1. Name: Jamie Cooper
2. Age: 18
3. Gender: Male
4. Status: Single
5. Location: 17 Huntly Terrace, Paisley, Renfrewshire, Scotland. That's PA2 6TY. (Please check here before stalking me. Feel free to send me a letter though. Always appreciative of [s]hate mail[/s] err I mean Fan mail)
6. Likes: Sci-fi, Fantasy, Historical Epics (that aren't depressing) etc...
7. Dislike: I'm gonna need a bigger forum. Highlights: Scotland, You, Me, Opinions, Belief (and disbelief) and Ants. PS Nuts too because I'm allergic.
So, without further ado, I present to you the dream I had last night:
My Worst Day in Court Ever
So I had the oddest nightmare last night and I wasn't even on Tramadol. You see my dad decided he was going to flee the country to skip out on court and he decided, for some reason, I was going with him. So after many dream hours of getting packed (and another dream hour of getting halfway to the airport and realising I had forgotten my suitcase) we were finally ready to leave. We didn't say goodbye to Mum or Ayla (not entirely sure if they even knew we were leaving).
So we left for Edinburgh which apparently has an airport. We got there fine but when we arrived and had checked in and such there was a problem. I can't remember what the problem was but I had to go get something outside the airport. So I left in a hurry running through the streets of Edinburgh until I eventually ran across a small cobbled street. Immediately I found my hand encased in that of a woman. A woman who would easily rival Principal Trunchbull, from Matilda, and Miss Hannigan, from Annie, put together. She was a horrible, nasty shrew with fifteenth century morals. I think she thought I was a street urchin. (Now that I think about it I think she looked like that woman that's married to Tim Burton. You know, Bellatrix Lestrange)
Well she accused me of committing a crim called 'Crossing the Stallion' and said that I must face the courts so she took me, with her iron grip, some ways away until eventually we arrived in a very old fashioned courtyard type place. There were giant, ornate doors to the left and smaller, normal (yet still ornate) doors ahead of me.
She took me straight ahead and threw me through those doors into what can only be described as a dungeon. A big granite cell lined with hay. In the middle there was a lectern with a book on it. It was like a law book and it was open to the page that had crossing the stallion. I tried to read it but, for some reason, it didn't make much sense to me. As far as I could tell it was Jaywalking (The American Law against not crossing at designated crossing places) but there had been no way to cross along that road and I knew the British didn't have that law.
Well I turned the page of the Lawbook and was instantly greeted with a handy do's and don'ts of court. Of course it seemed horribly old fashioned and made to help those who simply did not have a chance of being found not guilty. I remember especially being told that 'if all else fails do not be afraid to plea for your life'.
So, just as I was finishing that page, the old shrew came back and grabbed my hand again leading me to those ornate doors ion the left of the courtyard. It was time for court. As the doors open and I stepped through I barely looked around the court room before falling to my knees and begging for my life. Everyone laughed and the judge said 'We don't do that any more, Mr Cooper.”. Hence dragged on the oddest court case of my dream life. You see the court was normal and modern day (and I'm pretty sure the guy from Suits was representing me) so nobody seemed to know what Crossing the Stallion was but everyone was trying to prove it was a thing so that they could either fight it or press charges.
I eventually called for a recess and ran out of the room. It took me to a corridor with a semi-open window I ran to it and tried to squeeze myself out of it. I got halfway before I became stuck. At this point I became completely unhinged and began to bellow “What did I do! What did I do!?!”
Then I woke up.
PS The title is a play off Frankie Boyle's show 'Tramadol Nights'. I do not take nor endorse the consumption of Tramadol without a Doctor's consultation. Drugs are bad, mmkay?
