreamed she was running. Running far far away from the voice and from Them. But the voice guided her, helped her, saved her from Them. She didn’t need to worry about Them constantly, when the voice would do that for her. The voice took care of her.

--

Nida started awake suddenly as she felt herself being pulled upwards. There was a time when she would have given anything for him to pull her into his arms, and that time had been weeks ago, when she still grieved over him as if he’d died.

Now he’ll be kind to you. He’ll embrace you and care for you. He’ll whisper sweet things into your ear and brush kisses on your lips. And once he’s done with you and you’ve outlived your usefulness for the time being, he’ll leave.

No, the Kelvic thought, allowing herself to be pressed against his body. He won’t.

But he has! Why can’t he do it again? What qualms could he possibly have, since he’s already done it before?

Nida stiffened, reminded of those weeks of pining after someone she never knew if she’d see again. Waiting and searching, trying to understand why he left her. Trying to understand why she still cared. With the utmost caution and gentleness, Nida carefully extricated herself from her Bondmate’s arms. “Please Sel,” she’d say, if he tried to resist.

Good girl. Though you’ll have to do better. You’re only rational when you think your feelings are hurt. Hah! As if an animal like you has feelings!

Solemnly, the young woman clambered off the cot and knelt by its side. She’d shifted so quickly, that she’d forgotten to put her clothes back on when she’d arrived at the tent. If Sel watched her, he might notice the angry scar stretching across her lower abdomen. It was a new one, courtesy of the Glassbeak. The Kelvic pulled on her tunic and leggings, leaving her boots in her pack, and simply knelt there. As if she was waiting for something.

So weak. So incapable of picking yourself up. He’ll have to do that for you, and you’ll thank him for it. You’ll thank him for doing something that you should be able to do. But you’re just a silly little girl. Just a silly little bitch running back to her master, hoping for a pat and a twisted semblance of love.

The Kelvic strove to ignore the voice, but it beat itself against the walls of her mind, shrieking to be heard, to be obeyed. It won a small victory, as her blank expression grew the slightest bit pained.

“You left me.”

[Seliarus]

Due to his resting after the operation, he didn't feel exhausted as much as he did before. And, even though everything still did hurt him, it was on a lower scale than before. Be it because of the painkillers, or because of the fact that he got stitched up and wrapped in bandages. Be it as it was, he felt a tad better. But, everything he'd experience in the previous hours blurred into nothing, in comparisment to the three words that Nida now spoke out. The three words, that were the truth, and nothing more than the blunt truth. He did. And even though he would of never done such a thing, because he promised, he still did it. And there was no use of crying over what happened. Nothing would change the fact that he betrayed her trust. But...She had to know. She had to hear out his side of the story. Then, if she still wanted to leave him... But he hated telling this story. He never told this story to anyone. Even thinking about it made him feel grim and angry. But, yes. It was nothing but a story for him. It never happened. At least, that's what he kept saying to himself. He took a deep breath. "When I was but a hatcsshling, I had three sssiblingsss. A sssissster, and two brothersss." He started to speak. But, it was obvious he didn't feel good speaking about those things. She had to know what caused this hatred for humans. "When we were little...Yesss, when our mother ssstill called usss ssssilly little hatchlingsss...We went outssside our Nessst, to hunt little thingsss. But, they came. With netsss, and cagesss, and long metalic weaponsss. They hunted usss...Like little animalsss." He looked into her eyes. "We, Dhani. Hunt to sssurvive. Hunt to eat. Like a true animal. But they...They hunt out of boredom. Out of fun! They never needed usss dead. But they were afraid of us. Afraid. Ssso they ssstarted to kill! Firssst my two brothersss died by their hands...In a sssmall cage they locked them. And run ssswords trough the cage. They never could do anything. Humiliation. My sssissster...Ssshe tried to defend herself. But ssshe asss well...Didn't make it out alive. I...Yesss...I managed to run away. Managed to hide back in my Nessst. But my sssiblingsss didn't." He finished, looking away now, and sighed deeply. "When the...Glasssbeak fell. I sssaw your injury. Yesss. But I alssso sssaw...Well...Felt...A ssslaver caravan. Who captured and chained another Dhani. I...I couldn't let you risssk your health, and come with me. You were injured. Badly. I had to bring you sssomewhere you could get help. And after I did...I had to go. No, run. Memoriesss, Nida. I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't sssimply leave him there to die." He then looked back at her. His cold, emotionless eyes, looked like they'd break into an emotional breakdown of tears. His cold heart, beating like mad from the recreation of the scenery. It was a horrid scene to remember. "I never wanted to leave you...But you needed help. And I had to act."

[Nidassasyae]

What a pretty story. No doubt that his tale, combined with the severity of his wounds, has successfully garnered your sympathies. This is the part where you start crying, and beg him to take you back, weakling.

The Kelvic returned his gaze sadly but unwaveringly. His story had garnered her sympathy, as the voice had mocked, but she wouldn’t give it the victory of seeing her react as it thought she would. Nida simply knelt there beside him and tentatively threaded her fingers through his. He needed comfort, that much was obvious from the despair that flowed through the Bond. But that was all the comfort she was willing to give.

He left you! The voice seemed to crow in delight. He saw a slaver caravan and dropped you quick as can be. So much for promises.

When he dropped his gaze from hers, she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. The Kelvic let him explain to her what had happened, listening carefully to her Bondmate. Her face betrayed no emotion but concern, there was no hint of anger or distrust in her features.

“You did what you had to do,” she whispered softly. “I forgive you, I’d forgive you anything. I’d kill for you, I’d die for you, I’d do whatever you need me to do. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t expect things from you, or from anyone. I expected to die there.”

And you expected him to stay with you, to care for you. You expected him to be there when you woke up, to stroke your hair and comfort you. Why don’t you say it out loud?

Nida shook her head slightly, acknowledging the voice. She could feel his eyes on her again, those dark and familiar orbs that never seemed to hold emotion. Why did they carry sadness and shame now? The Kelvic felt incapable of understanding, her mind felt hollow and numb, almost mechanical. She still moved as Nida would, still spoke, but there was no depth to it.

Tentatively she attempted a smile, the corner of her mouth pulling up into a crooked half-grin. The Kelvic failed terribly, the expression on her face appearing halfway between a smile and a grimace.

You’re a terrible actress.

Nida wiped the expression off her face, returning to the original bland expression. She watched him from under hooded eyes, rimmed with dark circles from the nightmares.
“So where do we go from here?”