Solo Seeking Solace in Prayer

[Ayatah]

|| 15th Winter, 511AV || Taloba || 16th Bell. ||


”What do you know, you’re not a Myian.”
“Half-blood - you're exactly that. Half a person."

The words still hurt, even after all this time. And it had, indeed, been a long time since Ayatah was a child and been taunted by her peers.

At the time, she had tried too hard to show the cruel children that was a real Myrian. She would get another piercing, then brag about. She’d make a kill, and boast the next day. What she didn’t realise was that the boasting alone was more Eypharian then Myrian. They are the arrogant, proud breed, Ayatah finally realised.

It had been pretty ironic; that she had tried so hard to prove to be a true Myrian, only to instead show that she was not. She had stopped bragging about her accomplishments then, but continued to prove that she was a true Myrian, even if it wasn't by blood.

But over time, her peers simply accepted Ayatah’s mixed blood. When it came to her passing puberty and becoming a woman, it meant that men gave her looks that she had never received before. They wanted her, even those who despised her personally. That was when her female peers became jealous of her Eypharian pheromones, long legs and creamy skin. The boys who had teased her now tried to woo her, and the girls who had comforted her as a child watch her with suspicious eyes.

She reminisced the teasing with a bitter sweetness; it had made her become the headstrong and proud woman she was today. But at the same time, it had simply highlighted the mixed blood that ran in her veins. In some senses, she embraced both aspects of her parentage, enjoying scholarly works like her Father's culture, but her loyalties were with the Myrians.

And most of all, her loyalty was to Myri.

Whereas some fanatics prove themselves to their God by mass murder, spreading the word, or even punishing themselves, Ayatah showed her devotion to the Goddess-Queen by praying frequently. She saw her deity as a friend and advisor. As a young girl, she had begged at the temple for Myri to make her a true Myrian, to erase her Eypharian-blood. As an adult, she thanked the Goddess-Queen for having the patience with her whilst she had been a frustrated child. During her service, she paid homages to Myri by bringing various bones form her victims, as was the family tradition of the Scattered Bones.

Most recently, though, she had been praying to her God for direction.

Ayatah completed her three-year service in the Myrian army at the start of Fall, and although she had appreciated the time with her family and returning to the home of her youth, she couldn’t help but feel that she had regressed a little.

Her mother, Paira of The Scattered Bones, suggested that her eldest daughter perhaps find a mate and start a family. The thought horrified Ayatah. Not so much the act of baby making (hey, a woman has needs), but the pairing up and having a family. Yes, Ayatah imagined that she would give her mother grandchildren one day, but she was certainly keen to do more with her life in the meantime.

There is something that I need to do, or want to do. Either way, I need to find out what it is.

|| Ayatah's speech || Ayatah's thoughts || Others' speech ||

[Ayatah]

She had considered her options on her own, discussed it with her Great-Grandmother, the matriarch of her family. The old woman had smiled fondly to her Great-Granddaughter and, rather mysteriously, said:

”You are your mother’s daughter, Ayatah. You have the fierceness of a Scattered Bones, and are a good warrior as any Myrian. But I wonder if you are your father’s daughter as well?”

Her Great-Grandmother had always urged Ayatah to accept her mixed blood. As a child, the thought had horrified Ayath (But the other children are awful to me because of my dirtied blood!), but the old woman was incredibly stubborn. She had constantly told Ayatah to be proud of her heritage - both sides - because it would give her strengths that were uncommon in her Myrian peers.

So, Ayatah had taken herself to the temple to pray. Speaking to her Goddess through prayer had given Ayatah the direction and courage she had needed in previous situations, and she imagined it would do the same now.

Except she wasn’t exactly sure what she would ask of her Goddess-Queen; she just knew she needed to feel close to her deity again.

The altar dedicated to Myri was the most surrounded, as usual. But it was fairly quiet - one two other people knelt where Ayatah would soon join them.

A female priest approached Ayatah slowly. She placed a careful hand on the young woman’s elbow crook, “Good day to you, Ayatah of the Scattered Skulls. Are you seeking advice from out Goddess-Queen today?” Ayatah placed a hand on top of her old friend’s. The woman had been a priestess the entire time Ayatah had been coming to the temple, and she had become a confidante for her over the years. ”You read me too easily, Pollys.” A fond smile came to her lips.

“I hope you find the solace and answers you’re after, my dear. You are one of Myri’s children like us all, and she loves you dearly.” The little old woman tottered off, her soft shoes brushing the floor as she walked

Once she’d approached Myri’s alter, Ayatah knelt down. There was a woman to Ayatah’s left, muttering her own quiet prayer to herself, and an old man behind her that was silent. Ayatah pressed her fingers to her temple, wondering what exactly she was coming to pray to her Goddess-Queen for. The first few chimes were always difficult, almost awkward.

”Myri, my Goddess and my Queen.” Ayatah began, ”I am, as always, your servant willing and hoping to serve you. I have recently completed my army service, and in was an honour to serve under your name. But since then, I have been at a loss.

I am not quite what direction my life should go to. Do I stay as I am, meet a man, and have children of my own to serve under you? It is what my mother suggests, but I… have hesitations about this. I think motherhood will greet me later on in life. I feel there is another use for me.”

Her voice was barely a whisper, her lips merely shaping the words so as not to disrupt the other prayers. She stopped, letting the near silence of the temple wash over her. Around her, the woman had stopped her own prayers and begun to silently weep.

|| Ayatah's speech || Ayatah's thoughts || Others' speech ||

[Ayatah]

”Now more than ever, I feel confused over my heritage. I feel like more of a Myrian than ever before, but at the same time… I feel that my Eypharian blood is stronger than previous. Like I -- need to dedicate myself to that part of my life as I do to you.

“But you are my Goddess-Queen, and my loyalties lie with you as much as they do to my own mother. My life exists in the city that you named to be the home of our people. I cannot leave it. To leave would be to leave you, and I would not do that.”

“But I wonder if you are your father’s daughter as well?” Still the voice of the toothless old matriarch of her family echoed in Ayatah's mind

My father was arrogant, and only his knowledge would satiate his appetite. He was greedy and self-righteous. He was not aware what he did to my mother, and still he did not care.

He didn’t know about you, though a tiny voice argued.

He never bothered to learn. He claimed to want to learn about my people, but took what he did and he left.

You’re mother was not a victim. She and he created life; your life. You are the daughter of a strong Myrian and an Eypharian scholar. Your strength balances between weapon and paper. Where your loyalties lie is up to you, but where your skills and blood lies is not your choice.

During such inner conversations with herself, Ayatah liked to believe it was her Godess-Queen voicing her opinions into Ayatah’s innermost thoughts - a secret conversation between the two women.

[b]”Should I leave the Jungle? Chase my dreams that appear on paper and in books? They used to stand behind each other; so one child would appear to have four or six arms. The fact I have just two arms means that I am more Myrian than Eypharian, surely.”

”But I wonder if you are your father’s daughter as well?” ”

She fell silent once more, contemplating her thoughts, as well as the words of her dear Great-Grandmother.

Ayatah had a large circle of support made up of her clan, her friends and her Goddess-Queen. But lots of people gave lots of differed opinions, which merely gave Ayatah more options to be mull over and consider.

You must leave the Jungle and familiarise yourself with the Eypharian blood that courses through your veins.

”But I am Myrian." It was common for Ayatah to argue with herself - as strange as it was, it truly revealed how divided the Myrian-Eypharian was, "My whole life, I have called myself Myrian or Mixed Blood - never Eypharian."

You are neither, and both at the same time. Embrace both halves of yourself. Your father’s people are scholars, thinkers and philosophers. You have this within yourself, too. The unconscious voice - or maybe the Eypharian part Ayatah's persona - told her

”Where should I go?”

To the place where education is cradled best; Zeltiva. To attend the university and learn about the other Races. Whether the voice in her mind was her unconscious, her Great-Grandmother or her Goddess-Queen, Ayatah did not know. But she listened to it carefully, taking the words as her mission.

”I will be your servant, Goddess. You will be at the forefront of my thinking and the knowledge I may gain will benefit you and our peoples’ course in the long run. I will learn of the histories and philosophies of these cultures’. I will learn their weakness.”

The idea of leaving Taloba for Zeltiva had crossed Ayatah’s mind before. Her own mother had suggested it, in fact. Paira of the Scattered Bones loved her Mixed Blood daughter, how she was the perfect amalgamation of the two people who had created her, and their respective races. When Ayatah had conversed with her mother about the uncertain direction of her future, Paira had smiled and told her daughter to pursuit the thing her Father had chased; knowledge.

“It is part of your blood, Ayatah. It deserves the attention that you give to your longbow, dagger and our fire dances.” She had said kindly.

She would leave the jungle - she just wasn't sure when.

|End|

|| Ayatah's speech || Ayatah's thoughts || Others' speech ||

[Jackalope]

Ayatah

Award

Skill	XP Earned	Lore Earned
		Reflecting on Who You Are
		Calling To Myri For Direction

Witty Remark Here

Glad I got to read this. I enjoy internal strugles like the ones Ayatah is dealing with. Keep it up. If you have any questions or concerns regarding your grade, please send me a PM and we can figure it out.