Why me? (Solo)

[Cailet]

Timestamp: 15th of Fall, 511.
Place: Lhavit

The muscles, how they burned.

With her grip on the staff spaced a hand-width apart, Cailet held the weapon in front of her and parallel to the ground. Her feet were spread to shoulders width, her back straight and squared as she tried to make it look like she effortlessly held the staff at arms length. The sweat that glistened at her brow and the visible shaking of her muscles gave wind to how much effort the posture actually took.

The exercise was one of mind as well as body. Though her arms protested their position, Cailet had to push the pain of the overworked muscles to the back of her mind. Though every Shinya had to learn Projection, Cailet never much enjoyed it; instead, she had simply learned as much as was required and then, for the most part, let her training fall by the wayside. However, it had become obvious to the woman that this was a weakness; one too many ‘rule breakers’ had tasted the victory of escape because Cailet’s physical body had limited her. And so the nagging question formulated in her mind: Why learn something if you’re not going to master it? But another question also formulated: What do I still care?

It was always the hardest when she hadn’t practiced in a while, finding that place where she could access her Djed with little effort. There wasn’t much to the whole process, as she simply closed her eyes and let her mind empty until she felt the familiar tingling rush up her spine, as if cold fingers were pressed against her skin. As the weeks ticked into a month and then two and the young woman still avoided practicing, Cailet knew that should she let her skills go unexercised, like muscles they too would atrophy.

How to begin after so long left neglected? That was the hardest part. So, instead of struggling with accessing the Djed itself right off the bat, Cailet engrossed herself in the goal she had for it. Slowly and very purposefully, she focused her attention on her right shoulder. Since she had no intention of ripping her astral arm from her physical one, the process was slow, starting at the shoulder joint and trickling down to her elbow as she slowly peeled the astral arm away, much like an orange rind from it’s fleshy interior. The process was paired with an odd sort of ‘awareness’, or lack there of; a sharp intake of breath broke the silence of the room as the projection of her upper arm completed, leaving her with no feeling from shoulder to elbow.

With sensation went control of the entire arm as well; the muscles in the lower arm depended on those in the upper. The staff she held before her began to keel to the right almost immediately. Since the projection was not yet complete, there was no way for Cailet to catch the falling staff as her physical arm gave out. As quickly as she dared, before her weapon went clattering to the floor, Cailet continued to the projection from elbow to wrist and from wrist to fingertips. Once the projection was complete, the staff wobbled for a few moments before she regained control of the astral arm, which maintained a firm hold where her hand used to be; it now hung limply by her side, completely usless until physical and astral were bonded once more.

Quickly beginning to tire, Cailet worked the same process on her left arm. Never had she used so much Djed at once; just like muscles that aren’t exercised and then exerted, so did the Djed begin to chaff as her mind began to tire with the exertion. Though it felt like an eternity, it was only a chime or two before the staff was seemingly floating in front of the young woman of it’s own accord.When both arms were successfully separated from their physical selves, it was time for the real exersice to begin. Being able to project a part of your body was pointless if you couldn’t use it for more than what you were physically capable of, right?

The goal was a wicker basket she had placed thirty yards away. For any other Shinya this would be childs play… for Cailet, failure was an imminent threat. Taking a deep breath to calm herself and steady her resolve, Cailet slowly began to stretch her invisible djed-arms out from her body, stretching them while they maintained their grasp on the staff towards the basket. The goal was to keep the weapon steady the entire distance before gently placing it into the basket. Others her skill level could pick up multiple things in one projected hand, twisting the reality of the limb to fit their needs, whether it be ten fingers or three separate hands. Cailet could barely extend her reach. How pitiful.

With only a few yards to go, the staff tumbled from those invisible fingers. Cursing, Cailet focused and caught the wooden shaft before it clattered to the floor. Minor success. A small fumble was nothing to be ashamed of, as she was able to stretch the remaining yardage and let the staff tumble into the basket, but yet Cailet felt like an absolute failure. Clearly she had made a mistake these past months; not only did she find little to no enjoyment in the skill, but she had allowed herself a weakness.

The reattachment process took about as much time as the detachment and was of moderate success; the little finger on her left hand was still completely numb and the mental exercise as well as the effort of holding the staff parallel to the ground for so long left Cailet winded and unable to raise her arms back into their extended position. The workout was clearly over.

Tougher on herself than anyone else could possibly be, the young woman retrieved her staff, only to leave it with a clatter in the corner of her room. Having risen from the noon rest period only an hour before, Cailet had decided to take her training in her quarters rather than seeking out an empty training room. The benefits of this were that now that she was finished, she could tumble back into bed and pretend she didn’t exist.

Even the strongest women succumbed to a little self pity every once and a while. Pressing a pillow over her head to block out any light that made it’s way through her little window, Cailet turned over onto her stomach and tried to lose herself in more sleep.

This isn’t healthy, you know. The childish little voice echoed in her mind, more than a conscious but still speaking the truths that Cailet would rather avoid. You’re going to have to fix this.

“I know.” It should have been a snarl, the temper that the young Shinya usually possessed flaring whenever things didn’t go exactly according to her plan, but instead the pair of words was breathed with a small sigh of defeat.

[Cailet]

It was always the same whenever she entered into the kitchens: Those intimidated by her lowered their eyes, while those who thought them better than her whispered behind their hands, and those that thought they were tougher than her boldly met her gaze, a challenge written in every tense line of their body. Nowhere did a single friendly gaze lift to hers. It was a wonder why she kept looking, a futile hope that just reinforced the wall around her heart with every disappointment.

Taking her food to the only empty table, which was of course in the corner, Cailet settled down to her usual solitary meal. Well, semi-solitary; Amanda and those shadows were as constant companions as constant could get, and they all seemed to gang up on her, too.

You should have punched that one in the face, the way he snarled. Why did you back down?

What our master saw… such a weakling… hasn’t given any important information in weeks…

Don’t listen to them.. well.. I mean, they have a point but… don’t listen to them…

The little girl that hovered somewhere between her conscious mind and the dream world was the easiest target; Easy to envision, as she saw her every time she closed her eyes, Cailet had talked herself into believing it ‘less creepy’ to address something kinda-not there rather than the shadowy clingers that were everywhere yet had no salient body.

“Just leave me be. If you- all of you- aren’t going to give me something helpful to work off of, then just shut up” Her voice was lowered to a practiced whisper. Even though Cailet took the pains to cover her constant talking to things that weren’t there, her reputation of the “Crazy One” spread none the less. It was part of the reason why she received such cold welcomes; People tend to shun what they can’t understand.

If you gave us something helpful, we’d give you something helpful. The shadow that lingered under her seat seemed to be the snarkiest of them all, sending all the other shadows sniggering with it’s quick response. Amanda was of little use during the daylight hours. Unable to unwilling to manifest, the little ghost girl was just that… a little girl. Used to getting comfort rather than giving, there was no point in Cailet looking to her for such.

“Help me help you.” There was no point arguing but Cailet just couldn’t let it have the last word. Trying to ignore the resulting jab, she tucked into her food with very little vigor. It was all getting to her.

Cailet grew up alone. Her mother cared for her as little more than as a servant while they traveled. As soon as Cailet was old enough to walk she was doing chores that only increased in amount, as she grew older. A time came when the only time Cailet saw her mother was as she dragged a man into the tent her daughter had erected for her and in the wagon seat before she was shut into the back of the carriage. It was a hard life.

Lhavit, and the Shinya specifically, was the first thing that Cailet had ever experienced that was anything close to a home or a family. She had jumped on the opportunity, taking all the latent anger and hurt that had come from her stolen childhood into becoming “The Best Shinya Ever.” It was a child’s dream, but she accomplished it to a marginal degree. Her fellow Shinya were definitely wary of her, not only because she talked to ghosts (they didn’t know Amanda was real or how close to the truth they were in their gossips) or because she had forgone any kind of social life to practice, practice, practice… but because she was hard. Cailet stuck to the rules like they were tattooed onto her body, she enforced the laws of the city to a T, even turning in her own fellow Shinya in the process. Only one, Dhatzu, had managed to befriend her in all the years she had been in Lhavit. Only Dhatzu. But that was so many years ago, and he had ended up disappearing…

Shoving away from the table, Cailet left her tray where it was and stalked from the kitchen. Of course, eyes followed her exit, as they always did, and the room erupted with chatter as soon as she left. The woman was a celebrity of sorts, that was true, but if only it was for a better reason.

Tired of being simultaneously ogled, ignored and teased, Cailet found herself in needing time to herself. She was due to be on watch in a bell and was surprised to find she also didn’t care. What was happening to her? And when did she get so angry?

Almost to prove her point, the door to her room was slammed open with the help of the toe of her boot; she didn’t even remember climbing the two flights of stairs to her floor nor the trek down the hallway that lead to her room. For someone who was alert and scheduled to the second, Cailet was verifiably falling apart at the seams.

Clothes were removed and tossed to the floor where they stayed in a crumpled heap. Not even caring to step over them on her way to the bed, Cailet trampled the clean whites with an almost vindictive stomp of her heels; as if her Shinya uniform was to blame for all of her recently discovered unhappiness.

With no word to the questions, eager from the Shadows and concerned from Amanda, Cailet climbed back into bed for the second day in a row and found bliss in the dark oblivion.

[Cailet]

As a child, Lhavit had given Cailet everything she needed, wanted, and more, filling those most basic cravings of an abandoned child alone in a strange, yet beautiful, place. As an adult, the city, its people, and her part in it all left her lacking. It was a new, uncomfortable feeling.

Surprisingly, no one had come knocking on her door after she had missed her scheduled shift; she had slept straight through all the rest periods into the morning, odd for a Lhavtvian who was used to the cities unique blocks of waking and resting hours. It was with a start that she woke, the soft morning rays piercing the glass of the window across from her bed. The fingers of light shattered against the pane, setting the room awash with a soft glow as the sunny splinters tried to reach even the furthest corner.

Lifting her arm to rub the sleep from her eyes was a battle; the hours of inactivity while she slept left her muscles stiff and unresponsive, each movement felt like the appendage had a twenty pound weight tied too it. Standing up and slipping on her clothes was no easier, leaving Cailet feeling tired and less than inspired. The thought of just flopping back down and ignoring the world for a few more hours had never seemed more appealing to the get-up-and-go woman. In fact, she was on the verge of doing so when the little voice piqued in her head.

You should play with me. It was a statement rather than a question. If Cailet had been able to see Amanda, she was sure the little girl would either have her hands placed haughtily on her hips, demanding her way, or plying her case with an almost undeniable pout.

“I don’t really feel like it.” In her own rooms, Cailet had no problem talking to the things no one else could see; there was no one here to judge her, to laugh and point as she walked past, muttering to herself. Her room was a safe zone.

Though the little girl had plagued her for longer than she could remember, her invisible and invaluable friend on the lonely roads of her childhood, Cailet nevertheless was used to ignoring her in her adult years. A comment or two here, a frolic down memory lane in her dreams every once and a while seemed to make the mysterious little girl happy enough. The time had long passed since Cailet stopped questioning her ghostly companions presence; in fact, she didn’t even like to think of it as a ghost. Stern and less than playful, Cailet liked to think that Amanda was the repressed part of her imagination breaking free, a figment of her own mind rather than something more. It is truly amazing how ones own mind can lie so convincingly to ones own heart. Had Cailet looked deeper than her excuses, she would have found the truth. Perhaps she knew that, and was scared.

You never want to play anymore. You never come visit me either, down by the pond. Come play with me! The last sentence rang with strong command, making the young woman’s ears hurt from the inside. Clapping her hands over them as if she could block out the sound causing such discomfort, Cailet scowled and rose from the bed. There would be no more resting for her today.

“I don’t know what you want. I can’t control my dreams, girl. It’s not like you’re the most sought after companion, always whining and agreeing with those shadows.” It was true. Amanda was a young ghost and would have been in her early twenties had she not died. She hadn’t the worldly experience or wisdom to be of real use to Cailet. But Amanda knew what she was and what she was capable of. She tried to help, and though her comments and observations had developed into semi-helpful things of note over the years, they were still a far cry from anything worthwhile. There was simply still too much child in her.

Don’t talk to me like that. It’s your fault I’m stuck here. You stupid head. And with one last rattle of the things inside Cailets head, the girls presence was gone. Stuck here? What on earth did she mean? And where did this sudden change come from? Why was everything changing?

Frustrated and now with a headache, Cailet bent to retrieve her shoes as she pondered the implications of these new discoveries. For as long as Amanda had been around, she had been consistent, as much a creature of habit as Cailet was. Mostly, she seemed to be there for the ride, almost as if she was a little parrot sitting on the young woman’s shoulder, a companion rather than anything else. She appeared when Cailet slept (It only made sense. As a figment of her imagination, Amanda would run wild when she had the least control over her mind, right?) and was mostly quiet during the daylight hours, unless the shadows were giving her hell and then usually she spoke up, adding her own little quips to the dozens that already pummelled her from the darkness.

But since Cailet had changed, lost her motivation or will you could say, Amanda had seemed more… agitated. She talked more and was happy less, demanding things of the woman that she never had before. Talk to me, Play with me, Listen to me. It was weird.

The sun had risen fully into the sky by the time Cailet made it out of the Pavilion. Since she had missed her shift, hours of leisure stretched before her unless she was otherwise called before the Shinsa for questioning. Assuming that would have happened by now, Cailet found herself with more free time than she could remember having in years... and with a complete loss as to what to do with it.

Immediately a stroll came to mind. On her patrols of the wall and the city squares, Cailet often wished she could take some time to enjoy the view, explore some of the shops she passed every single day for years and had yet to enter, to mingle with those on break in the Surya Plaza. Deciding that the Plaza would be moderately full at this hour, that was where she headed first.

The wind, as always, was brisk. As high as they were and with the air so thin, it was never a surprise when the weather was nippy. However, more than used to it, Cailet barely blinked an eye. Her uniform had been left in it’s pile on the floor and instead she was clad in a rather fitting set of breeches and a tunic, leather shoes made for moderate amounts of walking laced up over the breeches and to her knees. It was her daywear, provided by the Shinya just for her, made to fit her precisely when she had been inducted into the order half a dozen years ago. This was the first time she had worn them.

Squinting as the sun hit her face, Cailet headed to the left and down the immaculately kept street. The first thing she noticed was it was more crowded than she was used too. Had she chosen a bad time? Was this some kind of break-time rush to go shopping? Grunting as an older man elbowed her in the ribs as he trundled past, a large crate of foodstuffs in his arms, Cailet allowed herself to be shunted off the side of the road where she could catch her bearings. What was going on?

Only belatedly did she realize that no one was staring at her nor were they quickly averting their eyes when she turned her gaze their way. No, instead she was completely invisible and clearly in peoples way. No longer did the crowds part for her, strangers giving her a wide berth because of her station and her Shinya whites. No one recognized her! At first, she was stung by the thought that simply changing her clothes rendered her unimportant but the hurt quickly dissipated as she realized this is what she had been aching for: to be treated like an equal. Here on the streets, you were just another person making their way through their duties. People assumed you were no one special. A rare and fleeting smile creased the young woman’s lips as she watched her new peers meander past. With no longer a hesitation in her step, Cailet slipped back into the crowd and was swept off down the street. And she couldn’t have been more pleased.

[Cailet]

The novelty of being lost amidst the jostling crowd quickly wore off; it wasn’t long before Cailet’s temper started to wear thin and she was forced to bite down on the inside of her lip to keep from shouting. Anything she said would have come out as a command and the results would have been questionable. It was hard to say whether the mass of people would have responded to the tone of authority her voice had taken to carrying naturally over the years or if they would have ignored her completely. Who knows which would have affected her worse?

Ducking out of the crowd at the next alleyway she spotted, Cailet backed away towards one of the gleaming buildings. She straightened her clothes and reached to make sure that her hair was still adequately secured in its bun at the top of her head. Left over agitation from being stuck in the middle of the crowd left the young woman shifting from foot to foot and fidgeting, almost like a falcon after a long flight as they tried to get all their feathers to lay flat. Cailet hadn’t realized how much she disliked being stuck in the middle of a large crowd until she was there.

There were side routes to the Plaza; small, less used alleys that were mostly shadows. Being one so gifted by Akajia, Cailet’s gaze was able to easily penetrate the pool of darkness that clung to the foot of the buildings, noticing the litter that covered the ground that had been overlooked here. Clearly these side streets were much less used. Just

With her lip curled back in disdain the young woman stepped around what looked to be a decomposing carcass of a rodent, the enchantment she had felt at the idea of seeing the city in this new light quickly evaporating. In fact, that new, but increasingly familiar, feeling of disappointment and discontentment was starting to creep back in. For Cailet, the beauty of her city had been tarnished as soon as she was able to pierce the shadows and was made aware of the stink and grime that lingered just out of sight at every turn. It wasn’t just garbage that fouled Lhavit; once the Shadows began their whisperings, their hints useful at first as she acclimated to her new gifts, directing her towards the dirty secrets she hadn’t noticed before. Of course, her “friends” had become less and less helpful as time went on, telling her she had to prove her worthiness if she wanted their continued friendship. That simply meant she needed to wade through more trash, more lies, more secrets.

However, it was like a drug. Something latent within the woman, that Akajia had clearly seen, was awoken when the mark of a Nightstalker was branded between her shoulder blades. As much as Cailet wanted the innocence and the beauty of her city back she knew that it was gone, replaced with this inexplicable need to know.

Cailet had never been nosy; or rather, her mother had punished her for any kind of question, show of curiosity or snooping that she saw. Being a very private woman who lived a life not fit for a child to see or even be around, that much she knew and tried to spare her daughter from what she could. It was a caring gesture, but apparently Fieora wasn’t caring enough to stop completely for the sake of her child.

Those suppressed curiosities had left Cailet meek and quite, preferring to listen than ask questions, to watch rather than participate. It made her a good Shinya in the long run, one who followed the rules without balking and defended the law without question. But it didn’t leave her much in the way of friendships or relationships, that was for sure, so when this curiosity erupted from her, freed by the Goddess and her minions, it was beyond Cailet’s control to reign it in; she was slave to it now.

Having reached the Plaza without realizing it, Cailet stopped short and just in time too, as she was about to walk face first in the side of a vendors cart. The man was watching her suspiciously, as she had rounded the back of his wagon and had a vacant look on her face. Was she trying to steal? Was she crazy?

Cailet noticed none of the sideways glances, as she’d had an epiphany of sorts. Why she hadn’t seen it before, she didn’t know. As a whole, Cailet wasn’t one for deep and thoughtful self-analysis, digging no deeper into her inner workings than her base needs and wants, denying the more subtle nuances of her being. It was no wonder she hadn’t the intuition to notice why she was unsatisfied; to put it simply, she was bored.

The discovery was groundbreaking for the young woman. It quite literally stopped her in her tracks. Always were the shadows chattering wherever she went; not always at her, but to themselves or to others of their kind- whatever they were. Cailet had learned to largely ignore them but there was always a faint buzzing in the background. Now, she heard nothing; not the crowd, the shadows, or the vendor asking her what she wanted or if he could help her with anything- all polite ways of saying, “get lost”.

Much to the Vendors relief, Cailet came too enough to pick her way towards an empty bench that was nestled in a pocket made by the conversion of two walls of two adjacent buildings. It was turned away from the main Plaza, the walls acting as a sound barrier of sorts so when she sat, Cailet was able to further ensconce herself in quiet.

How had she been so blind? Really, she had thought herself to be smart, clever even, able to out think or out wit (if she really wanted) anyone around her. And yet a toddler could have pointed out the root of her problems. Though the last few days had been the worst, for close to a fortnight now, Cailet had been discontent. Nothing brought even a little enjoyment or sense of purpose like it used to, but she had ignored it hoping that it would go away or thinking perhaps it was just her time of the month again.

But that Lhavit itself was the problem never occurred to her. Lhavit was her haven, her safe place, her first and only home. Never did she ever imagine that she would outgrow it, that it would one day not be enough to sate her any longer. But that was exactly the case.

The glamour was gone. The building still claimed their breathtaking beauty, the city still running on it’s weird hours, where night time was just as lively as the daylight hours in other places. Lhavit was as unique as any city Cailet had come across in her younger years, when she still traveled with her mother. It was ripe with activity and knowledge, it’s library boasting more knowledge within than anyone could ever hope to learn.

Quietly, still tucked away in depression discovery she had made, Cailet sat with her knees pulled up under her chin, arms wrapped tight as she hugged her legs to her chest. It was about as curled into a ball a person could get while still sitting up.

Is that self pity we sense? Came a giggle.

I think it is. Maybe we can get her to cry, what do you think? That was a second voice, softer than the first.

Lets. We could at least go back to the Mistress with the information as to whether or not one of her chosen is a big fat baby. The third shadow joined and Cailet buried her face into her knees without giving any of them a response.

“Don’t listen to them, Cailet.” It was only seconds later that she was jerking her head back up, looking around for the sound of the voice. Her eyes were dark, deep with a haunted, lost look in them. They widened as they panned around her alcove, alighting at last on the source of the voice.

“Since when can I see you?” It had been years since Amanda had last manifested into anything substantial. In fact, the last time Cailet had seen her was during that fateful discussion with Dhatzu, when she discovered what she was, what she had been blessed with.

”Whenever I feel like it.” Came the flippant reply, her short sundress bouncing as she flounced over and settled herself on the bench next to the surprised Shinya. Amanda was exactly what you’d expect from a ghost; Pale with a slight transparency, though Cailet could still make out the chocolate brown of her hair and the bright yellow of her dress. It was always the same dress.

“And why… do you feel like it?”

”Because they were picking on you, duh.”

“When aren’t they picking on me? Apparently I’m not good enough to be ‘chosen’.” Cailet had always struggled a bit with the whole “marked by a Goddess” thing. Not once had Ajakia told her who she was, what she was and they had spent a whole week together. Every night, Cailet had sat down with the mysterious woman and shared more of herself than she had with anyone else in existence. Yes, the Goddess had favored her with a mark that not only gave her the power to see through shadows but also to converse with her secret Shadow minions. But for what purpose? For secrets that she apparently sucked at getting? No one would talk to a Shinya, especially not the “Crazy One”. The Shadows didn’t help the process along… Hadn’t Dhatzu said that they were there to aid in their gathering of information? That she had to be careful and never assume their friendship until she earned it?

“Ugh!” The frustration was too much. She wanted to know what Akajia wanted of her. She wanted to know what was so important that the Goddess selected a precious few to uncover secrets and information for her. Never before had Cailet craved something so badly, had the tools right at her fingertips and yet been so unable to use them.

Not to mention she was torn. The rest of the city worshiped Zintala, especially those of the Shinya order. But the Goddess of the stars had never given Cailet any kind of recognition and her… faith had dwindled over the years. Then Akajia happened and it dwindled further. However, neither had she made any attempt to worship the Goddess of Shadows and Mystery. Perhaps that was why her minions hated her so…

”Don’t cry. Or if you have too, I can give you a hug?” It was a tentative question, but one Cailet could not tolerate. With a snort of derision the woman pushed herself to her feet and did her best to lose herself in the crush of the crowd once more.

[Cailet]

The Bharani Library was absolutely massive. Just the sight of the place from a distance had intimidated the young Shinya to the point where she had never once stepped foot inside. Her feet had eventually lead her to the Tenten Peak, one she didn’t often frequent as her duties usually had her stationed on one of the other two.

Standing at the foot of the grand flight of steps, Cailet could barely pry her eyes from the glittering doors. Feeling once more like that child of seven so long ago, catching her first glimpses of Lhavit, it took all of her willpower to put one foot in front of the other and slowly trudge up the steps. The guard on either side of the door recognized her immediately, of course, and quickly diverted his or her eyes, whether it was from respect or discomfort over being so close to someone so crazy and mean, Cailet couldn’t tell. And she also couldn’t care less.

The mammoth doors swung inward with much more ease than she had expected for their size. Upon entering, Cailet’s first mistake was looking up. Floor after floor of books towered overhead, their walls open to the center as they gracefully curved to follow the natural shape of the building. It was even more intimidating than the outside.

“Can I help you?” Swinging quickly around, Cailet searched the massive foyer for the source of the voice. There, a little further into the building was a woman standing behind a desk. She beckoned Cailet over with an indulgent smile, as if she was completely used to the vacant stares of the newcomers as they entered.

“I think so. I’m looking for books on the Goddess…”

“Ah, yes. Zintila. Right this way.”

“Wait, but I…” The woman was already out of earshot, shuffling quickly threw carts piled with books and librarians carrying armfuls of scrolls. Cailet scurried after her, mumbling apologies to the offended looks shot in her direction as she stumbled through the maze of books and people. It only took hitting the sharp corners of the shelves twice for the young woman to learn she needed to keep her elbows tucked in; some of the spaces were tight and the librarian Cailet was hurrying after ducked and weaved with an ease of many years practice, practically leaving Cailet in the dust.

“Here you will find all of our best books on the deities. If you wait a second over there,” After a few panicked incidences when the librarian darted around a corner and Cailet thought her gone forever, the young Shinya hovered at the older woman’s shoulder. “I’ll bring you the information you asked for.”

“Well actually…” Made semi-mute by the quick efficiency of her guide, Cailet found herself stumbling over her words a bit.

“Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind!” Even at a whisper, the librarians voice was full of heat, as if anger was just waiting in the wings. “Not after we got all the way here!”

“No. I haven’t changed my mind, if you would just listen.” Her voice had a silky hardness to it that was only intensified by the low pitch at which she spoke. Street clothes or no, Cailet wouldn’t be talked to like that, not in public. As it were, the other librarians and readers nearby were craning to catch a peek at those rude enough to be talking. At her tone, the older woman almost took a step backwards, eyes widening in shock as she gave Cailet another once over. She could see the transformation of haughty self-importance to a revered sort of surprise as the other woman realized whom she was talking too. Her back seemed to bend of it’s own accord, as if she were going to bow, and the other woman only caught herself at the last moment.

“Yes, Ma’am” She stuttered softly.

There’s the fire. We like’um feisty!

Is the kitten all grow’ed up? I thought the only trick she knew was to roll over and give up. Of course they would be here too, always watching. The taunts made Cailet’s lip curl, but she couldn’t address them. Not here, not now.

“As I was saying. I would like a book on the Goddess Akajia if you please.” The stress on the goddess’ name caused the Librarians eyebrows to rise slightly and Cailet could see the judgment written all over her face, replacing the shocked reverence that had been there a moment before. The woman’s lips twitched, parted like she was going to say something and, with another glance at Cailet’s dangerously impassive expression, closed them again.

“As you will.” Was what she said, but the tone of her voice and the jerky way she turned to replace the book she had already removed from the shelf shouted “You heretic! You’re of the Shinya! How dare you!”

With slow deliberation the librarian turned back to the shelf. Running a bony finger along the spines of the books there, she muttered their names out loud to herself as she passed them. The only indication that she found the one she was looking for was a small, disdainful grunt and the crackling sound of old leather being moved. Before she knew it, Cailet had a leather bound book, much smaller than the one she had been offered before, shoved into her hands. Looking down and grimacing at the thick layer of dust that covered the volume, and now her hands, Cailet didn’t even hear the librarian leave. When she looked back up, she was alone in the aisle. With a shrug and a deaf ear turned to the sniggering shadows, Cailet went in search of a quiet place to read.

[Cailet]

“This is pointless!” Cailet had discovered the one thing that tested her patience above all others: Research.

In the hours since the snarky Librarian had shown her to the books she needed, Cailet had spent a majority of her time with her nose deep in the text. The dust that covered everything no longer bothered her; it had settled in her hair and on her clothes in a fine film that she hardly noticed.

Though she had started out with just the single book, Cailet quickly realized that would not be enough. As she started reading about her patron Goddess, words, phrases, and places that the woman had never heard of before started cropping up left and right. Each new place she uncovered meant another book, each new term another scroll… only to find her hours into it, a table full of material and hardly anything to show for it.

Come play with me instead! We can rip up all those stupid pages and throw them over the edge like snow! Occupying the chair next to her, Amanda had been more than a hindrance than a help during the whole process. With her whole attention dedicated to her research of Akajia, Cailet had spared no mental room for the little girl. Whether this was the reason she showed herself or not, it didn’t matter. She was here now, and she was annoying.

“No, I don’t want to make snow…” A few more pages were flipped and Cailet, not even glancing up at the Amanda, missed the pretty little pout that twisted Amanda’s semitransparent features.

But I want to play! It will be fun! A snort from the woman caused the pout to deepen into a scowl, spindly little arms crossing over a bony chest. You’re not fun any more! Stop! Pay attention to me! When Cailet didn’t jump to obey the command Amanda swatted her hand, somehow sending a pile of scrolls flying in all direction. It wasn’t exactly a loud noise, the crackle of old parchment shifting and the hollow clunk of those scrolled still rolled up hitting the floor, but nevertheless everyone within hearing distance whipped around to glare at her.

“It was the wind.” Though there was neither window nor any hint of wind at all, the authority that Cailet’s whisper carried left no room for question. Almost quicker than they turned to look, the nosy readers whipped back around to what they were originally doing. Turning back to her companion, her voice was equally flat when she addressed the girl.

“If I had wanted children, I would have had one by now...” That was not entirely true, but Cailet hadn’t delved into the womanly side of herself in almost a decade. “… If you can’t entertain yourself, then disappear. I’m busy.” Cailet turned her gaze back to her reading, missing the pained look on the girls face. There was no thought for Amanda’s feelings as she was only the part of her mind suppressed by necessity in order for her to do her Shinya duties well… right?

Turning her full attention back to what was important, Cailet stared at the page of text with little hope. She had been halfway through the same passage when Amanda had interrupted her and had lost her spot. Not that it mattered, as hours of reading, dashing to retrieve books and copying some of the more important information onto separate pieces of parchment, Cailet had gathered little.

From what she read, Akajia was a beauty that left those who saw her breathless. Her skin was a dusky blue, her hair long, straight and silky black. She wore the shadows like a cloak and they worshipped her like no other. Oft referred too as ‘The Mistress of Shadows’, she is the Goddess of The Night, Shadows, Darkness, Secrets and Stealth.

All of this, Cailet knew. Except for her appearance, as Akajia had appeared to Cailet enshrouded in a dark, heavy cloak (that she now suspected was actually the shadows that so tormented her), she had found nothing of importance to work off of. Glancing down at her parchment full of scribbles, Cailet re-read her notes.

• Mistress of Shadows
• Gifts those deemed worthy with ability to speak/understand Makath
• Desire to know what others wish not be known
• Ever seeking secrets just like darkness and shadows everpresent
• Shadows unhelpful to those they don’t trust (observed)
• Unknown if shadows are their own creatures
• Ability to see through Shad-

The last bullet had been what Cailet was writing when Amanda had her tempter tantrum. Picking up the stylus to finish the sentence, she turned to the page she left off on once more, still not very hopeful as her hours of reading thus far had proved fruitless. Nonetheless, Cailet bent her nose over the text again and began to read.

“Akajia” is the Night Incarnate. Standing in the darkness, one is surrounded by her essence and cannot deny the night is a living, breathing thing. A woman. Dark. Endless. Dependable to come; unpredictable upon arrival. Night will always fall. But she is not without boundaries. The night is curtailed by Syna’s light. While Leth illuminates her and Zintala crowns her with glittering stars, Akajia is still a major force in the divine world. It is said her love for Wysar tinted his skin dark. And as the mother of the Akalak, they too are shadowed by her bloodlines and wear the evidence in their skin tones- dark and rich…”

Scratching down a few more addendums to her list, Cailet sighed in disappointment. More harping on the connection between Akajia, Syna, Leth and Zintila. Though Cailet had come across connections made between the Akajia and Zintila the most, she had assumed it was because she was in Lhavit where the latter goddess was worshiped and beloved. Shifting her papers so she could snap the book shut and place it in the pile of those tomes that already disappointed her, Cailet stopped in the act of tapping the parchment into a neat pile on the table.

“Akalak?” The sheaf of parchment that was her notes was quickly forgotten, a couple sheets drifting slowly to the floor as Cailet carelessly shoved them to the side. The book was grabbed and yanked closer; luckily she hadn’t closed it and it was still on the page. Running a finger down the lines of script, she drew a deep breath when she came across the line she was looking for.

”…As the mother of the Akalak, they too are shadowed by her bloodlines and wear the evidence in their skin tones- dark and rich…”

“But why does that sound so familiar?” Assuming from the description, the Akalak were a type of people. Bolting from her seat, Cailet strode briskly down the aisle until she found a librarian. Luckily, it wasn’t the same one as earlier.

“I need a book on Akalak.” Cailet was excited and the strange cadences of her speech were coming out; having grown up all over the place, Cailet never developed a defined accent, instead learning to speak from many different people, in many different cities, most of which she didn't even remember. Stepping up behind the woman as she shelved some books, Cailet had forgotten to whisper in her excitement. The result was a startled squeal and a cascading series of thuds as the books in her arms tumbled to the floor when she jumped.

“Sorry!” The apology was more hushed as Cailet stooped and started gathering the books before the Librarian even had the opportunity to regain her composure. “I forgot.” Pressing the stack back onto the cart rather than the woman’s arms, Cailet stepped aside and tried to smile apologetically; it came out more like a smirk than anything else. “Akalak?”

Taking the hint, the poor woman let out the breath she had been holding in a whoosh as she stepped around Cailet, leading the way to a group of shelves not too far from where they were.

“Here and here.” Indicating two shelves, the Librarian gave a polite nod before wordlessly excusing herself. Cailet didn’t think anything of it as she stepped up to read the spines; she had been making people uncomfortable for as long as she could remember. Plus, she was preoccupied; the inconvenience of a librarian was very low on her list of things to care about right now.

Stopping halfway down the row, Cailet shimmied out a newer looking book; leather bound with only a tiny amount of dust. Holding it open on her arm, she flipped through the first few pages and nodded her satisfaction before bringing it back to her table.

Settling back down into her chair, Cailet moved aside her book on Akajia, pacing her stylus on top of the page she wanted to save for later. The new book was placed in front of her and opened to the first page.

A picture of a large, fierce looking man with skin so blue it was almost black stared back up at her. All at once, memories she had so carefully suppressed in the back of her mind slammed into her consciousness…

She was only five or so and it was raining. Having just recently grown tall enough to deal with the different parts of her mother’s tent and erect it without any adult help, Cailet still struggled with the large pieces of canvas and the poles to hold it upright. Her mother had just come back from where ever it was she disappeared too, and with her a man…

The tent was still a pile of now-wet canvas on the spongy forest floor, the poles laying willy-nilly all over the place while little Cailet sat on her heels, nursing a bruise from where one of the tent poles snapped free of it’s confinement and whacked her over the head. Oh how her mother had been livid, oh how she had yelled…

Cailet only remembered running off crying, her mother screaming her disappointment after her. She remembered hiding under the cart, near the front with Whisper, where she would feel protected by the aging gelding.

But most importantly, she remembered the Big Blue Man, the one her mother had brought back to the camp, coming over to the cart and trying to coax her out. It had seemed out of character for him, his cajoling tone awkward, his voice deep and gruff, unused to talking softly or soothingly. Cailet hadn’t gone towards him, but instead rolled over onto her other side and tried to ignore the cold ground, the wet whip of the wind and the throbbing of her head….



“Idiot!” Cursing herself, Cailet reached for her notes again. Rifling through and not finding the list she wanted, they were tossed aside in her aggravation as she fell to her knees and felt underneath the table for those that had fallen not moments ago.

We weren’t going to say anything but…. Started one patch of darkness, it’s tone heavy, as if it didn’t want to admit to what it was saying. The effect was ruined by it’s companion snorting with laughter as it hugged the bottom of a shelf where it met the wall.

Yeah. Chimed in another, finishing where the first left off. A roar of dark laughter erupted around her.

However, Cailet had just found the sheet of paper she was looking for, the one on which she had transcribed the physical description of the goddess. Dusky skin… dark haired… How hadn’t she seen it before?

Because you didn’t remember him, duh. Brown gaze snapped upwards, darting left and right as they searched for Amanda. She wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

“So now you can read my mind, too? Great.”

I walk your dreams. What makes you think I couldn’t?

Unable to think up a reply, Cailet reached for her list, scribbling “Mother of the Akalaks” at the bottom.

[Cailet]

“Well… That’s something, at least.” Stretching her arms high above her head, back arching over the top of her chair, Cailet let herself relax for a moment or two. Finally, she had progress. It was a little, baby step… but progress nonetheless.

Something of what? The shadow actually sounded curious. It caught Cailet off guard, used to their usual stand off-ish attitude and snide remarks. But of course… she had something they wanted to know.

Smirking softly and keeping her gaze to the ceiling, as if there was something super interesting there to look at, Cailet let herself lose a long, drawn out yawn. She could almost hear the darkness’s fidgeting with anticipation. As if she would give in so easily. Unsure of whether or not the Shadows could see in any way, she tried to keep the smirk to a self-satisfied level; it would not work if Akajia’s minions thought they were being played… even if that was what she intended on doing.

“I mean that one piece of information is better than none at all.” To keep her hands busy, Cailet shuffled her papers and straightened the stacks of discarded books. It was best to believe that her dark companions knew she had discovered the connection between Akajia and the Akalaks. What they didn’t have to know was that was all she discovered. Knowing minuet details about the Goddess didn’t get her any closer to answers.

Oh, yay, you found out something everyone else knew already. Cailet, having expected the negative remark, turned towards the voice, which seemed to be coming from the little pocket of darkness lurking under a nearby chair; a different tactic, as she usually responded to the shadowy instigation with anger or the cold shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess I am a little slow. But if I’ve been set to unravel the mysteries of the world, I have to start somewhere, eh?” Rather stoic in nature, it was unusual that the shadow’s taunts and whispers could get such a rise out of her; perhaps it was the fact that it was a faceless being that she couldn’t retaliate against that caused the rise of emotion, almost like Cailet couldn’t tolerate anything she also couldn’t touch… or punch.

There was a moment of stunned silence so thick with shock that Cailet could almost feel it settling around her head and shoulders. It took all of her will not to smile and to keep the amusement from her voice, responding to the silence as if it was an agreement.

“I know, right? How silly of me.” An inward grimace at how casually stupid she sounded; forced by her reputation into a life of solitude, Cailet had spent more than enough time listening to other men and women talked. It didn’t take long for her to realize that the stupider you sound, the more people will do for you. But still… the cheerful idiot was not a role she could play well, those lightly cast, stupid sounding words sticking to her tongue, almost refusing to come out.

Well… it’s not that silly, I suppose… It was a reluctant and suspicious voice that answered her. If she could see its face, the thing would probably be eyeing her warily, as if unsure whether she was completely crazy and a danger to herself and those around her. Maybe she was laying it on a little too thick; these creatures weren’t exactly used to being treated kindly by her.

“If I wasn’t the one who said it, one of you surely would have.” Loosening her hold on her frustration, Cailet allowed just a bit to eek into her tone before clamping her metaphorical fist back down. The snap in her voice seemed to dissipate some of the tension.

No we…

Oh shut up, you know we would have. It’s fun to see the stony-face when we get her mad. Cutting off the first’s protest was the shadow that, from the sounds of it, was the one who originally questioned her. Deciding to forgo a response, Cailet instead began to shift through her papers again, closing the books she still had open and adding them to the stack.

What are you doing? It sounded confused. I thought you said…

“I know what I said, but there isn’t anything else to be found out here. Again, I have reached a dead end.” Forcing a sigh, Cailet turned to her head to glance at where she thought the shadow she was conversing with lingered and gave a shrug.

Again, huh?

“Yeah well… When I first found out about you lovely creatures..” making sure to add the appropriate amount of sarcasm to ‘lovely’, which set nearby shadows sniggering, Cailet rifled a few more pages importantly, “I had no clue what was going on. In fact I thought I was going crazy. But then Dhatzu…”

The patch of darkness that seemed to be in charge of this conversation shushed the others as they erupted into a flurry of murmurs at the mention of the other Nightstalker’s name.

“Do you know something? About where he went?” Perhaps she sounded too eager, because there was no answer. “Well, anyway, he disappeared before he could finish teaching me what he knew.” She paused in her shuffling and let a smile touch her lips. “Though, he had mentioned that I needed to be nice to all of you if we were to get along. I haven’t done a good job at that yet, have I?”

There wasn’t as much of a reaction as Cailet had been expecting, though the silence seemed thoughtful. Used to getting what she wanted by simply asking or demanding for it, Cailet had no practice or patience for persuasion. Though this was no exception, her tolerance for beating around the bush growing very thin, it seemed like this was the only way she was going to get her shadowy followers to talk.

Cailet couldn’t take credit for the idea herself since one of the texts mentioned that Akajia’s minions were stubborn to a T and needed careful handling. Having tried the opposite of what was suggested, it wasn’t a far mental leap to realizing the shadows almost had to be tricked into giving what the seeker wanted.

“It is a pity though, that he left. I don’t like being left in the dark.” There was a spattering of laughter and Cailet realized her pun. “Metaphorically speaking, of course. Was Dhatzu intended to give me answers and instructions? Is that why Akajia has given me nothing to work off of? There is no way to know, but it seems rather unfair, don’t you think? I’m left with nothing but this to work off of.” Reaching, Cailet shook the list she’d made over the course of the day.

Life isn’t fair. A shadow behind her chimed the age old phrase, inspiring a few others to mutter in agreement.

“No. You’re right. It isn’t. Why else do you think I have been attempting to ignore all the burden caused by the gift our Mistress gave me?” Cailet carefully slipped the ‘our’ in, attempting to tie herself to the Shadows in a way she hadn’t been before; up until now, it was them against her. ‘Our’ effectively joined their causes together into one neat little bundle. The sigh that followed, however, was sincere.

“I have been left directionless. What to do? Why? How? To what purpose? I am a slave to the law. I know what is right and wrong because it was spelled out for me and made easy to follow. I have no problems deciding upon and sticking to a path once I have enough information to make said decision. Frustrating doesn’t even begin to cover it.” It all spilled out before she had a chance to stop it. Things that she hadn’t even admitted to herself were being laid bare to these shadows that surrounded her, quieted by the obvious honesty of her words.

“But now simply following the law and enforcing it among my peers and the people of Lhavit is no longer enough. I have been shown what else is out there, given a taste of the reality of the world. It isn’t just black and white, right and wrong. There are gray areas bigger than both sides combined. We patrol the gray, ferreting out the truths and deciding what is the best course of action. We make it easy for the patrollers of black and white to do their jobs.” Each plural was emphasized with a bang of her fist on the tabletop. Caught up in the passion of her soliloquy, Cailet didn’t notice the Librarian that came scurrying over.

“I’m going to have to ask you to lower your voice or leave, Ma’am.” She talked in a loud whisper, as if letting the other patrons nearby know that she was taking care of the issue. However, her curiosity was plain as day as her eyes darted around alcove in which Cailet sat, unoccupied other than her self. “Who are you talking too?”

“Nobody. Just practicing a speech. I’ll keep it down.” No apology was offered as Cailet fought to keep the blush from her cheeks. She hadn’t realized she had been talking so loudly. It was especially embarrassing that she was apparently talking to herself. But her tone stayed firm as she gave the woman a hard look. The dismissal couldn’t have been clearer.

Well done. We had bets on whether or not you’d be thrown out or taken to the asylum.

Inclining her head in a mock bow to her faceless audience, Cailet gave them a savage smile. “Being different scares people. Having people be scared of you has it’s advantages.”

We can see that… For the first time, the disembodied voice sounded calculating.

“Well, I tried. There is only so much I can do solo. Hopefully our Mistress won’t be too unhappy with us when it becomes apparent that I have barely accomplished anything at all..”

Us? The voice bristled at the implications, but Cailet feigned ignorance.

“Well, of course. Aren’t you supposed to assist her Chosen? I understand that I may not deserve help, but still… To not accomplish anything? That makes us both look bad.” Dead silence. In her head, Cailet whooped in triumph; she had them exactly where she wanted them. If they weren’t going to willingly help her, it seemed deceit was the only way until she could earn their grudging respect. Rising to her feet, Cailet began to gather her things.

Would the Mistress really blame us?

She would have to know it isn’t our fault… right?

But we are supposed to help… Little by little the whispers started as doubt spread from the seed Cailet planted. The volume grew until Cailet was sure the other patrons would be able to hear the chatter. Just when the voices started to get irritated, their volume reaching an all time high, the Shadow in charge called for silence.

Well done. It congratulated, having seen right through her plan. Cailet no longer had to contain her pleased smile. We will help where your education has left gaping holes in your knowledge.

“What is my purpose? What am I supposed to be doing? How am I supposed to…”

I said help, not give you all the answers. The voice seemed to be enjoying this, emitting a small chuckle at the obvious disappointment as Cailet’s face fell. Besides, I do not know the answers to those questions.

“Well then what kind of help are you?” Having settled back down into her chair in her eagerness to get her answers, Cailet flew back to her feet, anger radiating from every jerky movement as she gathered her things once more. Her patience had snapped; she could no longer sit and try to tease answers out of these creatures. “Such a waste of…”

Again, she was cut off.

I said I do not know the answers to your questions. When Cailet didn’t look up, her face a stony mask, it continued. But I know someone who does.

Almost as if on cue, a chorus of shadows chirped The Mother never strays far from her Children.

Shocked and not quite believing her ears, Cailet stopped dead in her tracks. A slow pivot on her heel brought her back around and facing the chair she had, for all intents and purposes, been talking too for the past bell.

"Riverfall?" Somewhere in her mind, Amanda stirred and the shadowy silence that met her question was answer enough.

End.

[Gossamer]

. Character: Caliet Experience: Projection +2, Meditation +2, Spiritism +4, Persuasion +5, Observation +5, Rhetoric +5, Land Navigation (City) +3, Research +4 Lore: Working Around One’s Own Limitations Being Nagged By A Ghost Being Alone in a Crowded Room Being Known As “The Crazy One” Paying Close Attention To Everything In Crowds Feeling Annoyed When Being Ignored Feeling ‘Lost In A Crowd’ Being Restless Growing Disenchanted With Lhavit Honest Self Evaluations Self Realization and Attunement Being Possessed by Amanda Being Incredibly Hard on Oneself Firmly But Fairly Correcting Authority Figures Lore of Akajia Lore of Akalak (partial – who and what and where they are) Talking Oneself Into Things Dealing With Unruly and ‘Bored’ Ghosts. The Pain of Dhatzu’s Disapearence Being Taken To Task By A Librarian Making Drastic Decisions Additional Note: I gave you a great deal of persuasion and rhetoric because of the interaction with Amanda, the librarian, and with yourself. Spiritism was awarded because of the long-term possession and the constant bantering in your head. There are tons of lores because a lot is going on with Caliet in this thread. .